The Eden Tree
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 " Kirmingsham Hall"A family's need of a miracle is in a Box
7 total reviews
Comment from rmj09
This is a six****** but I'm out but I want you to know your works true value.
The focus purchasing a home.
The story line development at the Realtor's office the Realtor asks what are they looking for, what area,and do you have one to sell. When we said a flat in Manchester she smiles,next thing we were going to see the Tremlow Hall on Monday. Liz is all excited while he wanted to see others. Once on the property they both were falling in love with the house. They purchase the property even though it used up their savings.
The dialog gives use a clear mental picture of each character with a slight introduction to their personalities.
The narration shows action the drive to the Hall and the visual drive up the drive and the walk around the grounds.
The emotion felt laughter as the visual of the wife picking the house at the agency, while the husband wanted more to pick from.
Keep on writing.
Peter, I enjoyed this and had to check your profile to see if you were from the UK, because of the picture of the Hall and it being called a hall. ^J^ Rita
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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This is a six****** but I'm out but I want you to know your works true value.
The focus purchasing a home.
The story line development at the Realtor's office the Realtor asks what are they looking for, what area,and do you have one to sell. When we said a flat in Manchester she smiles,next thing we were going to see the Tremlow Hall on Monday. Liz is all excited while he wanted to see others. Once on the property they both were falling in love with the house. They purchase the property even though it used up their savings.
The dialog gives use a clear mental picture of each character with a slight introduction to their personalities.
The narration shows action the drive to the Hall and the visual drive up the drive and the walk around the grounds.
The emotion felt laughter as the visual of the wife picking the house at the agency, while the husband wanted more to pick from.
Keep on writing.
Peter, I enjoyed this and had to check your profile to see if you were from the UK, because of the picture of the Hall and it being called a hall. ^J^ Rita
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Hi
Thanks for your kind words. I am from the UK, and as you know Twemlow is a real place. Before I publish I am going to write to the current owners of Twemlow Hall (its exactly as I portray!) and seek their permission.
Peter
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed your excerpt from your series "The Eden tree" the narrative was smooth and interesting, an easy and gentle read, purveying a certain serenity to it. It reminded me a little of "Escape to the country" the English series about city folk moving to the country. The characters and the descriptive imagery, though probably not as good as a woman's proclivity would be, (you could get a woman's perspective on this) was still most enjoyable, good read, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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I enjoyed your excerpt from your series "The Eden tree" the narrative was smooth and interesting, an easy and gentle read, purveying a certain serenity to it. It reminded me a little of "Escape to the country" the English series about city folk moving to the country. The characters and the descriptive imagery, though probably not as good as a woman's proclivity would be, (you could get a woman's perspective on this) was still most enjoyable, good read, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Roy. I will get the Mrs. to cast her eye of my chapter, thanks for your advice!
Peter
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My wife is a great help to me.
Comment from ellie6
Twemlow hall looks magnificent, no wonder Liz fell in love at first sight. You were right ro be cautious, but I am glad feminine intuition won in the end.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Twemlow hall looks magnificent, no wonder Liz fell in love at first sight. You were right ro be cautious, but I am glad feminine intuition won in the end.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Ellie,
Thanks for your words. I've bought a few houses in my time and find the "ladies" can be persuasive! Please keep reading.
Peter
Comment from Eigle Rull
Here I find you again. And, with another well written and thought out chapter. I found nothing that I would correct or change. This chapter is very well put together. It is interesting and it held my attention very well. I enjoyed reading it. It was excellent, my friend. Best wishes to you.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Here I find you again. And, with another well written and thought out chapter. I found nothing that I would correct or change. This chapter is very well put together. It is interesting and it held my attention very well. I enjoyed reading it. It was excellent, my friend. Best wishes to you.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 17-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2015
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Hi,
Thanks again for your encouraging words. I hope my story develop as I intend. Stay with me!
Peter
Comment from bowls
We get a good solid bit of background here. It's nice to have a character's background fleshed out early on so you get a handle on his personality and current state. I thought all of the information was pertinent except for that paragraph about steel. It's interesting and probably good to include somewhere, but would this go through his mind as he is "reflecting upon my family and roots"? (Just my humble opinion, mind you, but I thought I'd throw that in for your consideration.) Just one little typo: In your paragraph beginning "My dad died", grandparents' needs an apostrophe.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012
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We get a good solid bit of background here. It's nice to have a character's background fleshed out early on so you get a handle on his personality and current state. I thought all of the information was pertinent except for that paragraph about steel. It's interesting and probably good to include somewhere, but would this go through his mind as he is "reflecting upon my family and roots"? (Just my humble opinion, mind you, but I thought I'd throw that in for your consideration.) Just one little typo: In your paragraph beginning "My dad died", grandparents' needs an apostrophe.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012
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Thanks for your encouraging words and helpful pointer.
Comment from JW
Not having read the previous chapter, I'm unable to comment on the overall storyline. However, I did find this chapter quite interesting - not to mention, education.
Overall, you did a good job writting it.
However, you may want to review the following line:
Rarely visiting the famers'(?) market
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Not having read the previous chapter, I'm unable to comment on the overall storyline. However, I did find this chapter quite interesting - not to mention, education.
Overall, you did a good job writting it.
However, you may want to review the following line:
Rarely visiting the famers'(?) market
Comment Written 01-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Thanks for your comment and pointer.
Comment from Glasstruth
Excellent writing. You write of a family history, also dealing with guilt, unnecessarily blaming, which I've done myself. Your descriptions gives a flavor of time and place. Except at the end I would delete one paragraph, the one starting with, " Steel has been produced in various forms for 3,500 years" It's a good paragraph, but a history I don't feel is needed. Just my opinion. Superb flavoring of the keyboard. Les
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Excellent writing. You write of a family history, also dealing with guilt, unnecessarily blaming, which I've done myself. Your descriptions gives a flavor of time and place. Except at the end I would delete one paragraph, the one starting with, " Steel has been produced in various forms for 3,500 years" It's a good paragraph, but a history I don't feel is needed. Just my opinion. Superb flavoring of the keyboard. Les
Comment Written 01-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Thanks for your great comments