Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Gima: 'Sadie's'"fantasy adventure
13 total reviews
Comment from DIS-illusioned
--Wow! Can I work for Sadie too--only with the big rump females, of course? LOL.
--Gay vermels and corrupt cops in the under earth ... where have I seen these before? :)
--Sadie's 'love', so beautiful, so true. LOL. I wonder, how many pu... vaginas does she have? LOL
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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--Wow! Can I work for Sadie too--only with the big rump females, of course? LOL.
--Gay vermels and corrupt cops in the under earth ... where have I seen these before? :)
--Sadie's 'love', so beautiful, so true. LOL. I wonder, how many pu... vaginas does she have? LOL
Comment Written 16-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Sorry Bay K., you'd have to be one of the 'boys' like Trell and the others. Sadie is the only female at Sadie's. One vagina, two uteruses allowing them to have litters. She's a real sweetheart. LOL You're doing well reading this so quickly. Thank you, Bay. Your're comments are priceless.:) ellen
Comment from Gungalo
My my there seems to me a lot of trouble she is going to just for their likes. I can't imagine Trell's feelings about all of this. Does he have any? You've not had them talking at all.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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My my there seems to me a lot of trouble she is going to just for their likes. I can't imagine Trell's feelings about all of this. Does he have any? You've not had them talking at all.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2011
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Trell, is only 15 years old. I guess that still doesn't come through. He is not the Trell with Gima. This is before he met, her. He is frightened. Just came from Jacknels where he was beaten and had no idea what this place is. His father sold him to Jacknel. He has a few thought but does as he's told after being beaten for weeks by other Vermel, he's the lowest caste, so is silent. What trouble are you refering to that she is going to for who's likes, G? That would help me to rewrite, clarify. Thank you for reviewing. I don't know if it's worth continuing if it's becoming too comfusing to understand. I should maybe just go back to the Valley and leave the Vermel out of it for now. You think?
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I was talking about the woman who bought them. Seems like a lot of trouble for the likes of them. I did not realize their were two Trells. No, leave it and go on. I am enjoying it though from time to time I get a little lost!! LOL.
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Trell fell asleep in the Valley with his family. He is dreaming/remembering what happened to him when he was a boy.(There are not two Trells. Boy, I have really confused you now. Sorry.) There is only one Trell.
As a boy his father sold him to Jacknel. When Jacknel was arrested, Trell was taken to Sadie by the Disposal Officers. They hoped to make a buck. And there he is a boy at Sadie's. He has a ways to go before he is the adult who met Gima a year ago.
Sadie is a Prime One Vermel. She buys male Vertant youth for her brothel. I'll post the next chapter, it is the second half of this. It may help clarify.
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Oh I get it, time flashbacks.
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You must have missed when he went to sleep. Now, you're back on track.
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Sigh ...
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is not my genre so I won't rate your according to my preference. This post appears to be free of SPAG, good job of writing.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2011
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This is not my genre so I won't rate your according to my preference. This post appears to be free of SPAG, good job of writing.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2011
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Thank you, barbara for your review. I do appreciate your SPAG check and understand preferences. :) barking dog
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Jamie, that will do. You're dismissed. Prepare for tonight's guests." (there is no e on the end when spelled other places.
Just a thought-I am a 'visual learner-it would be really cool to have a sketch of your creatures if your good at art or know someone who is.
I am amazed at the depth of discription you have for these creatures and there behaviors. It must be a lot of work!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2011
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Jamie, that will do. You're dismissed. Prepare for tonight's guests." (there is no e on the end when spelled other places.
Just a thought-I am a 'visual learner-it would be really cool to have a sketch of your creatures if your good at art or know someone who is.
I am amazed at the depth of discription you have for these creatures and there behaviors. It must be a lot of work!!! Debbie
Comment Written 15-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2011
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I wish I could draw. Sorry, Debbie. The hard part is to get them to stand still long enough for me to write what they are doing, saying, etc. They keep moving through the scenes and I want to get the kitchen cabinets. LOL I see it all very clearly. We need an artist to render a portrait, maybe Trolious' family. The creatures vary, just as we humans do, so it could be quite a mix. LOL I love your reviews. They always give me ideas. The 'e' is promptly removed. Thank you again, Debbie. :) ellen xxx
Comment from Tina55
This is gritty from the get-go with terms like acid pit his ass, and causing his crab-lice to scurry...good, thrilling ride.
I like your dialogue, Ellen, it's like I'm really there in the thick of things.
sweat dripping from his bald but mole-covered head. (the moles are a really nice touch)
When small, she used to wander the tunnels and dig for treasure. Jami, yes. She'd often find buttons, glass, cans but rarely anything of paper. One day she found a metal box with a handle and snap openers. Easy, like I taught you. She had to pound on them to get into it. There, there... slow, yes and she still remembers the sweetness in the strange air, just one intoxicating whiff, Faster ... harder ... there, Jami ... there that rose when the case opened to suck in Under Earth's hazy pollution. I gasp, turn blue, it nears. This strange air brought no memories, but is stored to be recalled. Oh, god, Oh gods of my fathers ... Oh, Jami ... Jami, how can one such as you bring me to this ... In that box she found a paper relic with gold borders which had many pages of visuals. She spent hours staring at those pages. Just a little longer... Her collectors reach for and swell at the taste of Jami's devoted sweat and tears that think of Picar. Oh, if I could love it would be you! This is as close as she would ever come to knowing what love is, and it only lasts a moment. A brief moment. Oh ...Oh ... Oh!. And then it fades. (This is nothing short of amazing. Bravo!)
Excellent, artistic look into Sadie's...what an imagination you have!!
Have a great day...
Tina
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2011
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This is gritty from the get-go with terms like acid pit his ass, and causing his crab-lice to scurry...good, thrilling ride.
I like your dialogue, Ellen, it's like I'm really there in the thick of things.
sweat dripping from his bald but mole-covered head. (the moles are a really nice touch)
When small, she used to wander the tunnels and dig for treasure. Jami, yes. She'd often find buttons, glass, cans but rarely anything of paper. One day she found a metal box with a handle and snap openers. Easy, like I taught you. She had to pound on them to get into it. There, there... slow, yes and she still remembers the sweetness in the strange air, just one intoxicating whiff, Faster ... harder ... there, Jami ... there that rose when the case opened to suck in Under Earth's hazy pollution. I gasp, turn blue, it nears. This strange air brought no memories, but is stored to be recalled. Oh, god, Oh gods of my fathers ... Oh, Jami ... Jami, how can one such as you bring me to this ... In that box she found a paper relic with gold borders which had many pages of visuals. She spent hours staring at those pages. Just a little longer... Her collectors reach for and swell at the taste of Jami's devoted sweat and tears that think of Picar. Oh, if I could love it would be you! This is as close as she would ever come to knowing what love is, and it only lasts a moment. A brief moment. Oh ...Oh ... Oh!. And then it fades. (This is nothing short of amazing. Bravo!)
Excellent, artistic look into Sadie's...what an imagination you have!!
Have a great day...
Tina
Comment Written 15-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2011
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Oh, Tina I so needed to hear from somebody that they liked the scene with Sadie and Jami. So, far it has been ignored for only fluff reviews. Thank you, Thank you. I'm glad you liked it, but most of all glad you were up to mentioning it. Most on FS scurry away when it comes to sex and violence. This all has a purpose in creating believable Vermel characters and developing Trell.(He's still in the meadow trying to decide what to do and we are our past experiences ...)
Love you and you just boosted my day. I was so down all last night over this chapter and no one mentioning this scene. :)love, ellen xxx Happy Holidays to your and the 'fam'. Are you doing anything special?
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Ellen...yes, this site is probably not providing you with the audience you need, as I've often felt, and it can sink you. Don't let it. I won't shirk away from any scene you write, and if you want specific feedback on something, just ask!! Have you read Mo Hayder? I've read a couple of her books, but I don't remember the name of the one I want you to read. I'll look it up when I get home tonight. She is not afraid to get her characters dirty, and this particular book is written around a child molestation case. It's a suspenseful detective story, very tastefully done, but very gritty. As much as I cringed at times, her writing encouraged me to be raw at times. I have to admit that I've excluded some of the raw scenes when posting on FS because this isn't my target audience...however, I have grown close to a few people who I've come to rely on, whether they know it or not.
So, keep going...you have lots of talent and an eye for showing a scene, like this sex scene, from a new point of view. I love how Sadie's mind, and heart, fall back to an uplifting childhood memory while she's having sex, or in this case it's probably more akin to making love, though her partner probably doesn't feel it...and without telling the reader exactly what is being done, you exude the warmth and love Sadie longs for, while getting me all tingly in my sweet spots!! How's that for specifics?? LOL
Have a wonderful day!! I haven't been writing as of late with work and kids and Christmas making me busy, but I really hope to touch on it a bit tonight. Thanks for making my day as well!!
Love,
Tina :-)
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You're one of those people, by the way!! :-D
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Ditto!:)BD
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello Bd
Your diatribe is a fair looking piece of work for the mutants to look at. The bright people are reading the fluffy stuff and leavening the bones to the dogs. This is an unusual bit and continues that way for quite a spell.
Bear
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2011
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Hello Bd
Your diatribe is a fair looking piece of work for the mutants to look at. The bright people are reading the fluffy stuff and leavening the bones to the dogs. This is an unusual bit and continues that way for quite a spell.
Bear
Comment Written 15-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2011
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Hello there, Bear. :) Thank you for your review. I hope the mutants like it and the 'bright people' who only read fluffy stuff are missing the marrow. The Under World and its Vermel are very unusual. I love your review. Thank you so much for reading. :) barking dog xxx Happy Holidays!
Comment from Carrie Smith
Oh, Ellen, I just don't have time to read this, but will -just busy. Giving you a five on the merits of the last chapters I read. I know it will be a good read and Tommy will certainly want to read it. I'm going to bookcase it before Tom deletes it...lol,Susan
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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Oh, Ellen, I just don't have time to read this, but will -just busy. Giving you a five on the merits of the last chapters I read. I know it will be a good read and Tommy will certainly want to read it. I'm going to bookcase it before Tom deletes it...lol,Susan
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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Thank you, Carrie. I think this one is better than my last. Let me know what Tommy thinks. And OH you never emailed me the info on Tom.:)love, ellen
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Welcome, Ellen. I'll go to e-mail and send it right now,lol...Susan
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You better! LOL ;) ellen
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I just did! Let me know if you don't get it.'kay! LOL,Susan
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Thank you. I got it under his name. He reminds me of someone in the movies. When I remember, I'll tell you the name. I think its the hair. Cute!:) Thank you, Susan. :) ellen
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You're welcome, Ellen. Haven't talked to you in a while. Need to correct that. Miss you,lol. xxSusan
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I will. BTW, did you get my email? xx
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I sent you a reply. Didn't it get to you? I didn't want to talk about it here. I did see what you suggested. LOL:) Did Tommy read this yet?
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No, ellen, i didn't get reply email:sc.cary@yahoo.com or did you PM me? Tommy's been gone for 2 days, but he'll get to it and so will I,lol. xxx
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I actually think I did both. I know I got your email and looked the stuff up and then answered you. Then again in one of these responses. That's what I did. No PM. Maybe I messed up and didn't send the email right. I'm sorry.:)
Comment from adewpearl
Under Earth is finding this faction of Vertant rebels to be of increasing concern, but - add comma
Your dialogue conveys the emotions and attitudes of the speakers well
I like the guy who claims he knew he was Vertant all along - such a typical, realistic reaction
Your story line continues to be fascinating :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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Under Earth is finding this faction of Vertant rebels to be of increasing concern, but - add comma
Your dialogue conveys the emotions and attitudes of the speakers well
I like the guy who claims he knew he was Vertant all along - such a typical, realistic reaction
Your story line continues to be fascinating :-) Brooke
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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Thank you, Brooke. I like that little guy, too. Thank you for noticing him. These neutered Vermel are not the bad guys. It's really a shame that they have laws (Trolious') of mandatory castration of open homosexuals. Rom will show up again. Thank you for continuing to read and review. Many can't follow the story by now, if they haven't read the earlier chapters. Thank you for catching the missing comma. I'm writing(editing) the next chapter, so this response is a bit disjointed. Reads like a robot wrote it. LOL :) Ellen
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi ellen
This is really good - sci-fi/fantasy erotica!
Suitably weird - I think I'll trade mine in for a dangle LOL.
Creating an alternative world is no easy task. I hope it's as much fun to write as to read.
Ron xxx
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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Hi ellen
This is really good - sci-fi/fantasy erotica!
Suitably weird - I think I'll trade mine in for a dangle LOL.
Creating an alternative world is no easy task. I hope it's as much fun to write as to read.
Ron xxx
Comment Written 14-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2011
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LOL, Ron. So, it was 'suitably weird'. I'll take that as OK. People really don't like these Vermel. The reactions are so strange. They are repelled but keep reading and telling me how terrible, disgusting it is. The emotions are probably turning some totally off, but the emotions are being aroused. If this were a play or movie it would be a really rollercoaster with a conclusion in an hour.(at least one ... as there could be many sequels). They love Trell, hate Trum and Sadie is well a Vermel. Did you get that she is a Prime One like Blathen when she spit on the candle as a threat, warning to the DO's? I didn't make that important, but tried to plant that idea. Thank you for having fun with this and being a reader for me, Ron.:) love, ellen xxx
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
"Sadie, we have a Special[] just for you[] today." DO-45 signs as his mind wanders, and his dangles begin to lift.
I'll get[] him for nothing.
Sadie delays her climax, relishing each and every[] little thing[] that she has taught him. She thinks about how proud she is of what
I sure wouldn't want to live in a world like that.
Roberta
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2011
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"Sadie, we have a Special[] just for you[] today." DO-45 signs as his mind wanders, and his dangles begin to lift.
I'll get[] him for nothing.
Sadie delays her climax, relishing each and every[] little thing[] that she has taught him. She thinks about how proud she is of what
I sure wouldn't want to live in a world like that.
Roberta
Comment Written 13-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2011
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This is the Under Earth, so don't you worry, Roberta. LOL Thank you for your review and corrections that Evil Eddie has somehow turned into something with lots of squares in it. I'll go in and try to figure them out. Drats, that Evil Eddie! :)ellen xxx
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This is the Under Earth, so don't you worry, Roberta. LOL Thank you for your review and corrections that Evil Eddie has somehow turned into something with lots of squares in it. I'll go in and try to figure them out. Drats, that Evil Eddie! :)ellen xxx