Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, mike, a great job writing this poem about the towers falling and the way the world changed that day, the pictures you picked were awesome,

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2011

This year, I wasn't planning to do any 9/11 poems; but did have some ideas. I was communicating to a beat poet on FaceBook and the first line took about thirty seconds. That afternoon it took about an hour to write the rest and I only had to choose the images because that was already in my mind earilier in the week. It took about an hour in a half to put everything together in photoshop, then over the course of two days about three more making changes because I am lousy at catching mistakes and had to graphically retouch and insert them.

I didn't want to write about the pain we experienced, but had to out that in there, and tried to dwell on how it changed our way of thinking and the fact for terrorism to cease its hold, many other people have to chose as well.

I thank you very much for your compliments, commentary and this review. Mike

Comment from TammyGail

Excellent

Hey Mike.... So I wasn't going to rate this after reading
I guess I'm still so upset about it ... And really didn't see much remorse ... Then I came back to it and cleared my mind ... This was very clever and this was were I was going with mine and switched paths ... So wanted to be honest with you ... After the second read I see the heart in this and can respect you for it .... The imagery was stunning ... Free flow I love it.. The commas blah- blah who gives a rats ass about that you don't need it in this and if people knock you for that they really aren't seeing the poem.... The note sad to say but I agree ..... Thanks for read.... It was WOW.....

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011

I busted out laughing at your first sentence and all I can say is a good poem can do that to you. Hell, my favorite member here posted poems about nothing about imagery and it intimidated me so much, I refused to review her works for months. Yet it put a bugger in me and I ended up taping those peoms to the walls at work and would spend hours trying to figure them out, not easy as he was the stated Rubiks cube of the site. That was exactly it! And I stuck my foot in the water and tried a review and a wonderful relationship was born where she really helped me see how to use imagery to convey double and triple entendre's.

This one may be offputting with the imagery as people may think I am a bit irreverant with 9-11, but it was actually the horrible reality that destroyed our ideas of what life was about, namely me. The harshness was sobering and shocking and many realized what we now valued was what we previously learned to ignore.

Commas or not to comma is a personal choice or a stick to beat the bag with the snake with it, I feel screwed either way! LOL I am patiently waiting to put the, "/" in one of mine as other poets have done to mess with reader's mind and they always die with the secret behind it.

I enjoyed this review and the compliments, the best honor being the last word. Actually a first for me. Mike

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

This is breath taking. The poem and the pictures. This hit everyone everywhere. This is one of the worst days of my life. When I so what it did to so many people. I am so sorry my sixes are gone ****** great work

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011

I actually appreciate a six star thought more then the stars themselves and thank you so much for your flattering compliments and this review. Mike

Comment from Denise S

Excellent

I think you chose just the right picture for this. The last section was a little confusing I think. "Their country man's victimized scream?" I wonder if you are refering to the terrorists? I didn't like the use of the word carnival in the beginning too.

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011

No, not at all. On any given day, Muslims going about their business are murdered at the hands of the terrorists, yet it is frustrating as most attempt to look away and the country's leaders try to placate the terrorists, which only works in a very tempory fashion. On Facebook I have many Islamic friends and locally I practice what I preach and recieve much respect, sometime told I speak what they are afraid too. I lived that aspect in my home life with a run away step daughter and found peace only when I took matters in my own hands. So to speak, everyone enjoyed making my life hell, I then decided to be their hell on earth as I dished out more then they could handle. I used carvinal because as much as a joyful illusion, it becomes a tempory reality. Often we live life like that until something comes along to introduce the true reality of nature.

I thanky you very much for your compliments, comments and this review. Mike

Comment from CtheFish

Excellent

The picture for this piece immediately caught me and I had to look at it for a couple minutes before I could begin to read. Very emotionally strong picture. Your opening of Death applies its own makeup base captured my attention and I was kept riveted throughout the poem. Your notes you wrote afterwards were also, again, very attention capturing. An all around well thought out, strong, emotional, and thought provoking piece. Well done!

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011

I appreciate this review and thank you for it and the compliments. The chosen photos were very close to the image that my mind put together. In a sense some people have ridiculed my lust to find hell, as I was a happy mud covered caver who suffered much to explore them. Most people always have problems finding themselves covered in cave mud. I just remembered all those dust covered people, looking like statues with the shock, but the depth of their eyes really stood out to me. Mike

Comment from Piggies Grandma

Excellent

Your poem is cleverly written and very well thought out Mike. It was a very sad day and it is very hard to believe that it was ten years ago.

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2011

It seems like yesterday to me. I fear presently we have forgotten the nature behind terrorism. I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. Mike

Comment from pickthorn

Excellent

What a profound and dramatic depiction of the horror inflicted on the people of New York City on 9/11/2001. Your poem and the amazing photo you have displayed brings back the shock and anger we all experienced that day. Great work.

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011

Physically it may have been inflicted on New York, but it is the rare time that it affected us all; a message that needs to be reserved for the future as well. I thank you so much for your review nad the compliments. Mike

Comment from IndianaIrish

Excellent

Hello Mike! Your tribute to 9/11 and how terrorism persists in the world is wonderful. Your metaphor using circus makeup was great and I had hope you continued it throughout the poem.

A few things to look at...

barley breathing (barley is a grain...did you mean barely?)

yet,-(I think just the comma is good instead of using both a comma and hyphen)that dust absorbs victim(')s tears

and have (extra be??)be become

silience (silence)

Indy :>)

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011

Oh boy, these were no easy fixes as they were done in photoshop and I had to periodically flatten the image, but I made the changes graphically with a little rubber stamping and retyping and fitting. I left the hyphen though as it is more a meter thing. The most interesting poetic symbol is the /, everybody goes nuts trying to figure it out. I thank you very much for your compliments, necessary corrections and this review. Mike

Comment from writerwish

Excellent

You brought out a very strong point in this writing. People place very strong emotions on events singled out, while ignoring other things that are many times worse but accepted as the normal way things are. Well put!

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011

I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. Mike

Comment from redrider6612

Good

This is a fine tribute to those who lost their lives on that fateful day. A lot of interesting word combinations here, sharp images called up.

A few things need a bit of work here. Most of the semicolons should be commas, if a longer pause is needed at all. It is my opinion that the end of a line causes a pause, so no punctuation is usually needed.

The rhyme scheme is spotty and inconsistent. Good near rhymes with "choked/hope" and "bastion/fashion". Good flow, though it is a bit rough in places.

Over all, this was an enjoyable poem, touching without being sappy, and the pics were stunning and combined seamlessly. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2011

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reply by the author on 12-Sep-2011

I prefer to punctuate my poems, the semicolons are to seperate idea one from the extended second part of the idea. In all honesty, there have been times when I changed them to commas and got downgraded for that as well. Regardless, I prefer the punctuation over not using any at all.

I should have in the description mentioned this form was a freestyle poem as I wanted give it more a beat poetry feeling.

I thand you for your compliments and this review. Mike