The Blue Lights Of Rensselaer
Based on a real phenom40 total reviews
Comment from The Stranger
you have taken a natural phenonomen and turned it into a very interesting story, more is the pity that it isn't true as it would be awesome!
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2011
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you have taken a natural phenonomen and turned it into a very interesting story, more is the pity that it isn't true as it would be awesome!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2011
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Hi Stranger! Thank you for this enthusiastic and kind review...I appreciate it very much! HOPE you are happy and well...susan
Comment from UNEASA64
This really was six star worthy. It held my interest throughout the whole tale. I have no local legend, even though the topic really interests me.
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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This really was six star worthy. It held my interest throughout the whole tale. I have no local legend, even though the topic really interests me.
Keep writing!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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HI there...I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this review and your generous rating. I was wondering if it was written correctly...let me know if you ever see anything that reads wrong? I want honest and real critiques? If you want, Google "Moody Lights" Or the title of this. And you can read more about this odd thing. I need to go back up there soon. I saw these when I was young...thanks again!
Comment from Piggies Grandma
I enjoyed reading your story and I thought it was very cleverly written and well thought out. I have heard of the lights. Your story held my attention throughout. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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I enjoyed reading your story and I thought it was very cleverly written and well thought out. I have heard of the lights. Your story held my attention throughout. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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HI there! I thank you for your great review! And I am thrilled that you enjoyed this! HUG!
Comment from animatqua
LOL! I had the whole "What if there really are aliens?" on earlier tonight. This story fit into that moode perfectly.
It is well written, and a scary story at that. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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LOL! I had the whole "What if there really are aliens?" on earlier tonight. This story fit into that moode perfectly.
It is well written, and a scary story at that. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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Hi there! Thank you so much! I really think they are around...but who knows. I love creepy little things like this and am pleased to hear from you, young lady! "))
Comment from Rama Rao
I read your story with great interest as my daughter did her Master's in RPI and was not disappointed. It is well written and gripping. You created the mystery more than adequately.
I think you have a winner here.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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I read your story with great interest as my daughter did her Master's in RPI and was not disappointed. It is well written and gripping. You created the mystery more than adequately.
I think you have a winner here.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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Hi RR! Thank you so much. I am thrilled to see your review, it's a real pleasure. I hope you are happy and well...
Comment from sasil
This is just the right mood/tone needed for an alien abduction/urban myth/legend. You've done a fantastic job incorporating local lore in your own fictional entry. Best wishes!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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This is just the right mood/tone needed for an alien abduction/urban myth/legend. You've done a fantastic job incorporating local lore in your own fictional entry. Best wishes!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2011
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Hi Sassie! Thank you for this kind and wonderful review. It's super to hear from YOU!
Comment from JBCaine
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Great story. Just the right amount of tension and buildup.
Very smoothly done.
I surmise that the lights are inter-dimensional beings from a parallel universe. What do you think? (kids with blue flashlights? I'm not really making fun, just poking a bit.)
Kind of freaky how we humans think we know so much about everything, and yet there are all these unexplained phenomena out there, eh?
Well done. Best to you.
JBCaine
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2011
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Great story. Just the right amount of tension and buildup.
Very smoothly done.
I surmise that the lights are inter-dimensional beings from a parallel universe. What do you think? (kids with blue flashlights? I'm not really making fun, just poking a bit.)
Kind of freaky how we humans think we know so much about everything, and yet there are all these unexplained phenomena out there, eh?
Well done. Best to you.
JBCaine
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2011
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Hey there JB...thank you. I think you may have a good idea about what this could be. No one knows...it's been studied by Purdue scientists too. I saw them once...our car tried to 'catch' them, and they stayed just car lengths ahead and then would go straight up and come back down, after we backed up. Very odd. SOOooo interesting tho! I am thrilled at your review! Thanks again. Susan
Comment from Metal Head
Hi writer.
I've read this a couple of times, and it needed the second reading for it to make sense. The reason is an unfamiliarity with the legend. I reckon a few words describing the phenomenon at the start of the story would be helpful to those like me.
The cop contemplated...Hartigan contemplated, as you've already introduced him to us, otherwise I'm wondering if it's a different copper.
The hot, dry dust billowed up, Hot dry dust reads better I think.
...and the patrol car was hidden well too, This doesn't make sense, it doesn't tie in to the rest of the paragraph and adds nothing to it.
There are some inconsistencies that need addressing. When the pick-up comes to a stop Hartigan is in his car, and this is parked out of view. How then can he see the pick-up once the dust settles.
First the boys are taken while Hartigan is creeping towards them, and this as soon as the dust settled, yet later the boys are chatting for a
couple of hours before they're taken. This one is a major inconsistency.
I'm writing this using a mobile phone so apologies if it seems abrupt or in any way unclear. It's not the best way to review stories on FS and I'm having to curtail my usual standard of reviews until I next use a proper keyboard.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Regards
Michael D
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2011
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Hi writer.
I've read this a couple of times, and it needed the second reading for it to make sense. The reason is an unfamiliarity with the legend. I reckon a few words describing the phenomenon at the start of the story would be helpful to those like me.
The cop contemplated...Hartigan contemplated, as you've already introduced him to us, otherwise I'm wondering if it's a different copper.
The hot, dry dust billowed up, Hot dry dust reads better I think.
...and the patrol car was hidden well too, This doesn't make sense, it doesn't tie in to the rest of the paragraph and adds nothing to it.
There are some inconsistencies that need addressing. When the pick-up comes to a stop Hartigan is in his car, and this is parked out of view. How then can he see the pick-up once the dust settles.
First the boys are taken while Hartigan is creeping towards them, and this as soon as the dust settled, yet later the boys are chatting for a
couple of hours before they're taken. This one is a major inconsistency.
I'm writing this using a mobile phone so apologies if it seems abrupt or in any way unclear. It's not the best way to review stories on FS and I'm having to curtail my usual standard of reviews until I next use a proper keyboard.
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Regards
Michael D
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2011
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HI Michael...Thank you for an in-depth review...very helpful and I am going to work on this in a bit. I will add more to explain the lights too. I hope you will rerate if I am able to improve this for you? I sure appreciate your time for me! Thanks again! Susan
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Hi Susan. Firstly I should point out that as this is a blind contest you shouldn't sign your name to your replies. No one should know who you are. I don't know any Susan's so in my case I'm not influenced.
I'm happy to re-rate though it's not an easy fix. There is at least one issue, and sometimes more, with each paragraph. The lateness of the hour and having to use my mobile phone to review meant the review wasn't as in-depth as I'd have liked. There's nothing majorly wrong, apart from that glaring inconsistency, but there are a lot of small nits that'll need to be addressed before I can raise my rating. To me, a five has to be almost completely error free.
But, if you're willing to put some work in, I'm willing to re-read at least and leave further comments.
As an exercise, read the story out loud to yourself, or better still have someone read it to you. That way you might more easily spot the errors. If something doesn't sound right to you maybe there's a good chance it doesn't read right to
reviewers.
Michael
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OH< I forgot...I may be in trouble...SO sorry. I just wanted some real reviews. I do intend to work on this too. ASAP. Thank you again...I do appreciate your time and honesty. S.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Mystery Author,
I was riveted to my seat as I read this story. You did a good job keeping up the suspense. Your imagery is vivid and gave me a perfect mind picture. I imagine these lights are a wonder to see. You wrote this legend story extremely well and I wish you the best of luck in the contest...chey
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2011
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Hi Mystery Author,
I was riveted to my seat as I read this story. You did a good job keeping up the suspense. Your imagery is vivid and gave me a perfect mind picture. I imagine these lights are a wonder to see. You wrote this legend story extremely well and I wish you the best of luck in the contest...chey
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2011
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Hi Chey! Thank you so much! It is an honor each time you read my work. I really am happy you enjoyed this one ... I love things that are unexplainable! "))
Comment from dportwood
Author,
I've never heard of the Blue Lights of Rensselaer, nor have I ever been in Indiana, but this is an interesting tale. Thanks for posting and good luck.
Duane
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2011
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Author,
I've never heard of the Blue Lights of Rensselaer, nor have I ever been in Indiana, but this is an interesting tale. Thanks for posting and good luck.
Duane
Comment Written 14-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2011
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Hi there! If you have a minute, just Google them...they are also called "Moody Lights", it is so odd. I last saw them when I was in my twenties. My friends and I were not drunk or druggies either...the lights are not harmful, just unexplainable! I am happy you enjoyed this Duane! "))
