Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Gima: Found -- The Third Child "fantasy adventure
12 total reviews
Comment from DIS-illusioned
--"Fuck a duck"
LOL. I'd really like to see someone do that. :):)
--Hunter's losing it and Asmel's just a kill nut. LOL.
Wonder what'll happen when Blathen and Zee meet. Oh boy!
Another good one here, bd.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
  |
--"Fuck a duck"
LOL. I'd really like to see someone do that. :):)
--Hunter's losing it and Asmel's just a kill nut. LOL.
Wonder what'll happen when Blathen and Zee meet. Oh boy!
Another good one here, bd.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
-
LOL I won't explain it. It was mentioned on 'The Devil's Rejects' last night only it was a chicken. You have their characters down perfectly. Thank you for telling me that.:)ellen
Comment from Crystal Carey
Great piece even though I haven't read the rest of your book I enjoyed this very much. It keeps you interested until the end. Good job
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2011
|
Great piece even though I haven't read the rest of your book I enjoyed this very much. It keeps you interested until the end. Good job
Comment Written 25-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2011
-
Thank your very much for your review, Crystal. I'm glad you enjoyed it.:)barking dog
Comment from Gungalo
Whew!! This lady drops pups as fast as some civilizations wish they could. But I don't understand leaving them just anywhere. Did I miss something important?
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2011
|
Whew!! This lady drops pups as fast as some civilizations wish they could. But I don't understand leaving them just anywhere. Did I miss something important?
Comment Written 25-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2011
-
She left Zee because he would be a distraction for Hunter and Asmel(Zee looks human) and went to join Trell and Blathen(who looks Vermel). Trell has come back to get Gima but she had already left. He steals takes Zee and goes to join Gima and Blathen. Hunter and Asmel are still hunting Gima; they know nothing about Trell. They assume the baby that they found is fathered by one of them. They don't know Blathen was born. So they now think Gima took Zee and will kill him like she did her first born in their cabin's bedroom. They always thought she was human and ignored those things that they now realize were Vermel traits which show up in Verdants(the Vermel who pass for human).
Does that help, G? Thank you for your review and I hope this helped you catch up.:)BD
-
Oh yes, thank you BD!!
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
He shifts the [bulky gear on his back] for --- In the previous scene, he dumped his pack and medicine pouch on the ground. What's on hsi back?
I've only read a couple chapters so have no comments on the story yet. I'm always awestruck by such an imagination. I can write a straight story, but fantasy is beyond me to write.
Spotted no spags.
Roberta
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2011
|
He shifts the [bulky gear on his back] for --- In the previous scene, he dumped his pack and medicine pouch on the ground. What's on hsi back?
I've only read a couple chapters so have no comments on the story yet. I'm always awestruck by such an imagination. I can write a straight story, but fantasy is beyond me to write.
Spotted no spags.
Roberta
Comment Written 25-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2011
-
Thank you Roberta for your review. I clarified the equipment which was mentioned in another chapter. It was bow equipment. Hunter has the rifel. Thank's for catching that. When the book is done, I'll go back and see if it sounds repetitive or needs this revision. For an isolated chaper such as this it needed the clarification. I'm finding that solated chapter have problems --small back information isn't in the reader's memory from past chapters. This will be a greater problem, the further along we go. Again, thank you for catching this.:)ellen
Comment from Tina55
Wow. Nicely done. You really know how to pack a punch, and then hold on tight. Your language is clean and vibrant and the punctuation does its job without being seen, adding more punch to your message. Your verb choices are great too. However, I think my favourite part of your writing, is the raw, all-out-on-the-table dialogue between your characters. Their inner thoughts rock as well.
Bravo!
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
|
Wow. Nicely done. You really know how to pack a punch, and then hold on tight. Your language is clean and vibrant and the punctuation does its job without being seen, adding more punch to your message. Your verb choices are great too. However, I think my favourite part of your writing, is the raw, all-out-on-the-table dialogue between your characters. Their inner thoughts rock as well.
Bravo!
Comment Written 23-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
-
You read the last half. Check out Chap 4 its much better this is just the tail end that I cut off to make it Chap 4 a shorter post. If you hurry you won't miss the money that ends after midnight. Thank you for all you nice words on this one. This is the least gross chapter of them all.:)
-
K. I'm off and running to read...
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hello bd, Well good, the child was rescued. I had to harden my heart towards its mother for a moment there. It appears the muse has been good to you these past few weeks and that is a good sign. I don't think it has anything but possibly everything to do with your loss, if that makes sense? You will grieve for your daughter for the rest of your life. Allow yourself the ability to escape into your writing for what it is, the joy of creation and expression. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
|
Hello bd, Well good, the child was rescued. I had to harden my heart towards its mother for a moment there. It appears the muse has been good to you these past few weeks and that is a good sign. I don't think it has anything but possibly everything to do with your loss, if that makes sense? You will grieve for your daughter for the rest of your life. Allow yourself the ability to escape into your writing for what it is, the joy of creation and expression. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 23-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
-
Thank you so much for your review, Chrisfiore and your continued concern over my daughter's passing. 'Gima' was begun before Amanda died,I just hadn't gotten up to posting it because I knew I was entering an entirely different area(subject matter and a book at the same time). I was petrified to begin such a daunting task. Do you remember the poem 'Kisla'? Well, that's when 'Gima' began to surface. Bits and pieces, character after character, story lines etc. It's been crazy.
I learned to day that you all celebrate Thankgiving in October. Sorry, I missed it, so Happy Belated Thanksgiving! :)ellen
Comment from Janie King
You have no problem with creating a story...you have a good command of word usage...you have a lot of imagination..Have a Happy Thanksgiving. God bless.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
|
You have no problem with creating a story...you have a good command of word usage...you have a lot of imagination..Have a Happy Thanksgiving. God bless.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
-
Thank you, Janie for another fine review. It's fun to write different characters and have them face a dilemma as we all do in life. Then we find a way to improve things. Thank you for reading. Have a blessed Thanksgiving.:)love, ellen xxx
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I so enjoyed this - a story with
a difference.. I wish there was two
worlds, so we could move the hooligans
and louts and suchlike to one, while
we stay in the other.
Hunter rushes, his vision begins to blur. this sentence, Ellen, needs to be..
Hunter rushes; his vision begins to blur. or..
Hunter rushes, his vision beginning to blur.
she's[,] probably[,] ... sorry." - lose commas
Bull shit, she's probably[,] hungry - and again
joins Asmal's.The two - space after period
"Sneaky[,] bitch!" -lose comma
Well penned, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
|
I so enjoyed this - a story with
a difference.. I wish there was two
worlds, so we could move the hooligans
and louts and suchlike to one, while
we stay in the other.
Hunter rushes, his vision begins to blur. this sentence, Ellen, needs to be..
Hunter rushes; his vision begins to blur. or..
Hunter rushes, his vision beginning to blur.
she's[,] probably[,] ... sorry." - lose commas
Bull shit, she's probably[,] hungry - and again
joins Asmal's.The two - space after period
"Sneaky[,] bitch!" -lose comma
Well penned, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 23-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
-
Thank you, Margaret for your opening words and review. It would be wonderful to separate and live safely. I do agree. I have to go back to Under Earth and backstory Trell a bit. So some of those bad guys you speak of will be back and new ones introduced. This building is a brick by slow brick process for me. You are such a speedy gal. I'm a pokey pup. LOL. Thank you for pointing out my comma epidemic. LOL :) ellen xxx
-
I'm slow at the moment... can't get motivated.. last chapter took me an age. My heavy cold turned to a chest infection and is now broncitis, making my throat, head, chest and ribcage full of pain... but it's against my nature to stay in bed. I'm on antibiotics right now but there won't be any improvement for another 3 days, or so the doctor says. M x
-
Now what did you do to get so sick? Wandering in the chilly weather without a headscarf?(that always give me a head cold and then it goes to my chest.)
What a misery. The good new is that you probably won't be this sick again for 4-5 years as your immunities will build.
Take care and rest. Stick your head over some steam vapor and clear out all that gunk. I bet you sound great, too. LOL As much as it hurt, the voice change always made me smile. Be a good girl and take your meds. Megan needed to be timed out anyway and Christa's poor face needs to heal along with her heart.
Get that stuff out of your lungs. Spit, spit don't swallow; don't sniff- do blow. I feel for you. Get Well soon. Stay cozy and enjoy lots of hot tea. I will think of you often and sent healing thoughts your way.:)love, ellen
Comment from Mara del Mar
Oh my God! Here there a range description/ transmission of sentiments and reactions of characters. There tenderness, passion, delivery, the eagerness by save race human. I loved, I secure a great success in big screen. Congrats.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
|
Oh my God! Here there a range description/ transmission of sentiments and reactions of characters. There tenderness, passion, delivery, the eagerness by save race human. I loved, I secure a great success in big screen. Congrats.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
-
Thank you for your rave and generous review. We writers all dream of the movies. Oh, wouldn't that be great to see Trell running along the river. Dreaming is a good thing. :) Thank you again, Mara del Mar. You give me encouragement to continue this book.:)barking dog
Comment from peggles
Still going strong
I am enjoying this story
It is gripping And very powerful
The wording is perfect
And as the suspens and tension grows
So does my need to read much more
Well done
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
|
Still going strong
I am enjoying this story
It is gripping And very powerful
The wording is perfect
And as the suspens and tension grows
So does my need to read much more
Well done
Comment Written 23-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2011
-
Well, thank you for being a follower. I do appreciate your fantastic comments. They keep me writing. Are you ready to go back to Under Earth? It's horrid there. But we need more background on Trell. :)ellen xxx