Reviews from

The Heir Apparent

Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Grandmother Tells a Joke"
A family learns their father is a serial killer

20 total reviews 
Comment from psalmist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Another wonderful chapter. I love the feeling of forgiveness that flows through the lines, the cleansing tears. Great job with the voice of Alfina, I can hear her old, accented voice in my head. Somewhat gravelly, yet with the innocence of a child. Well done. Linda

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
    She truly does have the innocence of a child. I just love her.
Comment from RebelRose
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This reminds me of an old country song called "I'm My Own Grandpa" LOL. I love that Alfina has a sense of humor after ll she has been through. Great chapter.

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 16-Apr-2012
    I am so pleased you enjoyed this one. I had fun with it too.
Comment from cheyennewy
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Sasha,

You have written another outstanding chapter. I love the part about Charlie and Susan accepting their grandmother bringing everyone to tears. I smiled when she recited Humpity Dumpity and think she will be a good student for Angela. This chapter leaves me wondering what will happens next as James is sure the trouble is not over. Well done....blessings, chey

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 16-Apr-2012
    We are nearing the end, but there is still more to come.
Comment from rtobaygo
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

YOUR REUNION SCENE WAS WELL DONE. YOUR DIALOGUE , ESPECIALLY WITH DOCTOR WILLIAMS WAS EXCELLENT. YOUR WORD FLOW WAS SMOOTH AND YOU CHARACTERS' POV WAS DECENT. COULD ONLY FIND ONE SPAG. THE PLOT IS BEGINNING TO JELL. LOOK FORWARD TO READING YOUR NEXT CHAPTER.

was a crazy, filthy animal and to be avoided. (SPACING)
Detective Mac is currently looking for information on locating the living relative of Alfinas 1 and 2. To blame her for giving birth to

TAKE CARE,

RAY

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 16-Apr-2012
    Thanks for catching the spags. I have fixed them. I am so pleased you continue to enjoy this story
Comment from Joan E.
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

"Canary" is an appropriate simile for Susan and I liked your rendition of broken English for Grandmother. Yes, Angela's and Alfina's arrival was a surprise, but Dr. William's recommendation made sense and the emotional reunion proved him right. -Joan

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 16-Apr-2012
    I just love both Alfina and Angela...they make a perfect pair. I am so pleased you enjoyed this chapter.
reply by Joan E. on 16-Apr-2012
    I am delighted your muse led you to them and allowed you to share these engaging characters with us. Hugs- Joan
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Valerie:)
This is an emotional and sensitive chapter. As planned it is a time for Mom, Susan and Charlie to meet Grandmother Alfina. Both Charlie and Susan have bad feeling about their grandmother. As Charlie said, "It is embarrassing that my grandfather had sex with his daughter." Susan nodded agreement with Charles's comment.

What a harsh rejectio before they heard her life story. Then as they learned the terrible ordeal Grandmother had lived through, attitudes changed until at last:

Mom hugged Alfina; Charlie stood and extended his hand. "Hello, Grandma. I am Charlie, James's brother and your grandson.
Susan got up and walked around the table to where Grandmother was sitting. She gave Angela a gentle hug, and then turned to face Alfina. "Hello. My name is Susan. I am so proud to be your granddaughter."

Suddenly they were a family starting to heal from generations of psychological harm.

now James had a new fear as he thought of what still lay ahead;

I watched everyone laugh and hug as a dark cloud slowly entered the room and hung over me. The Snohomish County Prosecutor was going to announce the charges against Dad on Monday. I had no doubt he was also going to announce he would be seeking the death penalty. I felt certain the family would once again look at me as the bad guy. I wanted to believe it was over, but reality told me it was not.

I noticed only two small errors:

1. Alexandru to believe Alfina was his sister and told him his mother died in childbirth. He was not allowed to speak with Alfina, show her any affection and if he did they both were severely punished. Your father was told his sister was a crazy, filthy animal and to be avoided.
<.
Detective Mac is currently trying to find the living relative of Alfinas 1 and 2. To blame her for giving birth to your father is wrong. {This spacing error was no doubt due to Evil Eddi.}

2. We do not know why he named all three Alfina, nor do we know why he named the first and second boy Alexendru. It may be [a ==> an] ancient Romani custom. {"An1. is the article that must be used with words starting with vowels.}



As usual, I see this as a story that will interest some of the nation's best literary agents and motion picture producers. As always, I see this novel as a six-star work that just keeps getting better chapter by chapter i am stll out of stars so here are more virtual Irish Hugs.

Roger

.

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 15-Apr-2012
    I taught the second one but missed the first. I sincerely appreciate you continued interest in this story and your thorough critiques. I am so pleased you liked this chapter. We are, as you can probably tell, getting near the end.
Comment from InterestingRon
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Smurphy
What a wonderful change of pace.
A beautiful heartwarming episode with grandma telling her tales.
You can really capture all the human emotions.
Ron

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 15-Apr-2012
    Yes, Grandmother is a sweetheart. Can't help but love her. Hard day for the family too but it all worked out.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a touching scene you painted
through your words of them all around
the grandmother, and her reciting a
nursery rhyme... Sasha.

manditory
mandatory
It may be a(n) ancient - an

I'm thoroughly enjoying this story, my friend.
Site won't allow me to give this a six as it
deserves.

Margaret

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 15-Apr-2012
    Yes, it is mandatory. I appreciate your virtual six. I am so pleased you liked this chapter.
Comment from bob cullen
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Your writing is incredible. Here you have an amazing story with wonderful characters. These characters are progressing the tale with great skill. Every one of them has credibility and converse in dialogue that really sits comfortably with their character.

I can't believe you will have any difficulty in locating an agent who will take you on as a client. Your writing is without peer on this site. I would go out tomorrow to buy this novel and any other work bearing the name of smurfgirl. You are extremely gifted.

Good luck

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 15-Apr-2012
    Thank you so much for your marvelous review. I do hope you are right. Next to getting a publisher, getting someone to market the book comes in second.
reply by bob cullen on 16-Apr-2012
    Might I suggest you find an agent first, they will arrange a far better deal for you.
    So I'm told, I've not yet had the good fortune to discover this personally.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The Alfina legacy is rough. It adds to the overall story line though and I like the details you are bringing in to the family. Well written and great dialog. xoxo deborah

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2012


reply by the author on 15-Apr-2012
    Poor thing has had a rough life. It is time she experiences some love and kindness.