The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Too Many Whys"A family learns their father is a serial killer
24 total reviews
Comment from CHarte
I could feel the knot in my own stomach as I read through your description of James' emotions. Well done!
This poor family is in for a very rough road ahead.
Collette
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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I could feel the knot in my own stomach as I read through your description of James' emotions. Well done!
This poor family is in for a very rough road ahead.
Collette
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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They certainly do. Glad you liked this chapter.
Comment from hyway94
This is very good, matter of fact it's as good as the first time around. The story moves on with a very good flow of words. With no mistakes it's doing great.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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This is very good, matter of fact it's as good as the first time around. The story moves on with a very good flow of words. With no mistakes it's doing great.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thanks. Not too many changes in this chapter. The major changes are coming up soon. Glad you continue to like this story.
Comment from Veronica Grace
As I read your story, the style in which you write puts me beside each character and in the state of mind your descriptive words compell. Great chapter
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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As I read your story, the style in which you write puts me beside each character and in the state of mind your descriptive words compell. Great chapter
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Thanks, I am pleased you enjoyed this one.
Comment from Deejharrington
Though James is smart beyond his years and most other people, he is like most of us who other people are a continual mystery. You have done such a terrific job of capturing James's confusion of emotions. What he told his mother may have sounded harsh, it was the truth. She needed to hear it and James needed to cry and lean on her for a while.
deb
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Though James is smart beyond his years and most other people, he is like most of us who other people are a continual mystery. You have done such a terrific job of capturing James's confusion of emotions. What he told his mother may have sounded harsh, it was the truth. She needed to hear it and James needed to cry and lean on her for a while.
deb
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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I agree, the truth can be so painful at times.
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But, in the end, its the kindest way, to hear it from James.d
deb
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Smurph,
This is such an emotionally charged chapter and it held me rapt from the first line to the last. You have written about the all consuming grief of this family with an expert pen. I do think James is right. Knowing the 'why' will not let them grieve less and when I stop to think about it I know their pain will be part of them forever. I like the way you ended this chapter with a tender moment between James and his mother. This is superb writing and deserving of a six. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Hi Smurph,
This is such an emotionally charged chapter and it held me rapt from the first line to the last. You have written about the all consuming grief of this family with an expert pen. I do think James is right. Knowing the 'why' will not let them grieve less and when I stop to think about it I know their pain will be part of them forever. I like the way you ended this chapter with a tender moment between James and his mother. This is superb writing and deserving of a six. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Thanks so much. I am thrilled you enjoyed this one and thanks or the awesome 6 stars, I sincerely appreciate them.
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You deserved six stars!
Comment from psalmist
So much about James reminds me of my own son, Jonathan. I know he loves his family, but he struggles to show it, does not seem to know how, really. This sentence really made me think: The reality that we never knew the man we called Dad caught me off guard. I often wonder how much any of us really know another person, I struggle with knowing who I am, sometimes. Well done. Linda
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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So much about James reminds me of my own son, Jonathan. I know he loves his family, but he struggles to show it, does not seem to know how, really. This sentence really made me think: The reality that we never knew the man we called Dad caught me off guard. I often wonder how much any of us really know another person, I struggle with knowing who I am, sometimes. Well done. Linda
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Thank you very much. I am so pleased you enjoy and can relate to some of what I am writing.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, what an shocking,
emotional time for this
family... and James is
feeling the pain.
The giant knot inside me shifted and my body began to tremble. I began to shake uncontrollably. - here you have "began to tremble" and "shake uncontrollably" close - might you consider.... simply ...
The giant knot inside me shifted and I began to sake uncontrollably.
Margaret
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Oh, what an shocking,
emotional time for this
family... and James is
feeling the pain.
The giant knot inside me shifted and my body began to tremble. I began to shake uncontrollably. - here you have "began to tremble" and "shake uncontrollably" close - might you consider.... simply ...
The giant knot inside me shifted and I began to sake uncontrollably.
Margaret
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Great suggestion. I will make the change in that sentence.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
Your writing is powerful , but emotionally draining. the situation faced by the Mathew's family is almost beyond imagination. As usual, I have some specific comments:
1. Of the estimated 650,000 words in the English language, I had no doubt there was not a single word, or combination of words, that anyone on the planet could find that would offer any comfort to them whatsoever.{There are times when words fail to cover the enormity of a situation. I can't imagine a way to come close with a life-altering situation like this.Great paragraph!}
2. My brain had become my enemy. It raced frantically from one horrific image to another while, at the same time, my emotions were fighting a losing battle with each other. All my feelings were tied into a single, giant twisted knot of rage, fear, sadness, frustration, love, hate, despair, ambivalence, emptiness, and worst of all, grief.{Another great paragraph!}
3. However, I couldn't imagine ever looking at a sunset, a child's smiling face, take a quiet walk in the woods, or ever again being able to enjoy any of the things I once took for granted. I feared the images burning in my head were destined to stay with me forever.
Overwhelmed by a thousand emotions fighting for their rightful place at the top of the list, I suddenly realized I couldn't catch my breath. Panting like a dog, I fought for just one deep breath of air; but my lungs refused to take in more than a single, small gulp at a time, barely enough to keep me from passing out.{More good writing. Emotions can strangle one's thoughts during desperate times. You capture this perfectly.]
4. "Mom, there is nothing Dad can say that will ever explain why he did what he did. You foolishly think if you can understand why he did this terrible thing that it will somehow make all this bearable. But it won't. It won't because it will never make sense. The only answer is that he is a sick, evil man, who for whatever reason gets his kicks from torturing and killing young girls. {Exactly how I think when I learn about serial killers who dsiplay no useful purpose in life.}
I continue to believe you are writing a book destined to be a best seller. I still can't give you six stars, but you can have all the virtual Irish hugs, your imagination requires. Enjoy!
Roger
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
Your writing is powerful , but emotionally draining. the situation faced by the Mathew's family is almost beyond imagination. As usual, I have some specific comments:
1. Of the estimated 650,000 words in the English language, I had no doubt there was not a single word, or combination of words, that anyone on the planet could find that would offer any comfort to them whatsoever.{There are times when words fail to cover the enormity of a situation. I can't imagine a way to come close with a life-altering situation like this.Great paragraph!}
2. My brain had become my enemy. It raced frantically from one horrific image to another while, at the same time, my emotions were fighting a losing battle with each other. All my feelings were tied into a single, giant twisted knot of rage, fear, sadness, frustration, love, hate, despair, ambivalence, emptiness, and worst of all, grief.{Another great paragraph!}
3. However, I couldn't imagine ever looking at a sunset, a child's smiling face, take a quiet walk in the woods, or ever again being able to enjoy any of the things I once took for granted. I feared the images burning in my head were destined to stay with me forever.
Overwhelmed by a thousand emotions fighting for their rightful place at the top of the list, I suddenly realized I couldn't catch my breath. Panting like a dog, I fought for just one deep breath of air; but my lungs refused to take in more than a single, small gulp at a time, barely enough to keep me from passing out.{More good writing. Emotions can strangle one's thoughts during desperate times. You capture this perfectly.]
4. "Mom, there is nothing Dad can say that will ever explain why he did what he did. You foolishly think if you can understand why he did this terrible thing that it will somehow make all this bearable. But it won't. It won't because it will never make sense. The only answer is that he is a sick, evil man, who for whatever reason gets his kicks from torturing and killing young girls. {Exactly how I think when I learn about serial killers who dsiplay no useful purpose in life.}
I continue to believe you are writing a book destined to be a best seller. I still can't give you six stars, but you can have all the virtual Irish hugs, your imagination requires. Enjoy!
Roger
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for your generous comments. I feel very strongly about the book and what I hope to convey to those unfamiliar with what so many of these families go through. I have loosely based it on several real serial killers such as Bundy, Yates, Ridgway, and the father of the serial arsonist Paul Keller. Your opinion mean a lot to me and I am so pleased you are enjoying this.
Comment from axelbeariter
Of the estimated 650,000 words in the English language, I had no doubt there was not a single word, or combination of words, that anyone on the planet could find that would offer any comfort to them whatsoever./This is an absolutely great passage.----The both of us stared/Drop The; begin at Both----I felt a single tear well up in the corner of my eye before rolling at the speed of a runaway boulder down my cheek./Nice image----Another wonderful job of showing us characters' characteristics.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2012
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Of the estimated 650,000 words in the English language, I had no doubt there was not a single word, or combination of words, that anyone on the planet could find that would offer any comfort to them whatsoever./This is an absolutely great passage.----The both of us stared/Drop The; begin at Both----I felt a single tear well up in the corner of my eye before rolling at the speed of a runaway boulder down my cheek./Nice image----Another wonderful job of showing us characters' characteristics.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the suggestions. I will go back over this chapter and make the changes. I apologize for not keeping up with your book, I have been so busy and my computer is acting up again.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I so so admire your ability to put side all the work you'd done the 1st time and rewrite this; but let me assure you this is much much tighter. it is more sophisticated, honing in on the nitty-gritty with aplomb. The emotions expressed in this chapter are very believable, too.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2012
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I so so admire your ability to put side all the work you'd done the 1st time and rewrite this; but let me assure you this is much much tighter. it is more sophisticated, honing in on the nitty-gritty with aplomb. The emotions expressed in this chapter are very believable, too.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2012
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Thank you so very much. That is exactly what I was aiming for. I am pleased you think this version is better. I do too.