Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Gima: Gima's Close Call"fantasy adventure
19 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
I found this chapter very well told well rolling well gripping , I much enjoyed reading it , very much, is it something I ate? a magic mushroom like Alice, a certain aroma
in the room? the temperature?
no ! it must be your well descriptive almost poetic writing.Z.
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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I found this chapter very well told well rolling well gripping , I much enjoyed reading it , very much, is it something I ate? a magic mushroom like Alice, a certain aroma
in the room? the temperature?
no ! it must be your well descriptive almost poetic writing.Z.
Comment Written 04-May-2012
reply by the author on 04-May-2012
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Thank you, Z for such an outstanding review. Magic mushroom ... Alice ... you have me smiling.:) e
Comment from linnietwotymez
I loved this piece. Gima fighting back was a very good scene. The food these "Vertants" eat is disgusting but adds to the strange, perhaps madness, of this dark place below Earth. One thing I noticed is this line "Meanwhile, dust lands on dust, on dust in the alley." I thought this line could be edited a little better other than that, it's a great piece of literature.
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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I loved this piece. Gima fighting back was a very good scene. The food these "Vertants" eat is disgusting but adds to the strange, perhaps madness, of this dark place below Earth. One thing I noticed is this line "Meanwhile, dust lands on dust, on dust in the alley." I thought this line could be edited a little better other than that, it's a great piece of literature.
Comment Written 03-May-2012
reply by the author on 03-May-2012
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Thank you for reviewing and you fine comments. I was trying to show that their are many many many dead(dust) in the pile in the alley. Maybe, i should add another 'on dust' LOL What do you suggest? :) BD
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I think the comma placement could be better, but it doesn't take away from the rest of the chapter.
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I'll check it again.:) Thanx:)
Comment from Winslow
Dear Barking Dog,
I think that I could get into this, but I should go back to the beginning. Right now I am into reading non-fiction. You are quite creative with your characters and setting. As I said in a previous review, you write in an active, captivating style.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Dear Barking Dog,
I think that I could get into this, but I should go back to the beginning. Right now I am into reading non-fiction. You are quite creative with your characters and setting. As I said in a previous review, you write in an active, captivating style.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Thank you, Winslow for checking back with 'Gima.'I do appreciate your enjoying the characters and setting. Thank you for your kind words and generous review.:) barking dog
Comment from Tina55
Vivid and right in front of my eyes...
Banya shyly pulls away and looks toward Heaven's metal highway and its trail of blinking lights. The two young vermel, isolated by mutual intoxication, chatter love sounds and pant toward a future, away from all of this. Eyes widen in agreement, and they weave through the blur of noise and faceless couples toward the twinkling stairway and neon lit chambers. (Bravo!)
His muscles, pumped, sense her as weightless--doll-like while his mind manufactures things that he'll do to her - especially her feet. (LOL)
Something tells me you've been having some crazy violent dreams lately.
Ah, this is the life, indeed, Ellen. What an imagination! You definitely have writing chops. I feel like a kindergartener compared to this intricate world you've created.
Keep it up!
Tina
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Vivid and right in front of my eyes...
Banya shyly pulls away and looks toward Heaven's metal highway and its trail of blinking lights. The two young vermel, isolated by mutual intoxication, chatter love sounds and pant toward a future, away from all of this. Eyes widen in agreement, and they weave through the blur of noise and faceless couples toward the twinkling stairway and neon lit chambers. (Bravo!)
His muscles, pumped, sense her as weightless--doll-like while his mind manufactures things that he'll do to her - especially her feet. (LOL)
Something tells me you've been having some crazy violent dreams lately.
Ah, this is the life, indeed, Ellen. What an imagination! You definitely have writing chops. I feel like a kindergartener compared to this intricate world you've created.
Keep it up!
Tina
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Thank you, Tina. I do love the young couple. All vermel aren't bad. Your not a kindergartener, Tina. No way! :) ellen
Comment from Gungalo
What's this ... Gima has escaped the torture she was about to go through because a stranger took her home? Good for her but I think she is in for it over there too.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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What's this ... Gima has escaped the torture she was about to go through because a stranger took her home? Good for her but I think she is in for it over there too.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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She's part of the warrior games now. Brel is a trainer at his own facility. All is good
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Sigh ...
Comment from purrfect tale
Vermel society is pretty tough on the females. They all seem to live by the code: sex, drugs and rock n roll. LOL. Gima should make an interesting fighter.
Notes:
motion to approach from the man at the top (of) the stairs.
They fall, sliding, bumping down() the metal stairway. - comma not needed
chute at the club's front entrance and() slant the cart. - comma not needed
So, what do (you) think this'll cost him,
Meanwhile, dust lands on dust, on dust in the alley. - Did you mean that last dust?
as golden critons flow th(r)ough his fingers
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Vermel society is pretty tough on the females. They all seem to live by the code: sex, drugs and rock n roll. LOL. Gima should make an interesting fighter.
Notes:
motion to approach from the man at the top (of) the stairs.
They fall, sliding, bumping down() the metal stairway. - comma not needed
chute at the club's front entrance and() slant the cart. - comma not needed
So, what do (you) think this'll cost him,
Meanwhile, dust lands on dust, on dust in the alley. - Did you mean that last dust?
as golden critons flow th(r)ough his fingers
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thanks, pt. I did mean the extra dust but not the extra commas. When I rewrite, it seems I forget to take some of them out. LOL
Comment from c_lucas
You're notes are becoming bigger than your story. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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You're notes are becoming bigger than your story. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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LOL charlie. I guess you're right. It'll be an appendix if it becomes a book. It needs a bit of organizing though. Thank you for the review.
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You're welcome, Ellen. Charlie
Comment from Gloria ....
Hey barking dog this is remarkably brilliant. You have a way with words and know how to adeptly develop and illustrate in primal detail another world peopled with regular guys. I am most impressed.
This is the second chapter that I have read from your book and it just gets brillianter and brillianter. I think I made up that word which proves how inspired I am by your writing. The erotic tone nicely sets the mood for the indulgence in orgies of all manner of debauchery to follow. Bravo! Wonderful write.
Couple of favorite sections:
she slinks underneath Brewik and presses her swelling-back's invitation against his enlarging question. = ha! Gently erotic and sets the mood right at the outset.
and her nails anchor deep into his back as her teeth snap aimlessly at blood scents in the air. = perfect image of reflexive helplessness in the face of impending death - Great aural imagery as well. I can hear the teeth and smell the blood.
Rolak bullies when he passes Brewik and Banya meshing into one. "Get a fucking chamber!" YA! really laughed out loud at this one.
Well worth the six stars.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Hey barking dog this is remarkably brilliant. You have a way with words and know how to adeptly develop and illustrate in primal detail another world peopled with regular guys. I am most impressed.
This is the second chapter that I have read from your book and it just gets brillianter and brillianter. I think I made up that word which proves how inspired I am by your writing. The erotic tone nicely sets the mood for the indulgence in orgies of all manner of debauchery to follow. Bravo! Wonderful write.
Couple of favorite sections:
she slinks underneath Brewik and presses her swelling-back's invitation against his enlarging question. = ha! Gently erotic and sets the mood right at the outset.
and her nails anchor deep into his back as her teeth snap aimlessly at blood scents in the air. = perfect image of reflexive helplessness in the face of impending death - Great aural imagery as well. I can hear the teeth and smell the blood.
Rolak bullies when he passes Brewik and Banya meshing into one. "Get a fucking chamber!" YA! really laughed out loud at this one.
Well worth the six stars.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Wow, what a great blow by blow review, emmex You have no idea how much that feedback means to me. I will gauge future posts by what works/doesn't work in another. I liked the 'get a fucking chamber' line, too. LOL Threw it in and hoped it'd work. Sounded like Rolak. Glad you laughed. I still see him in his black jumpsuit as if nothing ever happened. What a guy. LOL
You picked out some of the sections that I went over and over. Thank you for your specific comment in this review--what you felt, heard and could smell. The six is lovely, as well. :) barking dog
Comment from cvcopac
Gima has survived another post, talk about nine lives. The descriptions of these--people/animals, and their habits, is so real. That imaginations gotta have a deep well. Cats are sissies compared to these animals. They love rough.
I believe the stage is now set for Trell's entrance.
I'm still locked in to five.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Gima has survived another post, talk about nine lives. The descriptions of these--people/animals, and their habits, is so real. That imaginations gotta have a deep well. Cats are sissies compared to these animals. They love rough.
I believe the stage is now set for Trell's entrance.
I'm still locked in to five.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Correct as usual. It's that time. But you know me ... not all in one fell swoop. I'll do a bit of interspersing of scenes. Keeps it all rolling now that they are parallel, time-wise again.
Thank you for the thought of five+.
Oh, don't call the cougar a sissy. She heard that. LOL
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You make it sound easy; your electric this evening.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
You ripped off another great chapter, Ellen. Fantastic imagination.
Brewik protectively presses Banya close to him and glares. Asshole! I'm gonna kick your ..."Shit, Banya what are you doing?" - inverted quotation.
Finally, she bites off his ear and swallows it whole. - Takes foreplay to a whole new level! (don't think I'll try it anytime soon, though! LOL!)
What a dangerous place this is. Not for the faint-hearted, that's for sure.
Okay - love the whole fight scene with Gima. She's got something of a reprieve then, thankfully,m luckily. Like that Mr C lied and fooled that a$$hole, Jacknel.
Excellent plot, nice twists and turns.
Brilliant writing.
Love Av
xx
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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You ripped off another great chapter, Ellen. Fantastic imagination.
Brewik protectively presses Banya close to him and glares. Asshole! I'm gonna kick your ..."Shit, Banya what are you doing?" - inverted quotation.
Finally, she bites off his ear and swallows it whole. - Takes foreplay to a whole new level! (don't think I'll try it anytime soon, though! LOL!)
What a dangerous place this is. Not for the faint-hearted, that's for sure.
Okay - love the whole fight scene with Gima. She's got something of a reprieve then, thankfully,m luckily. Like that Mr C lied and fooled that a$$hole, Jacknel.
Excellent plot, nice twists and turns.
Brilliant writing.
Love Av
xx
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Av for another fine look and review.(inverted quotations ... who hates me? LOL) Yea, Mr. C. has possibililities as does Teleck. So many and so little page time. They all vie for space. Gotta kill off some more. LOL:) Now, in to find that inverted, ingrown pustule of a quotation mark. :) e