Comment from bowls

Excellent

Another very interesting development! You still aren't giving too much away, and that's good. I like the bit of new information you've supplied your readers. The one thing that struck me here was the number of cliches you use:happy as larks,snug as a bug in a rug,dry as dust, etc. Just my opinion, mind you, but I think it detracts from this bit of story. It's a very serious part, and the cliches seem to trivialize it. In the par. beginning "On the fragile scrolls" the pronoun "neither" is singular and must therefore take a singular verb: "neither of the brothers WAS an expert...". Looking forward to the next posting.

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012

Thanks for your great comment and help. I will look at the cliches, I know I over-egged it. Regarding the experts "were", I changed it because someone on here said it should be "were", not "was"...so I will bow to you and my gut instinct.

reply by bowls on 03-Apr-2012

Thanks for your confidence. If it helps to reassure you, I do have an M.A. in English and any years of teaching experience.

Comment from Peridot73

Excellent

Hi there vigournet, I enjoyed this read and must say it flows easily and has clear imaging, which makes for an easy read. Two nits; Right on top of your page on the left, BOx (Box); Neither of the brothers WERE experts. Peridot

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012

Thanks for your comment and kind correction

Comment from laurengillem

Excellent

i liked it. the story was very descriptive and it made you feel as if you were stanidng in the background watching the whole time.

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012

Thank you for the kind comment.