The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "The red Dress Chapter eighteen."The story of a teenage girl
13 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
I somehow don't see these to making it long term. The sexual chemistry is only going to carry so far. It seems like whenever they aren't bunny bopping they have endless conflicts. Which is normal when a girl is 17. She's so anxious to grab on to any sign of stability. Understandable with Cruella for a mom and Casper the spineless ghost for a dad.
I just want to sit that girl down and talk to her.
I like the story development. I'm curious what she'll think of the guy at the party.
I am staying tuned. :-)
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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I somehow don't see these to making it long term. The sexual chemistry is only going to carry so far. It seems like whenever they aren't bunny bopping they have endless conflicts. Which is normal when a girl is 17. She's so anxious to grab on to any sign of stability. Understandable with Cruella for a mom and Casper the spineless ghost for a dad.
I just want to sit that girl down and talk to her.
I like the story development. I'm curious what she'll think of the guy at the party.
I am staying tuned. :-)
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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They will always be Cruella and Casper to me now, thanks to you! Thank you for yet another of your wonderful reviews. I almost don't want to catch up because they're so much fun to read on a daily basis! Alexis x
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey Alexis
this is a super charged chapter and the story flowed and played out well. I felt the sexual need on both parties, and the guilt felt on his part for cheating on Carla, but when it's good it is so hard to think straight. Usually we guys let our Willie do the thinking and then as an after thought think about what should have been. Nicely done
Bear
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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Hey Alexis
this is a super charged chapter and the story flowed and played out well. I felt the sexual need on both parties, and the guilt felt on his part for cheating on Carla, but when it's good it is so hard to think straight. Usually we guys let our Willie do the thinking and then as an after thought think about what should have been. Nicely done
Bear
Comment Written 30-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much. I love getting a guy's take on this, just in case I'm getting it wrong! Alexis x
Comment from Hareem.S
An interesting conversation they have, and it's kindanatural sometimes to evade serious subjects and keep them at bay. I am glad they are realisticlaly planning thier future together. This chapter again gripped me till the end.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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An interesting conversation they have, and it's kindanatural sometimes to evade serious subjects and keep them at bay. I am glad they are realisticlaly planning thier future together. This chapter again gripped me till the end.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely review. They are a lovely couple but there is a very rocky ride ahead. Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
It was a sad realisation that not having to work for a living, if she had married Nick, had probably swayed her decision when she'd accepted his proposal.-- I had to read this several times to try and understand it.-Maybe: It was a sad realisation that not having to work for a living had probably swayed her into accepting his proposal. Something along those lines. It's too confusing as is (for me) :-)
Lisa phoned a couple of them, and the second one she called agreed to see her on the Monday afternoon.--Try: Lisa phoned a couple of them, landing an interview with one on Monday afternoon.- This removes unnecessary words. Cleaner sentence. Just a thought.
Another wonderful chapter. Off to read more! :-)
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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It was a sad realisation that not having to work for a living, if she had married Nick, had probably swayed her decision when she'd accepted his proposal.-- I had to read this several times to try and understand it.-Maybe: It was a sad realisation that not having to work for a living had probably swayed her into accepting his proposal. Something along those lines. It's too confusing as is (for me) :-)
Lisa phoned a couple of them, and the second one she called agreed to see her on the Monday afternoon.--Try: Lisa phoned a couple of them, landing an interview with one on Monday afternoon.- This removes unnecessary words. Cleaner sentence. Just a thought.
Another wonderful chapter. Off to read more! :-)
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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I don't know how you manage to do it, but you always manage to identify and correct bits I'm not happy with myself. Thank you! Alexis x
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Oh, I'm happy to hear that. I cget stuck like that also and I JUST CANT figure out how to fix it until someone with 'fresh' eyes looks at it. Happy to help!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, alexis, you dod a great job writing this chapter where alan and lisa talk seriously about how to support themselves and the possibility of getting preganant
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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this is very well written, alexis, you dod a great job writing this chapter where alan and lisa talk seriously about how to support themselves and the possibility of getting preganant
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thank you. Yes it's sad but true, one cannot live on love alone! Alexis x
Comment from Chris Davis
Whew! That was a very well-written scene. I really appreciated the attention to character development and the smooth transitions that made this an easy and enjoyable read. A little 'steam' doesn't hurt either... :) Thank you for presenting such a well thought out piece.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Whew! That was a very well-written scene. I really appreciated the attention to character development and the smooth transitions that made this an easy and enjoyable read. A little 'steam' doesn't hurt either... :) Thank you for presenting such a well thought out piece.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much for your review. I couldn't agree more, a little 'steam' can be fun! Alexis x
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You're welcome! :)
Comment from Malerie
Thanks for another good chapter; Lisa and Alan have a lot to think about. They were caught up with love and making love but now reality sets in. I waiting to see what happens once Lisa gets into the work arena; I see trouble ahead. Thanks for sharing again; keep writing, I'll keep reading.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Thanks for another good chapter; Lisa and Alan have a lot to think about. They were caught up with love and making love but now reality sets in. I waiting to see what happens once Lisa gets into the work arena; I see trouble ahead. Thanks for sharing again; keep writing, I'll keep reading.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2012
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Yes, it is a horrible thing, reality. You see very correctly! Thank you for yet another of your great reviews. It is really appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from AlexAX
Well they seem to be very happy again and in the bedroom a lot! Good dialogue, I like it that they spent time with Mike :) On some of the dialogue you used single quotation marks .. 'You cow! and 'I'm going to have to get a job.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Well they seem to be very happy again and in the bedroom a lot! Good dialogue, I like it that they spent time with Mike :) On some of the dialogue you used single quotation marks .. 'You cow! and 'I'm going to have to get a job.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Well spotted! I managed to lose my glasses this week....No seriously, I'm as blind as a bat without them! I'm using those magnifying glasses you can buy at the drug store, and they're obviously not strong enough! Only one more bedroom scene for a while coming up soon and then... Many thanks for your review. Alexis x
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I just got my first pair of glasses yesterday, so maybe they helped! lol hahaha you even leave me on a cliff hanger in your replies?????? hahahaha You're welcome Alexis :) Alex.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Good grief, I am going to die drowning from all these cold showers!
Another great chapter that just begs the reader to devour its contents...Your characters are still brilliant. Inner dialogue is spot on, great exchanges between them. It does seem as if Allan and Lisa are in a bedroom bubble....sex sex sex......thus my damn cold showers.
Loved your work, easy and quick read. Nothing stood out for me...except my need ........for another cold shower..
Thanks for sharing another great chapter...virtual 6 is all this site will along me to get....kinda like virtual sex...thus cold showers
WC
xxo
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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Good grief, I am going to die drowning from all these cold showers!
Another great chapter that just begs the reader to devour its contents...Your characters are still brilliant. Inner dialogue is spot on, great exchanges between them. It does seem as if Allan and Lisa are in a bedroom bubble....sex sex sex......thus my damn cold showers.
Loved your work, easy and quick read. Nothing stood out for me...except my need ........for another cold shower..
Thanks for sharing another great chapter...virtual 6 is all this site will along me to get....kinda like virtual sex...thus cold showers
WC
xxo
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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You are so funny! I think I'd better calm the bedroom scenes down a little, they're having far too much fun, and I only get to write it! It's amazing what you can write with a good imagination....Gulp! I think these bunnies are going to have to calm down a bit, nah, maybe not quite yet... Love and kisses my friend BC xxx
Comment from axelbeariter
'I'm going to have to get a job,' she announced./Use two-pronged quotation marks on this bit of dialogue----Alan couldn't answer her, as he was too busy shutting her up, the only way he knew how.../That was a great way that you handled that segment----'I'm sorry, I know that's what it sounds like - but I have it on very good authority that my face and body are pretty damned good!' she replied with confidence./You've gone back to single horned quotation marks again----'You cow! -/You went easy on the !s in the first half of this chapter, but you're at it again, plus 'You needs a double horn----"Was Carla not on the pill?' she asked./Another single-'----if Carla had got pregnant?'/Here too----"You could be right'/Also here----Did you read the professional comments about the use of exclamation marks that I downloaded for you in the last review?
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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'I'm going to have to get a job,' she announced./Use two-pronged quotation marks on this bit of dialogue----Alan couldn't answer her, as he was too busy shutting her up, the only way he knew how.../That was a great way that you handled that segment----'I'm sorry, I know that's what it sounds like - but I have it on very good authority that my face and body are pretty damned good!' she replied with confidence./You've gone back to single horned quotation marks again----'You cow! -/You went easy on the !s in the first half of this chapter, but you're at it again, plus 'You needs a double horn----"Was Carla not on the pill?' she asked./Another single-'----if Carla had got pregnant?'/Here too----"You could be right'/Also here----Did you read the professional comments about the use of exclamation marks that I downloaded for you in the last review?
Comment Written 27-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2012
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I did, thank you very much. I did try to apply them when editing the two chapters today, honestly. As my husband used to say when I told him I was trying, his reply would be "yes, very(!) Thank you so much, Alexis x