Me and You 40+ years of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Just Beyond"Poetry and Short Stories by George Medina Martinez
4 total reviews
Comment from Magics02
George
I have to come back to this for tears in my eyes. I have bookmarked this. What a strong faith and a good cause here. I am speechless at the moment as this all hits close to home to me.
Blessings to you and the familia
Magics
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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George
I have to come back to this for tears in my eyes. I have bookmarked this. What a strong faith and a good cause here. I am speechless at the moment as this all hits close to home to me.
Blessings to you and the familia
Magics
Comment Written 06-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2011
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Bless you - It is a work I hope to fulfill.
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Yes and you shall. I believe in you
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I saw the title if this and had to read as this is one of my themes. I would change the 6th line to 'I learned with amaze to strengthen the rhyme. You have a lot of really good info in your Author notes, which unfortunately many people do not read. I would write that as a short story to get more to read it Just my thoughts!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2011
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I saw the title if this and had to read as this is one of my themes. I would change the 6th line to 'I learned with amaze to strengthen the rhyme. You have a lot of really good info in your Author notes, which unfortunately many people do not read. I would write that as a short story to get more to read it Just my thoughts!!! Debbie
Comment Written 03-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the advise and encouragement
Comment from mumsyone
While your poem has good rhyme (most) and meter, it doesn't have much substance; it doesn't tell the reader anything. It needs some improvement.
Just beyond the moss,/was the ground I thought I loss (should be 'lost'). (loss sounds like a forced rhyme, and it doesn't make much sense here)
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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While your poem has good rhyme (most) and meter, it doesn't have much substance; it doesn't tell the reader anything. It needs some improvement.
Just beyond the moss,/was the ground I thought I loss (should be 'lost'). (loss sounds like a forced rhyme, and it doesn't make much sense here)
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the honest review on this work in progress.
Comment from Philip Shin
It is different angle as we see our sight. It requires the philosophycal reasoning how we can write about. When it is not our sight then it is rhyme for the repeated words. The beyond makes the sound repeated so it appeals more love for us. This beyond have the both meaning for rhyme and sight of angle. We can create a lot of poem but it is hard to make the strucuture for the new poem.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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It is different angle as we see our sight. It requires the philosophycal reasoning how we can write about. When it is not our sight then it is rhyme for the repeated words. The beyond makes the sound repeated so it appeals more love for us. This beyond have the both meaning for rhyme and sight of angle. We can create a lot of poem but it is hard to make the strucuture for the new poem.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the review and positive encouragement.