Comment from strandregs

Excellent

Very good read strong pull and flow, Hi E. nice chapter.
captvating and fulfilling.
vivid vibrating descriptions , no hitches,Z.

 Comment Written 11-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 11-Apr-2012

Thank you for another great review. You've been busy reading. :) e More coming soon. I'm out of town right now in a Double Tree Motel. Fancy smancy place. LOL :)

Comment from G.B. Smith

Excellent

Being as I am me I liked the bear part to its conclusion
The chapter is filled with a tenseness that only a gifted writer can convey. WTG
Bear

 Comment Written 10-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012

Thank you, Bear, for your review and of course liking the bear. We have more bear news coming. LOL :) ellen

Comment from Tina55

Excellent

Great tension with a furious pace, Ellen!

Trell looks up and for the first time on Upper Earth, he senses death's door may open. (Great line; Trell's warrior plea is a great touch, too)

Blathen's attack is quick and charming - I don't know what that says about me - and his reaction to it is great.

Your description of the storming bear puts me right there in front of her. Well done!

I love this line...The bear is unimpressed...I giggled while cringing.

This is a cool territorial fight. I feel just as much for the bear and her cubs as I do for the human and vertant characters. Nicely written!

Blathen is falling into the first lieutenant role well.

Thanks for giving me a happy moment and then shooting it all to hell by showing Gima up in the tree.

Are you a naturalist by nature, or have you been watching a lot of the National Geographic channel?

Seriously, this is great, vivid descriptive writing that rocks with crazy action! Way to go!

Love,
Tina

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 09-Apr-2012

You make me giggle. Me a naturalist? Not. I Google everything. I know nothing. I read blogs that the hunters write and animal descriptions, etc. Somehow they come together into this. When the animal has a self I can write her. I wanted people to see both sides of the Bear/Trell/Hunter fight and have sympathy for her. I wanted to show that territory is territory even if you don't like the guy squatting there, and they don't like you passing through. That is foreshadowing that I hope sticks for where this band has yet to go. The Four are together now. Gima is like a thread. Without her they would have never met, and she keeps the story going to its next level. You're liking Blathen is delightful. He is a little monster but he is one of the four. Quite an unusual and unlikely group to ever band together in one 'territory.' Trell was willing to share his space because of Gima. Do you think those humans would have survived without him? They were burning down the forest and even the ants got the best of Asmel. LOL Again, they had passed the great oak at the Ox Bow--the end of their southerly territory.
New readers are going to get lost if they don't understand this. You seem to have gotten it and so have several others; I guess it's working. If you see anywhere that I need to tight up a bit, please let me know. You know how it is: we assume the reader is getting it because it's obvious to us. This writing stuff is hard when you think you've told them, and it whooshes over their heads. The writer's fault, not the readers. We have to be sure that they get it. That's out job. LOL

Now, sweetcheeks, finish your next chapter, your audience awaits. Brian's parcel may wither. It's hard to pose in that position indefinitely. A bit of Tavish's sense of humor, this, with you stopping and controlling from the keys. LOL
Tavish is laughing his head off as Brian stands exposed and Kristen doesn't understand any of it.
Luck and love.
e

Comment from DIS-illusioned

Excellent

"Trell and Hunter head south through the smoldering forest to look for Asmel"
That's from previously. Trell and Hunter together? Wow! I must have missed out on a lot so far.
Wonderful imagery, as usual--like one is right there in the scenes.
Humans and vermels--together?--against beasts and nature? Who would have thunk?
"Furiousity on all fours roars again"
Liked that expression.
Wow! That acid-spewing Blathen is something else now, isn't he? And only still a kid? Jeez!
Hmm! Wonder what a dying Gima looks like naked ... LOL!
Another solid chapter here, BD. Exhilarating, as always.

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 09-Apr-2012

Thank you DIS for such a fine review. Yep, you've missed a bit. Trell and Gima rescued Hunter from a forest fire. You're getting back just in time for the fun stuff again. LOL Blathen is a real hit, the grandson of Trolious. Loves making those bulls-eyes. :) BD

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Exceptional

Yeah. You got another one. I can't help it - this was just amazing.

The way you describe things is so unique. You mix current expressions with an alien narrative. At first, I found it strange - like it didn't quite work. Now, I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a wild mix, and it actually works beautifully.

Great descriptions - the whole scene with the bear, the continuing bonding between the Hunter and Trell, Blathen's contribution to the 'war'. Excellent work.

Furiousity! Love it. Gonna remember that one.

Great image of the bear's charge - shaking the forest floor.

Also love the image of Blathen's acidic spew. Nice! (Poor bear!)

But that's it for a while, Ellen. I won't be able to give you the golden cross for a couple of weeks. So, you'll just have to make do with my nice words instead! LOL!

Av

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 09-Apr-2012

Thank you so much, Av for your wonderful words. I didn't think furiosity was even a word. It sounded good, so I looked it up and it was. That was lucky. LOL The current expressions can come in because we are in Upper Earth with humans or vertants who have learned from humans. When in Under Earth with only Vermel, I have to be very careful and stay more alien/mutant. I hated killing the bear. She was such a brave a Mama.
Thank you for letting me know what works and maybe later if something doesn't. :) ellen xxx

Comment from cvcopac

Excellent

We start out with alliteration but things move right along in this excerpt. Poetry in fast motion. The customary disrespectful spit becomes a weapon for the vermal son, Blathen and his chameleon-like abilities. I like the confrontation and the differing descriptive view points of the individuals. Especially liked the description of the charging bear. And another dilemma: Gima and a snake bite. This one will be more melodramatic. Good clean descriptive and insightful writing.

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 09-Apr-2012

Thank you cvcopac. Now the four are together and Gima is in worse trouble that a snake bite. You may be surprized. I don't know where you began reading. Trolious who is Trells father is a Prime One and he is a real spew monster in the Under Earth's Bellow City. Did you read that part? Anyway, that's Blathen's heritage. He's the grandson of the Leader of Bellow City. Trell is Trolious' mutant son. It's going to get more complicated now. If you get confused please ask in a PM and I'll fill in the blanks.:)

reply by cvcopac on 09-Apr-2012

Ok. Wish I had started at the begining. I think this story would also make a terrific movie.

reply by the author on 09-Apr-2012

I just wondered if you experienced how evil the vermel are in Bellow City.

reply by cvcopac on 09-Apr-2012

No, but I have an idea that it's brutal; that they have an arena that sponsers 'fight to the death' exibitions. This I infered from what I have already read.

reply by the author on 09-Apr-2012

Wow, you're just fine then. They function from base drives and death is a daily clean up process down there ... ah but that is a whole other geo/political book. LOL

reply by cvcopac on 09-Apr-2012

I'd be interested in reading whatever you cook up. Your descriptions of Trell and Blathen remind me of 'Sasha,' a dearly departed siberian husky, wolf, and best friend, of mine.

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

A cliff-hanger ending to keep readers going. I wonder about
"Furiousness roars again." Shouldn't it be just "Furious'?
Some graphic descriptions of characters in battle. This could make an animated cartoon series.

 Comment Written 08-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012

Or furiosity? I'm still stuck on that myself. Thank you for that. Can you believe somebody gave me a four which ate one of my sixes on this? I hate that. She had never read a chapter before. Damn, I work so hard. It hurts when that happens. I never get that many reviews anyway. So, I slip slowly backwards in the ratings. Thank you for your encouragement. What's coming up may not make a cartoon. :)

reply by Spitfire on 08-Apr-2012

Sorry about your four. As you say,it eats a sixer. Maybe just write
"Fury again" Fury does roar. Might be redundant.

Comment from LAFraser

Excellent

This has been a great chapter!
I'm worried about Gima, now.
I hope she'll be okay.
Thank you for posting.
Sorry I've gotten so far behind on reviewing. I'm trying to get caught up. :)
~Eilish

 Comment Written 08-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012

Hi Elish. You must be so busy with your family, being it's Easter. Thank you for your lovely review, I do appreciate that you liked it.

reply by LAFraser on 08-Apr-2012

You're welcome! :)
~Eilish

Comment from tinams

Excellent

You have a way of describing people, places and things in a vibrant manner. Unfortunately this is the only chapter I have read so far, but I will definitely be reading more :) Tina

 Comment Written 08-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012

Thank you, tinams. I hope you can understand the interplay, so late in the novel. It's great to have you join in for the read. The next post is the second half of this write, so it should be easy to understand. If you have any questions about characters or motivation as you continue, please feel free to PM me and I'll try to fill in the gaps. :) ellen

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

the poet in me likes the alliterative - hunkers down to half height
Good expression of emotion in this tense situation
Love the description of Trell as he confronts the bear
and the bear is unimpressed LOL
more great alliteration as that forest floor quakes...
What a cliffhanger ending! Brooke

 Comment Written 08-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012

LOL I guess the poet side wanted to post. I'd been trying to come up with something for Easter. The above alliterations sound like a mighty scared bunny(hunkering down to half height as the forest floor quakes) LOL
Why not hang a bit? Let them think it's all about a snake bite.
I can't wait to post the second half of this chapter. HA HA

No spags today, Brooke? Goody. Thank you, Brooke. Your reviews are always encouraging.:) ellen

I'll be gone to the trial Tuesday through Friday but will catch up on reviewing when I come back. :)