Nothing Good
Ambulance in the middle of the night76 total reviews
Comment from Jo-Anne Hemming
A great story, revealing human nature in a common experience. No wasted lines. Every word and action contributed to an understanding of the scene, the emotions and the participants. I particularly liked Sam's wry sense of humour, which offered relief from the somberness of the event. Good job!
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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A great story, revealing human nature in a common experience. No wasted lines. Every word and action contributed to an understanding of the scene, the emotions and the participants. I particularly liked Sam's wry sense of humour, which offered relief from the somberness of the event. Good job!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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Thanks so much, Jo-Anne. Your review is exactly what I was aiming for. Thank you again. Peace, Lee
Comment from kathleenspalding
My sympathies for your loss. It's never easy.
Excellent story! Congratulations on your well deserved Seal Of Quality! Very, very, very well written. Just a couple nits/questions-
Is there a way to establish that he's a man earlier?
Having [[fially - did you mean finally?]] given up my dead, perhaps I reckoned
Perhaps switch 'cut-de-sac' with one of the early 'street's, to establish that up front.
Under my breath, I cursed the damned lighter for giving me away. Evidently, not all the pitfalls of smoking show up on chest x-rays. - Love it!!!
If it did, Jack, you'd have spent the last ten years in the ICU. Or worse." (there's an extra line space below this)
That's it. Great job!
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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My sympathies for your loss. It's never easy.
Excellent story! Congratulations on your well deserved Seal Of Quality! Very, very, very well written. Just a couple nits/questions-
Is there a way to establish that he's a man earlier?
Having [[fially - did you mean finally?]] given up my dead, perhaps I reckoned
Perhaps switch 'cut-de-sac' with one of the early 'street's, to establish that up front.
Under my breath, I cursed the damned lighter for giving me away. Evidently, not all the pitfalls of smoking show up on chest x-rays. - Love it!!!
If it did, Jack, you'd have spent the last ten years in the ICU. Or worse." (there's an extra line space below this)
That's it. Great job!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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Thank you, Kathleen. I'm glad you enjoyed. I'm aware of the gender-neutrality of the opening, but decided ambulances in the night affect both genders equally. Revealing his masculinity for it's own sake seemed like exposition to me. I think the boat shoe/slippers provided a pretty strong clue. I try to spread out my data dumps, so I reserved the 'cul de sac' for a point when he was outside and could actually see it. When he's inside, peeking through the blinds, all he can see is the street--so that's all I wanted the reader to see. I like to write cinematically. I widen the lens as I go along.
Thank you, again. Your comments are most appreciated. Peace, Lee
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I understand.You're welcome
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
Loved it! Just enough sarcasm, wit, humor and intrigue to keep you glued to the last word. Well done on the accolades it received and thanks for reviving one of your classics.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
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Loved it! Just enough sarcasm, wit, humor and intrigue to keep you glued to the last word. Well done on the accolades it received and thanks for reviving one of your classics.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2017
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Thanks so much, Schalk. We all reacted to a siren in the night. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from lydia2013
Hi Humpwhistle,
You have a knack for taking the mundane and infusing it with a thoughtful clarity. How many times have we all done the same thing, or forced ourselves not to, out of a sense of shame or respect? Your imagery and the character's memory insertions were perfectly in sync.
I particularly enjoyed this description: It reminded me of a crab.
"Jack scuttled across his front yard, stopped at the road edge, looked both ways as if he was trying to cross Fifth Avenue during the Macy's Parade, then came ahead until he reached the bottom of my porch steps."
This sentence is missing a "the" or "a" in front of symbiotic.
"I resisted symbiotic urge to light another Marlboro."
The conclusion and circle of life you expressed, from the "conspiratorial nod" to the packing of his mother's things and throwing away the cigarette pack, completed the story. I see why you rank so highly.
Thank you for a great read.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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Hi Humpwhistle,
You have a knack for taking the mundane and infusing it with a thoughtful clarity. How many times have we all done the same thing, or forced ourselves not to, out of a sense of shame or respect? Your imagery and the character's memory insertions were perfectly in sync.
I particularly enjoyed this description: It reminded me of a crab.
"Jack scuttled across his front yard, stopped at the road edge, looked both ways as if he was trying to cross Fifth Avenue during the Macy's Parade, then came ahead until he reached the bottom of my porch steps."
This sentence is missing a "the" or "a" in front of symbiotic.
"I resisted symbiotic urge to light another Marlboro."
The conclusion and circle of life you expressed, from the "conspiratorial nod" to the packing of his mother's things and throwing away the cigarette pack, completed the story. I see why you rank so highly.
Thank you for a great read.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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Thanks for your fine and generous review, Lydia. I always liked this piece, and when I decided to revive it, I added almost 400 words. Nothing like the passage of five years to help an author find ways to sharpen the focus. Truth is, I never read a 'finished' piece without finishing it some more.
Again, thanks so much for this stellar review--and your understanding. Peace, Lee
Comment from RobertaLee
You are such an enjoyable writer. I was about halfway through reading it when the vivid imagery from first reading it a long time ago presented itself to the front of my mind and the whole scene, to the end, was complete before I finished. I almost feel as if I was standing on the porch with you once again, and applauding your decision to move on.
Smiles and blessings
Roberta
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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You are such an enjoyable writer. I was about halfway through reading it when the vivid imagery from first reading it a long time ago presented itself to the front of my mind and the whole scene, to the end, was complete before I finished. I almost feel as if I was standing on the porch with you once again, and applauding your decision to move on.
Smiles and blessings
Roberta
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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Thank you, Roberta Lee. This piece has long been a favorite of mine. But every time I revisit it, I make adjustments.
After five years of adjusting, I decided to give others another shot at it. I think it's better than it was. I'm glad you do, too.
Peace, Lee
Comment from mmonaghan777
Wonderful story of connection. The after reasons we do things and the offerings we have to give others. I love the neighbor conversation.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Wonderful story of connection. The after reasons we do things and the offerings we have to give others. I love the neighbor conversation.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Thank you, mmonaghan. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Possummagic
A great piece of work, but then you know that given the accolades on your post. I could relate to the ambulance and the nosey neighbours. Then it is human nature to be inquisitive. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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A great piece of work, but then you know that given the accolades on your post. I could relate to the ambulance and the nosey neighbours. Then it is human nature to be inquisitive. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Thank you, Possummagic. There's a point where 'inquisitive' crosses into 'invasive'. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from F. Wehr3
Fantastic work, Lee. I'd have to say this is one of your best works. The depth of your character was exceptional to go along with some terrific lines, some extremely descriptive and others with your trademark humor. If there is ever a piece to seek out publication, this is one of them.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do with this piece,
Russell
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Fantastic work, Lee. I'd have to say this is one of your best works. The depth of your character was exceptional to go along with some terrific lines, some extremely descriptive and others with your trademark humor. If there is ever a piece to seek out publication, this is one of them.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do with this piece,
Russell
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Thanks so much, Russell. Something good happens when you let a piece sit for five years. The next draft is a killer. I'd been meaning to get back to this one. The odd thing, I didn't edit, I added.
It was good for me to revive this. I'm really grateful for your review. Peace, Lee
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi Lee; a well told story full of emotion and thought. It seems we all go into deep reverie when confronted with the sight of an ambulance. It can happen to any of us at any time.
Thank you for digging this one out of your portfolio; an enjoyable read,
~patty~
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Lee; a well told story full of emotion and thought. It seems we all go into deep reverie when confronted with the sight of an ambulance. It can happen to any of us at any time.
Thank you for digging this one out of your portfolio; an enjoyable read,
~patty~
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Thanks again, Patty. Glad you enjoyed. I dug it out, and I made it better.
Peace, Lee
Comment from Drew Delaney
Love this! It brought back memories of the night the ambulance came for my mom. So original and well presented I have no words to fill up this review box. Just Awesome, Awesome writing.
Drew
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Love this! It brought back memories of the night the ambulance came for my mom. So original and well presented I have no words to fill up this review box. Just Awesome, Awesome writing.
Drew
Comment Written 09-Aug-2017
