The English Assignment
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "A challenge to the ocean"The author tells a tale how he tried to better him
4 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Good description of setting
a wave this big is they can brake - break
I was in heaven but, - I was in heaven, but
Satan, if you think - add comma for direct address
Sitting around the campfire that night, I was - add comma
As I came close to the shore, Samantha
Heading for the shore with every last breath that was left in me - this is a fragment
She would be left to fend for herself, and - add comma
Samantha's mother had a lot of problems - add apostrophe for possessive
Since I never gave up on Sam and was willing to die for her. - a fragment
A most dramatic rescue scene with a thoughtful message to be learned in your conclusion :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Good description of setting
a wave this big is they can brake - break
I was in heaven but, - I was in heaven, but
Satan, if you think - add comma for direct address
Sitting around the campfire that night, I was - add comma
As I came close to the shore, Samantha
Heading for the shore with every last breath that was left in me - this is a fragment
She would be left to fend for herself, and - add comma
Samantha's mother had a lot of problems - add apostrophe for possessive
Since I never gave up on Sam and was willing to die for her. - a fragment
A most dramatic rescue scene with a thoughtful message to be learned in your conclusion :-) Brooke
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Corrections made thank you.
Comment from Moonlight Chirp
I love the message of your story, i.e. "there is no greater act of love than to lay down your life for a friend".
I also like the nature descriptions and your dialogue.
I think the ending can be better reworded to give more meaning to the message you are trying to convey.
Just one correction, "want's" in "Who want's pancakes?" should be "wants".
Good story, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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I love the message of your story, i.e. "there is no greater act of love than to lay down your life for a friend".
I also like the nature descriptions and your dialogue.
I think the ending can be better reworded to give more meaning to the message you are trying to convey.
Just one correction, "want's" in "Who want's pancakes?" should be "wants".
Good story, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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thanks
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i corrected the mistakes and changed the ending let me know if thats what you meant.
Comment from TammyGail
I think this is one of your best keimosobie
it was so very on the edge and compelling
like a roller coaster of emotions
I bet you were tired but at least your alive
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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I think this is one of your best keimosobie
it was so very on the edge and compelling
like a roller coaster of emotions
I bet you were tired but at least your alive
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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yes at least. thanks for reviewing
Comment from MumEsGirl
Well written and interesting story. It challenges many things. God, Satan and the power of the ocean.
I agree that Jesus says that laying down your life for a friend is a true act of love, but do not believe that he encourages or appreciates stupidity in his children
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Well written and interesting story. It challenges many things. God, Satan and the power of the ocean.
I agree that Jesus says that laying down your life for a friend is a true act of love, but do not believe that he encourages or appreciates stupidity in his children
hugs
kate
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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have you ever read the book of Job. God will allow alot to test his faithful. I asked for it.
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I havent read the book but am familiar with his trials
hugs
kate
