The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "The Cabin"A family learns their father is a serial killer
20 total reviews
Comment from emmaysavage
Good going. I thought this might be the next step. I like it when James isn't going his gneius kid thing but having the emotional reactions any human would.
I ask the same question I ask when I watch some TV shows. Where did he get the money to equip himeslf so well. The answer is probably in the book, but I can't remember it.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
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Good going. I thought this might be the next step. I like it when James isn't going his gneius kid thing but having the emotional reactions any human would.
I ask the same question I ask when I watch some TV shows. Where did he get the money to equip himeslf so well. The answer is probably in the book, but I can't remember it.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
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His mother comes from a very wealthy family....mentioned in chapter 1 or 2.
Comment from Halfree
Gets better as it goes. Take a look at paragraph 3..I poured myself...myself, who else is there? Then "suddenly" take a look at that.
Good building of tension in this chapter. Keep going and I will keep reading.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
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Gets better as it goes. Take a look at paragraph 3..I poured myself...myself, who else is there? Then "suddenly" take a look at that.
Good building of tension in this chapter. Keep going and I will keep reading.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
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I'll take a look at that paragraph and see what I can do to fix it.
Comment from Cranial Thinker
Again I found myself holding my breath and having to conscously remind myself that I simply had to take in air
or pass out,which caused me to laugh at myself,but I went
right back into reading excited to know more of what James had found and determonded to know what he would do if he in fact found anything....In my mind I kind of knew he would
find body parts up their but not so quickly as he did....This is extremely good reading my friend....Cranial Thinker
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
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Again I found myself holding my breath and having to conscously remind myself that I simply had to take in air
or pass out,which caused me to laugh at myself,but I went
right back into reading excited to know more of what James had found and determonded to know what he would do if he in fact found anything....In my mind I kind of knew he would
find body parts up their but not so quickly as he did....This is extremely good reading my friend....Cranial Thinker
Comment Written 06-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much. I am so pleased you continue to enjoy this.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:}
I am not surprised that James decided to go to the cabin without telling Mac. Of course it wasn't yet an active crime scene, but I am concerned that the area hadn't been secured by the sheriff's office as soon as the location was known. Perhaps when the cabin is first mentioned, the sheriff and Mac don't yet know the exact location. I really think that if the location were known, it would be sloppy police work not to secure it immediately. I think there should be at least a simple reason that James was able to arrive before the authorities. Maybe it could be on the weekend when there was no access to property deeds.
As in the first draft, I like the way James found the hidden flower bed. Now you have me in suspense as I wait for officials to arrive.
As always high quality writing.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Hi Valerie:}
I am not surprised that James decided to go to the cabin without telling Mac. Of course it wasn't yet an active crime scene, but I am concerned that the area hadn't been secured by the sheriff's office as soon as the location was known. Perhaps when the cabin is first mentioned, the sheriff and Mac don't yet know the exact location. I really think that if the location were known, it would be sloppy police work not to secure it immediately. I think there should be at least a simple reason that James was able to arrive before the authorities. Maybe it could be on the weekend when there was no access to property deeds.
As in the first draft, I like the way James found the hidden flower bed. Now you have me in suspense as I wait for officials to arrive.
As always high quality writing.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Warrants for the property were in the works, but not yet processed. I'll cover that in the next chapter. Thanks so much for the sincerely appreciated 6 stars.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
this, my friend, is a superb chapter, carrying the reader along until it works up to a crescendo - James' emotions spilling over and almost bringing him to his knees... what
pain and fear.... I felt it. Deserving of a six.
Re commas...
across from me(,) babbling - add comma
Dad, Charlie, Susan[,] and I - not needed
surrounding me(,) wondering
I knelt down and shaking nervously, [I] poked and prodded the dirt with my hands, but I found nothing. - you might consider losing that 2nd "I" (since there's 3
dropped the bone[,] and fell backward(,) landing on my back - move comma
thick grass(,) trying to
So enjoyable, Sasha.
Margaret
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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this, my friend, is a superb chapter, carrying the reader along until it works up to a crescendo - James' emotions spilling over and almost bringing him to his knees... what
pain and fear.... I felt it. Deserving of a six.
Re commas...
across from me(,) babbling - add comma
Dad, Charlie, Susan[,] and I - not needed
surrounding me(,) wondering
I knelt down and shaking nervously, [I] poked and prodded the dirt with my hands, but I found nothing. - you might consider losing that 2nd "I" (since there's 3
dropped the bone[,] and fell backward(,) landing on my back - move comma
thick grass(,) trying to
So enjoyable, Sasha.
Margaret
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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In my next life, when I am rich, I am going to take Brooke's spag class. Commas hate me almost as much as I hate them...If anyone needs it, it is me. Thank you so very much for your wonderful and sincerely appreciated 6 stars.
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Only what you deserve, my friend. M
Comment from RebelRose
It's nice that James was able to sleep late and relax for a few minutes before being faced with the memory of his conversaion with his uncle and the task ahead. Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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It's nice that James was able to sleep late and relax for a few minutes before being faced with the memory of his conversaion with his uncle and the task ahead. Another great chapter.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Thank you. It was a rough day for James.
Comment from psalmist
Another well-written chapter that kept me riveted. Terrific job building the suspense. Like James, I sensed something horrific was waiting to be discovered. This is just an excellent suspense/thriller. There was one small spelling I noticed: somethings. I think in the context in which you used it, referring to specific items, it should be separated some things.
I'm looking forward to further chapters. Linda
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Another well-written chapter that kept me riveted. Terrific job building the suspense. Like James, I sensed something horrific was waiting to be discovered. This is just an excellent suspense/thriller. There was one small spelling I noticed: somethings. I think in the context in which you used it, referring to specific items, it should be separated some things.
I'm looking forward to further chapters. Linda
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
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Thanks. I'll go back and do a spell check again.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh God1 This is powerful. It must have taken some work to construct such a grisly scene. I think the most powerful emotion is the uncertainty, yet certainty of what James might have found. Giddy
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
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Oh God1 This is powerful. It must have taken some work to construct such a grisly scene. I think the most powerful emotion is the uncertainty, yet certainty of what James might have found. Giddy
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
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He was definitely looking for answers but not prepared for what he found. Thanks so much for the awesome 6 starts. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from Rob Caudle
stopped by for a quick read very glad I did a tension filled gripping tale. I have missed much while busy with my own work but I was pulled right back in by you fine writing. James is a great character you have developed him well thanks for the great read.
Rob
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
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stopped by for a quick read very glad I did a tension filled gripping tale. I have missed much while busy with my own work but I was pulled right back in by you fine writing. James is a great character you have developed him well thanks for the great read.
Rob
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
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Thanks. I am thrilled you liked this chapter.
Comment from hyway94
Goes to show you don't stick your nose in where it shouldn't be. I know you have really thought about it, and you did a damn good job. Just keep up the good writing.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
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Goes to show you don't stick your nose in where it shouldn't be. I know you have really thought about it, and you did a damn good job. Just keep up the good writing.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
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Poor James may be smart, but not necessarily wise. Glad you liked this chapter.