Reviews from

Gima The Beginning

Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Gima: Blathen Delivers"
fantasy adventure

21 total reviews 
Comment from hollyinvesuvianite
Excellent
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What a fantastic read- had everything in it- suspense, humor, memories and a touch of sadness. The child's song was very effective. Great characters who interacted with one another very well. Engaging dialogue. Great chapter! Holly

 Comment Written 18-May-2012


reply by the author on 18-May-2012
    Thank you, holly for touching back and picking up a chapter. I'm so glad you could follow it so well at the third to last chapter of the book. The last to chapters will go up Sunday and or Monday. :) ellen
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent
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Exceptionally strong use of high-impact, mood-creating action verbs throughout
Vivid detail of setting
Good natural-sounding dialogue
Love the happy if you know it clap your hands reference
Trell returns with Jamie, who carries - add comma
Brooke

 Comment Written 12-May-2012


reply by the author on 12-May-2012
    Thank you, Brooke for another thorough generous review.:) ellen
Comment from tinams
Excellent
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This is a very well written story with very vivid imagery. I think it must be a little scary in your head. Your characters interact well and this aids the flow of the story :) Tina

 Comment Written 11-May-2012


reply by the author on 11-May-2012
    Thank you, tinams for your review and for liking the vivid imagery and character interactions.:) barking dog
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Been trying to get to this since you posted. Had a hectic week!

Love Blathen's nonchalant acceptance of who he is. Sweetly done.

Love that Beh is somehow linked in, but not sure how he recognised Gima's scent. Maybe I missed something, tho'. I often do.

Great way of describing bats! My brother has one that insists on visiting his apartment on a regular basis. Little tiny guy. Not my brother - the bat.

Got a kick out of Blathen being pissed off - great image!

I walk with the last of their kind. Brave men ... these humans. My family. - Something sadly final about this line - it struck me as being the end of something. Then Blathen's 'acknowledement' of Asmel was sweetly done.




"I guess it's his to know, and we'll soon find out(,)" Hunter supposes. He pulls out some jerky(.) "


"No, Father. I() merely() made no reply to your request that I stay.

Enjoyed Blathen's logic when confronting Trell. Made sense to me!

"Oh but sir,this is a one-of-a-kind offer for the discerning palate, only. I'm ordered to offer it only to highly-regarded, rich and successful, previous clientele." Myabe it's intentional, but 'only' used twice in close proximity. You could drop that first one if you like. Period after 'palate'.

Excellent, Ellen. Loved it. You really put Blathen in the hands and hearts of the reader in this chapter. He stole my heart.

Well done, lass!

Av
x

 Comment Written 11-May-2012


reply by the author on 11-May-2012
    Thank you so very much, Av. A beauty that gold.
    There is a bit of affection, pride and ahh foreshadowing in Blathen's little recognition speech. What a perceptive reader you are. LOL I'm glad you love him, too. Two 'only's is not necessary. Thanks for catching that goof.
    Someone had to stop them from running into Upperton all emotional without thinking. Who better than a vermel? Thank you again. I'll rush in to make repairs, now.:) e
Comment from Gungalo
Excellent
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Oh this is good BD and it is apparent that little one is growing up. Heheh. His tactics may be lacking but they are good.

 Comment Written 10-May-2012


reply by the author on 10-May-2012
    Thank you, G for your review. Glad you like him.:) e
Comment from Tina55
Excellent
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I guess, it doesn't matter what I am. Blathen stands up, happy to rush ahead. (He reminds me of Avery here - my youngest. He brushes himself off and is gone, happy to move onto the next step. You nail the little boy persona very well in this little vermel, Ellen)

How did Beh get so intelligent and family oriented with a completely new species?

I'm a little confused about Upper Earth's illness attacking Blathen. Did I miss something? Sorry, Ellen.

Clever use of the childhood song. It add a touch of humanity to this otherworldy group. :-)


"No, Father. I, merely, made no reply to your request that I stay. I did not agree. I remained silent because you are sometimes wrong." And affirmatively stupid. "What is your plan? Three of you who look as you do, plan to walk right in? Me who looks like them, you leave behind? Explain such a plan." He stands tapping his foot. (Yep, so Avery)

Blathen has seemed very young and childish until this chapter where he has suddenly come into his own and a new maturity.

Smooth flow and excellent verbage, Ellen. You keep the plot moving forward almost effortlessly!

Tina


 Comment Written 09-May-2012


reply by the author on 09-May-2012
    Blathen has been coughing recently. Vermel can't survive in the clean Upper Earth's air. This was in earlier chapter. That's why they stay below with their mold and rot. I can go back and add more symptoms to foreshadow this better, but I don't want it to be so much that people worry about him too early. The vermel mature rapidly, due to their rat genetics. He could be a boy one week and three months later a teenager.It's three months later.Blathen: Genius, yes. Leader, yes. Superior mentally to the others in the ways a vermel can be --logic, deception, etc. Bears are one of the most misunderstood animals. Very intelligent. The animal in Blathen can communicate with Beh, forming a bridge of sorts from bear(animal) to vermel( animal/human mutation) to vertant(vermel mutating back to human) and human. Trell can't 'talk' to animals but like some people has an affinity for them and they trust him. Shalu trusts him but links directly to Blathen which I've not had to use yet. (would only show up in a second book. Blathen wants a book. I'm tired.) Thank you, Tina. I'll check on your concerns in re-write. Hope this helps. Hard part: I can't tell, I have to show. hee-hee.
reply by Tina55 on 09-May-2012
    Got it. :-)
    Thanks, Ellen!
reply by the author on 09-May-2012
    Glad it resembles you Avery. I love boys. They get into such cool stuff. Girls are all make-up and wanting to find a mate.
    Pug pups soon. Blackie is huge.;)e
Comment from linnietwotymez
Excellent
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Great work. I try to save my stars when reviewing your work because this story gets better and better. From a writing standpoint, you crossed the T's and dotted all the I's. I really like how problems present themselves (Blathen not being able to breath, realizing he's a vertant) and weave them into the story so effortlessly. I am running out of things to say about you....

 Comment Written 09-May-2012


reply by the author on 09-May-2012
    Two maybe three more chapters to go depending on word count for FS readers. Next release is Sunday. I think you'll love it. Thank you for your fine words in review and taking care of your stars. LOL :) e xxx
Comment from Writingfundimension
Excellent
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Ellen, this chapter was a delight to read all the way through. So many little creative bits you weave from the possibility of Blathen's lungs needing the under earth in order to heal to the his bravery in fooling the guard. Just amazing what you come up with to make this novel so unique. I look forward to your next chapter! Still no sixes, but deserved here. Hugs, Bev

 Comment Written 09-May-2012


reply by the author on 09-May-2012
    Thank you so much, Bev. It's so close to the end now, frickin' scary. Two or three posts more. But some of these guys are popping up and yelling Me Me I wanta book about me and are delaying the final show down. Oh, well it's their story after all. I'm just the stenographer. I'm out of sixes for the week, too. So may good things to read and not enough candy to go around. Some are on a diet, as a new supply is due to arrive. LOL:) e xxx
reply by Writingfundimension on 09-May-2012
    We're just so generous, Ellen! I just read a great concept when reviewing charlie's last chapter. He has his characters attend a board meeting, and let's them decide how they want to proceed. Says this technique works wonders. I'm getting ready to start on another chapter, so I'm definitely going to try it myself.

    Always a pleasure, Ellen.

    Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 09-May-2012
    Is that what charlie told you? It is sort of like that with mine, too. Let me know how your meeting turns out. :)xxxx e
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Excellent
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I take it they have a plan, but
is Blathen going to turn out the hero?
I hope they don't leave him behind.

Such great descriptive writing, Ellen.

The two men lie prone tight against damp coal and cracked vermin bones while the oily stink of beating wings fans past them - Yuck! What a terrible world they live in, all the smell of death.


Let's go,"Hunter - space after comma
Whitetail River."It'll weave - space after period
Asmel hold(s) back a grin. - holds
Hunter'd taught him."If you're - space after period
clap you(r) hands - your
He's right, Trell(,) how are - add comma


Margaret

 Comment Written 09-May-2012


reply by the author on 09-May-2012
    Thank you for you review and catching the never ending spags.:( Well, I have a few people worried about Blathen. (smile) For that I thank you. I always liked him but had no idea how everyone reading felt about him. Now, I know. Important input. :) ellen
Comment from InterestingRon
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Hi ellen
It's becoming quite a cliche to say this is another great chapter - but it's so true.
Interesting change of atmosphere in this one. The emphasis is not so much on the alien aspect but has a ancient warrior feel to it. Similar to Conan the Barbarian.
Sorry, out of sixies with this stupid FanStory system.
Ron xox

 Comment Written 09-May-2012


reply by the author on 09-May-2012
    I never tire of hearing that you enjoy a chapter, Ron. I know what you mean about the sixes. I never have enough of those rare gems either. Thank you again for your comparison to Conan the Barbarian. Trell is on the tall, slim side though. Arnold could never be cast as Trell ... maybe, Asmel. LOL :) e xx