The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "A Plea Bargain"A family learns their father is a serial killer
24 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You are still doing a really good job with this novel. I like the way you portray the families emotions and how each person is dealing differently with their feelings.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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You are still doing a really good job with this novel. I like the way you portray the families emotions and how each person is dealing differently with their feelings.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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Thank you. I am so pleased you are enjoying this.
Comment from Deejharrington
Maybe James' mother is stronger than he thought. Sometimes, we don't know how much we can handle until pushed to our limits. This family is certainly being pushed to the very edge. Now James has the ill-placed guilt of the victims' families. It will be a miracle if these family members stay sane.
deb
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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Maybe James' mother is stronger than he thought. Sometimes, we don't know how much we can handle until pushed to our limits. This family is certainly being pushed to the very edge. Now James has the ill-placed guilt of the victims' families. It will be a miracle if these family members stay sane.
deb
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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You are right about Mom, it is difficult to truly see her strength. Glad you like this one.
Comment from hyway94
EAch chapter gets better and better. I just can't get it out of my mine how good this is. I'm always waiting for the post. Thank you so much for a good write.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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EAch chapter gets better and better. I just can't get it out of my mine how good this is. I'm always waiting for the post. Thank you so much for a good write.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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I cannot begin tell you how pleased I am that you are enjoying this.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
Did you have an error in chapter numbering? Your chapter headings indicate two Chapter 9s and no chapter 8.
1. Charlie and I ordered lunch from room service, and after eating, Charlie fell asleep on the couch. I covered him with a blanket and then poured myself a glass of milk and went out onto the lanai to relax and try to sort out my feelings about Dad.{I am glad to find James and Charlie at peace with each other.}
2. Dad demanded an excessive amount of praise and admiration from all of us. He lacked empathy and was incapable of recognizing or identifying with the feelings of anyone, other than his. To me, it was obvious he was jealous of Charlie's popularity and never hid his disdain for me. He walked around the house like a pompous ass, convinced everyone was envious of him. His behavior reeked of arrogance founded on nothing more than his vivid and warped imagination. When Dad looked at himself in the mirror, it was obvious the image staring back at him was grossly distorted by his overgrown ego. {It is interesting to know that James saw through his father's fascade as a respectable husband and father. Great passage!}
3. I was the lucky one. School occupied most of my time which was spent working on my dissertation. I was seldom home, leaving Mom, Susan and Charlie the primary focus of Dad's insatiable need to maintain control. {great insight!}
4. Watching Billy's on-camera interview this morning with Chanel 14 News devastated Susan and sent Charlie into a full-blown rage. He threw a full can of Sprite at the television, missing it by inches. Charlie's inability to control his temper was becoming a real concern to both Mom and me. Inconsolable, Susan locked herself in the bedroom, and she refused to come out.{What an ass Billy was. Now Susan's contact with him is putting added psychological pressure on her, as she fully realizes her mistake.}
5.Mom unclenched her fists and took a long, deep breath before speaking. "A man brutally tortures and murders six young girls, and when he is told he may die for it, he has the audacity to get scared. Don't you find that odd?"{Mom is finally sharing some of her thoughts with James. Is she finally becoming like a real mother. After twenty-two years of a marriage where James' father did all the thinking for her, this seems to be a big and perhaps healing step.]
6. In a voice void of any emotion, Mom said, "Apparently his attorney is trying to work out some sort of plea agreement. What the hell does he have to bargain with?"
....I assume Dad is offering to plead guilty to the unsolved murders in exchange for taking the death penalty off the table."{James again demonstrates his reasoning ability. Great writing!}
7. I looked Mom in the eyes and asked, "Do you still love Dad?"
After several long, painful minutes of silence, she finally spoke. "I thought I loved the man I married. But I realize that man only existed in my mind." Pausing just long enough to wipe the tear dangling from the tip of her nose, she then said, "I can say with absolute certainty I hate the man sitting in jail."{Mom has finally taken her life back.}
8.With a big grin on his face, Charlie shook his head. "No problem. Haven't you heard? I've been officially blurred, no one will recognize me. It's you and James that have to wear the big floppy hats to hide under, not me." Charlie paused long enough so see if Mom's frown turned into a smile. It didn't. "Come on, Mom, if I don't get out of here soon, I'm going to go nuts."
I had to agree with Charlie. Thick, heavy air weighed down with ugliness and depression filled every inch of the room. It was choking the life out of all of us. I needed a break too. I patted Mom on the back. "He's right. We need to get out of here. I'll make sure nothing happens. I promise, we'll be fine." {It does seem to be time for fresh air if rep[rters can be avoided.]
Now I'm ready for a change in tempo. This is a heavy burden for a family to bear. Something needs to give.
This continues to be great writing. I wish I could give you more stars.
Love and Irish hugs.
Roger
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
Did you have an error in chapter numbering? Your chapter headings indicate two Chapter 9s and no chapter 8.
1. Charlie and I ordered lunch from room service, and after eating, Charlie fell asleep on the couch. I covered him with a blanket and then poured myself a glass of milk and went out onto the lanai to relax and try to sort out my feelings about Dad.{I am glad to find James and Charlie at peace with each other.}
2. Dad demanded an excessive amount of praise and admiration from all of us. He lacked empathy and was incapable of recognizing or identifying with the feelings of anyone, other than his. To me, it was obvious he was jealous of Charlie's popularity and never hid his disdain for me. He walked around the house like a pompous ass, convinced everyone was envious of him. His behavior reeked of arrogance founded on nothing more than his vivid and warped imagination. When Dad looked at himself in the mirror, it was obvious the image staring back at him was grossly distorted by his overgrown ego. {It is interesting to know that James saw through his father's fascade as a respectable husband and father. Great passage!}
3. I was the lucky one. School occupied most of my time which was spent working on my dissertation. I was seldom home, leaving Mom, Susan and Charlie the primary focus of Dad's insatiable need to maintain control. {great insight!}
4. Watching Billy's on-camera interview this morning with Chanel 14 News devastated Susan and sent Charlie into a full-blown rage. He threw a full can of Sprite at the television, missing it by inches. Charlie's inability to control his temper was becoming a real concern to both Mom and me. Inconsolable, Susan locked herself in the bedroom, and she refused to come out.{What an ass Billy was. Now Susan's contact with him is putting added psychological pressure on her, as she fully realizes her mistake.}
5.Mom unclenched her fists and took a long, deep breath before speaking. "A man brutally tortures and murders six young girls, and when he is told he may die for it, he has the audacity to get scared. Don't you find that odd?"{Mom is finally sharing some of her thoughts with James. Is she finally becoming like a real mother. After twenty-two years of a marriage where James' father did all the thinking for her, this seems to be a big and perhaps healing step.]
6. In a voice void of any emotion, Mom said, "Apparently his attorney is trying to work out some sort of plea agreement. What the hell does he have to bargain with?"
....I assume Dad is offering to plead guilty to the unsolved murders in exchange for taking the death penalty off the table."{James again demonstrates his reasoning ability. Great writing!}
7. I looked Mom in the eyes and asked, "Do you still love Dad?"
After several long, painful minutes of silence, she finally spoke. "I thought I loved the man I married. But I realize that man only existed in my mind." Pausing just long enough to wipe the tear dangling from the tip of her nose, she then said, "I can say with absolute certainty I hate the man sitting in jail."{Mom has finally taken her life back.}
8.With a big grin on his face, Charlie shook his head. "No problem. Haven't you heard? I've been officially blurred, no one will recognize me. It's you and James that have to wear the big floppy hats to hide under, not me." Charlie paused long enough so see if Mom's frown turned into a smile. It didn't. "Come on, Mom, if I don't get out of here soon, I'm going to go nuts."
I had to agree with Charlie. Thick, heavy air weighed down with ugliness and depression filled every inch of the room. It was choking the life out of all of us. I needed a break too. I patted Mom on the back. "He's right. We need to get out of here. I'll make sure nothing happens. I promise, we'll be fine." {It does seem to be time for fresh air if rep[rters can be avoided.]
Now I'm ready for a change in tempo. This is a heavy burden for a family to bear. Something needs to give.
This continues to be great writing. I wish I could give you more stars.
Love and Irish hugs.
Roger
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thanks for pointing out the chapter numbering error. I'll fix it. I am so pleased you like how this is going. I've tweaked it so many times, I've started to get a little dizzy.
Comment from Alaskastory
'A Plea Bargain' is a chapter that gives a good look at the mother. In this revision, she seems to emerge with a new strength. Her character is developing. James' longtime feelings about his Dad come through too. Well done!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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'A Plea Bargain' is a chapter that gives a good look at the mother. In this revision, she seems to emerge with a new strength. Her character is developing. James' longtime feelings about his Dad come through too. Well done!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I am pleased you enjoyed this.
Comment from Veronica Grace
I'm beginning to wonder about Charlie! This was another great chapter in every way, shape and form. I can't say enough how well I'm liking this and your writing.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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I'm beginning to wonder about Charlie! This was another great chapter in every way, shape and form. I can't say enough how well I'm liking this and your writing.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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I am so pleased you are enjoying this story.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Paragraph 6... 1st sentence: try[ing] to ignite....
This chapter is so good. I'm really enjoying this reread of the story. It will be one of those books you will want to read twice, I'm sure. Giddy
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Paragraph 6... 1st sentence: try[ing] to ignite....
This chapter is so good. I'm really enjoying this reread of the story. It will be one of those books you will want to read twice, I'm sure. Giddy
Comment Written 16-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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I am so pleased you are enjoying this.
Comment from axelbeariter
It was as though they needed to acknowledge his inflated idea of his own importance by constantly seeking his approval to validate their existence./A great observation. I once had to deal with a person who belonged to a similar family. Like that old cliche, they couldn't see the forest for the trees.----Mom's voice trailed off briefly./You don't need this. Using it and an ellipsis here shows that, so if you use both, the passage will be redundant----I look Mom in the eyes and asked,/Use past tense--looked----Thick, heavy air weighed down with ugliness and depression filled every inch of the room./Nice picture----Another great chapter in showing the family's reactions.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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It was as though they needed to acknowledge his inflated idea of his own importance by constantly seeking his approval to validate their existence./A great observation. I once had to deal with a person who belonged to a similar family. Like that old cliche, they couldn't see the forest for the trees.----Mom's voice trailed off briefly./You don't need this. Using it and an ellipsis here shows that, so if you use both, the passage will be redundant----I look Mom in the eyes and asked,/Use past tense--looked----Thick, heavy air weighed down with ugliness and depression filled every inch of the room./Nice picture----Another great chapter in showing the family's reactions.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I will make the changes you suggest. I am so pleased you are enjoying this.
Comment from Halfree
Definitely a 5. Your doing a good job. The remark Being the smartest boy at school. My first reaction, "What a little snot!" Might want to say it a different way. You're building the story just right. Keep at it.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Definitely a 5. Your doing a good job. The remark Being the smartest boy at school. My first reaction, "What a little snot!" Might want to say it a different way. You're building the story just right. Keep at it.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I'll take a look at that sentence.
Comment from Showboat
You are doing an excellent job of pulling us into the story and filling us with emotion. So often when the author does that, they slip into melodrama, but you keep it so crisp and clear. Kudos, m'dear.
As the story continues to unfold, you're making the mother more real, both in her behavior and her dealings with her kids. Your depiction of the families of the victims is spot on. Way to go, Sasha,
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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You are doing an excellent job of pulling us into the story and filling us with emotion. So often when the author does that, they slip into melodrama, but you keep it so crisp and clear. Kudos, m'dear.
As the story continues to unfold, you're making the mother more real, both in her behavior and her dealings with her kids. Your depiction of the families of the victims is spot on. Way to go, Sasha,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 16-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Thanks. I am thrilled you like this.