The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Charlie Returns"A family learns their father is a serial killer
23 total reviews
Comment from RebelRose
The last two paragraphs really reach out and grab the reader. So true. The suspense is building as more bodies are found and identified. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012
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The last two paragraphs really reach out and grab the reader. So true. The suspense is building as more bodies are found and identified. Great chapter.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2012
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Thanks sdo much. I am pleased you continue to enjoy this.
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
chapter thirteen was fast paced and very motional. Charlie needs to control his rage. Maybe the father passed on his killing impulse to Charlie. You are a master of internal dialogue and sarcasm. I love James for wanting to stick up for his brother with a short fuse. You did an awesome use of "shit-load of trouble." I love the slang because I use it and F anybody who doesn't like it. Your last line in this chapter carries meatiness to your superb chapter: "Mom's words touched a sore spot. I could think of at least twelve families that already wished they never heard of our family." I like how you show and not tell. I'd recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers as a 'must' read for a smashing good time. I'd encourage you to keep moving forward with your entertaining story, my friend. I hope to catch your next chapter. Please have a blessed day. Love ya...Melissa.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Sasha,
chapter thirteen was fast paced and very motional. Charlie needs to control his rage. Maybe the father passed on his killing impulse to Charlie. You are a master of internal dialogue and sarcasm. I love James for wanting to stick up for his brother with a short fuse. You did an awesome use of "shit-load of trouble." I love the slang because I use it and F anybody who doesn't like it. Your last line in this chapter carries meatiness to your superb chapter: "Mom's words touched a sore spot. I could think of at least twelve families that already wished they never heard of our family." I like how you show and not tell. I'd recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers as a 'must' read for a smashing good time. I'd encourage you to keep moving forward with your entertaining story, my friend. I hope to catch your next chapter. Please have a blessed day. Love ya...Melissa.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much. I am thrilled you enjoyed this one.
Comment from Showboat
Excellent chapter, Sasha. The reader has to feel so much compassion for these kids and the mother, too.
I have a feeling this is only going to get worse before it gets better for them. Great story!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Excellent chapter, Sasha. The reader has to feel so much compassion for these kids and the mother, too.
I have a feeling this is only going to get worse before it gets better for them. Great story!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Yes,you intuition is correct.
Comment from Halfree
Hell,you don't need me to tell you that you have a good story going. As always, good dialogue. Think you need to get into heads a little more in this chapter. Moved it a little fast. Good use of the coffee drinking thing, filled in very nicely. Keep at it, like you need to be told to do that.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Hell,you don't need me to tell you that you have a good story going. As always, good dialogue. Think you need to get into heads a little more in this chapter. Moved it a little fast. Good use of the coffee drinking thing, filled in very nicely. Keep at it, like you need to be told to do that.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2012
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Since this is totally from James's POV, I can only give his impressions of the others. He is smart but not a mind reader. I'll go back over this one and see what I can do.
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Hey Smurph, Point well made. Keppa at it. This will be better than "A LEAF" Love to have a talent like yours.
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Don't be silly. I think you are one of the best writers on this site.
Comment from psalmist
Another well done chapter. I'm so glad they were able to find Charlie before more tragedy struck. Great job bringing out the impulsive emotions of a young teen. I'm also glad that the mom is coming out of herself and beginning to take some action also. Tragedies can either bring a family together and make them stronger, or tear them apart. Hopefully this family will find some redemption. Well done. Linda
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Another well done chapter. I'm so glad they were able to find Charlie before more tragedy struck. Great job bringing out the impulsive emotions of a young teen. I'm also glad that the mom is coming out of herself and beginning to take some action also. Tragedies can either bring a family together and make them stronger, or tear them apart. Hopefully this family will find some redemption. Well done. Linda
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you. I am pleased you are enjoying his.
Comment from Cranial Thinker
Wow!!!! This read has me exhausted holding my breath in so points and hyperventilating in other places....The extreme
mental stress and the total enability to physically get reid
of the built up tension is boiling to an absolute out of
control proportion,seting the stage for more psychological
breaks from reality;with James fast learning because of his
intellegence,how to accept the unanswerable and digest or metabolize that which can be understood....Ooooh!!! this is so good....Cranial Thinker
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Wow!!!! This read has me exhausted holding my breath in so points and hyperventilating in other places....The extreme
mental stress and the total enability to physically get reid
of the built up tension is boiling to an absolute out of
control proportion,seting the stage for more psychological
breaks from reality;with James fast learning because of his
intellegence,how to accept the unanswerable and digest or metabolize that which can be understood....Ooooh!!! this is so good....Cranial Thinker
Comment Written 20-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Thank you. I am pleased you are enjoying his.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Smurph,
Check out the line below, I think you mean 'past' instead of 'pasc'
minutes pasc with no
I am glad Charlie was found before he did any harm to Billy. Not that he doesn't deserve it. I hope Charlie can take some anger management classes before he does something he will regret. This is a fast paced chapter and I read every word as I am intrigued with this story and can't wait to see what happens next! Well done....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Hi Smurph,
Check out the line below, I think you mean 'past' instead of 'pasc'
minutes pasc with no
I am glad Charlie was found before he did any harm to Billy. Not that he doesn't deserve it. I hope Charlie can take some anger management classes before he does something he will regret. This is a fast paced chapter and I read every word as I am intrigued with this story and can't wait to see what happens next! Well done....blessings, chey
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Yup, that's what I meant. Thanks for catching that. I am so pleased you are enjoying this.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Twenty[ ]minutes later[,] there was a knock at the door.
A few minutes later[,] Mom arrived.
You are doing a really good job of showing each family member's reaction to this tragedy.
Roberta
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Twenty[ ]minutes later[,] there was a knock at the door.
A few minutes later[,] Mom arrived.
You are doing a really good job of showing each family member's reaction to this tragedy.
Roberta
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am so pleased you think I am doing a good job with this.
Comment from James Sarzotti
I like the homespun, The Hardy Boys with psycho father baggage, feel of your mystery.
pasc << typo?
"James, Mr. Hurley warned you and Charlie about keeping a low profile. Personally, I'd like a few minutes in a room with Billy myself, but beating the crap out of him would only make an already bad situation worse."
Despite my fear that was exactly what Charlie was planning, I felt the need to defend him.
"Give Charlie a break. He's been through hell, and if I were a few pounds heavier, I'd be out there looking for Billy myself." << Ah, the small town prerogative. Though it's much worse in the city when exercised.
Mom's words touched a sore spot. I could think of at least twelve families that already wished they never heard of our family. << Nice hook at the end. I've noticed you always end your chapters well.
Enjoyable! I hope to keep up with it. Cheers, JS
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I like the homespun, The Hardy Boys with psycho father baggage, feel of your mystery.
pasc << typo?
"James, Mr. Hurley warned you and Charlie about keeping a low profile. Personally, I'd like a few minutes in a room with Billy myself, but beating the crap out of him would only make an already bad situation worse."
Despite my fear that was exactly what Charlie was planning, I felt the need to defend him.
"Give Charlie a break. He's been through hell, and if I were a few pounds heavier, I'd be out there looking for Billy myself." << Ah, the small town prerogative. Though it's much worse in the city when exercised.
Mom's words touched a sore spot. I could think of at least twelve families that already wished they never heard of our family. << Nice hook at the end. I've noticed you always end your chapters well.
Enjoyable! I hope to keep up with it. Cheers, JS
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thanks for catching the spag. I am so pleased you like this.
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Smurphy
Another great addition to the novel.
I always took good care of my kid sister.
I notice someone pulled you up on using a cliche? Writers should avoid using them in descriptive narratives - but they are perfectly fine in dialogue. I know someone who almost speaks in cliches - my account of him would be full of them.
Ron
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Hi Smurphy
Another great addition to the novel.
I always took good care of my kid sister.
I notice someone pulled you up on using a cliche? Writers should avoid using them in descriptive narratives - but they are perfectly fine in dialogue. I know someone who almost speaks in cliches - my account of him would be full of them.
Ron
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Sadly, I speak in cliches and most of my friends do. Bad habit and a hard one to break. I am pleased you liked this chapter.