Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Gima: Resolute Decisions "fantasy adventure
18 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
Started last night...
, she's climbing to the tallest branches of the great oak to spot distant game too far for the human eye to see. These were the things he never told Asmel that set her apart from them.
Something here snagged , left me asking what's wrong.
These were the things he never told Asmel that set her apart from them.
Something wrong in this sentence.
Other wise it read well.
I think scout 435 is funny should be 435672 more likely.Z.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Started last night...
, she's climbing to the tallest branches of the great oak to spot distant game too far for the human eye to see. These were the things he never told Asmel that set her apart from them.
Something here snagged , left me asking what's wrong.
These were the things he never told Asmel that set her apart from them.
Something wrong in this sentence.
Other wise it read well.
I think scout 435 is funny should be 435672 more likely.Z.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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LOL Scout 435 is the star. One review said he need to be a Disney/Pixar cartoon character. LOL The sentence you are speaking of is refers to Gima being Verdant and Asmel and Hunter(them) being human. I felt if I said 'human' again, I'd be treating the reader like a baby. The whole thing with Gima and the men is just that ... she is not human. She ate a human baby in the first chapter just before she ran away and this whole adventure began. Azzy want to kill her; Hunter want to forgive and understand her.
Being a Vertant, she has skills that are superior to human(distant and night vision; leaping to great heights, speed and endurance to name a few. We may discover more as the book goes on.) Trell has the same abilities. Blathen being Vermel is a whole other ball of wax(ball of Vermel, since he likes to roll around a lot right now.) Thank you for your read and review, Z:)
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I meant with the wording not the contents.
These were the things he never told Asmel that set her apart from them
The word 'these'
I mean try like this-
These things/attributes he never told Asmel about were what set her apart from them.
That's what I mean :) sorry for being didactic., thouugh I might be wrong :) Z.
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I think I see what I did. I slipped into passive tense again. I'm really working to break that habit. I'll rework it NOW.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi ellen
You took the writing in this chapter up to a new level.
It's a difficult balancing act in sci-fi/fantasy to give aliens human characteristics without them turning into caricatures. The alien-ness came through loud and clear in this one. I'm a fan of the bare bones school of writing - but your attention to detail with the little creatures is outstanding. You're making me think again!
The damn machine will not allow me to give you a six - this chapter deserves one of those new sevens.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Hi ellen
You took the writing in this chapter up to a new level.
It's a difficult balancing act in sci-fi/fantasy to give aliens human characteristics without them turning into caricatures. The alien-ness came through loud and clear in this one. I'm a fan of the bare bones school of writing - but your attention to detail with the little creatures is outstanding. You're making me think again!
The damn machine will not allow me to give you a six - this chapter deserves one of those new sevens.
Ron xox
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Ron for your review and virtual six. I sure could have used a real one. I'm in a slump and need the candy. LOL Your words are glorious though. Damn the machines. LOL I'm really trying to improve my skills. Thank you for thinking that I may be. :) ellen xxx
Comment from purrfect tale
This chapter did a great job of showing the differences of attitudes between human and Vertant. After the warm family moments in the last few chapters, I think the timing of this was perfect. I also loved the ant.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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This chapter did a great job of showing the differences of attitudes between human and Vertant. After the warm family moments in the last few chapters, I think the timing of this was perfect. I also loved the ant.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Thank you, PT. I think Scout 435 was the star in this one. I'm glad you feel the timing is right. It is important that we still remember we have Vermel(Blathen), Vertant(Trell and Gima) here though they behave in many ways like humans they are not. Thank you again. It's these little things that are so important. :)
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Whaddya know? Hunter is also the name I chose for my protagonist in Ascension. So, now I've got that piece of useless information out of the way, off I go!
Well, first of all, this is unlike anything I have ever read. It's quite remarkable. What a fantastic imagination you have. I have to say, for some reason, this played out in my head in animation - along the lines of a Pixar movie. Hey, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I think it's because you write with an almost dream-like quality, and this entire world I just entered is so alien to me that my mind formatted the images that way.
It was fantastic, actually!
I'm a bit lost with the characters, but that's normal, since I'm coming in very late. The glossary certainly helped.
Really loved the little red scout section (an ant?).
The few paragraphs with the rattler really stood out for me too - amazing visuals.
You have a very unique and special voice, Ellen. You show the reader the world from every tiny angle. It's a microscopic experience. Quite special.
That picture, BTW, looks a lot like my garden! It's loaded with echinacea. Loved the author notes - I'm into all the herbal remedy stuff.
I enjoyed the read, I'm quite fascinated, and I shall become a fan so I can follow on.
I've been chucking out sixes this week like it was world's end, so I've none left, but you deserve one.
Av
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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Whaddya know? Hunter is also the name I chose for my protagonist in Ascension. So, now I've got that piece of useless information out of the way, off I go!
Well, first of all, this is unlike anything I have ever read. It's quite remarkable. What a fantastic imagination you have. I have to say, for some reason, this played out in my head in animation - along the lines of a Pixar movie. Hey, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I think it's because you write with an almost dream-like quality, and this entire world I just entered is so alien to me that my mind formatted the images that way.
It was fantastic, actually!
I'm a bit lost with the characters, but that's normal, since I'm coming in very late. The glossary certainly helped.
Really loved the little red scout section (an ant?).
The few paragraphs with the rattler really stood out for me too - amazing visuals.
You have a very unique and special voice, Ellen. You show the reader the world from every tiny angle. It's a microscopic experience. Quite special.
That picture, BTW, looks a lot like my garden! It's loaded with echinacea. Loved the author notes - I'm into all the herbal remedy stuff.
I enjoyed the read, I'm quite fascinated, and I shall become a fan so I can follow on.
I've been chucking out sixes this week like it was world's end, so I've none left, but you deserve one.
Av
x
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much for trying me out and becoming a fan. The virtual six is a beauty. Much shinier than the gold FanStory ones. So, shiny--its crystal clear. But, oh the ring, the sound is gorgeous. Many agree that this is animation. I see the animals as cartoon characters when I write them. Scout 435 is a real character and if you met the Mr. D(for diamond back) you'd understand his need to strike. It's tough being so misunderstood when you're just sunning yourself, minding you own business in your new digs, a deserted gopher hole.(From what I read about habitat, this could be true. We just saw him at a bad time. Gima had no business there. LOL) Thanks again, I hope not to disappoint in the future. Cheers. :) ellen
Oh, I love the echinacea flower. So many colors. Do you have that many? Lovely
:)e
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Speaking of Pixar, you should check out the trailer I just put on my profile. :o)
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And yes, I have loads of cone daisies - I usually pull some up each year. They grow everywhere!
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi barking dog,
An interesting mix of characters here, and a fascinating world within a world. I found the storyline held my attention, with the Scout 435 rainsing something of a smile - we so seldom think of how insects and animals see us.
Good sketch with the lizard dislodged from his basking spot!
Patrick
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Hi barking dog,
An interesting mix of characters here, and a fascinating world within a world. I found the storyline held my attention, with the Scout 435 rainsing something of a smile - we so seldom think of how insects and animals see us.
Good sketch with the lizard dislodged from his basking spot!
Patrick
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Patrick. I'm always trying out different things and wondered how my animal moments were coming along. You have given me helpful feedback on the little critters. I study their behaviors, movements, territorial defenses, habitats, sounds etc and then try to make them real. I couldn't make the snake amusing but basically, he would have been a grumpy old man in an abandoned gopher hole, just chillin' in the sun until this annoyance, Gima, needed to be taken care of. LOL
Comment from Writingfundimension
This is a superbly and richly detailed chapter, Ellen. I found your descriptions of the tiny creatures of nature to be very believable. You have certainly done your homework - and your ability to communicate your vision for this story is just amazing. I love the bonding and lessons that go on between Blathen and Trell. And I so enjoyed the humor at the end of the chapter. Well done, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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This is a superbly and richly detailed chapter, Ellen. I found your descriptions of the tiny creatures of nature to be very believable. You have certainly done your homework - and your ability to communicate your vision for this story is just amazing. I love the bonding and lessons that go on between Blathen and Trell. And I so enjoyed the humor at the end of the chapter. Well done, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Bev. I so love to see another six. Everyone is saying how wonderful it is, but still give it a five ... 'cept you. I'm trying so hard to make the critters real and bring in a bit of light humor. Before livingword left he suggested that I do that. Do you get what is happening between Trell and Blathen besides bonding? Mostly it's Blathen. Do you have an inkling? It's ever so slight right now.
Thank you again. :) ellen
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I sense some sort of role reversal, but I didn't come into your story until fairly recently, so I am not really up-to-speed on the dynamics. I find their encounters touching and fascinating, though. And I agree with Dan. That's a suggestion that I read recently on horror writing, to bring in humor to give people time to take in what's going on. I think you did a nice job of that in this chapter, Ellen.
You're most welcome, my friend. Glad I had a six to give you. I'm being a lot stingier with them now.
Cheers, Bev
P.S. Be glad that Mr. Els didn't review you!
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I was never loose with my sixes and have taken some to the grave on Saturday at midnight. But I wish those deserving a four would not be fives. How can anyone compare a five on one of your chapters or purrfect tale's to five on many of the others that should be threes or at the most fours. Oh, well. I'm not fighting the system, but a six sure does perk me up and make me feel that it's worth the effort. I'm not used to them enough to expect them. Many are a bit jaded and expect sixes, I think.
Your senses are correct about Blathen and Trell. It will all tie back into Bellow City eventually.
That's a big help, Bev.
Who's Mr. Els?
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I just noticed he's been doing some nasty reviews for several good writers. I'm not taking any chances, I've muted him.
Ellen, we all love those sixes, I don't care what anyone says. It does give us hope and a feeling of accomplishment.
Xxx Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
the detail in this chapter is amazing, Ellen..
I get lost in the characters.... and their
feelings and the way Trell reasons with himself.
Starting Hunter's mind... this sentence is really long.(which I'm always guilty of myself)... might you consider... splitting it.... And in another, she's
Earth beauty(,) whom they'd rescued from Subby Side(,) might be anything but human
tied up in knots.Tossing - space after period
He remembers Gima[,](;) just this
Lightening - lightning
Margaret
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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the detail in this chapter is amazing, Ellen..
I get lost in the characters.... and their
feelings and the way Trell reasons with himself.
Starting Hunter's mind... this sentence is really long.(which I'm always guilty of myself)... might you consider... splitting it.... And in another, she's
Earth beauty(,) whom they'd rescued from Subby Side(,) might be anything but human
tied up in knots.Tossing - space after period
He remembers Gima[,](;) just this
Lightening - lightning
Margaret
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Margaret. I'm a bit blue today. So, will just say how much I appreciate your saying it is amazing. :) ellen
Comment from adewpearl
You get into Trell's innermost thoughts effectively as he contemplates his relationship to the human Hunter
You convey his conflicted feelings really well
I love it when Trell is with Blathen :-)
Lightening fast, Gima jumps - Lightning
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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You get into Trell's innermost thoughts effectively as he contemplates his relationship to the human Hunter
You convey his conflicted feelings really well
I love it when Trell is with Blathen :-)
Lightening fast, Gima jumps - Lightning
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Brooke. I can't believe that I spelled lightning wrong again. Blathen is fun to write. LOL :) ellen
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I bet I correct lightening/ning at least ten times a week on this site - it's a popular topic in poetry! :-)
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LOL I do know better. See me, kicking my self. LOL
Comment from peggles
I thought the chapter was really strong
Intriguing and engaging,and so interesting you have done your home work so well you hook the reader and instantly pull them You also ended the chapter on a fine note ensuring the reader will want to find out more
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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I thought the chapter was really strong
Intriguing and engaging,and so interesting you have done your home work so well you hook the reader and instantly pull them You also ended the chapter on a fine note ensuring the reader will want to find out more
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Thank you, peggles for saying it is intriguing and engaging and it hooked the reader instantly. :) ellen
Comment from Carrie Smith
OKAY, ELLEN, YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION! The HUMANS and the OTHERS working together??? I'll be gone on vacation for about ten days, but will get back to this for sure. Great write!!! xx
and great writing. xxx
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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OKAY, ELLEN, YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION! The HUMANS and the OTHERS working together??? I'll be gone on vacation for about ten days, but will get back to this for sure. Great write!!! xx
and great writing. xxx
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Wow, Carrie. Thank you so much for the great review and six stars. ave a wonderful vacation. It's pretty nice down here. Warmer days and night are still cool:) Thank you again, Susan:) Hugs ellen xxx
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Most welcome, my friend.
This was great!!! I'll have my laptop, so don't mean to be out of touch completely.LOL