Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Gima: Cabin in Apple Valley "fantasy adventure
18 total reviews
Comment from DIS-illusioned
--Bravo, bd! That Blathen is one bad mofo of a baby. LOL.
Gima has birthed a demon. And the worst part is ... he's still a baby! Dracula, Frankenstein and the werewolves better watch out. A new monster is born.
Poor voracious wild dogs--soft doggies to Blathen. LOL.
Sorry my reviews here have taken so long, bd. I now have the time and 'appetite' to devour the rest of this saga in just reviews. :)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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--Bravo, bd! That Blathen is one bad mofo of a baby. LOL.
Gima has birthed a demon. And the worst part is ... he's still a baby! Dracula, Frankenstein and the werewolves better watch out. A new monster is born.
Poor voracious wild dogs--soft doggies to Blathen. LOL.
Sorry my reviews here have taken so long, bd. I now have the time and 'appetite' to devour the rest of this saga in just reviews. :)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Thank you, Bay. Yep, and he's just a baby. Wait 'til you meet a full grown Prime One. LOL :) BD
Comment from cathmine
barking dog, well, this is very graphic and imaginary writing! Upper Earth human, lower earth mutant. Gore and blood and wolves...while this is not my cup 'o tea it was magnificently written.
Cathmine
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2011
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barking dog, well, this is very graphic and imaginary writing! Upper Earth human, lower earth mutant. Gore and blood and wolves...while this is not my cup 'o tea it was magnificently written.
Cathmine
Comment Written 28-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2011
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I'm trying to write a book. TRYING is the word. LOL 'Gima' started out as a short story which won a third place on a FS committee judged contest. People wanted more ... so that's how it began. It slow going as I have to figure out how to get them to the end and it's a torturous journey.(for me...LOL!!) Thank you for reading. As you can see, I write all sorts of things simultaneously. Can't seem to stick with just one thing.:) ellen
Comment from purrfect tale
Oww! I love Sci-Fi and this was really good. The fight scene was vividly written. The sweet innocent little baby becoming the death of them all was great, I was worried for him there for a while. The ending scene with the father dog-wold made me feel sorry for the same bad-guy I had been hating earlier. When NaNo is over I'm going to start at the beginning.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2011
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Oww! I love Sci-Fi and this was really good. The fight scene was vividly written. The sweet innocent little baby becoming the death of them all was great, I was worried for him there for a while. The ending scene with the father dog-wold made me feel sorry for the same bad-guy I had been hating earlier. When NaNo is over I'm going to start at the beginning.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2011
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Thank you for this review, purrfect tale. Sweet innocent little baby? Where? LOL. I was hoping there would be sympathy for the father wolf-dog. Big SMILE! The fight scene ... how many edits did that have, now? Lots. Thank you for noticing that.
I couldn't write this chapter until I had some of the end written because I couldn't foreshadow something I didn't know about. So I do understand about having to go back and do that. Is that what you mean by start over? Where you are now is very good. I love the ranch and of course Patches.
You have got to be exhausted by now. Don't let that get to you and give you a feeling of discouragement. I feel that way all the time on each chapter and I'm not a caretaker with a son .
You have your handsfull. Be kind to yourself. Thank you again. Goodnight:)ellen
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I meant that I'm going to start at the beginning of your book and read it from word one. Hope you are having a good Thanksgiving. Kim
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Oh, OK. The first chapter(a short story) need re-write to make it a FIRST chapter. It is still in some ways a short story. I'm not anxious to plow into that 'til the book is finished.
I'm glad you weren't talking about your piece. I thought you were getting into one of those 'writer's' slumps and you are doing so well with your story, I'd hate for that to happen! I'm going back to read another chapter. I liked Brad and Kathy's 'sleep over'. Nice innocence and sensibility. Refreshing in these days of jump in the sack crap. It feels tender so far and that's SO nice compared to the violence outside(bear).
Comment from Tina55
I love the idea that she feels free, without the pretence of being human.
the two genuinely piss[ed]-off parents corner her.
It flows[,] murmuring a peaceful message to the river.
You have a real knack for going for the throat through your writing. I love the precision of the strikes, the quiet devastation of the kills, the fading of the top predator, and the surprise arrival of the new 'top dog.'
It's gritty, edgy, suspenseful, and full of heart. You got it, Baby!! :-)
Tina
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2011
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I love the idea that she feels free, without the pretence of being human.
the two genuinely piss[ed]-off parents corner her.
It flows[,] murmuring a peaceful message to the river.
You have a real knack for going for the throat through your writing. I love the precision of the strikes, the quiet devastation of the kills, the fading of the top predator, and the surprise arrival of the new 'top dog.'
It's gritty, edgy, suspenseful, and full of heart. You got it, Baby!! :-)
Tina
Comment Written 23-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2011
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This review brought tears of joy to my eyes(I have to pee, too).
Just the things I needed to know. The short attack bursts and noting how Gima feels free of pretense. You last line got my heart(and I still have to pee). I'll go in and correct those nits now. Thank you for a confirming, encouraging review. I know where I'm going as much at the end is shaping into chapters before the beginning. It's strange kind of like a road map, isn't it? I have to be sure not to stay in any one 'town' too long. LOL. I'm still so excited about your review. Better go:) love ya, BD
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Oooo, you're all excited...I sense a great writing day!! Have a good one...Tina :-)
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hello bd, This from the same pen that wrote such lovely prose only a few days past? Your mind works within balancing of different creations, I think you have linked onto this story for the long haul. Sci-fi is not my forte but I enjoyed reading this, possibly because I know the authors delicate side as well. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2011
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Hello bd, This from the same pen that wrote such lovely prose only a few days past? Your mind works within balancing of different creations, I think you have linked onto this story for the long haul. Sci-fi is not my forte but I enjoyed reading this, possibly because I know the authors delicate side as well. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 22-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2011
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Thank you for your review, Chrisfiore. Yes, that's how my mind works. LOL Believe it or not this story has a contrasting purpose. It will eventually reveal itself , but me being a new writer could blow the whole thing if my timing is bad in presentation. I'm hoping that this initial set-up isn't boring or too long.
The world, to me, is a contrast of delicate and vile? Opposing teams of sorts are natural in nature and in us all. I like giving both teams time on the field. LOL I tend to finish what I start, thus 'Gima' continues. I sincerely thank you for reading along and giving me a review. Others have just quietly slunk away without a word, letting me know that they disapprove of my 'darkside' fearing I suspect that my daughter's death has created a monster from sweetness and light. So, not true. I have darker pieces written long ago that will never post here. Her death is difficult, but not the most difficult thing I've faced. My profile picture is a Portrait of Me Going Gray, the real one of me is in the attic. LOL
I'll write something nice for you again, Chrisfiore. I promise. Do you want Henry to come back? How about angels? I'll honor a request. :) love, ellen
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Lots of gore and body fluids kept me reading even though half my mind was thinking yuck! You are doing so well with this story, creating and defining the characters and the worlds they live in. Great action scene. Great write!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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Lots of gore and body fluids kept me reading even though half my mind was thinking yuck! You are doing so well with this story, creating and defining the characters and the worlds they live in. Great action scene. Great write!!! Debbie
Comment Written 21-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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Thank you, Debbie. I'm so glad you wern't one of the undelivered messages! I have found two so far. I hesitate to ask. It seems like I'm being forward. How are you doing today. You sound pretty up and back in action. I worked hard on the action scene, hoping to get it right. If it starts going wrong please let me know. It's my first try at something long. I may get lost or leave something undefined. LOL :) love, ellen
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is an excellent piece of writing I can't fault it in any way. Your writing is clear cut and easy to follow. Your storyline is interesting and flows smoothly, and your dialogue is natural. You have great talent well done.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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This is an excellent piece of writing I can't fault it in any way. Your writing is clear cut and easy to follow. Your storyline is interesting and flows smoothly, and your dialogue is natural. You have great talent well done.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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Thank you for your 'excellent' review of five stars and encouraging words. It is a first try, so to hear that it is interesting and that the dialogue is natural makes me happy. :)barking
Comment from Janie King
It's been a busy day today. This is the first time all day I've had a minute to be at the computer. Pastor Ron and Sis. Kimberly threw me a surprise Birthday Party. There was about 30 people hiding in a big room at Western Sizzlin'..I've never really been much into parties but it was fun. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. God bless.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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It's been a busy day today. This is the first time all day I've had a minute to be at the computer. Pastor Ron and Sis. Kimberly threw me a surprise Birthday Party. There was about 30 people hiding in a big room at Western Sizzlin'..I've never really been much into parties but it was fun. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. God bless.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2011
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So, you are a Thankgiving surprise(for your parents) and your fantastic Pastor and Sis Kimberly threw you a party. Happy Birthday, Janie and thank you for chimming in for a review. I think yours is #11. I hope, it gets to Recognized. Happy Birthday and may you have many, many more. And Happy Thanksgiving, too. love, ellen xxx
Comment from strandregs
several young deer graze on pokeweed and goldenrod. strange english and maybe too much detail?
To salve her own hunger- typo stave?
practically invisible and their impacts/ impact?
Ribs crack; pelts tear; the pups' enthusiasm wanes with pain.
It's in the past already so sounds strange.
mournful sounds to the moon,- Isn't it at the moon?
Not my soup of the day - dungeons and dragons,
though a cult following is possible.
All my remark are on the feeble assumption that I am correct.Great gripping narrative.Zelick
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2011
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several young deer graze on pokeweed and goldenrod. strange english and maybe too much detail?
To salve her own hunger- typo stave?
practically invisible and their impacts/ impact?
Ribs crack; pelts tear; the pups' enthusiasm wanes with pain.
It's in the past already so sounds strange.
mournful sounds to the moon,- Isn't it at the moon?
Not my soup of the day - dungeons and dragons,
though a cult following is possible.
All my remark are on the feeble assumption that I am correct.Great gripping narrative.Zelick
Comment Written 20-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2011
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Thank you for reading something that is not quite your soup of the day, Z, my friend. I know how that can be! I looked up salve and it's correct. Meaning:soothe, calm, ease, relieve.
It's told in the present these so 'wanes' is correct.
To the moon is correct because I have personified it and the stars which are his dead family's eyes.
I think you're right about impact sounding correct but since there was more than one I went with impacts.
I'm so happy that you thought the narrative was gripping and would love to win you over to this fantasy horror story. It's not really sci-fi, but there is not category on FS for what I write in 'Gima', the book. LOL Kind of like some of the things you write in your poetry, eh. I guess it's nice to be undefined. LOL No pigeon hole peg are we, my friend.:)ellen
Pokeweed and goldenrod are favorites of deer. I should add that to the author's notes and go to do that now to alleviate their strangeness. I used the sight of peacefulness here to set up the fight(a contrast) in the cabin and how the fear permeated the valley. Thank you for letting me know to note the grazing behavior of deer, Z. Your review is very helpful. BD
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welcome
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A wonderfully descriptive write,
Ellen... horrific and yet intriguing,
grasping the readers interest from the
start and holding it throughout.
A few nubir things
crevices answer (,)then with
its the scent - it's
toward Blathen.The - space after period
haulting -halting
she trys - tries
Loosing -Losing
Most enjoyable.
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2011
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A wonderfully descriptive write,
Ellen... horrific and yet intriguing,
grasping the readers interest from the
start and holding it throughout.
A few nubir things
crevices answer (,)then with
its the scent - it's
toward Blathen.The - space after period
haulting -halting
she trys - tries
Loosing -Losing
Most enjoyable.
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2011
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Thank you for your wonderful remarks, Margaret. I'm pleased that it held your interest. I must learn to take my writing back to my computer when I begin to write directly into 'advanced editor' which doesn't seem to catch many spelling errors. Dumb me, still learning about Evil Eddie. Thank you so much for catching these errors. Now to correct them. LOL Your saying it is intriguing and able to grasp your interest throughout is very encouraging. Thank you again.:)ellen