The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The Price of Betrayal"A family learns their father is a serial killer
23 total reviews
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
I wanted to gie you a six but didn't have ny. This chapter deserves one, though.
"Tourists carry umbrellas, locals don't.["]
this is so real, I'd swear you have first-hand knowledge. Keep up the good work.
roberta
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I wanted to gie you a six but didn't have ny. This chapter deserves one, though.
"Tourists carry umbrellas, locals don't.["]
this is so real, I'd swear you have first-hand knowledge. Keep up the good work.
roberta
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I currently live in Mazatlan, but was born and raised in Seattle. I am so pleased you liked this one.
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that is one of the things that's so interesting about this site - people are from all around the world. Have you posted anything describing Mazatlan?
Comment from psalmist
Wow! You do such a terrific job bringing out all aspects of your characters feelings and thoughts. Asking questions, presenting the issues they face, how to make sens of it all. How to come to terms with who their dad is and who they are. Great drama and suspense at the end, keeping me wanting more. Linda
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Wow! You do such a terrific job bringing out all aspects of your characters feelings and thoughts. Asking questions, presenting the issues they face, how to make sens of it all. How to come to terms with who their dad is and who they are. Great drama and suspense at the end, keeping me wanting more. Linda
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I am thrilled you like this.
Comment from Deejharrington
I know James has most of the brains in the family or at least more than his share, but here Charlie asks some hard questions. He is processing all the events that have turned their world upside down. Susan's attempt at suicide shows they are ill-prepared for all the fall-out. Exceptionally well done, as usual.
deb
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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I know James has most of the brains in the family or at least more than his share, but here Charlie asks some hard questions. He is processing all the events that have turned their world upside down. Susan's attempt at suicide shows they are ill-prepared for all the fall-out. Exceptionally well done, as usual.
deb
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I am thrilled you like this.
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:)
Comment from Alaskastory
'The Price of Betrayal' is a super well done chapter. Wish I had more stars for it! You portray Charlie and James together in a vivid way and the horror with Susan. Remarkable chapter, Sasha.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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'The Price of Betrayal' is a super well done chapter. Wish I had more stars for it! You portray Charlie and James together in a vivid way and the horror with Susan. Remarkable chapter, Sasha.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the great review. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I feel like each review to you is the same, but you are doing such a good job that I don't have anything else to say accept you are doing a good job.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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I feel like each review to you is the same, but you are doing such a good job that I don't have anything else to say accept you are doing a good job.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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I always appreciate your wonderful and supportive comments. I am so pleased you are enjoying this.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
For a few minutes it seemed like James and Charlie had escaped from the nightmare and were just brothers again. Charlie was looking up to his big brother again as they are fish and chips and walked along the waterfront without fear of recognition.
Then hell descended on them again:
As we approached the front door, I noticed three newspaper stands. My heart sank when I saw Susan and Billy's prom photograph on the front page of The Tattler. I pulled two quarters out of my pocket, slid them into the first slot and grabbed a paper. The headline, KILLER'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER OUT OF CONTROL - BOYFRIEND TELLS ALL, sent waves of anger racing up my spine faster than the speed of light exploding like a bomb in my chest. I began hyperventilating as I read the lies Billy told about Susan having sex with every boy in school, binge drinking, and using cocaine. {Susan's boyfriend had betrayed her completely fueling the family tragedy with terrible lies about Susan. He had sold Susan out for sensation. What a creep!}
Back in the hote, everything was worse:
When I opened the door to our room, I knew immediately something was wrong. All the lights were off and all I could hear was Mom, in the bathroom, screaming....We found Susan lying in the bathtub, fully dressed, soaking wet, and covered in blood from a large gash in her left wrist. Mom was on her knees, screaming, while trying to pull Susan out of the bathtub. A blood soaked copy of the Tattler with the picture of Susan and Billy lay on the floor next to a bloody bread knife.{Now the race is on to save Susan.}
As usual, your writing is excellemt as you capture te essence of an ongoing nightmare.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
For a few minutes it seemed like James and Charlie had escaped from the nightmare and were just brothers again. Charlie was looking up to his big brother again as they are fish and chips and walked along the waterfront without fear of recognition.
Then hell descended on them again:
As we approached the front door, I noticed three newspaper stands. My heart sank when I saw Susan and Billy's prom photograph on the front page of The Tattler. I pulled two quarters out of my pocket, slid them into the first slot and grabbed a paper. The headline, KILLER'S TEENAGE DAUGHTER OUT OF CONTROL - BOYFRIEND TELLS ALL, sent waves of anger racing up my spine faster than the speed of light exploding like a bomb in my chest. I began hyperventilating as I read the lies Billy told about Susan having sex with every boy in school, binge drinking, and using cocaine. {Susan's boyfriend had betrayed her completely fueling the family tragedy with terrible lies about Susan. He had sold Susan out for sensation. What a creep!}
Back in the hote, everything was worse:
When I opened the door to our room, I knew immediately something was wrong. All the lights were off and all I could hear was Mom, in the bathroom, screaming....We found Susan lying in the bathtub, fully dressed, soaking wet, and covered in blood from a large gash in her left wrist. Mom was on her knees, screaming, while trying to pull Susan out of the bathtub. A blood soaked copy of the Tattler with the picture of Susan and Billy lay on the floor next to a bloody bread knife.{Now the race is on to save Susan.}
As usual, your writing is excellemt as you capture te essence of an ongoing nightmare.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I sincerely appreciate your thorough critiques of my writing. I am pleased you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from Joan E.
I read this and the next chapter out of sequence by mistake, but since this is a second reading, I didn't spoil the story for myself! I chortled at your description of Seattle's fountain, and I like the way you portrayed the tenderness between James and Charlie. The attempted suicide is as dramatic in this reading as well as it was the first time around. -Joan
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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I read this and the next chapter out of sequence by mistake, but since this is a second reading, I didn't spoil the story for myself! I chortled at your description of Seattle's fountain, and I like the way you portrayed the tenderness between James and Charlie. The attempted suicide is as dramatic in this reading as well as it was the first time around. -Joan
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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I don't know if you have ever seen the fountain at Seattle Center but it really does look like a giant mine and is probably one of the ugliest excuses for art I have ever seen. Glad you liked this one. There were very few changes.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Smurph,
I am glad Charlie and James at the time to talk and it made me sad when Charlie put his feelings in words. What a horrible thing for Billy to do, his lies have affected Susan so that she has slashed her wrists. I hope she will be okay, this family have suffered enough. James is right nothing will be the same from now on. As I have come to expect from you this chapter is expertly written with your great writing skills. Well done....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Hi Smurph,
I am glad Charlie and James at the time to talk and it made me sad when Charlie put his feelings in words. What a horrible thing for Billy to do, his lies have affected Susan so that she has slashed her wrists. I hope she will be okay, this family have suffered enough. James is right nothing will be the same from now on. As I have come to expect from you this chapter is expertly written with your great writing skills. Well done....blessings, chey
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thank you very much. I am so pleased you are enjoying this sad/tragic story.
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I am enjoying it very much!
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
It's difficult to know what to say... I think you know by now that I enjoy all your writings, Sasha... and am particularly enjoying getting back to this story again.
An excellent chapter... this Billy is a son-of-a-bitch, revealing all to the newspapers..
Margaret
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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It's difficult to know what to say... I think you know by now that I enjoy all your writings, Sasha... and am particularly enjoying getting back to this story again.
An excellent chapter... this Billy is a son-of-a-bitch, revealing all to the newspapers..
Margaret
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Yes, he is. Who needs enemies when you have friends like Billy? I am so pleased you are enjoying this...the second time around.
Comment from hyway94
This is where the changes start, am I right? I don't remember this part of the story. Like I said it gets better each time. No mistakes and great flow.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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This is where the changes start, am I right? I don't remember this part of the story. Like I said it gets better each time. No mistakes and great flow.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Yes, this has been changed from the original and from now on you will see more and more changes. Glad you liked this one.