Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Gima: The Family (Part 1)"fantasy adventure
15 total reviews
Comment from DIS-illusioned
--"He tells her with his firmness of his lack of her and she reaches down to him confirming the same."
I wanna be a vermel. LOL.
--Ain't it a beautiful thing, father and son bonding in ritual peeing? LOL.
--Hey, does Blathen have 2 penises?
I so wanna be a vermel! LOL.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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--"He tells her with his firmness of his lack of her and she reaches down to him confirming the same."
I wanna be a vermel. LOL.
--Ain't it a beautiful thing, father and son bonding in ritual peeing? LOL.
--Hey, does Blathen have 2 penises?
I so wanna be a vermel! LOL.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Yes, Bay K he has two. LOL Thank you for liking the peeing. LOL
This is light fare compared to later chapters. Thank you for your review. Several others want to be a Vermel, too.
Comment from Carrie Smith
Ellen, I have just finished reading every single word of both parts 1 and 2. You are a superb writer-there is no doubt about that. You have a way with words and descriptive details that is masterful. Emotions are clearly related to the reader. I plan to read your next chapter, Sci-Fi is not really my thing, but you have piqued my interest,lol. Great job! xxxSusan
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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Ellen, I have just finished reading every single word of both parts 1 and 2. You are a superb writer-there is no doubt about that. You have a way with words and descriptive details that is masterful. Emotions are clearly related to the reader. I plan to read your next chapter, Sci-Fi is not really my thing, but you have piqued my interest,lol. Great job! xxxSusan
Comment Written 09-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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Thank you again, Carrie for reading and telling me that you are interested in reading more. Some feel that this is more of a Fantasy/Horror than Sci-Fi. There was no way to list it as such on FS. (I don't know anything about science, like space ships and such to write that genre). Thank you again. :) ellen xxx
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Ellen, this was well worth the read,lol. See how little I know about the genre. No, it's not Sci-Fi. xxx
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
More body parts and excretions. You have quite the imagination for writing such fiction. I suck at fiction-working on it is one of my goals for next year as is working on meter. Well written story!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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More body parts and excretions. You have quite the imagination for writing such fiction. I suck at fiction-working on it is one of my goals for next year as is working on meter. Well written story!!! Debbie
Comment Written 09-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2011
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Thank you for your review, Debbie. I had to break this chapter into two parts. You will find that it is difficult to post a full chapter at one time and when you cut in half the continuity can be lost by the reader. Part 2 is up and then I'll be on to chapter 8 which goes back to Under Earth. Thank you for reading and giving your opinion. :)ellen
Comment from livingwords
Great characters and fantasy world. Quite the imagination, BD. Dan :))
Nits:
Zee's first, territorial marking (I'd drop the comma)
Why is the brown-spotted-one his? (Why the hyphens instead of commas?)
He wonders both of these things.(I didn't understand. Both?
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2011
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Great characters and fantasy world. Quite the imagination, BD. Dan :))
Nits:
Zee's first, territorial marking (I'd drop the comma)
Why is the brown-spotted-one his? (Why the hyphens instead of commas?)
He wonders both of these things.(I didn't understand. Both?
Comment Written 08-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2011
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Thank you, Dan. You were busy with these two today. I do appreciate your nit picks. :)
brown-spotted-one is Blathen's way of labeling things. It's how he thinks. He sees it as a whole not in its parts with commas would mean to me. I didn't know how else to do that. To him blood will alway be 'red' and that specific fawn will be the brown-spotted-one another might be the big-eared-one. Is that t
oo dumb? It's Vermel. I'm working to not make them human.
The Both are :1. where is his other eye? Why does she have two
and 2. Why does he feel aroused when he tastes her tears. He is learning the use of his sensory systems. Emotions of others can be read with the bulbous tongue by tasting bodily fluids. Cool, eh? (It has not been fully revealed in the story. So, you are getting a preview.) That is why Blathen is wondering and we are learning about him at the same time he is learning about himself. I am hoping that is a good way for us to learn about the Vermel with out a lecture. LOL
I love your questions, Dan. These are very helpful to see if I'm on the right track. I'm trying to foreshadow events. Notes on what I foreshadow are a bookkeeping mess right now. I had no idea that I'd have to become organized to be a writer. LOL
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:)) Good answer! Dan :))
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Whew! Shhhh!:)ellen
Comment from adewpearl
Love the warmth and humor in Trell's response to his son
I can just see the two of them together and feel this father's pride and joy :-)
Oh, Gods of my father's fathers - I would not capitalize gods
Most effective change in mood as he bursts through the cabin door and makes that grim discovery - compelling descriptive detail
What a moving reunion at chapter's end :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2011
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Love the warmth and humor in Trell's response to his son
I can just see the two of them together and feel this father's pride and joy :-)
Oh, Gods of my father's fathers - I would not capitalize gods
Most effective change in mood as he bursts through the cabin door and makes that grim discovery - compelling descriptive detail
What a moving reunion at chapter's end :-) Brooke
Comment Written 07-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the correction and review. I never know when to capitalize god. I thought because he was addressing them that it would be capitalized. Thank you again for following this story.:) ellen
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capitalizing God is a matter of whether it is used as a proper name
In monotheistic religions with only one deity, that deity is addressed as God as his actual proper name. In religions with more than one god, each individual god has a name like Zeus or Venus. The individual names are capitalized because they are the proper names.
Comment from purrfect tale
Something tells me Blathen is going to want to be the dominant male in the family. His dad and brother need to be careful. This was great. I love the wolf-like characteristic, like peeing on things to claim them, and the family howl they used to find each other.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Something tells me Blathen is going to want to be the dominant male in the family. His dad and brother need to be careful. This was great. I love the wolf-like characteristic, like peeing on things to claim them, and the family howl they used to find each other.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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The Verdat walk a thin line between human and animal. Blathen is Vermel. These brothers are an interesting pair. LOL Thank you for your great comments and five stars. :)ellen
Comment from Tina55
How crazy is this...I'm listening to Christmas music: What child is this...and I read, But what kind of child is this...in your post. Crazy, eh?
Wow, this is a thrilling read. It's clean, fast, yet full of wonder and detail. Very nicely done!
But there is no silence -- only tearful fussing, profuse dripping of snot and a look of extreme discomfort. (Great description, love it!)Immediately, he begins to smile and coo with relief. Trell, dripping wet, is as proud as any father can be. (What a great reaction!! :-))
I like the family dynamic you have going on here. It's so different, yet, makes so much sense! What a fantastic imagination...
Yours,
Tina
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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How crazy is this...I'm listening to Christmas music: What child is this...and I read, But what kind of child is this...in your post. Crazy, eh?
Wow, this is a thrilling read. It's clean, fast, yet full of wonder and detail. Very nicely done!
But there is no silence -- only tearful fussing, profuse dripping of snot and a look of extreme discomfort. (Great description, love it!)Immediately, he begins to smile and coo with relief. Trell, dripping wet, is as proud as any father can be. (What a great reaction!! :-))
I like the family dynamic you have going on here. It's so different, yet, makes so much sense! What a fantastic imagination...
Yours,
Tina
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Thank you so much, Tina 55 for your lovely words and a six as well. I'm glad your're enjoying this. I was eager to get these two parts posted and go back to Bellow City. Everyone seem to relate to the weeing scene. I'm getting a big kick out of that. What child is this ... How funny that you heard the song at the same time. I love your comment on the family dymanic. LOL Thank you again.:)love ya, ellen xxx
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi ellen
I love the direction this novel is taking.
The background of landscapes and animals gives a nice Lord of the Rings feel to the story. But with lovely added touches like Zee peeing over Trell.
The scene in the cabin adds some delicious gore.
A great read.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Hi ellen
I love the direction this novel is taking.
The background of landscapes and animals gives a nice Lord of the Rings feel to the story. But with lovely added touches like Zee peeing over Trell.
The scene in the cabin adds some delicious gore.
A great read.
Ron xox
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Thank you, Ron. Your shining review is much appreciated. I am spending a lot of time learning about about the forest, etc. trying to bring some reality, description and parallels to the scenes. I can't do this when I go back to Bellow City in Chapter 8. I've written it but needed to post these first and get everybody in Upper World somewhat in the same area. Thank you for liking the weeing scene. It seems to be a big hit. Go figure. LOL And I loved writing the cabin scene(s)(another comes in the next chapter). Thank you for liking the direction and awarding a six.:) ellen xxx
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Zee's not comforted by Trell's songs.
Then he wee's on Trell.
As I read farther on... I can see why you've called it horror.. as the paragraph of what Trell finds on reaching home, is horror indeed.
This is an exceptionally well written chapter, Ellen, and I do have 4 sixes, but site still won't allow me to give you one, which this work deserves.
Margaret
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Zee's not comforted by Trell's songs.
Then he wee's on Trell.
As I read farther on... I can see why you've called it horror.. as the paragraph of what Trell finds on reaching home, is horror indeed.
This is an exceptionally well written chapter, Ellen, and I do have 4 sixes, but site still won't allow me to give you one, which this work deserves.
Margaret
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Thank you, Margaret. So you liked the weeing bit. I had a shower once myself ... learned to cover 'it' with a nappy ... no second chance. LOL The carnage was cutie pie Blathen's idea. LOL What a pair of siblings. LOL I'm honored by your compliments in this review. Thank-you, my friend.:)ellen:)
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That reminds me of friends of mine (many years back, but it sticks in my mind) sitting by our fireplace... him with his baby boy
lying on his lap, ready to have a new nappy put on, and the baby peed... guess where it landed... in his daddy's whisky glass which stood on the hearth!! I bet no grown man could aim so well. M
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ROTFLMAO!!!
What a priceless story and one that I bet that, probably grown baby boy, will never live down. Perfect aim into a whiskey glass, what a great visual. I'd have loved to see the daddy's face. How long did everyone laugh? LOL Priceless memories. :) love, ellen
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Do you think the daddy wasted that precious whisky... I'm talking about when money was really tight and such things were a luxury. Just think!!
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Goodness sakes. Waste not want not. The alcohol took care of the purification process. But, Yuck!
Comment from peggles
I liked the fathers realistic frustration with the child's persistent crying
Then his pride in the boy he produced was clear and the tenderness shown out the tickling sequence
I am glad you sent me back to this chapter
It was delightful but stayed in keeping with the story line
Well done
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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I liked the fathers realistic frustration with the child's persistent crying
Then his pride in the boy he produced was clear and the tenderness shown out the tickling sequence
I am glad you sent me back to this chapter
It was delightful but stayed in keeping with the story line
Well done
Comment Written 06-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2011
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Thank you, peggles. You can see how this, Part 1, really is needed to make Part 2 work. His love for Zee and Gima and over-all protectiveness of his small family unit is spiraling at the end. Much like the wolf-dog who lost everything. Trell has choices/decisions to make. I'm so glad that you liked this bonding section. :)ellen xxx