Life
How I feel12 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
Well, you are clearly written with rhyme. Good point made... But now, what to do.
Life is hard (3)
Drives one mad (3)
Still alive I am and glad (7)
Haiku is 17-syllables and under. So this qualifies. However, you specified 5-7-5 Syllabic Poetry. You can revise before the contest. If you make changes let me know and I'll increase the stars.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2013
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Well, you are clearly written with rhyme. Good point made... But now, what to do.
Life is hard (3)
Drives one mad (3)
Still alive I am and glad (7)
Haiku is 17-syllables and under. So this qualifies. However, you specified 5-7-5 Syllabic Poetry. You can revise before the contest. If you make changes let me know and I'll increase the stars.
Good luck.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2013
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Cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read and evaluate. I am aware of my mistakes and if I ever decide to write again I will be more careful.
Your comments are seriously considered.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem is simply put yet eloquent in its understatement that being alive is preferable to the alternative. Life can be a difficult proposition, but life is the game we play.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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This poem is simply put yet eloquent in its understatement that being alive is preferable to the alternative. Life can be a difficult proposition, but life is the game we play.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2013
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Thank you ever so much for the review. I got so many corrections to it and suggestions on how to improve it. I appreciate you taking the time. Very kind indeed.
Comment from DawnStar
Very good effort and imagery. However, your syllable count does not meet the guidelines. You have a 3-3-7 poem, you need to make it 5-7-5 to qualify for this contest. An easy way to count syllable to speak the word out loud and hold your hand under your chin. Each time you feel your chin drop is a syllable. Keep it up! Life is meant to be a flow, we make it a lot harder than it really is. What it really is, is a journey toward love, a wonderful place at the end of a difficult road. Your mind is your most powerful asset...stay sane :)
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Very good effort and imagery. However, your syllable count does not meet the guidelines. You have a 3-3-7 poem, you need to make it 5-7-5 to qualify for this contest. An easy way to count syllable to speak the word out loud and hold your hand under your chin. Each time you feel your chin drop is a syllable. Keep it up! Life is meant to be a flow, we make it a lot harder than it really is. What it really is, is a journey toward love, a wonderful place at the end of a difficult road. Your mind is your most powerful asset...stay sane :)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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This is the greatest way of counting syllables. I'll make sure to teach it to all. I can't promise about the sane part, but I promise to be more careful if I write something else again. I can't thank you enough for your time and great notes:)
Comment from mojo78
Short and sweet yet straight to the point and very true. Sounds like my philosophy and a great saying that most people don't seem to understand or get. It is only when you understand that as long has you have your life and are alive there is nothing more important. Well said. : )
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Short and sweet yet straight to the point and very true. Sounds like my philosophy and a great saying that most people don't seem to understand or get. It is only when you understand that as long has you have your life and are alive there is nothing more important. Well said. : )
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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For real? The two three other reviewers said it needs so much work, that I never dared to try and write anything else. You made my day. I can't thank you enough!
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There are so many people out there with different ideas and oppinions. If you listened to everything that was said you never come back or follow your dreams. Learn from them and read other peoples works, Stick to your own style and find one that you like and merge it with your own. Not everyone will agree. Jo* : )
Comment from Merajul
Its a lovely writing and should go on to make a very good adage.Itshould go on to the final stages of any contest.Every liile things comes in small packet in nature , thats what it is!!!
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Its a lovely writing and should go on to make a very good adage.Itshould go on to the final stages of any contest.Every liile things comes in small packet in nature , thats what it is!!!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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OMG! You are the sweetest. I can't thank you enough! For taking the time to read and for such a great rating.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Sumayyah
Great intention in your poem, however you will only receive four stars or less because your syllable count is incorrect. You have entered 3-3-7 syllables and this is not permitted by the contest rules. If you go to www.howmanysyllables.com there is an excellent counter - just type in the word and it will give you the count.
What you have written is a good start. Another idea to make correct count is to think of a word with similar meaning which has the correct syllable count for your poem. E.g. "life is difficult" - 5 syllables. If you would like any further help or suggestions, please PM me. You have a good sense for these short poems, which I like very much. If you work on your poem, I will re-review and increase my rating. Good work, just needs some fine-tuning. Warmest Regards - :) Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2011
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Hi Sumayyah
Great intention in your poem, however you will only receive four stars or less because your syllable count is incorrect. You have entered 3-3-7 syllables and this is not permitted by the contest rules. If you go to www.howmanysyllables.com there is an excellent counter - just type in the word and it will give you the count.
What you have written is a good start. Another idea to make correct count is to think of a word with similar meaning which has the correct syllable count for your poem. E.g. "life is difficult" - 5 syllables. If you would like any further help or suggestions, please PM me. You have a good sense for these short poems, which I like very much. If you work on your poem, I will re-review and increase my rating. Good work, just needs some fine-tuning. Warmest Regards - :) Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 19-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2011
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Thank you my dear. You are right in every word you wrote. I loved the site! Wow! People think of everything! A site for that! I should revise it soon. Thank you again:)
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Don't forget to let me know - I will re-review and give you a better rating. I have always been grateful for the support and encouragement on FS. You show a good base thinking for these poems ... not everyone can do them. I encourage you to keep trying. My Pleasure. Warm Hugs - :) Lovinia xoxo
Comment from chrysanthamum526
You didn't quite get the rules of the 5-7-5 but this would have been a lovely short poem. It really expresses ones feelings about life. good job.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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You didn't quite get the rules of the 5-7-5 but this would have been a lovely short poem. It really expresses ones feelings about life. good job.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2011
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Thank you dear. I know and I am sorry. Just wrote the lines without thinking. Very nice of you to bother and rate. Can't thank you enoug:)
Comment from rama devi
Warm welcome to FS, Sumayyah! All the way from Jordan, wow!
please do not be discouraged by the low rating as it is simply because you've not met the contest criteria. Otherwise, I'd give this a FOUR for GOOD.
This is a good little aphoristic poem but unfortunately does not comply with the contest's guidelines. You've entered a 5-7-5 contest, which means the lines successively, have to have five, seven and five syllables.
Yours has three, three and seven
Life is hard
Drives one mad
Still alive I am and glad
The word economy is good but could be improved. The art of succinct poetic styles is to say things with the least words possible and to maximize the mileage of each syllable.
Life is hard
Drives one mad
Still alive I am and glad
To me, the last line sounds forced due to reverse syntax.
Your poem, as it stands, has room for tightening-
Life's hard
Drives one mad
Still glad to be alive
NOw, how to fashion a 5-7-5 from this? use imagery--elaborate!
just for example to illustrate-
Life's hard as a stone
to carry it drives one mad
etc.
Hope this helps--as that is my intent!
Warmly,
rd
PS Happy yo re-review and upgrade accordingly should you make edits.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Warm welcome to FS, Sumayyah! All the way from Jordan, wow!
please do not be discouraged by the low rating as it is simply because you've not met the contest criteria. Otherwise, I'd give this a FOUR for GOOD.
This is a good little aphoristic poem but unfortunately does not comply with the contest's guidelines. You've entered a 5-7-5 contest, which means the lines successively, have to have five, seven and five syllables.
Yours has three, three and seven
Life is hard
Drives one mad
Still alive I am and glad
The word economy is good but could be improved. The art of succinct poetic styles is to say things with the least words possible and to maximize the mileage of each syllable.
Life is hard
Drives one mad
Still alive I am and glad
To me, the last line sounds forced due to reverse syntax.
Your poem, as it stands, has room for tightening-
Life's hard
Drives one mad
Still glad to be alive
NOw, how to fashion a 5-7-5 from this? use imagery--elaborate!
just for example to illustrate-
Life's hard as a stone
to carry it drives one mad
etc.
Hope this helps--as that is my intent!
Warmly,
rd
PS Happy yo re-review and upgrade accordingly should you make edits.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Thank you very much for your help. Yes, it is very useful and I am not offended at all. I am aware of its imperfection. I thought of it in a minute and wrote it down and sent it. Not very clever of me. I wanted to delete it to tell you the truth but I don't even care about that. I am not a poet and I don't care about following rules. That was my mistake in the first place. It was the first time I see the site and just wanted to be part of it....I guess. I read a lot and enjoy analyzing things more than writing it seems. I started a book a decade ago and never finished it. I am always overwhelmed by the writing of others and this makes me not even try. I don't promise to edit although you are the second one who told me to do so.... maybe I should! I don't think you can imagine how happy I am to see that you cared enough to write those hints and help me out. I sincerely thank you and appreciate the time and effort.
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Thanks for your gracious response and please allow me to encourage you to keep writing--to keep revising and editing--As my music teacher used to wisely say: NOTHING IS DIFFICULT; EVERYTHING IS A MATTER OF EXPERIENCE
:)
Do let me know after edits. Happy to help.
Also, please be encouraged that all the writing you read which inspires you is a product of the sincere efforts of fledgling writers. Every person on the planet is born as an infant before it learns to walk.
Warm regards,
rd
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What a great person you are! Thank you. I'll try and see.
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Aw shucks! ;-)
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Humble too:)))
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:)
Comment from rawahymis
Oh life is so hard 5
Still alive I am and glad 7
Drives me truly mad 5
Five stars and bravo for the effort.
This is your own poem, slightly re-arranged and modified.
Another hint: in haiku or 5/7/5 focus on the meaning and forget rhyme, it only messes you up.
All the best.
rawahy
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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Oh life is so hard 5
Still alive I am and glad 7
Drives me truly mad 5
Five stars and bravo for the effort.
This is your own poem, slightly re-arranged and modified.
Another hint: in haiku or 5/7/5 focus on the meaning and forget rhyme, it only messes you up.
All the best.
rawahy
Comment Written 31-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2011
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How kind of you! I am no writer. I just wrote what I felt regardless. Thank you so much! You are the greatest.
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There is a writer deep inside you, Sumayyah. Just keep writing. Post whatever you feel is good. Although there are some silly reviewrs, most Fanstory writers and reviewrs are quite serious and will give honest, constructive criticism.
Best wishes.
raweahy
Comment from shirley31
Life is hard
Drives one mad
Still alive I am and glad
life is hard i know
drives one mad but i'm still here
alive and kicking!
look at the sylable count i give you 5 stars for effort i see you are quite new? hope this helps! X X shirl...
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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Life is hard
Drives one mad
Still alive I am and glad
life is hard i know
drives one mad but i'm still here
alive and kicking!
look at the sylable count i give you 5 stars for effort i see you are quite new? hope this helps! X X shirl...
Comment Written 25-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2011
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I am no writer. I don't care about counting or anything like that. Of course your words are of utmost help. I'll try to do better next time.
