Comment from nhinchliff

Excellent

Good hook in the first paragraph...makes me want to read on. This is extremely well written. And you have a good balance of description and dialogue.The best part, though, is you've given us lots to "see" and "hear".

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2012

---

reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012

Thank you very much... I believe that my self-editing, while hard work..is proving worthwhile...stick with me if you can, I am trying to put certs on each amended post.

reply by nhinchliff on 30-Aug-2012

Self-editing is always worthwhile.

Comment from MadameSparkle

Excellent

Lovely, interest chapter. I really enjoyed it. The story is intriguing. Are you going to continue with the first person? I always enjoy that. It makes me feel as if I am thinking and doing just as the person in the story.
Great start.

One thing I noticed:

Liz('s) voice was breaking.

Sparkles

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2012

---

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012

Thanks again for your avid interest. Most of the novel is in First person, until Sean rescues hostages and they survive on an island, where POV has to change to "Omniscient Narrator".

Comment from BWJust

Excellent

OK, this chapter was better than the other I reviewed. Your character introduces himself well and I believe I have a solid grasp of who he is, what kind of man he is.
Your diction is nice and your choice of setting is, as I said before, enticing to me.
More visual cues and sound, the ambiance of Tel Aviv for example, would make me happy. That's a element I'm working on in my own writing.
I admire your attention to brand details. Throwing in words like "skype" and "Budweiser" enriches the scenery.

Thank You Sir

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2012

---

reply by the author on 01-Jul-2012

Thank you for your kind appreciation and professional manner of reviewing. It helps me hugely to know there are people on Fanstory who can help me from their own experience.

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This story has an intriguing beginning that slowly lures the reader in. I am curious as to why our narrator is here and what will happen.

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2012

---

reply by the author on 20-Jun-2012

Thanks for your comments. I hope that the intrigue will draw you back!

Comment from ashimpandit

Good

Dear authors,
you wrote " The Eden Tree Part one: The Box: 1 " is a very good concept.
you are present General Fiction.
the General Fiction is creating
on a great ideas.and the ideas is very deeply and so
humanities.so it is a very good and talented writes.i like
this and thanking you.

 Comment Written 19-Jun-2012

---

reply by the author on 19-Jun-2012

I appreciate anyone reading my work, and value criticsm. The comments seem to be higher than the stars you gave? The novel was five stars and above, prior to your mark....Maybe you struggle with English not being your first language?

Comment from nolabug29

Excellent

very good imagery, this story made me tear slightly. i like the atmosphere you set, the words you used. very well thought out. well worded, your prose struck a chord in my heart. i look forward to reading the rest of "the eden tree"

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2012

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2012

thank you very much for your kind words. I really do hope you enjoy the other chapters as I post them.

Comment from Jen Gentry

Excellent

I found this to be a well written and even interesting story, You have a few grammatical errors that need to be addressed
for example

I was nervous it was all a waste of time.
add a comma between nervous and it

Blessings
Jenny

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2012

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2012

Thanks for your comment and helpful pointer.

Comment from peggles

Excellent

This is an enjoyable story
the image completely complements the story
I think you have a good material for an interesting novel
I like the characters in this opening and I can see how they will be further developed
well done

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2012

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2012

Thanks for your kind words. I am so glad that you like it.

Comment from tinams

Excellent

I found this to be a very well written introductory piece. A very easy read. You use good imagery and description. Well done :)

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2012

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2012

Thank you very much. I know I have a long way to go.

Comment from Frank Atwood

Excellent

Very good descriptive chapter to new book. I liked it though you only touched on part of what the book is about and if I'm wrong please let me know, but it's about a boy his son who's dying of something that he's trying to find a cure for!

Your grammer was good. The story picked up a pace and kept it throughout the chapter. Very nice work. I gave it a 5 and will read more. Keep up the good work and God bless.

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2012

---

reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012

Thanks very much for your comment. It is John's grand-son who is dying, so you are preceptive. I hope you enjoy the other chapters as I post them.