Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 " Gima: Revenge and Bravery"fantasy adventure
8 total reviews
Comment from Lylise
I have no option for the 6th star otherwise you would have it. You have an amazing talent for describing the scene. I was there. Under the balcony. On the stage. Running along the east wall. To me this chapter, more than the others, was so visually strong. I was immediately transported and stood on the sidelines and watched it all happening. Primo stuff! I also like screwing a dead lady's man. Unbelievable writing!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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I have no option for the 6th star otherwise you would have it. You have an amazing talent for describing the scene. I was there. Under the balcony. On the stage. Running along the east wall. To me this chapter, more than the others, was so visually strong. I was immediately transported and stood on the sidelines and watched it all happening. Primo stuff! I also like screwing a dead lady's man. Unbelievable writing!
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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This is a great review, lynda. I didn't get that many reviews on it because the site didn't send out the fan messages. You're the only one to comment on the sex. I think the folks here are all afraid that someone will read their comments and think they are perverts. I'm sure they think that I am. LOL I really worked hard on this chapter. Thank you for noticing and seeing the room.:)ellen:)
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Another action packed chapter-moved into mature audiences!!! Probably a good thing, rather graphic for regular FS. Good descriptions make it easy to picture all of the sexual activity and the escape that occurs. Still behind-but getting caught up, maybe...Debbie
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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Another action packed chapter-moved into mature audiences!!! Probably a good thing, rather graphic for regular FS. Good descriptions make it easy to picture all of the sexual activity and the escape that occurs. Still behind-but getting caught up, maybe...Debbie
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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The warning did scare of many bit at least no one got angry. LOL
Thank you for commenting on the sexual activity and that it was clear. This will probably be the only chapter this explicit.:) ellen xxx
Comment from Tina55
fradickin' door! Love that!
Battle ready, particulate extended, her teeth clacking, she stalks Trolious who stands in the shadows enjoying a non-cooperative, angry trios attempt to scratch their way up the west wall to the safety of a narrow balcony.(I may be misreading here, but, is this a little off somehow? Should there be a semi-colon or period after non-cooperative?)
This is a gruesome fight for survival. And a dirty game to Trolious. None of your characters ever step out of the moment and leave me doubting the fight they are engaged in. Well done.
Eww, I can' say the the females sound overly attractive when they are mating. Ugh. :-)
Man, Trolious uses the red head rather gruesomely.
At last, she had him to ride him to the last -- his last, her last, their last.( I think the second 'him' might be one too many)
The Lady's Man's bodily fluids from her hands, (You capitalize The Lady's Man here, but not before.)
Ugh! Just when I thought Trell had escaped, there's that damn Sadie!!
What an eye for detail, Ellen! Good job!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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fradickin' door! Love that!
Battle ready, particulate extended, her teeth clacking, she stalks Trolious who stands in the shadows enjoying a non-cooperative, angry trios attempt to scratch their way up the west wall to the safety of a narrow balcony.(I may be misreading here, but, is this a little off somehow? Should there be a semi-colon or period after non-cooperative?)
This is a gruesome fight for survival. And a dirty game to Trolious. None of your characters ever step out of the moment and leave me doubting the fight they are engaged in. Well done.
Eww, I can' say the the females sound overly attractive when they are mating. Ugh. :-)
Man, Trolious uses the red head rather gruesomely.
At last, she had him to ride him to the last -- his last, her last, their last.( I think the second 'him' might be one too many)
The Lady's Man's bodily fluids from her hands, (You capitalize The Lady's Man here, but not before.)
Ugh! Just when I thought Trell had escaped, there's that damn Sadie!!
What an eye for detail, Ellen! Good job!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
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This was a bear of a chapter. I was worried about timing. Too much, too little. I guess it was OK. Thank you for checking it out. I'm still not over the PMs not being sent on this one. I don't know why I capatialized the lady's man there. The sentence correction is non-cooperative trio's attempt ... What a difference punctuation makes. LOL Thank you again, Tina.
What's happening with the blog site you were planning for reviewing?
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The site is slowly simmering. I'm taking my web crew out for lunch later this week to toss ideas around and see what they've come up with. I'm pretty stoked about the hints they've dropped so far.
:-)
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Great! Let me know.:)
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A great chapter, Ellen..
I don't know why this didn't
come via my PM's
impassible
impassable
Hope all is well with you... it's absolurely freezing here (although ...shhhh ... the snow hasn't hit us... yet!) We are off to London Sunday to see our middle son, Richard, and just hope the weather doesn't change too much. Last year the snow was so deep we had to leave our car down the hill for three days.
Margaret
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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A great chapter, Ellen..
I don't know why this didn't
come via my PM's
impassible
impassable
Hope all is well with you... it's absolurely freezing here (although ...shhhh ... the snow hasn't hit us... yet!) We are off to London Sunday to see our middle son, Richard, and just hope the weather doesn't change too much. Last year the snow was so deep we had to leave our car down the hill for three days.
Margaret
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Thank you Margaret. This is the one with no PMs being sent. Wow, the snow there does get deep. I didn't realize that. I hope you miss it this time and can enjoy your visit with your son in London. :) I worked very hard on this chapter. Thank you for saying it is great. :) ellen
Comment from purrfect tale
I thought for sure that Sadie was going to go spray Trolious with her own acid. Really exciting. I felt sorry for the tree he made dance. There is not a single thing I would change in this.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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I thought for sure that Sadie was going to go spray Trolious with her own acid. Really exciting. I felt sorry for the tree he made dance. There is not a single thing I would change in this.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you, PT. I worked hard on this one and want to get the remainer posted. Now Where the f is the 16th chapter. Sounds like a Murder Mystery title. LOL
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Just checking to see if this came to you in your message box?
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No, it didn't. I saw the banner ad.
Comment from cmblack
I found this easy to get into considering it's the 15th chapter and a completely different world (and my first time through with your work). I thought you did a good job keeping the tension high throughout the chapter. You had some extremely visual detailing that I really enjoyed. "Threads hanging like a party favor," was especially vivid and unique!
It bumped me a bit in the story where you used the phrase, "Are we having fun, yet?" twice within a couple of paragraphs. It may be that this is a signature phrase for this character in which case it would make more sense in the context of your novel.
There was a part where Trolious is about to do in the two girls and you use the phrase "Trolious depth" I understood from the reflection part that this was to be perhaps his eyes or whatever substitutes for that, but it still read incomplete and I think adding another word or a different word choice might work better.
One last thing, and this might have come up prior to this, I wasn't sure how the acid got on the glass cages. Did Trolious do this as he went about destroying the place or did it happen when he was fighting Sally? I would have liked to understand how the glass got damaged better since the escape seems pivotal to your story.
Visually well done in a disturbing and good way. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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I found this easy to get into considering it's the 15th chapter and a completely different world (and my first time through with your work). I thought you did a good job keeping the tension high throughout the chapter. You had some extremely visual detailing that I really enjoyed. "Threads hanging like a party favor," was especially vivid and unique!
It bumped me a bit in the story where you used the phrase, "Are we having fun, yet?" twice within a couple of paragraphs. It may be that this is a signature phrase for this character in which case it would make more sense in the context of your novel.
There was a part where Trolious is about to do in the two girls and you use the phrase "Trolious depth" I understood from the reflection part that this was to be perhaps his eyes or whatever substitutes for that, but it still read incomplete and I think adding another word or a different word choice might work better.
One last thing, and this might have come up prior to this, I wasn't sure how the acid got on the glass cages. Did Trolious do this as he went about destroying the place or did it happen when he was fighting Sally? I would have liked to understand how the glass got damaged better since the escape seems pivotal to your story.
Visually well done in a disturbing and good way. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your full review. In answer to your questions. Yes, Trolious uses that phrase in a sadistic way in the novel. The booths were thoroughly sprayed prior to this chapter. I didn't feel that it was necessary to repeat that an it would have required a possible past tense POV. And I will check on the suggestion you mentioned about Trolious depth. I tried to do line editing, not just spags but there are often spots like this that the pros catch. Each time I read it, I find a way to up grade it. I'm very glad that you were able to follow the story and did catch the characer line for Trolious. That was a good thing. Now to work on that point that you. He has only on eye, al do all Vermel. Thought that might be a fun thing for you to know. LOL I so love your review.:)barking dog
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Thanks for updating me, I feel so in the know now! I figured the glass might be in another chapter. In a writing critque class, I had a teacher who would alway say, "smile and nod." Meaning you knew you had whatever was being brought up covered. I did totally enjoy it and my comments were just little things, so thanks again!
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Reviews like yours are very helpful. I'll be checking your post out as well. Do you have anything that you'd like me to read for you?
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Sure, I just posted a story called "Henry". Would love to hear what you think! :) Thanks!
Comment from hellion5
I'm going to have to check out this blue euphoria stuff. Where do you get it? Nice fix--
This is vivid and well-written with good imagery.
Just a few things I noticed:
double-door entrance.I'll be the--entrance. I'll be
some slime.Careful, brain--slime. Careful,
Interesting story--
Crack. His arm hangs limp.--sounds painful, does he react?
soon to be, liquid corpses--soon to be liquid corpses
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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I'm going to have to check out this blue euphoria stuff. Where do you get it? Nice fix--
This is vivid and well-written with good imagery.
Just a few things I noticed:
double-door entrance.I'll be the--entrance. I'll be
some slime.Careful, brain--slime. Careful,
Interesting story--
Crack. His arm hangs limp.--sounds painful, does he react?
soon to be, liquid corpses--soon to be liquid corpses
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thank you for your review, hellion5. Would you consider an upgrade if I correct the spags?:) barking dog. The story is good, you say. I really worked hard at this. Thank you again.:)BD
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Absolutely. The effort you put into it shows--
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LOL. Thank you for the new star.:)
Blue euphoria is served in the Mural Room. It's just through the atrium. The Vertant boy are going there now in Chapter 17. (If you do read on, skip Chapter 16. It was lost in cyber-hell, so I posted Chapter 17. Confused? So was I.)
Again, thank you for the fantastic review.
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Thanks for the directions!
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If you get angry ... there's always a calming green elixir. I needed it yesterday when the PMs never went out on this chapter. LOL
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Can I find the green stuff in the same place as the blue stuff? Forgive my ignorance, but what are PMs?
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Private Messages. Those things in your mailbox. They include the site's notices that someone you've fanned has posted.
Green, blue, red etc. lots of stuff in the Mural Room served by Vertant boys there for your every need.
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Thanks. I'm learning. Think I'll check out this Mural Room. Sounds interesting...
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LOL. It's back in previous chapters, more or less a place where the story is unfolding. It has pleasure columns. It's where Larue met Brackus after Larue killed Dyrel. Disregard Chapter 16. Though it is called Mural Wall it is really part of Chapter 17.
Comment from Gungalo
Oh I get it now. Sadie is in their way and attempting to stop their escape. No wonder. Now, is this the one I should have read first. Seems to be. It is always and forever an intriguing write.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Oh I get it now. Sadie is in their way and attempting to stop their escape. No wonder. Now, is this the one I should have read first. Seems to be. It is always and forever an intriguing write.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Yes,it is. Now,I have to pump this one up.
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Got it girl.
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I can't even find Chapter 16 now. It's not even under the disabled tab. Only 15 comes up and when I go to read it, it's the Evil Jinn poem. THIS SITE IS NUTS. I want to get them both up since the site won't re send the post messages. I didn't post either one of these. The site did it without me. I swear, G. I'm not that nuts.
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Sigh what a f'ed up situation.
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Fed up , throw up ... what's up?
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Don't know lady, don't know.
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Just checking to see if this one came to you in your Message Box.
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Nope it didn't.