I Love
Expression of love72 total reviews
Comment from cthomsen
This is lovely. It is a nice tribute to love that sustains even when tested by distance. I am always so impressed with how much emotion can be expressed in so few lines.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
This is lovely. It is a nice tribute to love that sustains even when tested by distance. I am always so impressed with how much emotion can be expressed in so few lines.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
Thanks Thanks a lot
Comment from Tonulak
Your opening line is ungrammatical "I love you from far", and reads awkwardly. As does , "you help me gain strength deserved, is also curious , do you deserve the strength or is strength worthy of deserving? The short form is a difficult one to do. it's not simply about syllable count.. This is not haiku, not really senryu. One of the hallmarks of a good 5/7/5 is that it should read elegantly. You have a nice theme, love from great distances, but I think you could bring more to bear, emotionally and linguistically.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
Your opening line is ungrammatical "I love you from far", and reads awkwardly. As does , "you help me gain strength deserved, is also curious , do you deserve the strength or is strength worthy of deserving? The short form is a difficult one to do. it's not simply about syllable count.. This is not haiku, not really senryu. One of the hallmarks of a good 5/7/5 is that it should read elegantly. You have a nice theme, love from great distances, but I think you could bring more to bear, emotionally and linguistically.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
Thanks
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Nice 5-7-5 on the subject og love and longing especially with the red and black coloring. Very romantic and I hpe he/she comes home soon!!! DEbbie
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
Nice 5-7-5 on the subject og love and longing especially with the red and black coloring. Very romantic and I hpe he/she comes home soon!!! DEbbie
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
Thanks and I hope too. Why not the extra star? just curious :D
-
I gave 5 stars-just didn't feel it was a 6 star poem-Sorry
-
OK that was fair.
Comment from Eternal Muse
Those 3 lines are very powerful. You describe the unrequited feeling of "loving from afar", which already speaks volumes. Your second line is testimony of the strength love gives. And your third one is the desire for the beloved to be near.
Loved what you did here. Thank you so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
Those 3 lines are very powerful. You describe the unrequited feeling of "loving from afar", which already speaks volumes. Your second line is testimony of the strength love gives. And your third one is the desire for the beloved to be near.
Loved what you did here. Thank you so much for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
Thanks for understanding my thoughts
Comment from pickthorn
Strong message but there are 6 words in second line not seven. Maybe syllables are required instead of words? I don't do these 5-7-5 poems. 6 syllables in line one? Oh, well. Great job.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
Strong message but there are 6 words in second line not seven. Maybe syllables are required instead of words? I don't do these 5-7-5 poems. 6 syllables in line one? Oh, well. Great job.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
Thanks
Comment from artemis53
I do believe that you read my mind. That watching and finally getting the nerve to approach is well done. Maybe it will give me some courage.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
I do believe that you read my mind. That watching and finally getting the nerve to approach is well done. Maybe it will give me some courage.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
Maybe and thank you
Comment from Galactia
I love you from far (5)
you help me gain strength deserved (7)
please come soon, my dear(5)
great poem but your 1st line syllable count is out.
just a slight tweak and it will be spot on.
GL
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
I love you from far (5)
you help me gain strength deserved (7)
please come soon, my dear(5)
great poem but your 1st line syllable count is out.
just a slight tweak and it will be spot on.
GL
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
I changed it.
Comment from Jean Lutz
Longing poured out short and sweet. I wish you well in the contest and in luring your secret love. You have presented this is true form.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
Longing poured out short and sweet. I wish you well in the contest and in luring your secret love. You have presented this is true form.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
Thanks
Comment from PoesyPoet
I love your, "I Love" 5-7-5 poetry and thinks it makes a great contest entry. Love from afar is very poetry. Good luck in the contest. PP
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
I love your, "I Love" 5-7-5 poetry and thinks it makes a great contest entry. Love from afar is very poetry. Good luck in the contest. PP
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
Thanks
Comment from linsbm
This is perfect in syllable count for 5-7-5 poetry. It delivers a clear message of a love that waits. Sense in flow and structure, written in plain language. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
This is perfect in syllable count for 5-7-5 poetry. It delivers a clear message of a love that waits. Sense in flow and structure, written in plain language. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2012
-
No problem