The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Quid Pro Quo Part 1"A family learns their father is a serial killer
29 total reviews
Comment from Realist101
OH I have missed so much! This boy is in for some rough going...your intensity with this is very well done and keeps us wanting more too! I am surprised the family doesn't just move on and let the father rot. And yes, the government and cops have tools we don't even know about yet...all designed and paid for by OUR money! So ironic. Very interesting plot Sasha...xoxo, susan
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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OH I have missed so much! This boy is in for some rough going...your intensity with this is very well done and keeps us wanting more too! I am surprised the family doesn't just move on and let the father rot. And yes, the government and cops have tools we don't even know about yet...all designed and paid for by OUR money! So ironic. Very interesting plot Sasha...xoxo, susan
Comment Written 07-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2011
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Thanks so much I am thrilled you liked this one.
Comment from vickib
Or they could ask the mother is the St Christopher is hers. Super writing Val. I was writing something about cadaver dogs (I know weird) but I read in research that they will still hit where a dead body was not just where they are, but it's rare when they do that because they are trained for the body. What happened to your book that Tom had to restore it?
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Or they could ask the mother is the St Christopher is hers. Super writing Val. I was writing something about cadaver dogs (I know weird) but I read in research that they will still hit where a dead body was not just where they are, but it's rare when they do that because they are trained for the body. What happened to your book that Tom had to restore it?
Comment Written 05-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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It somehow got deleted!!! Thank goodness he was able to get it back. I have a friend who works for the Seattle Police and worked with cadaver dogs. They are simply amazing!
Comment from Readywriter52
James doesn't seem to think that Mac is taking him seriously at times. But James does have some good suggestions. He knows his father better than Mac. Maybe Mac should listen to what he has to say.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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James doesn't seem to think that Mac is taking him seriously at times. But James does have some good suggestions. He knows his father better than Mac. Maybe Mac should listen to what he has to say.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Mac is trying to remain the professional, but you will learn over the next few chapters that they make a pretty good team. Gad you enjoyed this one.
Comment from raw form
I really enjoy the way this story moves along you keep me on the edge of my seat as I read and I like the edge it makes for great reading. And this my dear is a great read.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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I really enjoy the way this story moves along you keep me on the edge of my seat as I read and I like the edge it makes for great reading. And this my dear is a great read.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Thanks, I am so pleased you continue to enjoy this.
Comment from marcii
So much for poor James to have on his young shoulders. Though being intelligent might help him get through thing a slight bit easier, perhaps.
I still think their is a chance the accused may not be guilty and if he is he could have had a partner.
Great chapter, look forward to the next.
Marcii
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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So much for poor James to have on his young shoulders. Though being intelligent might help him get through thing a slight bit easier, perhaps.
I still think their is a chance the accused may not be guilty and if he is he could have had a partner.
Great chapter, look forward to the next.
Marcii
Comment Written 16-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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That's what I like, a down to earth show me the proof person. Sorry, Dad's guilty as sin but not to worry, there is still lots of mystery and tension left to investigate.
Comment from Joan E.
Your "Barney Fife" analogy and "Let the games begin" phase are clever. Thank you also for your detailed notes about advanced law enforcement techniques that you have added. And, yes, I am relieved Tom could work his magic. -Joan
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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Your "Barney Fife" analogy and "Let the games begin" phase are clever. Thank you also for your detailed notes about advanced law enforcement techniques that you have added. And, yes, I am relieved Tom could work his magic. -Joan
Comment Written 16-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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That was a scary few minutes when I thought I lost my entire book. I am pleased you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Hi,
Interesting chapter.
Powerful emotionally.
Good descriptions.
I like the dialogue.
You maintain a good level of suspense.
Check the first line of the paragraph where you describe the girl's clothing, there's something wrong with that sentence and you have toa when it should be to a
and
check the paragraph where James is saying he feels more comfortable talking to the detective than his Dad you have infamiliar shouldn't it be unfamiliar?
Good job.
katie
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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Hi,
Interesting chapter.
Powerful emotionally.
Good descriptions.
I like the dialogue.
You maintain a good level of suspense.
Check the first line of the paragraph where you describe the girl's clothing, there's something wrong with that sentence and you have toa when it should be to a
and
check the paragraph where James is saying he feels more comfortable talking to the detective than his Dad you have infamiliar shouldn't it be unfamiliar?
Good job.
katie
Comment Written 16-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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I caught the second spag but missed the first. I am very pleased you enjoyed this chapter. I hope to be able to post more frequently now that I have joyously returned to Terra Firma....probably spelled that wrong!
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You're welcome. :)
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
chapter twenty-one is brilliantly written with superbe descriptive writing, excellent narrative and great dialogue. I was rivited. You really get the reader in the characters head. James is answering questions at the station. Mac clues him in the evidence so far. It seems like James questions are ahead of the police. Mac is correct James should be in law enforcement. James referred to himself as "I was just an annoying kid." James is wrong he's not annoying, but facinatin. I look forward to reading more of you future chapters. I'm glad Tom helped you restore you entire book. Keep smiling.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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Sasha,
chapter twenty-one is brilliantly written with superbe descriptive writing, excellent narrative and great dialogue. I was rivited. You really get the reader in the characters head. James is answering questions at the station. Mac clues him in the evidence so far. It seems like James questions are ahead of the police. Mac is correct James should be in law enforcement. James referred to himself as "I was just an annoying kid." James is wrong he's not annoying, but facinatin. I look forward to reading more of you future chapters. I'm glad Tom helped you restore you entire book. Keep smiling.
Melissa.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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Thank you so, so much for your awesome and positive review. Your 6 stars is a marvelous bonus and I sincerely appreciate them!
Comment from Alaskastory
'Quid Pro Quo Part 1' is a chapter that gives us a hint about what the thoughts pressing on the son and how the investigation is taking shape. The dialogue is really well done and I'm impressed conversation is off to a start before you let us know(with colorful words)that he and Mac are in a cafe. You do a fabulous job of putting a story together, Sasha.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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'Quid Pro Quo Part 1' is a chapter that gives us a hint about what the thoughts pressing on the son and how the investigation is taking shape. The dialogue is really well done and I'm impressed conversation is off to a start before you let us know(with colorful words)that he and Mac are in a cafe. You do a fabulous job of putting a story together, Sasha.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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Thank you so much for your awesome and supportive review. I am thrilled you continue to find this interesting.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Good to have you writing again, Sasha... I've missed you and your chapters.
Mac sat back and(,) appearing to weigh his words carefully(,) spoke in a deliberate and monotone voice. - 2 commas
in a voice not intended to please, [and] said. - this word is redundant.
They found partially burned clothing in the fireplace belonging to a female. - might I suggest you turn this sentence around.. i.e.
The found clothing belonging to a female partially burned in the fireplace. or..
They found women's clothing partially burned in the fireplace
Margaret
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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Good to have you writing again, Sasha... I've missed you and your chapters.
Mac sat back and(,) appearing to weigh his words carefully(,) spoke in a deliberate and monotone voice. - 2 commas
in a voice not intended to please, [and] said. - this word is redundant.
They found partially burned clothing in the fireplace belonging to a female. - might I suggest you turn this sentence around.. i.e.
The found clothing belonging to a female partially burned in the fireplace. or..
They found women's clothing partially burned in the fireplace
Margaret
Comment Written 16-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2011
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Thanks so much for the more than helpful comments. I always look forward to your reviews and sincerely appreciate your input.