Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Gima: Another Generation"fantasy adventure
15 total reviews
Comment from linnietwotymez
I wanted to give this a six but I have given you too many it seems. But this is well deserving of such praise. The dialogue between Asmal and Hunter really shines, even when Hunter remembers his capture. Great work.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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I wanted to give this a six but I have given you too many it seems. But this is well deserving of such praise. The dialogue between Asmal and Hunter really shines, even when Hunter remembers his capture. Great work.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much for giving it a read through. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it to think it a virtual six. Have a great weekend.:) BD
Comment from Writingfundimension
This novel shows what an immense talent you have and what a fantastic imagination. Your first chapter had brilliant passages and you continue to keep me intrigued by your science fiction novel. It's not easy, sometimes, to keep up the sort of pace and intensity that your story has, but you're managing that issue just fine. Congratulations on your finish in the Book the Month contest. Well-earned. Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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This novel shows what an immense talent you have and what a fantastic imagination. Your first chapter had brilliant passages and you continue to keep me intrigued by your science fiction novel. It's not easy, sometimes, to keep up the sort of pace and intensity that your story has, but you're managing that issue just fine. Congratulations on your finish in the Book the Month contest. Well-earned. Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 05-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2012
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Thank you for taking such interest in 'Gima.' I see you are reading it from the beginning. I haven't even do that yet. LOL I hope it all hangs together. If you see any gaps or misunderstand anything please let me know. And thank you for the Congratulations, too. :) ellen xxx
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You're most welcome, Ellen. I don't have anything to suggest, you're doing just fine without my two cents! Xxx Bev
Comment from DIS-illusioned
--Jesus freaking Christ, bd! The intrigue hasn't been let up at all. Another powerful chapter. Gina eating her human new born--eewww! Who was the father anyway, Asmal, Hunter, Trell? She gives birth to a 'lifeless' vernel who is then spun back to life by its father? This vernel species is fascinating. There's huge potential in this story concept. Keep churning out the good stuff. :)
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2011
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--Jesus freaking Christ, bd! The intrigue hasn't been let up at all. Another powerful chapter. Gina eating her human new born--eewww! Who was the father anyway, Asmal, Hunter, Trell? She gives birth to a 'lifeless' vernel who is then spun back to life by its father? This vernel species is fascinating. There's huge potential in this story concept. Keep churning out the good stuff. :)
Comment Written 12-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2011
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Trell is the dad. Thank you, Bay K for liking this chapter. So...you liked the ceremonial spinning. LOL Some here are really worried about my mental state. LOL This is a blast to write. :) ellen
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Worried about your mental state???...Jeez, it's just a fictional write! (Right, bd? LOL).
Yes, I liked it and you're welcome on the review.
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Play spooky music!!
(I love it! Remember Kisla? Well, she was making them nauseous. LOL.)
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:)
Comment from ulster3
Hello, barking dog.
This is a wee bit sad actually. I guess it's because of the cannabalism thing. You have written an intriguing and interesting piece. You might want to take a look at Loyd Taylor's prompt due in 72 hours. Floyd's entry is funny. I think you would write a great thing about Bigfoot.
Hugs, Rebecca
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2011
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Hello, barking dog.
This is a wee bit sad actually. I guess it's because of the cannabalism thing. You have written an intriguing and interesting piece. You might want to take a look at Loyd Taylor's prompt due in 72 hours. Floyd's entry is funny. I think you would write a great thing about Bigfoot.
Hugs, Rebecca
Comment Written 03-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2011
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Hello ulster3 and thank you for your review. It was supposed to be sad at this point of the book. Everything is all in a muddle now as Hunter and Asmel hunt for Gima. They don't know about Trell or that she might be having another child. Trell and Gima are alone. Yes, it is sad. Thank you for confirming that, Rebecca. I'll check out the prompt. I usually don't enter the contests though. I guess they could be fun.:) Have a great weekend coming up and I hope it's not too cold where you are. :)barking dog
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Cleo sends extra whiskery hugs. Great write. Hope to see you enter.
Comment from Mariea
Good morning. Another great chapter written with a lot of imagination. The story develops well as it progresses and characters and dialogue consistent. Looking for the next.
Hugs Mia
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2011
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Good morning. Another great chapter written with a lot of imagination. The story develops well as it progresses and characters and dialogue consistent. Looking for the next.
Hugs Mia
Comment Written 03-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2011
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Thank you, Mia for your review. I have the second half of this 'chapter' ready to post tomorrow or so. (trying to earn FS money with reviews, first. LOL)
I just read your 'Kicking Dust'. We should fan each other.
Thank you again for your time and comments that the characters and dialogue are consistent. It's a big help to me to know. :)
Comment from Gungalo
Into this life a new being is born. Not of any common childbirth we know but of a special sort. Now that is is here, perhaps some things will change!!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Into this life a new being is born. Not of any common childbirth we know but of a special sort. Now that is is here, perhaps some things will change!!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Ah, ah. So it will be written. LOL. So, you like it so far? Thank you for reading and reviewing, G. I do appreciate the time it takes to read such a long post. Do you think, I can make a book of this or is it too 'trite', common, stupid? :)barking dog
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I'm not real big on fantasy so I probably wouldn't be a good one to ask. But I did love this one!! LOL.
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I'm glad you did. Thank you, G. :) BD
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Vermel with immediate death if the mutilation of the dead Vermel continued. (Maybe take out the second Vermel?)
Great writing and the author notes are so appreciated-my memory isn't what it used to be!!! Enjoyable
For some reason, I clicked on your bio page-I love your favorite quote-how true it is!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Vermel with immediate death if the mutilation of the dead Vermel continued. (Maybe take out the second Vermel?)
Great writing and the author notes are so appreciated-my memory isn't what it used to be!!! Enjoyable
For some reason, I clicked on your bio page-I love your favorite quote-how true it is!!! Debbie
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thank you for your time reading this and review. Vermel, must have been ringing in my head. LOL I'll correct that ASAP. Oh, the favorite quote is just something that I made up. LOL Glad you like it. Did you watch the baby hummingbird video. It's on the bio-page, too. Again, many thanks and I'm off to rid 'Gima' of one Vermel. LOL ;) ellen xxx
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hello bd, This is a different venue for you, one that you seem to enjoy writing. Have these type of stories existed within you for long or is it a new phase of your creative being? This seems a little darker than the works I have read in the past by you. Have you always been into sci-fi? I hope you do well with this. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Hello bd, This is a different venue for you, one that you seem to enjoy writing. Have these type of stories existed within you for long or is it a new phase of your creative being? This seems a little darker than the works I have read in the past by you. Have you always been into sci-fi? I hope you do well with this. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thank you for your generous review.I have many 'me's and haven't decided to be any ONE of them all the time. LOL It makes it a bit difficult in a relationship, but works well creatively. Several of the recent posts(Piggies), I wrote years ago. I read everything. Put it in front of me and I read it, so I have no venue preferences. If you're refering to 'Henry', there was a bit of darkness there(remember Mother). The last one I wrote back in March was too shocking to post. No, nothing bad happened to the duckies. LOL I can write another of those if you are missing Henrietta.
Gima is just another 'friend' who wanted a voice. Let me know what you are missing from me and I'll be happy to oblige. It's nice to know you may miss another me.:)ellen
Comment from adewpearl
Get up, asshole - add comma for direct address
Your dialogue depicts the strong emotions of the speakers well
Vivid descriptive detail
love the passage about the scent of human and tearing one of their own apart
dramatic passage when the child is born and the father spins him to life
I do what father's must -drop the apostrophe
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Get up, asshole - add comma for direct address
Your dialogue depicts the strong emotions of the speakers well
Vivid descriptive detail
love the passage about the scent of human and tearing one of their own apart
dramatic passage when the child is born and the father spins him to life
I do what father's must -drop the apostrophe
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thank you, Brooke for catching these oopsies. When I saw Get up, asshole. I thought you were talking to me and I jolted a bit. I laugh at my reaction to you 'greeting.' LOL The Under Earth in interesting(passage about scent of human, etc.)We are going back there soon. Thank you again for reviewing 'Another.':)ellen
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi ellen
A marvelous second chapter.
The first section: Explaining what's going on to Hunter works well. Great dialogue. It makes the ending of the previous chapter far clearer.
The second section with the weird Gima and her weird baby has some fabulous descriptions.
You leave the story with Gima being hunted. Your readers will be back for more!
Ron xox
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Hi ellen
A marvelous second chapter.
The first section: Explaining what's going on to Hunter works well. Great dialogue. It makes the ending of the previous chapter far clearer.
The second section with the weird Gima and her weird baby has some fabulous descriptions.
You leave the story with Gima being hunted. Your readers will be back for more!
Ron xox
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2011
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Thank you so much, Ron for your review. I'm glad that it's clarifying what was supposed to be only a short story.LOL(the short story needs lots of tweeking to be a 'first chapter.'LOL)Thank you so much for your six stars and enjoying the 'weird' little family. Trell is a bit 'off', raised 'down-stairs' in Bellow City. It has so far to go and I know where it's going. I can't reveal too much too quickly which I'm used to doing with poetry. I'm learning about knives, guns, hunting, deer, trees, seasons, etc. It slows down the writing but hope it authenticates it. Thank you again, Ron. :)ellen xxx