The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "James meets with Marcy "A family learns their father is a serial killer
21 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once again you have done a great job with this post.
Without hesitating, Mac responded. "The knowledge that not a single stone was left unturned, (comma after responded)
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2012
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Once again you have done a great job with this post.
Without hesitating, Mac responded. "The knowledge that not a single stone was left unturned, (comma after responded)
Comment Written 02-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2012
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Thanks for catching that. I am so pleased you continue to like this story.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
thank goodness Mary Ellen is safe, even though it's obvious that she will no longer be James' girlfriend,
I like the way the cabin was suggested as a place where more bodies might be located. I was difficult for Mac to broach the subject of Dad's cabin. Now the investigation is certain to broaden out.
I think this is an improvement over the first draft,
Love and Irish hugs, for great writing,
Roger
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
thank goodness Mary Ellen is safe, even though it's obvious that she will no longer be James' girlfriend,
I like the way the cabin was suggested as a place where more bodies might be located. I was difficult for Mac to broach the subject of Dad's cabin. Now the investigation is certain to broaden out.
I think this is an improvement over the first draft,
Love and Irish hugs, for great writing,
Roger
Comment Written 02-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2012
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Thanks. This is where most of the major changes begin.
Comment from Veronica Grace
Hmm, I wonder what he had in mind for Mary Ellen. Loved this chapter great dialogue and emotion, smooth read too. I didn't see any nits and looking forward to next chapter.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Hmm, I wonder what he had in mind for Mary Ellen. Loved this chapter great dialogue and emotion, smooth read too. I didn't see any nits and looking forward to next chapter.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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I am pleased you liked this chapter.
Comment from words
This is a sad chapter.
James has lost the foundation of his family and his girlfriend. I imagine a lot of people would want to distance themselves from him and a lot would want to get close to get inside information.
Being in the public eye under these circumstance is ugly.
Well told. Hugs,d
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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This is a sad chapter.
James has lost the foundation of his family and his girlfriend. I imagine a lot of people would want to distance themselves from him and a lot would want to get close to get inside information.
Being in the public eye under these circumstance is ugly.
Well told. Hugs,d
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Many feel Mary Ellen's reaction was cruel, but in reality this happens even within the family. Many take sides and can't get past the denial. Friends turn their backs on you. Neighbors stop speaking to you. Some are forced to move away, change their names and try to start new lives. Some don't survive and actually commit suicide.
Comment from hyway94
It's still very good, and I enjoy it very much. (take my word for it. It is just playing games with you.) Thought I would show this to you. otherwise it just fine.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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It's still very good, and I enjoy it very much. (take my word for it. It is just playing games with you.) Thought I would show this to you. otherwise it just fine.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am pleased you continue to like this story.
Comment from Alaskastory
'Mary Ellen and Mac' is a chapter that could be no better in any way. You"ve done perfect conversations for James with both Mary Ellen and Mac. Too bad I don't have more stars for it. Great chapter, Sasha.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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'Mary Ellen and Mac' is a chapter that could be no better in any way. You"ve done perfect conversations for James with both Mary Ellen and Mac. Too bad I don't have more stars for it. Great chapter, Sasha.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thanks. I am so pleased you liked this one.
Comment from psalmist
I'm with James, Mary Ellen's reaction, although somewhat understandable, seemed too abrupt, too uncaring, like she blamed James, not caring what he was going through. I also get a sense of unease about the grandfather. Well, you certainly piqued my interest again with this chapter. Keep them coming. Linda
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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I'm with James, Mary Ellen's reaction, although somewhat understandable, seemed too abrupt, too uncaring, like she blamed James, not caring what he was going through. I also get a sense of unease about the grandfather. Well, you certainly piqued my interest again with this chapter. Keep them coming. Linda
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Yes, I think Mary Ellen was a bit abrupt and placed too much blame on James. Sadly, this is quite common in families caught in situations like this.
Comment from Devados
Good gracious, two at once. Your characters hold intense lines of communication. Mary Ellen takes James to task and Mac has a lot of power because of the killings. James is in the barrel with both; James's mother also wields power over him. James seems to be vulnerable to everyone at this point.
His day is coming....? Good write, very enjoyable.
Dev
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Good gracious, two at once. Your characters hold intense lines of communication. Mary Ellen takes James to task and Mac has a lot of power because of the killings. James is in the barrel with both; James's mother also wields power over him. James seems to be vulnerable to everyone at this point.
His day is coming....? Good write, very enjoyable.
Dev
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Yes, James's day is coming.
Comment from Showboat
Very tense scene. I felt sorry for James when Mary Ellen broke up with him. Talk about your cup running over!!!
There are two paragraphs, below, that are really one. I would suggest you join them up. That, and you only need 'James' once, at best. They're alone together so the reader knows who's who without any tags:
"James, you need to trust me. Besides, you're the one who wanted to meet with me, remember?"
"Talk to me, James. Tell me what is going on in that big brain of yours. Tell me what you know."
Other than that, great chapter. I must have missed his visit with dad. Must go back and see!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Very tense scene. I felt sorry for James when Mary Ellen broke up with him. Talk about your cup running over!!!
There are two paragraphs, below, that are really one. I would suggest you join them up. That, and you only need 'James' once, at best. They're alone together so the reader knows who's who without any tags:
"James, you need to trust me. Besides, you're the one who wanted to meet with me, remember?"
"Talk to me, James. Tell me what is going on in that big brain of yours. Tell me what you know."
Other than that, great chapter. I must have missed his visit with dad. Must go back and see!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Yes, James's meeting with Dad is important. Let me know what you think. Thanks for pointing out the joining of the two paragraphs.
Comment from RebelRose
In a way, I can understand Mary Ellen's feelings, but on the other hand, I think breaking up with James was cruel. It's not like she is already in med school. She is still just a kid and I am not sure it would really effect her career at this point. I feel she should have given it a little more time anyway. Although, as I said, I do see her point.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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In a way, I can understand Mary Ellen's feelings, but on the other hand, I think breaking up with James was cruel. It's not like she is already in med school. She is still just a kid and I am not sure it would really effect her career at this point. I feel she should have given it a little more time anyway. Although, as I said, I do see her point.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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She in pre-med. I also agree with you. I think she placed too much blame on James.