Comment from vickib

Excellent

Picked right up after some time away from your story. Not going to be to long a review as I have to get caught up. I love how Charlie feel off the back sit, just that gave me the visual of how bumpy the road is to the cabin. What will they find, kinda creepy. Okay I'm off to the next one, XO Vicki

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2011

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011

Thanks for the great review. I am thrilled you are enjoying this.

Comment from Showboat

Excellent

I got it, Sasha, and I loved it. What a fantastic hook. Oh, just a wonderful chapter! Shivers!

Below are a couple of things to consider. You know me. Use of lose!

beside Uncle Martin(,) and Charlie, still tired, curled up on the backseat like a baby and.." Far be it from me to suggest yet another comma, but I stumbled here, after Martin. I think you need it! See if anyone else mentions it!

"...I know they know something but, for the life of me, I cannot get either to tell me what they know."

Oy, three 'knows' in that one. Maybe...I know they're onto something, but for the life of me, no matter how I put it, they won't tell me what's going on..." Something like that, maybe?

But, knowing how angry he got when I broached the subject, (I) kept my curiosity in check, leaving my imagination to fill in the blank spaces; something I was not very good at.

That's all I saw. Great one! Have fun in Guadalajara!

Hugs,
Gayle

 Comment Written 27-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2011

Thanks for the suggestions and for catching the spags. I can always use all the help I can get.

reply by Showboat on 28-Feb-2011

crud, that's 'lose or use'! Sheesh!

Comment from Kathryn Varuzza

Excellent

Whoa!
Great chapter.
Interesting.
Good dialogue.
I like your descriptions.
I like the way you make us feel for your characters and make us feel like we are right there going through it with them.
And I like how you ended this chapter.
Good job.
katie

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2011

Thanks. I am so pleased you continue to find this interesting. Things are going to move along much faster now.

reply by Kathryn Varuzza on 26-Feb-2011

You're welcome. Cool! I look forward to it.
Katie

Comment from whitteron

Excellent

Yikes...I can't wait to get inside there and see what that creep has left behind. You are building the tension so perfectly, adding to your characters, layering them with backgrounds and foregrounds, I love it. You are doing a fabulous job.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2011

Thank you so much,I am pleased you are enjoying this.

Comment from Tellis

Excellent

Oooh, this is a chapter I don't think I've read before and it's got me intensely curious. I wonder what other gruesome things they'll find here.

Tellis

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2011

I am pleased you like this one, now you are going to have to wait until the police are done to find out what they do or don't find.

Comment from Readywriter52

Excellent

It looks like James' father didn't like to talk about his past. His father has many secrets. Uncle Martin has questions about James' father. He asks James, but neither can answer the questions. If anyone thought going to the cabin would help get answers, he will be disappointed.

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 23-Feb-2011

Thanks, I am thrilled you enjoyed this one. They ended up with more questions still no answers.

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

By gum you've got me hooked on this story! Your writing is superb and your character of James is really a winner with me. The story is certainly raising lots of questions, can't wait to read further. Best wishes...Bev

 Comment Written 22-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 22-Feb-2011

Thanks so much. I am away at the moment but hope to post a new chapter either Thursday or Friday when I get back.

Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi Smurph,

This is another great chapter in this interesting and intriguing story. Glad you friend has a lap top and I didn't see any errors or typos at all. I can hardly wait to see what Detective Mac can find out about James' father. You keep me in suspense! Good imagery in this piece...well done. Blessings, chey

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2011

Thanks so much. I am thrilled you continue to enjoy this story.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I admired the "gangrene" hyperbole, and did not remember the "No Trespassing" sign from your first version--good additional suspense. Thanks for your dedication in posting this chapter even while you are away--happy trails. -Joan

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2011

Thanks so much for the positive review. There are going to be lots more changes but I think you'll like them...at least I hope so.

Comment from forestport12

Excellent

I love your natural writing style. You have an alluring way to hypnotize a new reader into your writing world. I was little surprised at the cliche, "Curled up like a baby." All being said , at the end of the day your voice and instinct for a well developed plot will once again take you to great heights.Stan

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2011

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2011

Thank you for your enthusiastic review. Yes, is a walking/talking cliche...I am pleased you enjoyed this one.