Shortened Life
A lobster fisherman left his family on fathers day14 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Glad to read your work, Shane and hope to see more. This is a very fine 5-7-5, and your syllable count is precise. Not a very easy life for fishermen these days. You have a good description of the sea as unforgiving. The words salty tears carry out the theme of the sea. A great misfortune for the family. judiverse
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Glad to read your work, Shane and hope to see more. This is a very fine 5-7-5, and your syllable count is precise. Not a very easy life for fishermen these days. You have a good description of the sea as unforgiving. The words salty tears carry out the theme of the sea. A great misfortune for the family. judiverse
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Thank you This was a very hard poem to write it pulled up recent memories unwanted
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Unforgiving sea
The boat overturned once more
The salty tears flow
I always think it amazing that so much can be told in so few words... cleverly thoughtout, Shane.
Margaret
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Unforgiving sea
The boat overturned once more
The salty tears flow
I always think it amazing that so much can be told in so few words... cleverly thoughtout, Shane.
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much this was very hard for me to write ....
Comment from oozer
Well done! my friend, and syllable count is perfect. I'm just wondering if 'Salty tears still flow' might not come closer to telling it like you tell us in Author Notes?
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Well done! my friend, and syllable count is perfect. I'm just wondering if 'Salty tears still flow' might not come closer to telling it like you tell us in Author Notes?
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Might be.. But when you speak from the day like you are still standing there at the scene all is lost in author notes.. The poem speaks for it's self
Thanks so much for the review
Comment from Cindy Warren
That's so sad it almost made me cry. The picture is so nice for such a sad poem. Check overturned. I think it may be one word. Syllable count works either way.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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That's so sad it almost made me cry. The picture is so nice for such a sad poem. Check overturned. I think it may be one word. Syllable count works either way.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Thanks Cindy i will have a look at that easy to make mistakes when you are writing from the heart and it hurts.
Comment from jadapenn
I always admire these short poems which tell such a strong story. It is a talent to write them. You have done well with this sad story. Thanks for sharing and best wishes for the contest. luv jada
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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I always admire these short poems which tell such a strong story. It is a talent to write them. You have done well with this sad story. Thanks for sharing and best wishes for the contest. luv jada
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Thank you jada. it's hard to write sad reality experienced first hand
Comment from Tristian
It always overwhelms me when someone can put such emotion into so few words. I very much like the 'salt' as it is in the ocean and tears, and it tells the whole story. Wonderful poem.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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It always overwhelms me when someone can put such emotion into so few words. I very much like the 'salt' as it is in the ocean and tears, and it tells the whole story. Wonderful poem.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Thanks for your kind words this came from a very hard day in our community
Comment from Lylise
How sad! Well, we are on the opposite sides of the spectrum. I normally write comedy. This was a great poem. Structure is sound, no spags, great presentation. Well done.
Oh yeah. Welcome!!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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How sad! Well, we are on the opposite sides of the spectrum. I normally write comedy. This was a great poem. Structure is sound, no spags, great presentation. Well done.
Oh yeah. Welcome!!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Thank you very much I have to share form life experiance thats how iI feel when I write.I am not always a sad guy I love comedy and get good pick me ups on this site.
Have a great Day
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Let me know when you are a member and I'll fan you. Lynda
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Ok will do
Comment from linsbm
This is excellent write of 5-7-5 poetry. Perfect in syllable count and sense in structure. This Senryu delivers a very sad message. Can't help to think. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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This is excellent write of 5-7-5 poetry. Perfect in syllable count and sense in structure. This Senryu delivers a very sad message. Can't help to think. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the review it was a very sad day for sure i will never forget it.
Comment from Frankeddy
Good 5-7-5 poem, proper syllable count.
Poem says a lot in three lines, a tribute.
Presented in a good clear and bright setting.
Well done. Good luck. Frankeddy
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Good 5-7-5 poem, proper syllable count.
Poem says a lot in three lines, a tribute.
Presented in a good clear and bright setting.
Well done. Good luck. Frankeddy
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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thank you for you time and i am glad you enjoyed it as sad as it is
Comment from ennahanid
This is short, to the point and instantly tells a story...but do you have any idea how difficult it is to say this is great when it is a subject such as this?
I will just let the 5 star and a smidgen of a tear do the talking.
Dinah
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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This is short, to the point and instantly tells a story...but do you have any idea how difficult it is to say this is great when it is a subject such as this?
I will just let the 5 star and a smidgen of a tear do the talking.
Dinah
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the review if you think that is hard you should have seen me trying to write it after seeing it first hand.very sad