A Book of ... Free Verse (Vol.1)
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "My Breakfast ..."Metre ... Freeverse
73 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
Hello Bic,
Your poem reminds me of:
This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
:)
Much of free verse started quite simply, I believe...
just to 'test' the waters if you will.
You have most likely received some flack from this... from people who think it much too simple.
Yet, why shouldn't it be? If I had a six, I would give you one... yet, I do not.
However, I will tell you... you really shouldn't let anyone else dictate whether or not you believe you are a poet.
you are a poet.
you write poetry, therefore... you are.
It's really as simple as that.
Just
as simple
as
a cup
of tea
some toast
and
an egg
and perhaps
another
;)
Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015
  |
Hello Bic,
Your poem reminds me of:
This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
:)
Much of free verse started quite simply, I believe...
just to 'test' the waters if you will.
You have most likely received some flack from this... from people who think it much too simple.
Yet, why shouldn't it be? If I had a six, I would give you one... yet, I do not.
However, I will tell you... you really shouldn't let anyone else dictate whether or not you believe you are a poet.
you are a poet.
you write poetry, therefore... you are.
It's really as simple as that.
Just
as simple
as
a cup
of tea
some toast
and
an egg
and perhaps
another
;)
Well done.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2015
-
Well I appreciate the feedback cat ... I had never written anything in free verse until I wrote this. At this point in time I was intrigued by the form and under the study of several good free verse writers this was my hard earned gift to them ... my first free verse poem. You can look up the reviews by some of the poets and they all gave the encouragement you have given for me to continue and write as a poet.
Comment from poetbear
This is free and cool.
It is orignal and organic.
Reads well and kaes sense.
A breath of fresh air to read.
Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
|
This is free and cool.
It is orignal and organic.
Reads well and kaes sense.
A breath of fresh air to read.
Well done.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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Excellent poetbear...I like you.
Comment from robyn corum
Am I missing something? I apologize. I do not mean to offend, but must speak honestly. I hope this is a joke.
i am only left confused.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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Am I missing something? I apologize. I do not mean to offend, but must speak honestly. I hope this is a joke.
i am only left confused.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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well it does say humour...I think...
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Thank goodness!
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Well let me explain, it is actually a very serious piece of free verse poetry that I have come to love...have you ever wondered...an egg...!
...small beginings, which came first, do we boil or fry and to complete this poems examination of an egg think of it like this we started with one egg and we have finished with another egg. It`s pure poetry. A cicular motion in which life is contained despite my humourous attempt to eat the existence that is the egg, or as I have it...an egg...!
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well. when you look at it like that then it is plain. I should have seen it straight away. Then the 'poem' becomes clear. It is just complete garbage.
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Then I think you should choose another career....
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Not a a reviewer, huh? That is plain? It is the hard-boiled truth, I suppose. Actually, I loved your explanation -- you should post IT. *smile*
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Many thanks...
Comment from Betty517
I sometimes have three eggs! I love breakfast, it is my favorite meal and your poem is a wonderful tribute to just that, breakfast. Thanks for this journey.
Betty
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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I sometimes have three eggs! I love breakfast, it is my favorite meal and your poem is a wonderful tribute to just that, breakfast. Thanks for this journey.
Betty
Comment Written 20-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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Excellent, everyone likes a journey to the kitchen now and again...
Comment from oNray
My review will not make you big headed. I am no fan of the crippled poem( crippled poem is in some way limited in sylabills, lines, word use or whatever) Thus-this appears to be a crippled poem
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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My review will not make you big headed. I am no fan of the crippled poem( crippled poem is in some way limited in sylabills, lines, word use or whatever) Thus-this appears to be a crippled poem
Comment Written 20-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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no worries...
Comment from Denise S
A simple breakfast idea. You managed to get me to think of eating all that , so now I am hungry. lol. I enjoyed reading your poem
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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A simple breakfast idea. You managed to get me to think of eating all that , so now I am hungry. lol. I enjoyed reading your poem
Comment Written 20-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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Excellent....
Comment from barkingdog
Who are these kings and queens that you mention? It'd be nice to know whose advice you are following.
I just need to feel something and I don't. Without the picture I only see an egg(what type?), toast( what style? does it have jam? how well done is it?) and then ah! the word feel(gave me hope for a fleeting moment) but (sigh) no feelings, just a 'sometimes.' I don't even know if you're still hungry. Your breakfast story left me empty. Even as a report it was uninspiring.
Maybe you could have had an:
easy egg (assonance: long 'e' and short 'e')
tepid tea ('t' alliteration)
hot buttered toast( 't' consonance)
stomach speaks ('s' consonance through three lines)
perchance perhaps... (alliteration 'per')
buzzing!
fly flits, hopefully ('l','f' consonance)
Paint an interesting picture, make us feel. Make us smile. You had a good universal subject, you just needed to move the reader visually, and make me taste that yummy breakfast.(the 'fly' knows its yummy:))
I hope this was helpful. Low star scores are not. They often close the writer's mind to a helpful review. I hope this review is helpful. I have read other posts from you and know you can do better with this free-style.
Be encouraged, but don't let those who give you good reviews for a post in need of improvement guide you. Many take your money and run. This is an honest opinion. It takes a bit of hutzpa to criticise. It easy to smile and say something nice.
Keep this in mind when you read reviews.(and write them) I have found that the most critical reviews are the ones that have improved my skills. I have a problem with giving low stars. That's like a knife in the back to me to know that I really tried and then someone gives me a '3' and gives me no idea of how to improve.
Here I have suggested several techniques (alliteration, consonance and humor). Assonance and metaphor/simile are others that can enhance a free-style poem. Internal rhyme is another(not end rhymes) and onomatopoeia. Find some techniques that you like. Use what suits you and the poem.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
|
Who are these kings and queens that you mention? It'd be nice to know whose advice you are following.
I just need to feel something and I don't. Without the picture I only see an egg(what type?), toast( what style? does it have jam? how well done is it?) and then ah! the word feel(gave me hope for a fleeting moment) but (sigh) no feelings, just a 'sometimes.' I don't even know if you're still hungry. Your breakfast story left me empty. Even as a report it was uninspiring.
Maybe you could have had an:
easy egg (assonance: long 'e' and short 'e')
tepid tea ('t' alliteration)
hot buttered toast( 't' consonance)
stomach speaks ('s' consonance through three lines)
perchance perhaps... (alliteration 'per')
buzzing!
fly flits, hopefully ('l','f' consonance)
Paint an interesting picture, make us feel. Make us smile. You had a good universal subject, you just needed to move the reader visually, and make me taste that yummy breakfast.(the 'fly' knows its yummy:))
I hope this was helpful. Low star scores are not. They often close the writer's mind to a helpful review. I hope this review is helpful. I have read other posts from you and know you can do better with this free-style.
Be encouraged, but don't let those who give you good reviews for a post in need of improvement guide you. Many take your money and run. This is an honest opinion. It takes a bit of hutzpa to criticise. It easy to smile and say something nice.
Keep this in mind when you read reviews.(and write them) I have found that the most critical reviews are the ones that have improved my skills. I have a problem with giving low stars. That's like a knife in the back to me to know that I really tried and then someone gives me a '3' and gives me no idea of how to improve.
Here I have suggested several techniques (alliteration, consonance and humor). Assonance and metaphor/simile are others that can enhance a free-style poem. Internal rhyme is another(not end rhymes) and onomatopoeia. Find some techniques that you like. Use what suits you and the poem.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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...bonkers...???
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You're welcome.:)
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Can I ask you just out of curiosity to do something...go to Bicpen`s portfolio and look up the poem My Breakfast. Once you have it, read as it is meant to be then do the following...go to read reviews and go to the following review...Waihekeback Page 5. Read very carefully as she is one of the free verse Queens I talk about. Go to the review of Robo1224 Page 1. Read very carefully and tell me in a few words whether you see a different interpretation to your review and a different perception of my poem...if you do not the all the best...dont review anymore work that you do not understand or are able to comprehend...just pass them by and go buy membership dollars.
Comment from misscookie
I like the artwork
issets the mood for your poem
besides getting hunger, I must say I love your poem very much.
I thought you did a good job for your first free verse. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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I like the artwork
issets the mood for your poem
besides getting hunger, I must say I love your poem very much.
I thought you did a good job for your first free verse. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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Thank you very much, much appreciated...
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My pleasure
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My pleasure
Comment from ameen786
Hello BicPen, next time replace the second egg with an apple; if the intent was to make the reader smile, you were successful.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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Hello BicPen, next time replace the second egg with an apple; if the intent was to make the reader smile, you were successful.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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Excellent, mission accomplished.
Comment from honeytree
I loved the art work and the topic chosen
The words very creative ones that have been written here.
Eggs with toast is a great breakfast treat.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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I loved the art work and the topic chosen
The words very creative ones that have been written here.
Eggs with toast is a great breakfast treat.
Honey tree
Comment Written 20-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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Thanks honey...
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I enjoyed reading very much indeed.
Honey tree
