The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Mom Fesses Up"A family learns their father is a serial killer
19 total reviews
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I really like the way all the facts of the story are coming together now. I certainly don't have any advice for improving if in any way. Each chapter is finished well and encourages the reader to look for the next one. Giddy
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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I really like the way all the facts of the story are coming together now. I certainly don't have any advice for improving if in any way. Each chapter is finished well and encourages the reader to look for the next one. Giddy
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Thanks. Your opinion means a lot to me. I always appreciate your reviews.
Comment from psalmist
Once the initial thread was pulled, the whole thing is starting to unravel. All the secrets, lies, skeletons in the closet. It's like this family must be totally torn down in order to be rebuilt. Another well done chapter. I look forward to Alfina meeting the family. Linda
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Once the initial thread was pulled, the whole thing is starting to unravel. All the secrets, lies, skeletons in the closet. It's like this family must be totally torn down in order to be rebuilt. Another well done chapter. I look forward to Alfina meeting the family. Linda
Comment Written 14-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2012
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Thanks. I am working on that chapter now.
Comment from Joan E.
I liked your starting with James' question about lying. I did not remember about Mom's retrieving the journal from the garbage--so, this chapter cleared up some lose ends for me. It will be fascinating to read about the encounter between Alfina and the rest of the family. -Joan
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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I liked your starting with James' question about lying. I did not remember about Mom's retrieving the journal from the garbage--so, this chapter cleared up some lose ends for me. It will be fascinating to read about the encounter between Alfina and the rest of the family. -Joan
Comment Written 13-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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That will be a challenging chapter. I'm working on it right now. Glad this one cleared up some lose ends for you.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is another good post.
Dr. Williams smiled, "Would you mind if I stay while he asks his questions?" (period after smiled)
Mom bowed her head as if to hide some unexplained shame, (period after shame)
I was curious so I foolishly asked you dad what it was. YOUR dad)
Mom hesitated before responding. (comma after responding)
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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This is another good post.
Dr. Williams smiled, "Would you mind if I stay while he asks his questions?" (period after smiled)
Mom bowed her head as if to hide some unexplained shame, (period after shame)
I was curious so I foolishly asked you dad what it was. YOUR dad)
Mom hesitated before responding. (comma after responding)
Comment Written 13-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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You know, if I could learn proper English grammar, I might consider taking up writing. Thanks for catching the spags...you have such a good eye.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
1. "James, you've just proven my point. Your fear of being perceived as the bad buy is causing you to lie to yourself and to your mother by allowing her to think you believe what she is telling you is the truth. Take my word for it, false presumption has been the downfall of many a man, and woman. Don't let yourself become one of them." {Great insight on Mac's part.}
2. Dr. Williams shook Mac's hand and before releasing it, he reminded him, "You do know you cannot interrogate Martha as long as she is [a] patient here." {You need the article 'a' as shown.}
3. My concern over how Mom would react when I asked her why she lied, worried me. Having Dr. Williams present to help her deal with the inevitable stress was a must, as far as I was concerned. {Very realistic. Dr. William's needs to make sure all the questions come from James.}
4. apparently Mon has been brought up to date about what James and the police have learned from Grandmother and she seems to be handling it well.}
5. "Did he tell you about Marie Anne and that Dad killed her?"
Mom took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and still refusing to look at me, said, "Yes. And, I believe he did."
"Mac, Mr. Hurley and I suspect Dad went to the cabin to get the journal. He had to know its contents would make him a suspect." {Great supposition.}
6. "Okay, okay. I found it under the passenger seat of your Dad's car a few weeks after his father died. It was in a foreign language and I couldn't read it. I was curious so I foolishly asked you dad what it was. He was drunk, as usual, and he told me it belonged to his father. That's when he told me his mother Alfina was also his sister." {SO this was the secret that Mom wanted to withhold from her children {This explains a lot.}
Now I expect the family will be a lot more stable when they all get together again, This story has covered a lot of ground and important mysteries have been resolved. have all the secrets come to light? I feel the end of the story is near, although all the living victim's wii remain affected to some degree.
more love and Irish Hugs for resolving all the mystery
Roger
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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1. "James, you've just proven my point. Your fear of being perceived as the bad buy is causing you to lie to yourself and to your mother by allowing her to think you believe what she is telling you is the truth. Take my word for it, false presumption has been the downfall of many a man, and woman. Don't let yourself become one of them." {Great insight on Mac's part.}
2. Dr. Williams shook Mac's hand and before releasing it, he reminded him, "You do know you cannot interrogate Martha as long as she is [a] patient here." {You need the article 'a' as shown.}
3. My concern over how Mom would react when I asked her why she lied, worried me. Having Dr. Williams present to help her deal with the inevitable stress was a must, as far as I was concerned. {Very realistic. Dr. William's needs to make sure all the questions come from James.}
4. apparently Mon has been brought up to date about what James and the police have learned from Grandmother and she seems to be handling it well.}
5. "Did he tell you about Marie Anne and that Dad killed her?"
Mom took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and still refusing to look at me, said, "Yes. And, I believe he did."
"Mac, Mr. Hurley and I suspect Dad went to the cabin to get the journal. He had to know its contents would make him a suspect." {Great supposition.}
6. "Okay, okay. I found it under the passenger seat of your Dad's car a few weeks after his father died. It was in a foreign language and I couldn't read it. I was curious so I foolishly asked you dad what it was. He was drunk, as usual, and he told me it belonged to his father. That's when he told me his mother Alfina was also his sister." {SO this was the secret that Mom wanted to withhold from her children {This explains a lot.}
Now I expect the family will be a lot more stable when they all get together again, This story has covered a lot of ground and important mysteries have been resolved. have all the secrets come to light? I feel the end of the story is near, although all the living victim's wii remain affected to some degree.
more love and Irish Hugs for resolving all the mystery
Roger
Comment Written 13-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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Yes, the end is near but it will take a long time and a lot of therapy for the family to get through the ordeal. Thanks for the great review. I was concerned about so much information in so short a chapter.
Comment from writerwish
Still the most intriging story here. Your descriptions are supurb, I appreciate your adding the character listing each time. One correction:
Your fear of being perceived as the bad (b)uy is causing you ..Think you mean bad GUY.
Love this line:
Tears began to stream down her cheeks. "I will never forget the sound of his voice when he told me. It reeked of cruelty and sarcasm. He only told me because he knew how I would react. I was disgusted and horrified. All he did was laugh."
I'll be through editing soon and back to writing here.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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Still the most intriging story here. Your descriptions are supurb, I appreciate your adding the character listing each time. One correction:
Your fear of being perceived as the bad (b)uy is causing you ..Think you mean bad GUY.
Love this line:
Tears began to stream down her cheeks. "I will never forget the sound of his voice when he told me. It reeked of cruelty and sarcasm. He only told me because he knew how I would react. I was disgusted and horrified. All he did was laugh."
I'll be through editing soon and back to writing here.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am so pleased you liked this chapter, I was concerned about putting too much information in such a short chapter.
Comment from Alaskastory
Mom Fesses Up is a chapter that hold a really good scene with James' mother.
typo: When (t)he elevator door opened,
Why would Martha call her husband Dad? '..she told the police that (John or your dad's)[Dad's] father is dead.
Shouldn't she mean Mr. Hurley? "Yes. And, I believe (him)[her]."
Good chapter, Sasha! Marie
delete mark in mid-quote: '...under the door. ["]In the first place..
typo: I foolishly asked you(r) dad
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Mom Fesses Up is a chapter that hold a really good scene with James' mother.
typo: When (t)he elevator door opened,
Why would Martha call her husband Dad? '..she told the police that (John or your dad's)[Dad's] father is dead.
Shouldn't she mean Mr. Hurley? "Yes. And, I believe (him)[her]."
Good chapter, Sasha! Marie
delete mark in mid-quote: '...under the door. ["]In the first place..
typo: I foolishly asked you(r) dad
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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I will have to go back and look at that to see what I meant. Thanks for catching the spags. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Sahsa,
You have written another fine and intriguing chapter. I'm glad Martha owned up to the lie she told, which is a small thing compared to the murders and other events. I know she too will like Alfina and hope both Charlie and Susan will do the same. I love your characters and how you let them interacts, making them clear in my mind. Well done....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hi Sahsa,
You have written another fine and intriguing chapter. I'm glad Martha owned up to the lie she told, which is a small thing compared to the murders and other events. I know she too will like Alfina and hope both Charlie and Susan will do the same. I love your characters and how you let them interacts, making them clear in my mind. Well done....blessings, chey
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thank you very much. I am pleased you liked this chapter.
Comment from rtobaygo
LIKED THE MORAL DEBATE OVER WHITE LIES IN THE BEGINNING . . .QUITE PROFOUND. THE QUESTION OF HARRY'S MOTHER WAS WELL DONE WITH REALISTIC PROBING QUESTIONS AND EQUALLY REVEALING ANSWERS. SCENE WELL SET AND CHARACTERS DEFINITELY MOVED THE CHAPTERS PLOT AT A RAPID PACE. WELL DONE
Who is your WHO'S UNLESS IT'S THE WAY THE DOCTOR SPEAKS
Dr. Williams shook Mac's hand and before releasing it, (he) reminded (HIM)Mac, AVOIDS USING MAC SO CLOSE TOGETHER
TAKE CARE,
RAY
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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LIKED THE MORAL DEBATE OVER WHITE LIES IN THE BEGINNING . . .QUITE PROFOUND. THE QUESTION OF HARRY'S MOTHER WAS WELL DONE WITH REALISTIC PROBING QUESTIONS AND EQUALLY REVEALING ANSWERS. SCENE WELL SET AND CHARACTERS DEFINITELY MOVED THE CHAPTERS PLOT AT A RAPID PACE. WELL DONE
Who is your WHO'S UNLESS IT'S THE WAY THE DOCTOR SPEAKS
Dr. Williams shook Mac's hand and before releasing it, (he) reminded (HIM)Mac, AVOIDS USING MAC SO CLOSE TOGETHER
TAKE CARE,
RAY
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thanks for catching the confusing sentences. I'll take a look at them and see what I can do to make them clearer.
Comment from Showboat
Hey Sasha,
Good for Martha. I was afraid there for a while she might just continue the lie rather than tell James the truth. Another good chapter, m'dear. Very good indeed!
Couple of things to check into:
'...Mom smiled. I'm doing fine. **we need a quote before I'm.
'...explain why Dad went to the Cabin and why they fought. Please, tell us how you came to have the journal." **don't need the cap on cabin.
Whew, just love this book!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Hey Sasha,
Good for Martha. I was afraid there for a while she might just continue the lie rather than tell James the truth. Another good chapter, m'dear. Very good indeed!
Couple of things to check into:
'...Mom smiled. I'm doing fine. **we need a quote before I'm.
'...explain why Dad went to the Cabin and why they fought. Please, tell us how you came to have the journal." **don't need the cap on cabin.
Whew, just love this book!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 12-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am thrilled you like this book.