Railroad
poem/song lyrics99 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
You must have grown up in an area like the one I did. In our small town, a train was excitement. Children and adults alike would rush to the tracks to wave at the engineer. I like this as song lyrics-has great potential! Debbie
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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You must have grown up in an area like the one I did. In our small town, a train was excitement. Children and adults alike would rush to the tracks to wave at the engineer. I like this as song lyrics-has great potential! Debbie
Comment Written 02-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Yep. I'm from hicksville all right. Mayberry has got nothin' on me!
Comment from DIS-illusioned
-- "and laid on trees. "
Are you saying the railroad is laid (placed) on trees, or that it is made up of laid-on trees?
-- Nice rhyme and rhythm.
-- "Just prairie grass
and beef to be."
This reads awkwardly. What is to be beef, the plains? I think you mean the cattle on the plains (but that imagery doesn't come off, as plains are usually open and empty).
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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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-- "and laid on trees. "
Are you saying the railroad is laid (placed) on trees, or that it is made up of laid-on trees?
-- Nice rhyme and rhythm.
-- "Just prairie grass
and beef to be."
This reads awkwardly. What is to be beef, the plains? I think you mean the cattle on the plains (but that imagery doesn't come off, as plains are usually open and empty).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thank you for reading. I did actually change "beef to be".
Comment from jason456
I really love this poem. I've always been fascinated by trains. When I was a little child, my grandparents lived in a small mountain town on the top of a bank (hill) beside and above the railroad. Every day I would sit on the bank of the hill and the man on the caboose would wave to me and they would always blow the whistle for me. I can see how you could write such a lovely poem and love railroads. Very well done.
Patti :)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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I really love this poem. I've always been fascinated by trains. When I was a little child, my grandparents lived in a small mountain town on the top of a bank (hill) beside and above the railroad. Every day I would sit on the bank of the hill and the man on the caboose would wave to me and they would always blow the whistle for me. I can see how you could write such a lovely poem and love railroads. Very well done.
Patti :)
Comment Written 02-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Now that is a wonderful memory.
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I remember things that happened when I was three (and possibly two). Now I can't remember what happened yesterday or where I put my glasses.
Patti :)
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
How beautiful and nostalgic the mood this poem creates. I know the feeling, the smell, the rhythm of the rails (though I was too timid to walk them much). What a story they could tell, and you suggest it brilliantly. Your notes are as poetic as the poem itself. Love this line: "...should just whisper as the wind carries it." What a poet! Best regards, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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How beautiful and nostalgic the mood this poem creates. I know the feeling, the smell, the rhythm of the rails (though I was too timid to walk them much). What a story they could tell, and you suggest it brilliantly. Your notes are as poetic as the poem itself. Love this line: "...should just whisper as the wind carries it." What a poet! Best regards, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 02-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Jeanie, you're always good to me. Thank you.
Comment from MENNIPLOSS
a beautiful poem, with beautiful verses and very special an urban air. I like I feel, it beautiful. many congratulations by so tuna work the writing is beautiful and simple.
menniploss
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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a beautiful poem, with beautiful verses and very special an urban air. I like I feel, it beautiful. many congratulations by so tuna work the writing is beautiful and simple.
menniploss
Comment Written 02-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thank you Plennifloss. lol
Comment from Raven Rain
Where I live we have some train track s that go right through a section of a popular beach, and it's essentially become a tourist attraction. People go there to walk the track and watch the trains that do go by. This poem reminded me of that; walking the tracks on a lazy, breezy day, getting lost in contemplation over many aspects of one's life. Very nicely written, reads easily with melodic tones.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Where I live we have some train track s that go right through a section of a popular beach, and it's essentially become a tourist attraction. People go there to walk the track and watch the trains that do go by. This poem reminded me of that; walking the tracks on a lazy, breezy day, getting lost in contemplation over many aspects of one's life. Very nicely written, reads easily with melodic tones.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thank you and yes that's exactly it.
Comment from BothePo8
I like that better. May I suggest one line change?
Come on railroad
walk with me.
Seems my strifes
are gonna bury me. ( Seems my strifes will bury me )
Best wishes, Bo
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2011
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I like that better. May I suggest one line change?
Come on railroad
walk with me.
Seems my strifes
are gonna bury me. ( Seems my strifes will bury me )
Best wishes, Bo
Comment Written 02-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2011
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I thought several times about the stanza that bothers u. Sometimes it hit me wrong and sometimes right. But I changed it for u. Something I rarely do. Thank you for reading it.
Comment from Shirley B
These are nice lyrics. As a child I would play on the railroad tracks myself. The railroad didn't go through anymore, but I would dream it would take me away. I feel that sense of dreaming and escaping with your song. You are right, there is nothing like walking the tracks and dreaming, Shirley
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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These are nice lyrics. As a child I would play on the railroad tracks myself. The railroad didn't go through anymore, but I would dream it would take me away. I feel that sense of dreaming and escaping with your song. You are right, there is nothing like walking the tracks and dreaming, Shirley
Comment Written 02-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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That's the feelin'. thank you Shirley.
Comment from Espresso momma
You ar right, I uesed toride my bike in the rail yards just for the quietness and alone time. Then a 'pervert' shows up hiding behind the cars. I took on a differant route after that.
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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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You ar right, I uesed toride my bike in the rail yards just for the quietness and alone time. Then a 'pervert' shows up hiding behind the cars. I took on a differant route after that.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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I'm afraid "pervs" will do that to you. I'm glad nothing happened.
