When God Intervenes
Tragedy caused a man to lose his faith15 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, tpa, a great job writing this story about the man whose friends didn't give up on him and fate arranged it for him to scratch on the billiard game and he finally started healing.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2011
  |
this is very well written, tpa, a great job writing this story about the man whose friends didn't give up on him and fate arranged it for him to scratch on the billiard game and he finally started healing.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2011
-
Your words were kind and very appreciative. Thank you
Comment from Connie P
This is a superb rewrite. I loved the story when I first read it and I love it now. You really do a great job of conveying the pain and disregard for life brought on by the death.
There are still a number of errors and I've listed a few. A nice 'fine-toothed comb' will take care of the editing issues.
Connie
Notes:
*I had become recluse *(a recluse or reclusive)
*It was the way of taking the edge off from the loneliness and pain of losing my wife.*(off or from, not both)
*"I'm glad you fix it," Ricky said. *(fixed)
*I felt the tears swelled. *(swell.)
*One, I refused to begin.*(I'd refused--leaving it in present tense sounds as if the refusal is ongoing)
*God intervened in my life when I least expect it. *(intervened ... when I least expected it)
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
 |
This is a superb rewrite. I loved the story when I first read it and I love it now. You really do a great job of conveying the pain and disregard for life brought on by the death.
There are still a number of errors and I've listed a few. A nice 'fine-toothed comb' will take care of the editing issues.
Connie
Notes:
*I had become recluse *(a recluse or reclusive)
*It was the way of taking the edge off from the loneliness and pain of losing my wife.*(off or from, not both)
*"I'm glad you fix it," Ricky said. *(fixed)
*I felt the tears swelled. *(swell.)
*One, I refused to begin.*(I'd refused--leaving it in present tense sounds as if the refusal is ongoing)
*God intervened in my life when I least expect it. *(intervened ... when I least expected it)
Comment Written 14-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
-
Hi Connie,
Without your help, I don't think the story would have been this good. You have helped me tremendously, more than anyone in this community. Your reviews has been honest, and very constuctive in shaping my story. Thank you very much, I hope in the near future, I can once again call upon your knowledge and expertise.
Comment from Rama Rao
An excellent account of the angst and anguish of a person who had lost his wife and found solace in Jim beam. The way you built up the story and finally your resolve to start life afresh to make it an excellent read. I can't say I enjoyed reading it, but I do appreciate the way you wrote it. it was flawless, almost.
I am sure you can sell this story to any magazine. Good luck.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
|
An excellent account of the angst and anguish of a person who had lost his wife and found solace in Jim beam. The way you built up the story and finally your resolve to start life afresh to make it an excellent read. I can't say I enjoyed reading it, but I do appreciate the way you wrote it. it was flawless, almost.
I am sure you can sell this story to any magazine. Good luck.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for your candid opinion that I appreciate very much. You have given me much encouragement.
Comment from Mary Jane Y
This story is so realto life don't know if it is or not but it held may attention to the end. I felt the pain and sorry in the begining and the love and concern of old friends in the end.
Getting his life back and faith is God was a blessing.
Great story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
|
This story is so realto life don't know if it is or not but it held may attention to the end. I felt the pain and sorry in the begining and the love and concern of old friends in the end.
Getting his life back and faith is God was a blessing.
Great story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from katsmoon
The story is very touching, and I can see where there author was trying to go with it, but I think it needs a another rewrite or two. One of the golden rules of writing is to rewrite it many times, each time your story will get better and better. The piece has some grammatical errors, and needs a bit of polish, in my opinion. But the "heart" of the article is really good, and I liked reading it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
|
The story is very touching, and I can see where there author was trying to go with it, but I think it needs a another rewrite or two. One of the golden rules of writing is to rewrite it many times, each time your story will get better and better. The piece has some grammatical errors, and needs a bit of polish, in my opinion. But the "heart" of the article is really good, and I liked reading it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
-
Thankk you
