Perspective
Acrostic Poem18 total reviews
Comment from Katiesherrill
I can totally relate to this piece. I really feel the line that reads, "Simply because of a sharp change in time". I like how you use the word sharp, because when our perspective changes it is often because of a sudden or sharp occurance. Very well written, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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I can totally relate to this piece. I really feel the line that reads, "Simply because of a sharp change in time". I like how you use the word sharp, because when our perspective changes it is often because of a sudden or sharp occurance. Very well written, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2011
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Oh, thank you so much for this rating and the encouraging comments. -Judy
Comment from stephybs
This is well written and most can relate to your words as I can too!. It's just so nice to see so much talent, and this is very well done. Stephy
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2011
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This is well written and most can relate to your words as I can too!. It's just so nice to see so much talent, and this is very well done. Stephy
Comment Written 31-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2011
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Thank you very much for this kind review and generous rating. -Judy
Comment from volunteer angel
Your acrostic looks great and follows the guidelines. The ab pattern of rhyming is perfect too. Sometimes we have to set back and look at things in a new light in life. Doors will open if given time. Great job and good luck in the contest. V.A.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Your acrostic looks great and follows the guidelines. The ab pattern of rhyming is perfect too. Sometimes we have to set back and look at things in a new light in life. Doors will open if given time. Great job and good luck in the contest. V.A.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thank you for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate the generous rating. -Judy
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello Judith Ann. I sincerely enjoyed reading this poem. Since I am a firm believer in poetic license I will simply offer the following as suggestions.
Many of your lines are in classic Iambic pentameter, but on occasion an added syllable or two causes a bump in the road. For example in line 2 you could drop the word "for" and end up with ten beats.
"Even felt justified feeling as you do"
Similarly, by dropping "and" the following line ends up with ten beats.
"Taking your heart, separating the bands"
This line reads more smoothly like this:
"Instinctively crying out, asking him why" Again ten beats.
"Vacuously now you stare at the sky" Dropped the word "up".
"Ebulliently grasping at tomorrow" cuts the count to ten.
And finally, "Discovering days empty of sorrow."
The only other area which reads a bit roughly is this line.
"Essentially a fresh pattern God is starting to weave"
I'm not sure how to address it. It has two or three extra beats, but between rhyming and acrostic rules for how to begin a line, I'm stumped.
Your sentiment comes through clearly in this work. I like it. Again, I merely offer suggestions.
Good luck in the contest.
Ray
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Hello Judith Ann. I sincerely enjoyed reading this poem. Since I am a firm believer in poetic license I will simply offer the following as suggestions.
Many of your lines are in classic Iambic pentameter, but on occasion an added syllable or two causes a bump in the road. For example in line 2 you could drop the word "for" and end up with ten beats.
"Even felt justified feeling as you do"
Similarly, by dropping "and" the following line ends up with ten beats.
"Taking your heart, separating the bands"
This line reads more smoothly like this:
"Instinctively crying out, asking him why" Again ten beats.
"Vacuously now you stare at the sky" Dropped the word "up".
"Ebulliently grasping at tomorrow" cuts the count to ten.
And finally, "Discovering days empty of sorrow."
The only other area which reads a bit roughly is this line.
"Essentially a fresh pattern God is starting to weave"
I'm not sure how to address it. It has two or three extra beats, but between rhyming and acrostic rules for how to begin a line, I'm stumped.
Your sentiment comes through clearly in this work. I like it. Again, I merely offer suggestions.
Good luck in the contest.
Ray
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thanks for your suggestions, I will take a closer look later today and see if I am moved to edit this. I appreciate your honest review. -Judy
Comment from Jean Lutz
Hang in there. It may just be that you are being taken to a higher dimension. I just stopped typing to offer a prayer for you, your family and your writing. 2005 was one of those years for me -- Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, cancer surgery and chemo; then all of my family relocating to higher ground. But when the storms subsided I realized I had been lifted higher. Best to you in the contest and in life.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Hang in there. It may just be that you are being taken to a higher dimension. I just stopped typing to offer a prayer for you, your family and your writing. 2005 was one of those years for me -- Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, cancer surgery and chemo; then all of my family relocating to higher ground. But when the storms subsided I realized I had been lifted higher. Best to you in the contest and in life.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Oh, Jean, what beautiful words and thank you so much for the prayers. I know that everything you say is true and I know too that God's plan is going to be so marvelous. Thanks for the great review. -Judy
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this acrostic about the way we think about things can change. good luck in the contest....
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this acrostic about the way we think about things can change. good luck in the contest....
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thank you very much for the review and the great rating. -Judy
Comment from JoAnna Lee
I really enjoyed the message in this one, and the fact you rhymed and did not "list" as many have such difficulties with this form. I did still find the rhythm a bit off in couple of places (but that might just be me).
Please correct: "Instinctively you cry out and ask of him why" The word "him" should be "Him" (capitalized) as you are referring to God.
Thanks for Sharing,
Donna
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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I really enjoyed the message in this one, and the fact you rhymed and did not "list" as many have such difficulties with this form. I did still find the rhythm a bit off in couple of places (but that might just be me).
Please correct: "Instinctively you cry out and ask of him why" The word "him" should be "Him" (capitalized) as you are referring to God.
Thanks for Sharing,
Donna
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thanks for the read and the great comments. I will make that change now. -Judy
Comment from teacherdub
Judity, the acrostic is penned well. It has rhythm and rhyme to make the music of it sing. Perspective is a powerful force in all our lives. When circumstances change, the perspective can change for the better or worse. The phrase "separating the bands" might refer to divorce. If so, that event changes perspective 180 degrees. How we see our life is usually how it plays out. Excellent contest entry with a powerful message also. NO ERRORS FOUND. td
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Judity, the acrostic is penned well. It has rhythm and rhyme to make the music of it sing. Perspective is a powerful force in all our lives. When circumstances change, the perspective can change for the better or worse. The phrase "separating the bands" might refer to divorce. If so, that event changes perspective 180 degrees. How we see our life is usually how it plays out. Excellent contest entry with a powerful message also. NO ERRORS FOUND. td
Comment Written 30-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2011
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Thank you so much. In this case, separating the bands refers to death, as my husband died 5 weeks ago. You totally understood this piece and I appreciate your comments and generous rating.
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I am so sorry for your loss.So sorry I miss interpreted the separation.
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You did not misinterpret, as I always want my poetry/writing to be applicable to my reader. Divorce is one of those things that does "separate the bands". Thank you for your condolences and your intuitive comments.
Comment from missy98writer
Judith Ann,
your poem is beautifully written. You even rhymed your acrostic. Your acrostic is excellent and a real contender in the contest. Effective use of alliteration. I love your spiritual message. Lovely art work you picked. I like the metaphors turn on a dime, causes you to grieve, starting to weave, out of your hands, taking you heart, separating the bands, stare up at the sky, move toward a promised tomorrow, searching for days and empty of sorrow." Your poem give the reader sound and sage advice. I wish you good luck in the contest. May God keep blessing you and your pen.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Judith Ann,
your poem is beautifully written. You even rhymed your acrostic. Your acrostic is excellent and a real contender in the contest. Effective use of alliteration. I love your spiritual message. Lovely art work you picked. I like the metaphors turn on a dime, causes you to grieve, starting to weave, out of your hands, taking you heart, separating the bands, stare up at the sky, move toward a promised tomorrow, searching for days and empty of sorrow." Your poem give the reader sound and sage advice. I wish you good luck in the contest. May God keep blessing you and your pen.
Melissa.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Oh, thank you so much. You don't know how much your encouragement means to me. This is the first I have written and posted since my husband died five weeks ago. I am now learning how to write from my heart. More short stories to come too. Thank you again. -Judy
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Judy,
My prayers go out to you. I hope he didn't suffer. The eight anniverary of my little sister's death will be comming up on May 2, 2011 she daed May 2, 2003 leaving behind her son, Brandon. He will be seventeen on May 16, 2011. I'm sad she's missing him in eleventh grade or seeing his drive. My prayers go to you. Mourning a loved one stinks, especially ones husband.
Melissa.
Comment from lola29
Judy, your acrostic is an excellent entry for the contest. You are so right, our point of view can change on the turn of a dime. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Judy, your acrostic is an excellent entry for the contest. You are so right, our point of view can change on the turn of a dime. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2011
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Thanks, Lola. This is my first posting since Dave's death. It feels good to get back to some semblance of normal. I appreciate your comments. -Judy
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Judy, I'm sorry. I didn't know about your husband's death.
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Thanks, Lola. I haven't been able to say it out loud yet.
