Railroad
poem/song lyrics99 total reviews
Comment from miss joyce
This, in my opinion, reaches the caliber described in author notes. I felt the freedom within the words and rhythm and lulled me into your imagery. I simply enjoyed this read. Many thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
  |
This, in my opinion, reaches the caliber described in author notes. I felt the freedom within the words and rhythm and lulled me into your imagery. I simply enjoyed this read. Many thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2011
-
And many, many thanks for reviewing.
-
******
miss joyce
-
******
miss joyce
Comment from Terry wrote
And it does whisper ... rambling through images along the line, touching on feelings but not too deeply, asking for steady company from something unable to stay. I like this.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
 |
And it does whisper ... rambling through images along the line, touching on feelings but not too deeply, asking for steady company from something unable to stay. I like this.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
-
Thank you. And I must say, a deft interpretation.
Comment from Veekz
This is a great poem filled with reflection and leaves the reader with a nostalgic feel for days gone by. I love the questions asked of the railroad and the thought of the thousands of stories it could tell :)
Favourite lines:
made of steel
and laid on trees.
Just fab!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
|
This is a great poem filled with reflection and leaves the reader with a nostalgic feel for days gone by. I love the questions asked of the railroad and the thought of the thousands of stories it could tell :)
Favourite lines:
made of steel
and laid on trees.
Just fab!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
-
Just fab applies to your review as well. Thank you.
Comment from dannielleduran
I love it. It is so cute and fun. It would make a great children's poem. It has a wonderful flow and could be sung in a sing song. Excellent.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
|
I love it. It is so cute and fun. It would make a great children's poem. It has a wonderful flow and could be sung in a sing song. Excellent.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
-
Thank you.
Comment from shy1250
Perfection! I just watched 'Fried Green Tomatoes' yesterday, which could be seen as the tale of a train station in one way. Don't we all want to go home? Pity those of us who no longer know where that is--later and God bless, shy
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
|
Perfection! I just watched 'Fried Green Tomatoes' yesterday, which could be seen as the tale of a train station in one way. Don't we all want to go home? Pity those of us who no longer know where that is--later and God bless, shy
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
-
Thank you Shy.
Comment from missy98writer
Victor,
another thought pondering free verse. Excellent lyrical verse with a choo choo beat. I could hear the locomotion chugging down the track. Effective use of alliteration. I like the blues infusion in these lines: "Come on railroad walk with me. Seems my strife are gonna bury me." I love you lyrical verse. Cool art work you used.
Melissa.
PS. Here is what I wrote on the fly to accompany your lyrics:
Railroad train traveling down the tracks of loneliness
please set me free it seems my man no longer want me
Oh railroad train listen to me howling at the moon, but
my man he done left-- he left me for another and I want
him back...Oh Lord I want him back because he gave
me good loving morning, day and night, and it ain't
right what the fool did to me
I say railroad train I need to hear you toot as you chug
a lug down the track ready to rumble down to run this
old broad over because I'm laying across this track for
you to hit me and take my misery away, yes, I said railroad
train come barreling toward me and make a pancake of me,
but I no longer care since my man cheated on me with my
Momma-- Oh what at bitch to take my guy - I hope when
they find me she'll break down and cry after she realizes
I committed suicide by locomotion. ..Oh yeah....
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
|
Victor,
another thought pondering free verse. Excellent lyrical verse with a choo choo beat. I could hear the locomotion chugging down the track. Effective use of alliteration. I like the blues infusion in these lines: "Come on railroad walk with me. Seems my strife are gonna bury me." I love you lyrical verse. Cool art work you used.
Melissa.
PS. Here is what I wrote on the fly to accompany your lyrics:
Railroad train traveling down the tracks of loneliness
please set me free it seems my man no longer want me
Oh railroad train listen to me howling at the moon, but
my man he done left-- he left me for another and I want
him back...Oh Lord I want him back because he gave
me good loving morning, day and night, and it ain't
right what the fool did to me
I say railroad train I need to hear you toot as you chug
a lug down the track ready to rumble down to run this
old broad over because I'm laying across this track for
you to hit me and take my misery away, yes, I said railroad
train come barreling toward me and make a pancake of me,
but I no longer care since my man cheated on me with my
Momma-- Oh what at bitch to take my guy - I hope when
they find me she'll break down and cry after she realizes
I committed suicide by locomotion. ..Oh yeah....
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
-
Whew! Ain't nobody got a hold a the blues but you girl. Go girl go.
Comment from el twelve
that was nicely done and did flow like lyrics to the song. the descriptions of the stanza followed each other smoothly for easy reading
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
|
that was nicely done and did flow like lyrics to the song. the descriptions of the stanza followed each other smoothly for easy reading
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
-
Thank you.
Comment from words
I heard the rhythm of the train wheels in your lyrical write about trains.
I could hear the train and feel the wind.
Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
|
I heard the rhythm of the train wheels in your lyrical write about trains.
I could hear the train and feel the wind.
Well done.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
-
Thank you so much.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Victor ....
Actually, as I read what you have said in this free-thought writing, your words seemed to gather a momentum of their own and to go well with my vision of miles of railroad tracks ahead.
Also while I was reading this, I was trying to imagine what music your words would accompany.
There is nothing to suggest changing and I thank you for sharing this with us.
Love from ...... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
|
Hullo Victor ....
Actually, as I read what you have said in this free-thought writing, your words seemed to gather a momentum of their own and to go well with my vision of miles of railroad tracks ahead.
Also while I was reading this, I was trying to imagine what music your words would accompany.
There is nothing to suggest changing and I thank you for sharing this with us.
Love from ...... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
-
Thanks Mary. I appreciate it.
Comment from volunteer angel
It does seem to whisper in the wind. Your poem flows so well and was fun to read. These verses could be a song if put to music. The rhymes were well done too! Great job! V.A.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
|
It does seem to whisper in the wind. Your poem flows so well and was fun to read. These verses could be a song if put to music. The rhymes were well done too! Great job! V.A.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
-
Thank you V.A.
