Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Gima: Bonding Begins"fantasy adventure
16 total reviews
Comment from purrfect tale
That last line in this chapter had me grinning and chuckling. Great way to end the chapter. So now they're taking Hunter into the family. You have really gotten good at showing 'family' life in a very interesting and entertaining way.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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That last line in this chapter had me grinning and chuckling. Great way to end the chapter. So now they're taking Hunter into the family. You have really gotten good at showing 'family' life in a very interesting and entertaining way.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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It was a funny scene at the end. I love that little guy pitching apples. Poor Hunter didn't know what to think. LOL Thank you
for a great review.:) What are you working on?
Comment from Tina55
Hey, Ellen.
I'm playing catch-up a bit tonight, then it's back to writing Mine.
His fever lessened, no longer delirious, Hunter wakes and sits bolt upright with a start. (I'm wondering if saying he sits bolt upright with a start is a bit repetitive? It feels one in the same to me. What do ya think?)
Another problem just woke up. (Love it. LMAO. I've thought that exact thing many times myself!)
It destroyed an uneven radius, of up to two miles or so, into the forest from the clearing. (I have a small structure suggestion: It destroyed an uneven radius from the clearing of up to two miles, or so.)
These poor creatures are living a night from hell in this forest! Back to nature, my ass! You make me want to pack up the house and move to the city!!
There are many dynamics ebbing and flowing in these posts set in the woods. It's well laid out, fast paced and vivid.
Keep it up, you're a rising star!
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Hey, Ellen.
I'm playing catch-up a bit tonight, then it's back to writing Mine.
His fever lessened, no longer delirious, Hunter wakes and sits bolt upright with a start. (I'm wondering if saying he sits bolt upright with a start is a bit repetitive? It feels one in the same to me. What do ya think?)
Another problem just woke up. (Love it. LMAO. I've thought that exact thing many times myself!)
It destroyed an uneven radius, of up to two miles or so, into the forest from the clearing. (I have a small structure suggestion: It destroyed an uneven radius from the clearing of up to two miles, or so.)
These poor creatures are living a night from hell in this forest! Back to nature, my ass! You make me want to pack up the house and move to the city!!
There are many dynamics ebbing and flowing in these posts set in the woods. It's well laid out, fast paced and vivid.
Keep it up, you're a rising star!
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 03-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2012
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Hi Tina. That clearing sentence structure was way off. LOL Thank you for catching that. I just added 'bolt upright with out easing with a start I guess I was trying to decide which to keep and then forgot. I still can't decide. LOL Thank you:) ellen
I'm trying to show it's predators, but remember there are worse below. LOL By chapter 26 people are wondering about Gima. So, I'm getting it right. You'll see, it'll all pull together.
I'm glad you found time to post another chapter. You're household is so busy!:) ellen xxx
Comment from Cumbrianlass
A charming chapter, Ellen. I love the way you capture the little ones still sleeping as Hunter wakes up. Their infancy is brought out beautifully in the way you write.
Very clever the way you shift smoothly from scene to scene. Each one paints a different picture, but is easy to see. Great imagery of the cougar and cubs, the disciplined action of the ants, the wee one playing with the apples. (that made me chuckle - you describe it perfectly).
Right back to the basics with the peeing thing. Down-to-earth natural, is that. More for the male of a species, I might add! LOL!
I'm catching on to this story - really getting into it. It's an unusual and very stimulating world with unique characters.
Is this something you had in your head for a while? Curious to know how you came up with all this.
Look forward to the next.
Av
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012
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A charming chapter, Ellen. I love the way you capture the little ones still sleeping as Hunter wakes up. Their infancy is brought out beautifully in the way you write.
Very clever the way you shift smoothly from scene to scene. Each one paints a different picture, but is easy to see. Great imagery of the cougar and cubs, the disciplined action of the ants, the wee one playing with the apples. (that made me chuckle - you describe it perfectly).
Right back to the basics with the peeing thing. Down-to-earth natural, is that. More for the male of a species, I might add! LOL!
I'm catching on to this story - really getting into it. It's an unusual and very stimulating world with unique characters.
Is this something you had in your head for a while? Curious to know how you came up with all this.
Look forward to the next.
Av
Comment Written 02-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your great review. I'm so glad that you can get into it, so to speak. I never know what my head will see. These guys just took off. All wanting to steal the show. A bunch of hams. Even the animals want their say. I know where it's going but getting there is their job. I just write what they see and try to correct their grammar, though they each have their own peculiar way of expressing things. Asmel has a common tongue and I told him FS folks don't appreciate it. He threatened to walk out if he couldn't be himself. Guess who won that discussion? I'm just the story teller here. Or so I've been told. LOL Trell for some reason instigates these peeing scenes. Must be something vertant or maybe, like you said, just male. LOL I hope you enjoy the next chapter. Thank you again, Av. :) ellen
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HAHA! I'm just laughing at my typo. Easy to wee? That whole peeing scene has affected my ability to write. Love that the characters are speaking to you. That's what Alex does with me.
Fixed the wee to a see. :o)
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I did notice that.Easy to wee. Has a poetic beauty to it. (long 'e' assonance) LOL reminded me of the fifth little piggy and then the current TV add for insurance(helmeted pig with spinning wheels riding a wheeled cab of some sort)
LOL.
Comment from Spitfire
Well, you certainly succeed in drawing the reader into a new world that seems almost playful to me. I like the use of italics for thoughts. Also a nice mix of dialogue and narrative. I think I'm in love with Trell. LOL
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012
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Well, you certainly succeed in drawing the reader into a new world that seems almost playful to me. I like the use of italics for thoughts. Also a nice mix of dialogue and narrative. I think I'm in love with Trell. LOL
Comment Written 01-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2012
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Join the Trell fan club, LOL. From past chapters, he's quite stud muffin. LOL :) Thank you so much for reading again. I know prose are not your thing. With out a lot of dialogue, Blathen Trell and the animals don't talk that much, the italics for thought comes in handy. I don't like 'he said' tags. Can you guess what actor I see when I see Trell? He's sort of a mix of several.:) ellen
Comment from adewpearl
Blast it, man - add comma for direct address
Comforted by the tea, Hunter has dosed off - dozed
Your detail is always excellent,bringing this world and your characters to life
I am smiling at the scene of the cougar cubs batting at butterflies : -)
I like the bonding between Hunter and Trell as they pee LOL
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Blast it, man - add comma for direct address
Comforted by the tea, Hunter has dosed off - dozed
Your detail is always excellent,bringing this world and your characters to life
I am smiling at the scene of the cougar cubs batting at butterflies : -)
I like the bonding between Hunter and Trell as they pee LOL
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 01-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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I changed it to Blast it, man. Who are you?
Nice you could see the cubs and the butterflies. Thank you so much for you review. Sorry, I misspelled a word. I threw that in without taking the whole thing back to word. I'm so tired.:)
Comment from cvcopac
Another good excerpt and I'm still wondering about Asmal and Gima. I'm hoping Gima finds Asmal soon but she still may have to deal with the cat. The male bonding is good. You know a lot about animal behaviour and incorporating those traits to the characters gives the story realism and interest. Blathen is a handful. I love the games he plays with the apples. Just like a spirited young kid. Trell is doing a great job--he's a good father but now I understand that he's not the biological one. I think we're headed for some more excitement.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Another good excerpt and I'm still wondering about Asmal and Gima. I'm hoping Gima finds Asmal soon but she still may have to deal with the cat. The male bonding is good. You know a lot about animal behaviour and incorporating those traits to the characters gives the story realism and interest. Blathen is a handful. I love the games he plays with the apples. Just like a spirited young kid. Trell is doing a great job--he's a good father but now I understand that he's not the biological one. I think we're headed for some more excitement.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Thank you, cvcopac. You pretty much are seeing it all, but we're not sure about what Zee will be yet, even if Hunter is his biological father which he is. Gima is in the north west woods, Asmel in the east.(no cougar there) Next chapter is the best. Brings a lot of this together. Thank you for your review. I'm glad to see you're excited about what's coming up. :) ellen
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You've created a huge situation and it'll be interesting to see how this comes out. Asmel reeks of blood. Bears can track the smell of blood miles away.
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You're so smart. hee hee
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I love it.
Comment from peggles
This is a well composed follow on chapter
Your characters are realistic and believable
And natural in their dialogue and actions
I like Trell and how you have described
Trell and Hunter spraying together
That's exactly what animals do to mark over each other scent
I enjoyed reading this
I found this interesting and easy to follow
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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This is a well composed follow on chapter
Your characters are realistic and believable
And natural in their dialogue and actions
I like Trell and how you have described
Trell and Hunter spraying together
That's exactly what animals do to mark over each other scent
I enjoyed reading this
I found this interesting and easy to follow
Comment Written 01-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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This was the bonding, now we can have some adventure. I've been leading up to the next chapter for a while and can't wait to post it. You'll love it. Thank you for your review. No more boring set-up. I'm ready to go now. LOL :) ellen
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Ellen. This is an excellent continuation of the action following your last two chapters. It flows very well and have some surprises for those who have followed along though all your chapters - the moment when Hunter and Blathen are alone together. Your descriptions of the upper world are so well done, Ellen, it's easy to see why Trell is still amazed at the sights.
"When he tries to move, he winches in pain ... Did you mean to use winces? or is winches a term I'm just not familiar with?
I got to tell you, I'm loving the ants! The way you make them sound all business - really kind of hilarious to me.
My favorite: 'Hunter sees no enemy, just a small ball of fuzz, innocently, chomping apples - one bite out of each and every one before throwing it to bulls-eye a knot hole on the oak.'
It's not easy to sustain an intensity of this type through twenty five chapters, but this shows no signs of slowing down, my friend.
Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Hi, Ellen. This is an excellent continuation of the action following your last two chapters. It flows very well and have some surprises for those who have followed along though all your chapters - the moment when Hunter and Blathen are alone together. Your descriptions of the upper world are so well done, Ellen, it's easy to see why Trell is still amazed at the sights.
"When he tries to move, he winches in pain ... Did you mean to use winces? or is winches a term I'm just not familiar with?
I got to tell you, I'm loving the ants! The way you make them sound all business - really kind of hilarious to me.
My favorite: 'Hunter sees no enemy, just a small ball of fuzz, innocently, chomping apples - one bite out of each and every one before throwing it to bulls-eye a knot hole on the oak.'
It's not easy to sustain an intensity of this type through twenty five chapters, but this shows no signs of slowing down, my friend.
Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 01-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Yep, Bev I spelled it wrong. Big dummy--me. Love to throw in those an extra 'h' here and there. LOL Thank you for catching that. I'm glad you liked it and yes 25 chapters is getting up there. It is getting harder to want to do it, thus keep up momentum. The next chapter is much better than this one as I had to build to get to it. Thank you again. The sentence that you liked does show Blathen trying to be innocently deceptive but actually honing his battle skills which is quite a contradiction. He can't help doing what his instinct dictates, now can he. LOL Thank you again, Bev.
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You're very welcome, Ellen. I'm amazed at your stamina, my friend, and I do look forward to your next chapter! Hugs, Bev
Comment from Gungalo
This is a wonderful story. My gosh I don't know how you keep up to everything that is happening, BD. So far it looks as if the Hunter is okay but surely his wounds need tending. As for Trell, he is doing a great job watching until Gima returns.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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This is a wonderful story. My gosh I don't know how you keep up to everything that is happening, BD. So far it looks as if the Hunter is okay but surely his wounds need tending. As for Trell, he is doing a great job watching until Gima returns.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Thank you, G for a fine review. I didn't tend to any wounds, but of course it is happening. Thought it would be boring to continue with what we already did. I'll mention it again if you think it needs to be brought up. :) BD
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Nah I was just remembering how burned he was.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I really enjoyed this part, Elllen.
You've some great descriptions and
characters - I particularly like Trell,
and how he and Hunter spray together...
Something[,] in Trell's tone
playfully as Trell but[,] in
innocently[,] chomping
Hunter[,] cautiously[,] takes
They sit[,] staring at each other
Margaret
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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I really enjoyed this part, Elllen.
You've some great descriptions and
characters - I particularly like Trell,
and how he and Hunter spray together...
Something[,] in Trell's tone
playfully as Trell but[,] in
innocently[,] chomping
Hunter[,] cautiously[,] takes
They sit[,] staring at each other
Margaret
Comment Written 01-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2012
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Thank you, Margaret for reading and your lovely comments. I always appreciate your corrrection, as well. :) ellen