The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "James Pauses To Take a Breath"A family learns their father is a serial killer
39 total reviews
Comment from Cranial Thinker
This is so to the heart of James emotional state boardlining
a break from reality, a true need/desire to just disappear
into nothing or better yet, exchange the day's tragedy into
a literal epsurped dream knowing soon you would awaken and all would be well....Again my friend, so very well done....Cranial Thinker
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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This is so to the heart of James emotional state boardlining
a break from reality, a true need/desire to just disappear
into nothing or better yet, exchange the day's tragedy into
a literal epsurped dream knowing soon you would awaken and all would be well....Again my friend, so very well done....Cranial Thinker
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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YOu describe what James is gong through perfectly.
Comment from vickib
I've done just that very thing many times, I could totally relate to this little break. How he didn't rip open the letters I don't know, but I do know and felt the fear and the not wanting to know any more. XO
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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I've done just that very thing many times, I could totally relate to this little break. How he didn't rip open the letters I don't know, but I do know and felt the fear and the not wanting to know any more. XO
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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He wants to know, but is afraid of what they will reveal. Glad you enjoyed this one.
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
chapters twenty-eight through thirty I'm reading. I'm behind on chapter reviews. Chapter twenty-nine is very well written. Your descriptive writing is superb in this chapter. Your dialogue is natural. You narrative is first-rate. I enjoyed the lines: "I tried to tell myself Mom was mistaken and Dad's drunken ramblings were nothing more than the sick delusions of an alcoholic. But knowing he was sitting in prison guilty of brutally murdering twelve innocent girls, and the very real possibility there was a thirteenth victim, erased the one glimmer of hope I was grasping for."
Your doing a fabulous job, my friend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 07-May-2011
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Sasha,
chapters twenty-eight through thirty I'm reading. I'm behind on chapter reviews. Chapter twenty-nine is very well written. Your descriptive writing is superb in this chapter. Your dialogue is natural. You narrative is first-rate. I enjoyed the lines: "I tried to tell myself Mom was mistaken and Dad's drunken ramblings were nothing more than the sick delusions of an alcoholic. But knowing he was sitting in prison guilty of brutally murdering twelve innocent girls, and the very real possibility there was a thirteenth victim, erased the one glimmer of hope I was grasping for."
Your doing a fabulous job, my friend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 07-May-2011
reply by the author on 07-May-2011
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Thank you. I am thrilled you liked this one.
Comment from Permelia
This chapter makes me wonder how many times have we ever felt sorry for the family of someone who is guilty of horrible, horrendous crimes. Now I wonder, have I ever felt sympathy for them?
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2011
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This chapter makes me wonder how many times have we ever felt sorry for the family of someone who is guilty of horrible, horrendous crimes. Now I wonder, have I ever felt sympathy for them?
Comment Written 23-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2011
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To be honest, few ever think about the families of the killers. Thanks for the honest review. Good question.
Comment from Readywriter52
James has taken a break from questioning his mother. Her story has affected him greatly. He seems to know but won't accept that his life will never be the same. Her story seem surreal to him.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2011
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James has taken a break from questioning his mother. Her story has affected him greatly. He seems to know but won't accept that his life will never be the same. Her story seem surreal to him.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2011
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Thanks :)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Well deserving of a six. I don't have any left. You did a fantastic job of describing Jame's emotion. Wow, that child, young man has to let loose.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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Well deserving of a six. I don't have any left. You did a fantastic job of describing Jame's emotion. Wow, that child, young man has to let loose.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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Yes, it was about time for his to finally express his anger and frustration. I am so pleased you liked this one, despite it being so very short.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
An excellent description of James reactions to the truth's his mother had revealed and the facts he was dealing with regarding his dad. I hope you help him know this is their life and once dad is in jail; he goes forward and forms his own life and the results there of.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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An excellent description of James reactions to the truth's his mother had revealed and the facts he was dealing with regarding his dad. I hope you help him know this is their life and once dad is in jail; he goes forward and forms his own life and the results there of.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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Right now it is hard for any of them to see past today, but you are right, hopefully time will help them all see life through clearer eyes.
Comment from whitteron
Comprehending the horrors his sister, my grandmother, was subjected to, was way beyond my capability.
...I thought this sentence sounded rough with double "was" I'd try to rework it.
In the shower sence, I get where you are going with James inner turmoil, but i thought the way you constructed the visuals was too simplified for someone with Jame's intellect.
()just a thought to toss out) Would I see the sun fall behind the earth and count the shades of crimson, left behind....bla bla. Other than that, it's really good. It shows his soft, vulnerable side. Although he's brilliant, he still feels pain--so he isn't like his father, at all.
water had turned cold
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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Comprehending the horrors his sister, my grandmother, was subjected to, was way beyond my capability.
...I thought this sentence sounded rough with double "was" I'd try to rework it.
In the shower sence, I get where you are going with James inner turmoil, but i thought the way you constructed the visuals was too simplified for someone with Jame's intellect.
()just a thought to toss out) Would I see the sun fall behind the earth and count the shades of crimson, left behind....bla bla. Other than that, it's really good. It shows his soft, vulnerable side. Although he's brilliant, he still feels pain--so he isn't like his father, at all.
water had turned cold
Comment Written 22-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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Thanks for the suggestions. I agree, that is an awkward sentence and I will go over it and see what I can to to improve it. While being a genius, James is still a very simple kid who often views the world in shades of black and white and seldom sees the poetic side of life. I always look forward to your reviews and enthusiastically appreciate your input.
Comment from fionageorge
What this chapter lacked in quantity, it made up for in quality. Wonderful narration, and real, raw emotions as reality hit home. What a terrible situation to find oneself in. Even with such limited dialogue, this was great writing. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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What this chapter lacked in quantity, it made up for in quality. Wonderful narration, and real, raw emotions as reality hit home. What a terrible situation to find oneself in. Even with such limited dialogue, this was great writing. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
Comment Written 22-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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Thank you very much. I am so pleased you liked this very, very short chapter.
Comment from axelbeariter
Lala Land,/That's usually written as La La, or La-La Land----one glimmer of hope I was grasping for/Use an active voice--I grasped for----I doubted I would ever be able to wash away the thick layer of filth that was choking the life out of me. I couldn't imagine ever again smiling at a beautiful sunset, appreciating the fresh, clean smell of the ocean, or laughing at a silly joke./You describe his despair realistically well----This is another well done work.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Lala Land,/That's usually written as La La, or La-La Land----one glimmer of hope I was grasping for/Use an active voice--I grasped for----I doubted I would ever be able to wash away the thick layer of filth that was choking the life out of me. I couldn't imagine ever again smiling at a beautiful sunset, appreciating the fresh, clean smell of the ocean, or laughing at a silly joke./You describe his despair realistically well----This is another well done work.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Thanks for catching the spags. I do have a tendency to jump from tense to tense. I am pleased you liked this very short chapter.