The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Time to Talk to Grandmother"A family learns their father is a serial killer
21 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
hang on Smurphy, going for a bowl of coco puffs while I read this one this morning...lol...brb kk back...
This story is so good Smurphy. I will buy it once it is in print. You are such a wonderful writer. This story is believable and your conversations take the reader to the heart of what is going on...
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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hang on Smurphy, going for a bowl of coco puffs while I read this one this morning...lol...brb kk back...
This story is so good Smurphy. I will buy it once it is in print. You are such a wonderful writer. This story is believable and your conversations take the reader to the heart of what is going on...
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Thanks for the compliment and bless your sweet little heart.
Comment from Alaskastory
'Time to Talk to Grandmother' is a cleverly done chapter. The words from Alfina that were in broken English seemed more real than in previous chapters.
comma needed: 'When he told you he wanted to kidnap another child(,) that was..
Super good chapter, Sasha.
Marie
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
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'Time to Talk to Grandmother' is a cleverly done chapter. The words from Alfina that were in broken English seemed more real than in previous chapters.
comma needed: 'When he told you he wanted to kidnap another child(,) that was..
Super good chapter, Sasha.
Marie
Comment Written 10-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2012
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Thanks, Joan E suggested I go back over her dialogue an make it more like broken English. Hard work, but I think it is much better this way. Thanks so much for the awesome 6 stars.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Smurph,
Once again you have written an outstanding chapter. You always make your characters come a live for me with your descriptive words. I feel sorry for Grandmother, poor thing has endured so much. However, James seems to know how to put her at ease and also when to stop the questioning. I am excited to read more....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Hi Smurph,
Once again you have written an outstanding chapter. You always make your characters come a live for me with your descriptive words. I feel sorry for Grandmother, poor thing has endured so much. However, James seems to know how to put her at ease and also when to stop the questioning. I am excited to read more....blessings, chey
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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I am so pleased you like this chapter. I do, however, plan to reedit it a little. I think Grandmother's speech should contain more broken-English. Thank you so much for the awesome and sincerely appreciated 6 stars.
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You are so welcome!
Comment from words
Another compelling chapter, Sasha.
I find the character of James' grandmother fascinating and also the character of the young girl's grandmother.
You characters, like you, are just so interesting.
Hugs,d
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Another compelling chapter, Sasha.
I find the character of James' grandmother fascinating and also the character of the young girl's grandmother.
You characters, like you, are just so interesting.
Hugs,d
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thanks you so much. I am thrilled you continue to like this story.
Comment from Joan E.
I think it must have been difficult to write this important, pivotal chapter. I liked your adding James' awareness of his not handling "social situations well" and underscoring Angela's "amazing strength." Alfina's description of what really happened is compelling (I have the sense that it would be in more broken-English, based on her history, and she would not use words like "insistent.") Narrowing down the time period to a particular snowy February is fascinating as well. -Joan
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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I think it must have been difficult to write this important, pivotal chapter. I liked your adding James' awareness of his not handling "social situations well" and underscoring Angela's "amazing strength." Alfina's description of what really happened is compelling (I have the sense that it would be in more broken-English, based on her history, and she would not use words like "insistent.") Narrowing down the time period to a particular snowy February is fascinating as well. -Joan
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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I agree, I plan to go back over Grandmothers statement and write it in more broken-English. The writing wasn't as hard as the setting up the scene. Glad you liked it.
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Many thanks for your gracious response and feedback. Smiles- Joan
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
Chapter forty-two is wonderfully written. I really enjoy your great narrative voice, fine characterization and excellent detailed writing in your latest riveting chapter. Grandmother Ailfina is a strong old bird who survived evil at the hand of two family members both psychopaths. I like what you penned: "I had a wonderful night's sleep. I cannot tell you how long it has been since I've slept in a bed. And the food here is delicious, a lot better than what I'm used to. Everyone has been so kind, especially my new friend Angela." I hope all the 'truth' comes out. I was glued to the screen as your talent for spinning a story with your author's pen. I really enjoy your great narrative voice, fine characterization and excellent detailed writing. I'd recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers. Keep on writing with a creative pen. I wish you a blessed day, my friend. I can see you waddling like a duck as you seek out Easter eggs.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Sasha,
Chapter forty-two is wonderfully written. I really enjoy your great narrative voice, fine characterization and excellent detailed writing in your latest riveting chapter. Grandmother Ailfina is a strong old bird who survived evil at the hand of two family members both psychopaths. I like what you penned: "I had a wonderful night's sleep. I cannot tell you how long it has been since I've slept in a bed. And the food here is delicious, a lot better than what I'm used to. Everyone has been so kind, especially my new friend Angela." I hope all the 'truth' comes out. I was glued to the screen as your talent for spinning a story with your author's pen. I really enjoy your great narrative voice, fine characterization and excellent detailed writing. I'd recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers. Keep on writing with a creative pen. I wish you a blessed day, my friend. I can see you waddling like a duck as you seek out Easter eggs.
Melissa.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Yes, Grandmother is definitely a tough old bird. I like that description.
Comment from Showboat
Hey Sasha,
I really liked the way you wrote this chapter. The reader feels a tremendous sorrow for Alfina, really makes me angry because things like this do happen in real life, and it somehow makes it worse.
James is handling things well but I hope we get to the bottom of this soon. His ulcer is going to burst, lol.
Very good one,
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Hey Sasha,
I really liked the way you wrote this chapter. The reader feels a tremendous sorrow for Alfina, really makes me angry because things like this do happen in real life, and it somehow makes it worse.
James is handling things well but I hope we get to the bottom of this soon. His ulcer is going to burst, lol.
Very good one,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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I am really pleased you like this. Not to worry, we are nearing the end of the story.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Such a well written chapter,
Sasha.... I can't get over
what the poor grandmother has
been through, and the horror
she witnessed... it's no wonder
she's a wreck, poor woman.
No spags.
Margaret
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Such a well written chapter,
Sasha.... I can't get over
what the poor grandmother has
been through, and the horror
she witnessed... it's no wonder
she's a wreck, poor woman.
No spags.
Margaret
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Yes, grandmother has been through a lot. Not many would recover as well as she is doing. I am pleased you like this chapter.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a very good post and you did an excellent job clearing up Dark's death.
There are laws again stealing, or (against)
Many things that Dark did may have been (omit that, it's an extra word)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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This is a very good post and you did an excellent job clearing up Dark's death.
There are laws again stealing, or (against)
Many things that Dark did may have been (omit that, it's an extra word)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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Thanks for catching both spags. I am pleased you likied this chapter
Comment from rtobaygo
WELL-CONSTRUCTED CHAPTER. DIALOGUE WAS EXCELLENT AND IT AND YOUR CHARACTERS HELPED MOVE THE PLOT ALONG. IT WAS GOOD THAT YOU SHOWED YOUR MAIN PROTAGONIST, HARRY WITH DOUBT AND HUMAN FRAILTIES.
HIS QUESTIONING HIS GRANDMOTHER WAS A GOOD PLOY, BUT MY ONLY QUESTION, IF SHE DIDN'T SPEAK GOOD ENGLISH, WHY WAS SHE ABLE TO ANSWER HARRY'S IN PERFECT ENGLISH?
OVERALL A GREAT READ AND DESERVING OF SIX STARS.
TAKE CARE,
RAY
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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WELL-CONSTRUCTED CHAPTER. DIALOGUE WAS EXCELLENT AND IT AND YOUR CHARACTERS HELPED MOVE THE PLOT ALONG. IT WAS GOOD THAT YOU SHOWED YOUR MAIN PROTAGONIST, HARRY WITH DOUBT AND HUMAN FRAILTIES.
HIS QUESTIONING HIS GRANDMOTHER WAS A GOOD PLOY, BUT MY ONLY QUESTION, IF SHE DIDN'T SPEAK GOOD ENGLISH, WHY WAS SHE ABLE TO ANSWER HARRY'S IN PERFECT ENGLISH?
OVERALL A GREAT READ AND DESERVING OF SIX STARS.
TAKE CARE,
RAY
Comment Written 08-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2012
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I went back and cleared that up. She has been talking non-stop to Angela and the nurses since her arrival and her English has come back and/or improved significantly. I am very pleased you enjoyed this chapter.