Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Gima: Challenges"fantasy adventure
21 total reviews
Comment from Tina55
Okay, now you've actually got me into the headspace of a bear. Good job! What a cool, naturistic away of starting off this post. I shows a whole new side of your talent. :-)
He's a siren in high gear. ( I LOVE this line! It's so Keagan!!)
Great tension, almost frantic as the family readies to leave. More great tension as Hunter hurries to the meadow...uh-oh!! And, poor Asmel! This is fantastically penned, Ellen. Really on the ball with the right mix of description and action!!
Tow hundred pounds of motherly instinct!!! Love it!!
Trell has many question[s] as he looks at Hunter
Then, having no fresh echinacea root, she chews some of the echinacea's coneflowers and spits the medicine into Hunter's mouth [to] fight infection.
He rests his back against it and begins whittling small whistles to entertain his boys who [a]sleep beside him. (Don't need the a)
What a great write, Ellen!! I really like this one, it's so darn entertaining. I absolutely love how you switch from one perspective to another - it ramps up the pace and leave me short of breath!!
I need you to drizzle some of that magic dust this way - I can't get anything working in my next post...
Keep up the great work,
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Okay, now you've actually got me into the headspace of a bear. Good job! What a cool, naturistic away of starting off this post. I shows a whole new side of your talent. :-)
He's a siren in high gear. ( I LOVE this line! It's so Keagan!!)
Great tension, almost frantic as the family readies to leave. More great tension as Hunter hurries to the meadow...uh-oh!! And, poor Asmel! This is fantastically penned, Ellen. Really on the ball with the right mix of description and action!!
Tow hundred pounds of motherly instinct!!! Love it!!
Trell has many question[s] as he looks at Hunter
Then, having no fresh echinacea root, she chews some of the echinacea's coneflowers and spits the medicine into Hunter's mouth [to] fight infection.
He rests his back against it and begins whittling small whistles to entertain his boys who [a]sleep beside him. (Don't need the a)
What a great write, Ellen!! I really like this one, it's so darn entertaining. I absolutely love how you switch from one perspective to another - it ramps up the pace and leave me short of breath!!
I need you to drizzle some of that magic dust this way - I can't get anything working in my next post...
Keep up the great work,
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Tina. These chapters are much harder to write than Bellow City. I have to research everything and then still try to make it look natural and not like a report for science class. Thank you for liking Blathen's siren. LOL I am having trouble correcting on the site, So I'll have to take it back to Word and make the changes.(I did them, saved it and it didn't take. I hate evil eddie.)You're so sweet but it still isn't up to your quality of work. My sentence structure variations still suck. LOL
Thank you again:) love, ellen
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I suck BIG TIME today. I can't write a grocery list to save my life!!!! I gave up a couple of hours ago after chasing my tail around two paragraphs for most of the morning!! Your sentences rock, BTW!! It's an ever changing, every growing process, Ellen...at least, that's what I've been trying to tell myself. LOL
:-D
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Someday, it's supposed to just flow out. RIGHT! After a million words or so ... LOL You'll be fine after your mind mulls it over a bit. We have no control over the process. Some call it a muse. I call it the Chief Muller in Charge. A Muse sounds too airy-fairy for me. LOL The CMC is a rightous task master. I'm sure your's has something cooking that you'll look at and say 'did I do that?'(Rememember Urkel?)
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The only things I have cooking right now are pancakes! Urkel?
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Urkel was a skinny black kid who when ever something happened because of his doing, would say 'Did I do that?' It was a comedy show way back when. I can't remember the name of the show, but his character was why everyone watched. He was a geek--tall, gawkley high pitched voice, suspenders that pulled his pants to his waist,polite and very inventive. His inventions got him into a lot of trouble. LOL He had a crush on the pretty girl and hung out at her house, driving her father crazy.
It ran for years on TV.
Happy pancakes!
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Yeah, I thought you might be talking about ol' Steve Urkel. I used to watch that show!
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BTW, my CMC has a wicked sense of timing...Grrr. I still can't seem to shake him out of his ways. :-)
Comment from Gungalo
Wow! What a write this time BD. To utilize herbs to help the Hunter is an amazing thing. Your knowledge of these things is wonderful. Good write and I hope she makes it back in time.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Wow! What a write this time BD. To utilize herbs to help the Hunter is an amazing thing. Your knowledge of these things is wonderful. Good write and I hope she makes it back in time.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Time will tell. ;) As always your review is great.:) BD
Comment from Spitfire
Wow! Can see you've done a lot of research to write this different story. The scene with mother bear and her cubs eating the honey sounded like a voice over in a documentary on the animal world. Great verbs and action in the paragraph on smoke. This sounds like a novel that could sell if written as a screenplay.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Wow! Can see you've done a lot of research to write this different story. The scene with mother bear and her cubs eating the honey sounded like a voice over in a documentary on the animal world. Great verbs and action in the paragraph on smoke. This sounds like a novel that could sell if written as a screenplay.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much. There is so much to do if it is ever to be a screen play. I feel pushed to finish it first. Your different perspective being a good screenplay writer is encouraging. I did research the bear. Maybe it was to much like a report? Do you think? Many thanks. Now I'm back to write the next chapter. I'll remember to title this one. LOL :) ellen
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Having not followed the script, I can't say as to the report. You'll know yourself when you finish and revise.
Comment from Chris Davis
Good dialogue among the characters and descriptive detail keep the reading interested. Filling in the moments and movements of the characters between the dialogue is also well done. THanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Good dialogue among the characters and descriptive detail keep the reading interested. Filling in the moments and movements of the characters between the dialogue is also well done. THanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Chris for your fine review and generous five stars. It's always nice to hear from you. :) barking dog
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:)
Comment from Tammara
WOW...Another great chapter Ellen, I really liked reading this one! The bear situation is gone for right now. A fire starts at Hunters campfire then... Trell, Gima, Blathen and Zee are awakened to the smell of smoke. I like the part about Asmel with the tree, the ants, also with the momma bear. Hunters is rescued now that's good! Gima hurried to get the herbs and I hope she finds Asmel before the return of the ants. Your story is getting so good, I LOVE it! Great chapter, I can't wait for the next one! :)
Tammara
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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WOW...Another great chapter Ellen, I really liked reading this one! The bear situation is gone for right now. A fire starts at Hunters campfire then... Trell, Gima, Blathen and Zee are awakened to the smell of smoke. I like the part about Asmel with the tree, the ants, also with the momma bear. Hunters is rescued now that's good! Gima hurried to get the herbs and I hope she finds Asmel before the return of the ants. Your story is getting so good, I LOVE it! Great chapter, I can't wait for the next one! :)
Tammara
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Tammara for you lovely review. You sound as excited about reading it as I was writing it. LOL I guess that's a good thing. Thank you ever so much for the six. Now, I just have to keep the momentum going so as not to disappoint. LOL:) ellen:)
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You are very welcome, I LOVED it! :)
Tammara
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:) ellen
Comment from Carrie Smith
ellen, this surely is a stand alone chapter. I found the imagery used in the section about the bears especially interesting as Mama goes about her business at hand.I could see her babies in their side ways run (side-ways?) (baby bear toddles out; seeing Azzy batting about?) - think you might use less ands and he's. You know far more than I do, but that would read a little better to me. Thought it interesting how the Verdants quickly stepped up to help the Hunter. Not sure, but it seemed they were enemies? Interesting the way you described how both animals and the characters reacted to the smoke. Kept me reading from the beginning sentence to the last. The author notes were superb. I'm going to try and keep up with this for sure! xxSusan
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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ellen, this surely is a stand alone chapter. I found the imagery used in the section about the bears especially interesting as Mama goes about her business at hand.I could see her babies in their side ways run (side-ways?) (baby bear toddles out; seeing Azzy batting about?) - think you might use less ands and he's. You know far more than I do, but that would read a little better to me. Thought it interesting how the Verdants quickly stepped up to help the Hunter. Not sure, but it seemed they were enemies? Interesting the way you described how both animals and the characters reacted to the smoke. Kept me reading from the beginning sentence to the last. The author notes were superb. I'm going to try and keep up with this for sure! xxSusan
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Hi Susan,
The Vermel are the enemy of humans. Vertants are offspring of Vermel that have mutated back to a human appearance but retain some Vermel traits primarily the teachings which can be over come. Trell does this for Gima. She was raised by the human pair and does not see hate them. Trell's not particularly fond of humans, but as you will see he and Hunter do have some things in common.(Trell notices in the next chapter that Hunter has the same scars of abuse from Ticum's arena.) So, I am still consistent and nothing is out of place. I think you may have just confused the terms Vermel and Vertant. I will check out the 'ands' in that section. Bad me, if I did that and the sideways or side ways or side-ways LOL. Thank you so much for the suggestions and great review. :) ellen xxx
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Always welcome, ellen. Thanks for further explanation. xx
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I went though and eliminated many 'ands' I must. The 'and' fairy must have visited that day. LOL I will be aware of that from now on. Really, a big help. Hugs :) ellen xxx
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Those 'ands' do tend to slip in,don't they. That fairy sure gets around to visit many of us! I'm going back and reread.Love, Susan
Comment from adewpearl
love the hyperbole as even the leaves cling tighter LOL
roll, romp, rumble - great verb choices that make your story come to life
Great personification throughout
I love the characterization of Blathen as a siren in high gear
Good natural-sounding dialogue
excellent description of the fire and all those affected by the fire
Spring's torrential down pour - downpour
Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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love the hyperbole as even the leaves cling tighter LOL
roll, romp, rumble - great verb choices that make your story come to life
Great personification throughout
I love the characterization of Blathen as a siren in high gear
Good natural-sounding dialogue
excellent description of the fire and all those affected by the fire
Spring's torrential down pour - downpour
Brooke
Comment Written 16-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012
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Thank you for your terrific review. I'm hoping that researching Bear behavior and herbal remedies adds to the interest and realism. Blathen is always fun to write. He does some surprising things. This time very ear piercing. LOL :) ellen
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Ellen. I like that you started the chapter with the story of the bears. There was a real solid, earthy feel to the writing in this section. I love that you brought the whole situation full circle by having the tree end up being the home of the carpenter ants. That felt really right to me. Two particularly fine descriptions for me: 'The fallen tree lays silent. Its heart buzzes no more' and 'Blathen is the first to wake. He's a siren in high gear.' Looking forward to your next chapter, my friend. Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012
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Hi, Ellen. I like that you started the chapter with the story of the bears. There was a real solid, earthy feel to the writing in this section. I love that you brought the whole situation full circle by having the tree end up being the home of the carpenter ants. That felt really right to me. Two particularly fine descriptions for me: 'The fallen tree lays silent. Its heart buzzes no more' and 'Blathen is the first to wake. He's a siren in high gear.' Looking forward to your next chapter, my friend. Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 15-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Bev. This is a grand review. You've let me know what is working. I'm glad that the nature sections are working. One never knows if they are suitable. But this is such a different place from Under Earth and I want to give it its own aura. Thank you for liking Blathen's siren. LOL :) I'm waiting for your chapter next. ellen:)
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You're welcome, Ellen, as always! Xxx Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is my first time reading your novel. Thank you for all the assistance you have given to the new readers. I enjoyed your descriptions of the animals. You did a good job. Your pace is good and your characters are strong.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012
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This is my first time reading your novel. Thank you for all the assistance you have given to the new readers. I enjoyed your descriptions of the animals. You did a good job. Your pace is good and your characters are strong.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012
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Thank you barbara for your kind and supportive review, barbara.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi ellen
Thanks for the PM - as you can see - I found the chapter.
The strength in this episode lies with the bear family. Beautifully written and adds a welcome fresh element to your story.
Going to be damn difficult to cast this for the movie! May have to be animated.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012
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Hi ellen
Thanks for the PM - as you can see - I found the chapter.
The strength in this episode lies with the bear family. Beautifully written and adds a welcome fresh element to your story.
Going to be damn difficult to cast this for the movie! May have to be animated.
Ron xox
Comment Written 15-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2012
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The bear study was interesting. I learned a lot about their behavior, sounds, etc. I'm glad that it came through here. They have trained animals that can do these things. But seriously, I doubt that this will be a movie. Nice thought though. LOL Thank you for the review, knowing that the bears were a hit means a lot, my friend. :) ellen xx
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In Turkey I refused to give a guy with a dancing bear any money. He set the bear on me - luckily it had a chain around its leg and I could run pretty quick in those days. No bs - a true story. xox
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He was more than a dancing bear. He was a shake down heavy bear(man).Lucky you could run. Funny:) ellen