The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Red Dress Chapter five"The story of a teenage girl
15 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
Alan seems pretty nice. I was surprised to read at the beginning that she'd agreed to marry Nick. It didn't seem like she was in love with him. I guess her feelings changed. Alan seems like a nicer choice, although I know squat about him. I'm such a crappy matchmaker!!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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Alan seems pretty nice. I was surprised to read at the beginning that she'd agreed to marry Nick. It didn't seem like she was in love with him. I guess her feelings changed. Alan seems like a nicer choice, although I know squat about him. I'm such a crappy matchmaker!!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2012
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My God how embarrassing, I missed this one! Yes Alan is my version of Brad Pitt, and Lisa's my version of Angelina Jolie but with smaller lips!Thank you so much for your review. Alexis x
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey Alexis
Hey girl this is quite an intriguing story. Lisa in up and down like a yo-yo. Now will Lisa actually show up at the bar and who will she be with when she does? HMMMMMMMM
Bear
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Hey Alexis
Hey girl this is quite an intriguing story. Lisa in up and down like a yo-yo. Now will Lisa actually show up at the bar and who will she be with when she does? HMMMMMMMM
Bear
Comment Written 25-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2012
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Ah, read on my friend, it will all become clear! Thank you so much for reviewing, I do hope you enjoy more. Alexis x
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
her earlier[,] his heart had skipped a beat at the sound of her voice when she answered.
At the end of the evening[,] Lisa had offered her address and phone number to the other
he had phoned Lisa on his mobile half an hour before to tell her he was at Gourock, she was warm and enthusiastic []before announcing that she'd
It was now too late for Alan to back out gracefully[[] because she was expecting him.
He had fantasised about making love to Lisa since the moment he'd met her, and now he knew it would never happen[. H]e felt empty inside.
The water that lapped gently on the shore of Hunters Quay[] where the boat landed[] was crystal clear,
he approached the reception desk in the elegant hallway[.]
After he dressed[,] Alan looked out of the window across the bay.
Wow, thisgirl must have some sex appeal. How come shedidn't have any boyfriends in high school?
Roberta
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2012
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her earlier[,] his heart had skipped a beat at the sound of her voice when she answered.
At the end of the evening[,] Lisa had offered her address and phone number to the other
he had phoned Lisa on his mobile half an hour before to tell her he was at Gourock, she was warm and enthusiastic []before announcing that she'd
It was now too late for Alan to back out gracefully[[] because she was expecting him.
He had fantasised about making love to Lisa since the moment he'd met her, and now he knew it would never happen[. H]e felt empty inside.
The water that lapped gently on the shore of Hunters Quay[] where the boat landed[] was crystal clear,
he approached the reception desk in the elegant hallway[.]
After he dressed[,] Alan looked out of the window across the bay.
Wow, thisgirl must have some sex appeal. How come shedidn't have any boyfriends in high school?
Roberta
Comment Written 19-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much! My apologies for not getting back to you earlier but I have spent the week down in Dunoon clearing my parents house and I wanted to wait until I could concentrate on everything you had noted in your review. Yes, Lisa is as sexy as I can make her, whilst still (hopefully!) retaining her innocence. This was all possible because she was at an all girl boarding school from the age of thirteen, and under her mother's restrictive care when she was home for the holidays. Just as well! My sincere thanks again. Alexis x
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I attended a boarding school for the blind, and it was in a town with St. Mary's Catholic School for Girls. We always talked about how wild the girls were when they were let loose.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, alexis , you did a great job writing this chapter of your book, great imagery you presented about alan's thoughts while he was on the ferry, the disappointment he felt over lisa's engagement and the description of the hotel he stayed at.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2012
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this is very well written, alexis , you did a great job writing this chapter of your book, great imagery you presented about alan's thoughts while he was on the ferry, the disappointment he felt over lisa's engagement and the description of the hotel he stayed at.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2012
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It was easily written because I take that journey a lot myself. Dunoon in Argyll is a lovely place and I shall miss it when I leave it for the last time this week having sold my parent's family home five years after my Dad passed. Well worth a visit!
Comment from robina1978
Poor Alan about being so wrong. It certainly puts him in a very awkward situation with no easy way out. He could not have known this, but he did go on the swing of an idea.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2012
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Poor Alan about being so wrong. It certainly puts him in a very awkward situation with no easy way out. He could not have known this, but he did go on the swing of an idea.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2012
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Now, you know how I write, Ine! Could it ever be simple? Nah...
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No , I know, that keeps me interested. Love and take care, Ine
Comment from Modee
I am trying to write a book, and I see that your writing is very interesting and keeps my eyes moving down the page quickly. I need to get that type of rhythm going. Thanks for the interesting read. Love the story, so far. :)
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2012
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I am trying to write a book, and I see that your writing is very interesting and keeps my eyes moving down the page quickly. I need to get that type of rhythm going. Thanks for the interesting read. Love the story, so far. :)
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much! Your lovely review and six stars have made my day, in more ways than one. Seventy plus posted chapters from three books, plus three lots of sixes today, have at last given me a six status for my novel writing on my profile, and I am over the moon! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Re rythem, I have no idea, I just write and spend hours reading and rereading until it doesn't 'annoy' me any more. I only started writing after I watched a film called 'Waiting for Forrester' about 10 years ago which so inspired me that I sat down and wrote over 500 pages in about three months. Might be worth a look because it is really inspirational. My thanks again, Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
Alan reminisced as the wind smoked his cigarette for him.- I really like this sentence! Do descriptive!
The Victorian villas, some painted in ice cream colours, stretched all along the water's edge like sugar tipped monuments to a golden age.--Another great description! :-)
Good chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2012
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Alan reminisced as the wind smoked his cigarette for him.- I really like this sentence! Do descriptive!
The Victorian villas, some painted in ice cream colours, stretched all along the water's edge like sugar tipped monuments to a golden age.--Another great description! :-)
Good chapter.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2012
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Sorry it's taken so long to reply to your great review, between editing two chapters a day and earning point to promote them, it's been pretty head on! As usual, my sincere thanks for reviewing. Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Ah...poor Alan I felt so sorry for the chap. Stupid bugger doesn't have a bloody chance, and all that extra work wasted.
Your imagery in this chapter was brilliant.I thought you did a great job working around the scene.
Creating it effectively for the reader to broaden their visual view as they read.
To me that made a big difference. You didn't rush through it but layered it like an artist would a painting. Made all the difference in my eyes.
Poor bloody sap is in the bridal suite...God!!
What a thought....ok enough sorrow over him lets get to the juicy parts....what do you mean I have to wait....bugger...
Thanks for sharing and making me feel sorry for a chap I don't even know...in this fictional story....
How sad is my bloody life....:)
Maureen
pass me a glass of wine..
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2012
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Ah...poor Alan I felt so sorry for the chap. Stupid bugger doesn't have a bloody chance, and all that extra work wasted.
Your imagery in this chapter was brilliant.I thought you did a great job working around the scene.
Creating it effectively for the reader to broaden their visual view as they read.
To me that made a big difference. You didn't rush through it but layered it like an artist would a painting. Made all the difference in my eyes.
Poor bloody sap is in the bridal suite...God!!
What a thought....ok enough sorrow over him lets get to the juicy parts....what do you mean I have to wait....bugger...
Thanks for sharing and making me feel sorry for a chap I don't even know...in this fictional story....
How sad is my bloody life....:)
Maureen
pass me a glass of wine..
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2012
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You live life more fully than anyone I know, so never apologize! Take care Alexis x
Comment from axelbeariter
He looked over to where the ferry waited, its mouth open at the back like a yawning animal with a big black lower lip, waiting to receive its cargo of cars and lorries./Nice word picture----Alan reminisced as the wind smoked his cigarette for him./Healthier for him, but not for the wind.--As an ex-smoker after puffing for 50 years, I couldn't resist that ditty.----was totally wasted on him, and he assumed that it was the only one left in the hotel when Lisa had booked it. after his call./Change the period after it to a comma.----Another good setup chapter that was well written as usual.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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He looked over to where the ferry waited, its mouth open at the back like a yawning animal with a big black lower lip, waiting to receive its cargo of cars and lorries./Nice word picture----Alan reminisced as the wind smoked his cigarette for him./Healthier for him, but not for the wind.--As an ex-smoker after puffing for 50 years, I couldn't resist that ditty.----was totally wasted on him, and he assumed that it was the only one left in the hotel when Lisa had booked it. after his call./Change the period after it to a comma.----Another good setup chapter that was well written as usual.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much! Comma changed and compliments greatly appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from MumEsGirl
Happy to report that my brain has returned. Great chapter. You have captured Alan's anxiety so well. I loved the expression of the cloud smoking his cigatette, it is a very vivid image.
I cant wait to see if there is a dual purpose in the double bed
kate
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Happy to report that my brain has returned. Great chapter. You have captured Alan's anxiety so well. I loved the expression of the cloud smoking his cigatette, it is a very vivid image.
I cant wait to see if there is a dual purpose in the double bed
kate
Comment Written 15-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2012
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Well I'm glad one of us has found our brain today, mines having a day off after 10 hours of editing! Many thanks for your great review and no, I'm not giving you any inside information on the bed, I'm saving that for chapter seven! Alexis x