A Most Important Date
tooth fairy12 total reviews
Comment from leather
A good topic and you produced it in short order. Pretty picture.
The last sentence in the first paragraph appears to be a run-on sentence. One thought just runs into another one. Here we have thoughts about a pretty crown at the start and at the end we have thoughts about helping other kids with their lines. These two separate thoughts deserve separate attention--I think two sentences (one for each thought) would help this out.
Keep writing.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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A good topic and you produced it in short order. Pretty picture.
The last sentence in the first paragraph appears to be a run-on sentence. One thought just runs into another one. Here we have thoughts about a pretty crown at the start and at the end we have thoughts about helping other kids with their lines. These two separate thoughts deserve separate attention--I think two sentences (one for each thought) would help this out.
Keep writing.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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thank you for your thoughts ... believe me this was not easy for me lol ... but hey every word we put to paper hopefully will make us stronger...thanks again
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I know so well how hard it can be to put words to paper. I try some contests and wrack my brains about getting the first word down on paper--sometimes I'll write a page and give up.
I hope you continue to write often and receive feedback that will help you progress. It might help to stick to contests that only require word counts like this one--100-500 words. That seems a lot more workable than producing a 7,000 word manuscript. Good luck and best wishes.
Comment from despiser
Hey Deb, here's your big chance! go get em!
Whaddya mean grow up?
haha
That kids gonna have a unibrow. Nice write and good luck in the contest :-)
-D xx
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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Hey Deb, here's your big chance! go get em!
Whaddya mean grow up?
haha
That kids gonna have a unibrow. Nice write and good luck in the contest :-)
-D xx
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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thank you Russell ... but be careful your horns are slipping ...lol thanks again cheeky!
Comment from Ankh
The excitement that can only belong to a child, is found in your words. The small simple pleasures without the complexities that we adults add to everything. Nicely written hun :-)~
Seth x
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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The excitement that can only belong to a child, is found in your words. The small simple pleasures without the complexities that we adults add to everything. Nicely written hun :-)~
Seth x
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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thank you, I truly appreciate your words ...
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. I love the story. She even learned other lines so she could help the other kids. THe girl was a real princess. Great work.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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I love the picture. I love the story. She even learned other lines so she could help the other kids. THe girl was a real princess. Great work.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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thank you ellie for this wonderful review. It is so appreciated. I am not this kind of writer but I sorta read the rules wrong and thought I was supposed to write as the child ... lol ...oh well thanks again. People like you make writers like me feel like maybe there is still that outside chance a story can be written to share even if it is in 100 words.
Comment from purrfect tale
I could see a little girl being this exciting and saying these exact words. I love the part where she learned all the lines in case others needed help. LOL.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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I could see a little girl being this exciting and saying these exact words. I love the part where she learned all the lines in case others needed help. LOL.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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thank you purrfect, fact is she is real and 9 years old ... me a long time ago ... all I could think was I hope they really really like me ... thanks again.
Comment from InterestingRon
This is a fine piece of Children's Fiction.
You have managed to get into the mind of a young girl and share her excitement with the reader.
The contest did allow 100 to 500 words, and it's a pity you didn't use the additional 400 words to present the school play. I would have liked to have seen that - you write so well.
Good luck in the contest.
Ron
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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This is a fine piece of Children's Fiction.
You have managed to get into the mind of a young girl and share her excitement with the reader.
The contest did allow 100 to 500 words, and it's a pity you didn't use the additional 400 words to present the school play. I would have liked to have seen that - you write so well.
Good luck in the contest.
Ron
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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I appreciate the support. I'm not this kind of writer but I do know kids talk this way cause I was that kid ... was thinking maybe expanding it another time into the real story behind this one. lol who knows anyway thank you so much for the support.
Comment from TammyGail
This was a great little read - well written and expressed through a child's prospective - great imagery used alongside the story - thanks for sharing and good luck it was a pleasure
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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This was a great little read - well written and expressed through a child's prospective - great imagery used alongside the story - thanks for sharing and good luck it was a pleasure
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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Thank you so much Tammy. I don't write stories and I suppose you'll see that when this is over however, I thought the contest was supposed to be 100 words in the voice or perspective of a child and reading through the other outstanding entries I can see I was off the mark. Thank you for this wonderful review. I so appreciate the support.
Comment from gazzagodbod
aww a fine tooth fairy she will make great piece that captured
the excitement of the little child loved it got my vote gazzagodbod
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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aww a fine tooth fairy she will make great piece that captured
the excitement of the little child loved it got my vote gazzagodbod
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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gazza I think I just fell in love with you ... thank you
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im free for the wedding a week on thursday lol no worries you deserved it hope you won gazzax
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naw gazza, it won't too many other outstanding writes and I don't write this kind of story even tho my secret desire is to write for kids one day ... and please wear that banana suit, can I be a cherry ... laughing ... thanks again for the awesome support!
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lol yes cherry i like it and tangerine brides maids lol there were some good poems in the contest but yours was the best x
Comment from FlamingSpade
I liked the concept. But do kids really talk to themselves like that? The flow seemed forced and not as whimiscal as a kid would be getting this lead part. Also, too many "!'s" as they became distracting. Sorry
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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2011
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I liked the concept. But do kids really talk to themselves like that? The flow seemed forced and not as whimiscal as a kid would be getting this lead part. Also, too many "!'s" as they became distracting. Sorry
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2011
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not everyone will like everything. Thanks for stopping by.
Comment from mumsyone
A cute story written through the eyes of a child. Nice presentation, too. Good luck in the contest.
I've learned every line in the play;(,) in case I have to help the other kids remember theirs.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2011
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A cute story written through the eyes of a child. Nice presentation, too. Good luck in the contest.
I've learned every line in the play;(,) in case I have to help the other kids remember theirs.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2011
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thank you mumsyone for your thoughtful review. Thanks for catching the spag ...