Nasya
Picture inspired story of an unusual child33 total reviews
Comment from sasil
Lucky for us to read this great art-inspired story! The font might be a bit small for some readers (I did alright), but the presentation and art are incredible. Great story progression and characterization. I was fully engaged and the ending was satisfying--bravo!
reply by the author on 10-May-2011
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Lucky for us to read this great art-inspired story! The font might be a bit small for some readers (I did alright), but the presentation and art are incredible. Great story progression and characterization. I was fully engaged and the ending was satisfying--bravo!
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 10-May-2011
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Thank you so much for the lovely review and comments and especially the six stars. I called myself making the font larger and I did make it bold but I guess I didn't quite get it large enough.
Beth
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I didn't have a problem reading, just pointing out others may/might. (I've been called on the issue a few times).
Comment from WilliamDeen
Nice work with strong writing, characters, and dialogues. Very nice reading that captured me from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-May-2011
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Nice work with strong writing, characters, and dialogues. Very nice reading that captured me from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 10-May-2011
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Thank you so much for the nice review and comments. I'm so glad you liked it.
Beth
Comment from Queenise
Hey,Beth. Love this cute story and it seems so real that I had to look again to see if it was. Great flow, pace and imagery. The plot is strong and I think it has a great message. Wonderful and Happy Mothers Day, friend. Queenise
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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Hey,Beth. Love this cute story and it seems so real that I had to look again to see if it was. Great flow, pace and imagery. The plot is strong and I think it has a great message. Wonderful and Happy Mothers Day, friend. Queenise
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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Queenise, I can't believe you're back. I've missed you. It has been so long since I've seen your name. Thank you so much for the review and comments. The story is fiction but I didn't make up indigo children. There are some who believe they exist. I hope everythng has been well with you.
Beth
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I am going to be in and out,Beth. I have been sick, my middle child is graduating and I'm writing and getting ready to go back to school and have 2 grands and a third on the way. Been busy lately. Queenise
Comment from Helen Tan
I think this is the first time I'm reading something in the supernatural genre from you. It was refreshing. Love the name Naysa.
she simple gazed into their eyes
...simplY gazed ...
The doctors contacted a battery of tests
The doctors conducted ...
Marian had reconciled herself to the fact that she was not meant
Thomas and Marion were convinced that they had to do something,
one man agreed that it seemed worthwhile
This was the moment that Naysa's awestruck parents knew for certain,
Suggest deleting "that" from all these lines for a smoother flow.
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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I think this is the first time I'm reading something in the supernatural genre from you. It was refreshing. Love the name Naysa.
she simple gazed into their eyes
...simplY gazed ...
The doctors contacted a battery of tests
The doctors conducted ...
Marian had reconciled herself to the fact that she was not meant
Thomas and Marion were convinced that they had to do something,
one man agreed that it seemed worthwhile
This was the moment that Naysa's awestruck parents knew for certain,
Suggest deleting "that" from all these lines for a smoother flow.
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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I guess this is a new genre for me. Once again, I do appreciate your review and the errors you manage to catch as well as your helpful suggestions.
Beth
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Beth, sorry about the tornado. I had no idea it affected you. I hope all is well with you now. This is an awesome story. I admire your fantastic imagination of an indigo child. You've certainly met the challenge of your writing group...
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Hi, Beth, sorry about the tornado. I had no idea it affected you. I hope all is well with you now. This is an awesome story. I admire your fantastic imagination of an indigo child. You've certainly met the challenge of your writing group...
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Wow! You made my day with that six star rating. I'm so glad you like the story. We'll be a while getting back to normal because the yard looks like a war zone but the insurance will cover a lot of the damage. Thanks for your concern and nice comments.
Beth
Comment from Bellringer
You did a very good job with this picture-inspired story. Your narrative and dialogue is easy to follow and believable. I hope this is part one of your story as the ending kind of left me standing there, asking: Yes, the child is special and...?
Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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You did a very good job with this picture-inspired story. Your narrative and dialogue is easy to follow and believable. I hope this is part one of your story as the ending kind of left me standing there, asking: Yes, the child is special and...?
Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Thank you Hector. I probably will continue the story at some point. For the writing group, I needed to make it short but I think that will be more like a prologue. I appreciate the review and comments.
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You're welcome, Beth. Blessings, Hector
Comment from mumsyone
I'm sorry to hear you had tornado damage. I hope it was minimal.
This is another good story inspired by a picture.
I love animals, and my husband used to say that he thought I could walk right up to a lion and pet it. I doubt that very much, but that's what your story reminded me of.
Marion first looked into (the)
child (child's) eyes,
When her parent (parents) talked to her
indigo children?" he asked" ( )
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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I'm sorry to hear you had tornado damage. I hope it was minimal.
This is another good story inspired by a picture.
I love animals, and my husband used to say that he thought I could walk right up to a lion and pet it. I doubt that very much, but that's what your story reminded me of.
Marion first looked into (the)
child (child's) eyes,
When her parent (parents) talked to her
indigo children?" he asked" ( )
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Thank you so much for the review and the lovely comments and especially for catching my typos.
Beth
Comment from Veekz
I'm sorry to hear about the damage happening in your town at the moment, I do hope everyone is ok.
Regarding the story, I really enjoyed it. It has a good plot line and can be built upon to create a create novel should you choose to do so. I read up on indigo children a few years ago and they really are amazing children, some of the art work they produce is astounding. No edits re the story I could find, just one little grammar fix needed as per below:
How can we find out more about this?" Thomas asked.
-speech mark missing from beginning of sentence
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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I'm sorry to hear about the damage happening in your town at the moment, I do hope everyone is ok.
Regarding the story, I really enjoyed it. It has a good plot line and can be built upon to create a create novel should you choose to do so. I read up on indigo children a few years ago and they really are amazing children, some of the art work they produce is astounding. No edits re the story I could find, just one little grammar fix needed as per below:
How can we find out more about this?" Thomas asked.
-speech mark missing from beginning of sentence
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Thank you so much for the review and the comments and for catching my gramatical error. Thanks also for your concern over the storm. There was quite a lot of damage to property and loss of life in the Chattanooga area. My family only suffered from roof damage and tree and fence loss.
Beth
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More then welcome, I'm so pleased to hear you and yours are safe :) Roofs, trees and fences can be replaced unlike family :)
Comment from WRITER1
This is a very interesting piece. It makes you think what if there were an upgrade to the human element out there. It might be the best thing that could happen.
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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This is a very interesting piece. It makes you think what if there were an upgrade to the human element out there. It might be the best thing that could happen.
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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I agree. The human element could do with an upgrade. I appreciate this review and your nice comments.
Beth
Comment from humpwhistle
Hello, Beth, and welcome back. I've missed you.
Beth I like this story very much, but I think you should consider making it longer. Give reader more insight into her strange development. Maybe the last scene could use a little fleshing out, too.
Good to see you back here, Beth.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Hello, Beth, and welcome back. I've missed you.
Beth I like this story very much, but I think you should consider making it longer. Give reader more insight into her strange development. Maybe the last scene could use a little fleshing out, too.
Good to see you back here, Beth.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 08-May-2011
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Thank you Lee, I appreciate your review and suggestions. I'm still going to be here only now and then as my company is still with me for another three weeks but I'll try not to miss any more of your stories. I've missed being here.
Beth
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Beth, don't be concerned for me. I'm glad you are safe. And it was good to hear from you. I look forward to your full-time return.
Peace, Lee
