Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Gima: Club ErrOw"fantasy adventure
21 total reviews
Comment from Tina55
Another vibrant write!!
his angry dangles, writhing for fulfillment in the dispassionate air, persuade him to the task. (Great line. I would have it stand alone instead of using the semi colon :-))
The air is rife with violence, unspent and promised.
Teleck's list is cold and to the point. A very creative tool to drop us into his thoughts.
Vivd expression of your imagination, Ellen.
Perfect example:Already entranced by his warty brown and yellow complexion, Banya nearly swoons at the sight of his well-maintained, jagged weaponry--his smile. Damn, perfect double rows ... and his irregular naris is to die for--handsomely off-center.
The real world does not exist when I'm reading this story. The language is encompassing, the emotional draw undeniable.
Cool interlude for the ending.
Way to go, Ellen!!
Tina
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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Another vibrant write!!
his angry dangles, writhing for fulfillment in the dispassionate air, persuade him to the task. (Great line. I would have it stand alone instead of using the semi colon :-))
The air is rife with violence, unspent and promised.
Teleck's list is cold and to the point. A very creative tool to drop us into his thoughts.
Vivd expression of your imagination, Ellen.
Perfect example:Already entranced by his warty brown and yellow complexion, Banya nearly swoons at the sight of his well-maintained, jagged weaponry--his smile. Damn, perfect double rows ... and his irregular naris is to die for--handsomely off-center.
The real world does not exist when I'm reading this story. The language is encompassing, the emotional draw undeniable.
Cool interlude for the ending.
Way to go, Ellen!!
Tina
Comment Written 01-May-2012
reply by the author on 01-May-2012
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That line you like so much was a rewrite with Av's input. LOL
I'll give it its own space as you have suggested. Now, that will make three of us on one line. It SHOULD be great. LOL Thank you again for another fantastic complete review. I wish the vote machine would let me give you another. I'll try again. It's a new month! :) ellen xxx
Comment from inkedone
It goes without saying that you know what you are doing. I've learned a lot from you, through your advise and your writing. Thanks for all your help!
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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It goes without saying that you know what you are doing. I've learned a lot from you, through your advise and your writing. Thanks for all your help!
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you, inkedone. I'm glad you know me a little better now. I'm still going to read your story. I do like it. You're going to continue it, aren't you? Thank you so much for the six. I need to remember to fan you now. :) BD
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I'm definitely going to continiue the story. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
Comment from linnietwotymez
Once again a great chapter that takes the reader to this dark place where its normal for the people who live there to behave and act like this. Great job.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Once again a great chapter that takes the reader to this dark place where its normal for the people who live there to behave and act like this. Great job.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Hey, what's up. I've missed your posts. I bet you've been writing. Thank you for your review. See ya on the pages.:) BD
Comment from Maustin
Your characters--Jacknel, Gima, Pike, and others--possess such depth. I see the scenes come alive before me. The imagery of your world and characters created are amazing. The dictionary is so helpful. This is an amazing story series you have created. Nicely written!!
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Your characters--Jacknel, Gima, Pike, and others--possess such depth. I see the scenes come alive before me. The imagery of your world and characters created are amazing. The dictionary is so helpful. This is an amazing story series you have created. Nicely written!!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much for stopping by and donning this chapter with a six. I'm so honored by your generous review and fine words. Thank you for mentioning the value in the dictionary. It has taken shape as the chapters have evolved. Again, many thanks and have a wonderful upcoming week.:) barking dog
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So welcome Barking Dog. It is a brilliant work!! You should begin to fish for publishers. I am noticing in different author books how dictionaries in the back are becoming a must. A great tool. Keep it coming!!!
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Many blessings to you this week too. :)
Comment from Winslow
Dear Barking Dog<
Why did you take that moniker? It seems the underearthings sre trying to have some fun and sex. You write with an acitve, entertaining style. This seems quite creative. I was wondering what a dangle was and then read your notes. (LOL)
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Dear Barking Dog<
Why did you take that moniker? It seems the underearthings sre trying to have some fun and sex. You write with an acitve, entertaining style. This seems quite creative. I was wondering what a dangle was and then read your notes. (LOL)
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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One of the few who bother to read the notes. I'm so please to meet you! My dog was barking. Simple as that. LOL Thank you for your review, Winslow. :) BD
Comment from Cumbrianlass
... writhe unfulfilled in the unwelcomed air, - he's a nasty bloody piece of work, this Jacknel. Just a wee thing... 'unfulfilled' and 'unwelcomed' seem to come a bit close to each other. Perhaps another word for unwelcome? Maybe disagreeable? Distasteful?
Satis()fied with his final dispositon (disposition/disposal?)
Your mind is a wondrous thing, woman. The descriptions are so out there - amazing. That whole scene with Pike... yikes!
Banya's (backwards quote mark)
LOVE the night club scene. Reminds of one time I was... never mind.
Great chapter, Ellen. - vicious, rampant, fierce, so colourful. Well done!
Av
xx
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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... writhe unfulfilled in the unwelcomed air, - he's a nasty bloody piece of work, this Jacknel. Just a wee thing... 'unfulfilled' and 'unwelcomed' seem to come a bit close to each other. Perhaps another word for unwelcome? Maybe disagreeable? Distasteful?
Satis()fied with his final dispositon (disposition/disposal?)
Your mind is a wondrous thing, woman. The descriptions are so out there - amazing. That whole scene with Pike... yikes!
Banya's (backwards quote mark)
LOVE the night club scene. Reminds of one time I was... never mind.
Great chapter, Ellen. - vicious, rampant, fierce, so colourful. Well done!
Av
xx
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, Av. I'll have to think on the unfulfilled(meaing he didn't have an orgasm) and unwelcomed(meaning they would rather be inside a nice warm ...); they writhe for completion in the unwelcomed air ... how does that sound?
How does a quote mark get backwards? Geeze, as if there isn't enough to do when we write. Right? LOL :) thank you again. Great review.:) ellen
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Oh, it's not a biggie, Ellen. Just tripped me a weeny bit, is all! Let 'em writhe away. LOL! x
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So you didn't like the suggested change?
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If it trips one it can trip many.
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How about writhing for fulfillment in the undesirable/frigid/dispassionate air? Maybe?
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I like dispassionate. I altered it. I never have a problem with change. Change is always for the better. Thank you. Line editing is more important than any spag. Feel free to do this any time. :) Hugs!
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Hey - least I can do. Your smack marks have almost worn off now. But look at the result. LOL!
Hugs back! Av
x
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:)e
Comment from purrfect tale
Ahhhh, love among the reptilian demons. That was a brilliant way to end this chapter. And poor Pike! What a twisted world you have created. Not a spag in site.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Ahhhh, love among the reptilian demons. That was a brilliant way to end this chapter. And poor Pike! What a twisted world you have created. Not a spag in site.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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I think Margaret found the last few. Sorry, did you want some? LOL
Almost done down here. Posting last half of this ASAP(money willing) Time for the Four! I'm so pumped!:)Thank you for seeing that all these Vermel aren't like Jacknel. They have their moments of tenderness ... but I wouldn't turn my back.LOL :)
Comment from DIS-illusioned
Oh, I forgot to mention, I was taking meticulous notes of Jacknel's foreplay techniques from the last chapter. Should serve me well in keeping a girlfriend for the long term. :))
Well, isn't Teleck fastidious and efficient? I'd have hired him. :) Can you tell me what store he gets his masturbation kit? I need to order. LOL!
Nothing beats the vermel art of wooing--so subtle and sensual. :)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Oh, I forgot to mention, I was taking meticulous notes of Jacknel's foreplay techniques from the last chapter. Should serve me well in keeping a girlfriend for the long term. :))
Well, isn't Teleck fastidious and efficient? I'd have hired him. :) Can you tell me what store he gets his masturbation kit? I need to order. LOL!
Nothing beats the vermel art of wooing--so subtle and sensual. :)
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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LOL, DIS. Always such prudish comments. LOL
Well, just one more ... second half to this one and only blood shed, no more sex unless someone gets into ... well death, but I don't thing there'll be enought time to dilly-dally around and watch. :) Thank you for another unique review. (I rarely see Teleck ... he's always off in the shadows. The device? He may have invented it himself. He's a clever sort. LOL)
Comment from Janie King
Cop out day..I just came in from church,,had a wonderful service...Bro. Ron's brother came in from Batesville to preach this morning since Bro. Ron and Sis. Kimberly are in N.C. for a revival...they'll be home Thursday. Have a great day. God bless.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Cop out day..I just came in from church,,had a wonderful service...Bro. Ron's brother came in from Batesville to preach this morning since Bro. Ron and Sis. Kimberly are in N.C. for a revival...they'll be home Thursday. Have a great day. God bless.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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What a lovely day, Janie. I alway love to hear from you. I'll try to write something soon that you can read and enjoy.;) ellen
Comment from Gloria ....
Hi barking dog. I must admit I am a real neophyte when it comes to fantasy-adventure-horror so if I make big mistakes at first please forgive me my naivete. This first chapter I have read in your book is filled with sensual and intense imagery. I love the sensuality of it.
and gyrates to Pike's glottal coughs and tongueless, open 'Ahhhhs. = Great description. He sounds grotesque.
every bloody stitch, searing burn and inked trasformation (((transformation??) don't know for sure.
Self-conscious, he wipes away excessive drool and flashes a big confident smile, hoping to impress this one--the one he wants forever. - LOL, what a way to impress one's hopefully betrothed. Works for me, and the drooling part seems pretty human too.
And there is no doubt that Banya wants that dream: a station-cabin home in Subby Wayside and litters of young vermel, playing on the tracks. = Hope for union springs eternal.
You write very, very well and I shall be following subsequent chapters and hopefully can find some time to read the earlier ones as well.
Nice work!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Hi barking dog. I must admit I am a real neophyte when it comes to fantasy-adventure-horror so if I make big mistakes at first please forgive me my naivete. This first chapter I have read in your book is filled with sensual and intense imagery. I love the sensuality of it.
and gyrates to Pike's glottal coughs and tongueless, open 'Ahhhhs. = Great description. He sounds grotesque.
every bloody stitch, searing burn and inked trasformation (((transformation??) don't know for sure.
Self-conscious, he wipes away excessive drool and flashes a big confident smile, hoping to impress this one--the one he wants forever. - LOL, what a way to impress one's hopefully betrothed. Works for me, and the drooling part seems pretty human too.
And there is no doubt that Banya wants that dream: a station-cabin home in Subby Wayside and litters of young vermel, playing on the tracks. = Hope for union springs eternal.
You write very, very well and I shall be following subsequent chapters and hopefully can find some time to read the earlier ones as well.
Nice work!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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What a great review, emmex. Thank you for catching a bit of too fast typing.(transformation) I'm a big one for leaving out letters and inserting too many commas. LOL The most horrific chapters are behind us as I was building hate and need for retribution. I hope not to disappoint with future chapters. This is my first try with a book and I'm stepping lightly hoping the timing is correct. If you feel it is off in anyway, please let me know. I don't want to it to drag but I dont want to go to quickly either. I approaching it like a meal with many courses, each one to be savored but leaving room for the next.(Does that make any sense? ) LOL :) barking dog