Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Gima: Cunning and Courage"fantasy adventure
15 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
Again, I'm impressed not only by your writing style but by your realistic creation of a fantasy world. I see the beginning as a voice over for a geographic special. So Trell looks like a sickly altered bear. He could be played by my son-in-law! LOL.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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Again, I'm impressed not only by your writing style but by your realistic creation of a fantasy world. I see the beginning as a voice over for a geographic special. So Trell looks like a sickly altered bear. He could be played by my son-in-law! LOL.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2012
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LOL He only looks that way to the cougar. Actually, you can continue your fantasy. Have you see the 'Gevalia' ad on TV? That Swedish hunk would make a good Trell.
Your son-in-law! Hysterical laughter here when I saw that.
Thank you for the time in review, my friend. I hope all is well with you at home. :)
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Haven't seen the ad. But not kidding about my son-in-law. If you ever watch the cartoon Kung Fu Panda-- the one on t.v., he does the voiceover for the praying mantis. A hoot since he's a chunky man. Not really a bad guy, just too vulgar for my tastes. I thank God my daughter decided not to have children. He also have YouTube clips under the Name of Max Koch. He's pretty good at imitations.
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Where is the Kung Fu Panda cartoon? What channel?
Max sounds like a cartoon character himself. I see a sickly bear with a tiny little mantis voice. Weird stuff you have me seeing. LOL
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I think it's at 5 P.m. on Nickelodeon. Not every nite tho. We eat around then, so have only watch a couple episodes. The studio has made enough to last three years!
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent detail in the confrontation with the stalking cougar
As the cougar leaps and impales itself, that is one compelling scene
freckled infant, who reaches up - add comma
Love calling Trell's child a little drool machine LOL
You always have such a good mix of high drama and warm family humor
His confidant face bright - confident
Brooke
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Excellent detail in the confrontation with the stalking cougar
As the cougar leaps and impales itself, that is one compelling scene
freckled infant, who reaches up - add comma
Love calling Trell's child a little drool machine LOL
You always have such a good mix of high drama and warm family humor
His confidant face bright - confident
Brooke
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Ever since livingword told me to add humor, I've tried. Blathen stepped up to the plate. He's a natural. LOL Thank you for liking the cougar scene and catching the two mistakes. I keep adding stuff on the edit page without rechecking it in Word.
I do appreciate your review and any suggestions are always taken to heart. :) ellen
Comment from Cumbrianlass
The two hunters have chosen the same target. - Great punch in this simple sentence.
the mother growls a reprimand, "Be quiet, stay still. Wait." I love that you give the animals dialogue. Adds to the magic of the story.
Great description of cougar meets Trell - well done.
Love the image of Hunter sitting with the little ones, and it's brilliant the way Blathen investigates the cougar's head, comparing it with his own. Great writing, Ellen.
I'm enjoying the way these two males are forming their relationship. You write it with grace, yet just enough testosterone to remind the reader that we are dealing with the masculine, and that pissing order counts for something. I sense a mutual respect growing between them.
Enjoyed the read. It's well done. I admire the complexity of the story, and the way you knit it all together so well.
Av
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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The two hunters have chosen the same target. - Great punch in this simple sentence.
the mother growls a reprimand, "Be quiet, stay still. Wait." I love that you give the animals dialogue. Adds to the magic of the story.
Great description of cougar meets Trell - well done.
Love the image of Hunter sitting with the little ones, and it's brilliant the way Blathen investigates the cougar's head, comparing it with his own. Great writing, Ellen.
I'm enjoying the way these two males are forming their relationship. You write it with grace, yet just enough testosterone to remind the reader that we are dealing with the masculine, and that pissing order counts for something. I sense a mutual respect growing between them.
Enjoyed the read. It's well done. I admire the complexity of the story, and the way you knit it all together so well.
Av
Comment Written 04-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Av. Your comments are astonishing and I'm bowled over by the six. I guess the growing relationship is showing. Slow but sure. There are no mirrors. Blathen is learning. The cougar was out of her known territory and suffered the consequences. That does tie in to an upcoming chapter. Your comments let me know that the story is doing what it is meant to do. Blathen's scene is foreshadowing as is the cougar and the male bonding/respect.
You are such a help and so encouraging. Thank you so much. :) ellen xxx
Comment from purrfect tale
That cougar scene was really well done, although I'm now concerned for her babies! I'm glad you have made Trell and Hunter 'friends'. It should come in handy later.
They travel through the burned out, silent forest for (a-delete) several miles.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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That cougar scene was really well done, although I'm now concerned for her babies! I'm glad you have made Trell and Hunter 'friends'. It should come in handy later.
They travel through the burned out, silent forest for (a-delete) several miles.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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I worked so hard on this chapter, PT. I wish I could hug you for the six to let me know it was worth it. :) Thank god, somebody sees the purpose of this bonding time. Blathen will be helpful, too. :) ellen
It's a strange band of beings. How idealistic of me, eh?
Comment from Tina55
More gripping, descriptive writing, Ellen!
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty miles per hour, she powers straight for the easy kill--the small, lean, naked mutant-bear. (This is tres cool)
I find myself getting very concerned over Gima's long absence.
Poor Asmel...
Nicely expressed, Ellen. Great variety of sentence structure, and good pacing between action, thoughts and dialogue. I like how you jump from one person to the other. It keeps it hopping!
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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More gripping, descriptive writing, Ellen!
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty miles per hour, she powers straight for the easy kill--the small, lean, naked mutant-bear. (This is tres cool)
I find myself getting very concerned over Gima's long absence.
Poor Asmel...
Nicely expressed, Ellen. Great variety of sentence structure, and good pacing between action, thoughts and dialogue. I like how you jump from one person to the other. It keeps it hopping!
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 03-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Coming right up. Where is Gima; still up a tree? Some sympathy for Asmel. Thank you. It's hard to answer you without giving something away. So I best just say thank you on this one. LOL :)
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Another great chapter, Ellen...
so descriptive and clearly told...
a couple of minor things.
lullabys... lullabies
And I though Asmel was - thought
Hunter,swet dripping - space after comma
occassional - occasional
Margaret
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Another great chapter, Ellen...
so descriptive and clearly told...
a couple of minor things.
lullabys... lullabies
And I though Asmel was - thought
Hunter,swet dripping - space after comma
occassional - occasional
Margaret
Comment Written 03-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much for your review, my friend. Your words are always encouraging.:) ellen
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Ellen
I just finished your chapter and found it easy to follow along with no breaks in the tension/conflict. One can easily get into the action as it flows so well from your previous chapter.
Some dynamic action scenes, particularly with the cougar's death. You had me fooled, I thought she was after Gima. And the uneasy alliance of Hunter and Trell continues to strengthen through mutual respect for bravery and cunning.
Loved this: 'The largest female of her kind, a queen too confident, succumbs to the Valley's new protector.'
I know you want to keep the reader up on what's happening with the orbiting characters, but I felt the small bit on Asmel pulled me out of the story.
All-in-all an excellent additional chapter, Ellen.
Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Hi, Ellen
I just finished your chapter and found it easy to follow along with no breaks in the tension/conflict. One can easily get into the action as it flows so well from your previous chapter.
Some dynamic action scenes, particularly with the cougar's death. You had me fooled, I thought she was after Gima. And the uneasy alliance of Hunter and Trell continues to strengthen through mutual respect for bravery and cunning.
Loved this: 'The largest female of her kind, a queen too confident, succumbs to the Valley's new protector.'
I know you want to keep the reader up on what's happening with the orbiting characters, but I felt the small bit on Asmel pulled me out of the story.
All-in-all an excellent additional chapter, Ellen.
Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 03-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the fine review, Bev. Asmel is the one who has been hunting Gima, wanting to kill her. It is important that he bond with Trell for the last of the chapter. So far Hunter has accepted Trell and Blathen. Now, Asmel (a comparable man to Trell in strength, courage and a fantastic tracker) has to become part of the small band that is forming. It's bring the first of the story forward. It's not just about what is currently happening. I didn't want to rehash Asmel's thought about Gima. She ate the first baby in the first chapter and it was human. No one would ever forget why he wants to kill her and as a character we have not liked his need to kill her. Hunter has not agreed with Asmel on this revenge. Hunter always tries to see the other side of things and things that Gima was confused and in pain with birth, thus her instinct was to attack something strange-- the baby. I hope this helps catch you up. :) ellen
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Thanks for clarifying, Ellen.
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I hope that caught you up a bit on character motivations(esp. Asmel) and thus intractions. You haven't seen Asmel much. He was a big deal in the first chapters. He rescued Hunter and Gima from Bellow City. He's a Mountain Man, jack-of-all trades. Hunter was very corageous until he was tortured by Ticum. Now he has occasional blackouts/flashbacks/TSD which had made him more dependant on Asmel. It's good to see him take action now, regaining his former self. The Hunter that open the story in chapter 1.
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Admittedly, I've come to you story pretty late in the game, so I appreciate your taking time to get me up on things, Ellen :)
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I'm happy to do it. If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask. :)
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I will, Ellen.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi ellen
Another stunning chapter.
Once again your beautiful attention to detail makes this write a cut above the usual standard of prose for this genre.
Your plot has several tangled strings going off in different directions. I have a feeling they will all meet in a tremendous climax.
Ron xx
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Hi ellen
Another stunning chapter.
Once again your beautiful attention to detail makes this write a cut above the usual standard of prose for this genre.
Your plot has several tangled strings going off in different directions. I have a feeling they will all meet in a tremendous climax.
Ron xx
Comment Written 03-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Ron. I'm hopeful that the next chapter will be well taken, but it's not the end quite yet. :) ellen
Comment from peggles
This was a fine well composed chapter
You have made a first class connection with the previous chapters so the story is easy to follow your descriptions and tense situations are well expressed
this has good pace all the way
Is there a underlining trail with the bear and will Gimma be alright I thought this line was pure magic (she drapes over him in death )
I could see it happen
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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This was a fine well composed chapter
You have made a first class connection with the previous chapters so the story is easy to follow your descriptions and tense situations are well expressed
this has good pace all the way
Is there a underlining trail with the bear and will Gimma be alright I thought this line was pure magic (she drapes over him in death )
I could see it happen
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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The bear is on the east trail. Gima is in the northwest toward the mountains. Thank you for the great review, peggles. I'm ready to turn in(5 AM here), another restless night. I'm glad to see you're asking about Gima. I hoped she'd be missed. Ignoring her was intentional. It did make you wonder and maybe worry a bit. LOL :) Thank you again. Nite, ellen.
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The bear is on the east trail. Gima is in the northwest toward the mountains. Thank you for the great review, peggles. I'm ready to turn in(5 AM here), another restless night. I'm glad to see you're asking about Gima. I hoped she'd be missed. Ignoring her was intentional. It did make you wonder and maybe worry a bit. LOL :) Thank you again. Nite, ellen.
Comment from linnietwotymez
Once again you astound me with such vibrant detail. This is written in a professional manner and word usage is high as usual. When reading Gima, I realize I have missed much but the story is so well written that the reader can catch up at any time. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012
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Once again you astound me with such vibrant detail. This is written in a professional manner and word usage is high as usual. When reading Gima, I realize I have missed much but the story is so well written that the reader can catch up at any time. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much for another review so soon. Quite a contrast from the Arena, eh? I'm glad that you can jump in almost anywhere and still understand it. You are such a boost to me. You give me encouragement. Thank you so much.:) barking dog