The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Home is Not Where the Heart is"A family learns their father is a serial killer
30 total reviews
Comment from Cali Girl
This is one of my favourite chapters. So far. I love how the family react once they are inside their family home, especially with the joint photo frame smashing.
You also did a great job of bringing to light the horrible 'guilt by association' phone messages.
Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
  |
This is one of my favourite chapters. So far. I love how the family react once they are inside their family home, especially with the joint photo frame smashing.
You also did a great job of bringing to light the horrible 'guilt by association' phone messages.
Well done.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2011
-
Thank you so much. I am thrilled you liked this one and am especially grateful for your awesome 6 stars
Comment from marcii
It is good that James can see part of his real mothers personality coming through. Still he stood his ground about seeing his father.
One says you should know if you partner is cheating on you. How many times is that not true so why just because your his wife would you know his a killer. Plus the fact is it's not total proven his done it yet.
Marcii
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
 |
It is good that James can see part of his real mothers personality coming through. Still he stood his ground about seeing his father.
One says you should know if you partner is cheating on you. How many times is that not true so why just because your his wife would you know his a killer. Plus the fact is it's not total proven his done it yet.
Marcii
Comment Written 08-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
-
The father has been charged with 6 murders and the evidence is compelling, but, no, he has not yet been found guilty. However, with the fingerprints, DNA, and evidence that James found no jury would find him innocent.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
Evil Eddie must be mad at me today. I finished my review of this chapter twice and when I started to save it, I was switched to another review. I'll try again. As usual, I have some specific comments:
1. I like the following dialog about James' plan to see his father and his threat to talk to reporters if he is denied access:
When I started to speak, Mom raised her hand, and in a voice shaking with anger, she told me to shut up and sit down.
Maintaining a neutral expression, I silently laughed. Goodbye June Cleaver and hello Mom!
"James, what the hell were you thinking? How dare you threaten to talk to the reporters? That is the last thing any of us need to do. Reporters are just looking for an opportunity to nail us to the wall and you're willing to hand them the hammer and bloody nails to do it with!" {Mon has finally started to find herself again.}
2. Since Dad's arrest, Mom had shown shock, disbelief, and even sadness, but she still had yet to express herself openly about Dad. I assumed she had the same questions that I had. Meeting with Dad meant facing those questions and I wasn't sure she was ready to do that. Hell, I wasn't sure if I was ready. I suddenly came to a distressing realization; I didn't really know Mom very well. Other than observing nineteen years of apathy, I was unable to say with any certainty, how she felt about Dad. I still couldn't distinguish the robot from the real person.{James realizes that he needs the answer to some hard questions to help his family move on. Will talking to his father also help him unveil more of his mother's hidden feelings? This is great introspection.}
3. "Mom, when I saw Susan in the hospital lying on the table strapped down like a frightened animal, the first question that popped into my head was, does Dad have any idea of the hell we are going through. I realized then that he not only doesn't know what he has done to us, he obviously doesn't care. How could he? How can a man who brutally murders twelve girls without giving any thought to them or their families possibly care about his own family? We are nothing more to him than a mask he has carefully created to hide behind.{James is trying to explain his reasons for talking to his father.}
4. "I still don't want you to see your father. Mr. Hurley and I both think it's a bad idea."
"Mom, this is not open for discussion. I am going to see Dad and if I have to use threats to do it, then so be it."
Realizing I had made up my mind, Mom sighed and simply said, "Okay. However, it may not be tomorrow. Mr. Hurley said it could take a couple of days to set it up."{Interesting. In spite of all Mom's resistance, she had apparently already asked Mr. Hurley to set up the meeting.}
5. Now the subject changes to Susan:
I shrugged then subtly changed the subject. "How's Susan?"
Mom shook her head and sighed. "Not much better. I think she's still in shock. I spoke with the staff on the ward and they seem capable and caring. Susan can have visitors, but they suggest we wait a few days until they have had a chance to evaluate her."
"No. I told Susan I would visit her every day and that's what I plan to do. She needs to know someone in her life can be trusted to keep their word."
Mom didn't argue. "I have an appointment with her nurse and doctor tomorrow at nine o'clock. You can come with me if you want."{This seems like a logical decision.}
6. "Mr. Hurley said Detective Mac has released the house. We can go back any time we want."
Mom paused, and then said, "I have to be honest. Not knowing how the neighbors feel and knowing the media are still camped out on the front lawn, I don't think it is such a good idea we move back home. I've been thinking about renting a place where no one knows us so we can take our time to figure out what we want to do."
I agreed. To my amazement, Charlie agreed too.{This is the best decision Mom has made since Dad was arrested.}
7. Mac offered to drive us to our house to get some clothes. I was sure after my temper tantrum this afternoon, he planned to shoot me and add my death to his list of unsolved murders.
As we walked to the car, Mac winked at me and, with an unexpected grin, said, "I'm impressed. You're pretty feisty for a kid. Although I'm not sure pissing off the prosecutor was the best route to take, I must say it was amusing to see how quickly he's working to get your name on the visitors' list."{This dialog shows that Mac was impressed by James manipulations to visit his father. Great dialog!}
8. Once we were inside the house, I felt a strange sense of foreboding, as though it was haunted. The warm, familiar feeling of being home where it was safe was gone and I knew it was never coming back. The look on Mom and Charlie's face told me they felt exactly the same way.
Charlie immediately turned on the answering machine. One by one, we listened....Unable to listen to any more, Mom turned off the recorder, removed the cassette, and tossed it into the trash bin beside the desk. {A good move by Mom to escape from the negative messages.}
9. Mom slowly walked around the room looking at all the photographs on the wall. Once a year, as far back as I could remember, we had a family photograph taken. There were at least twenty photographs of Mom, Dad, Charlie, Susan, and me with big smiles on our faces....Before realizing I was angry, I suddenly punched my fist into one of the photographs, breaking the glass, and sending it crashing to the floor. To my shock, Mom began smashing all the photographs too, and when she was done, she collapsed onto the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably. {Mom and James have removed one more reminder of the facade their life with Dad been}
This is a tremendous chapter and seems to be the pivot point in the Martin family from a facade of normalcy to an escape from the evil acts that put them on display like animals in a zoo.
One question: In your Author Notes you refer to James as James Mathews. Why isn't it James Martin? Did you change the family name during revision and overlook an old note?
I'm send some more virtual Irish hugs your way. Maybe this time FanStory will let you enjoy them under well-deserved stars,
Roger
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2011
|
Hi Valerie:)
Evil Eddie must be mad at me today. I finished my review of this chapter twice and when I started to save it, I was switched to another review. I'll try again. As usual, I have some specific comments:
1. I like the following dialog about James' plan to see his father and his threat to talk to reporters if he is denied access:
When I started to speak, Mom raised her hand, and in a voice shaking with anger, she told me to shut up and sit down.
Maintaining a neutral expression, I silently laughed. Goodbye June Cleaver and hello Mom!
"James, what the hell were you thinking? How dare you threaten to talk to the reporters? That is the last thing any of us need to do. Reporters are just looking for an opportunity to nail us to the wall and you're willing to hand them the hammer and bloody nails to do it with!" {Mon has finally started to find herself again.}
2. Since Dad's arrest, Mom had shown shock, disbelief, and even sadness, but she still had yet to express herself openly about Dad. I assumed she had the same questions that I had. Meeting with Dad meant facing those questions and I wasn't sure she was ready to do that. Hell, I wasn't sure if I was ready. I suddenly came to a distressing realization; I didn't really know Mom very well. Other than observing nineteen years of apathy, I was unable to say with any certainty, how she felt about Dad. I still couldn't distinguish the robot from the real person.{James realizes that he needs the answer to some hard questions to help his family move on. Will talking to his father also help him unveil more of his mother's hidden feelings? This is great introspection.}
3. "Mom, when I saw Susan in the hospital lying on the table strapped down like a frightened animal, the first question that popped into my head was, does Dad have any idea of the hell we are going through. I realized then that he not only doesn't know what he has done to us, he obviously doesn't care. How could he? How can a man who brutally murders twelve girls without giving any thought to them or their families possibly care about his own family? We are nothing more to him than a mask he has carefully created to hide behind.{James is trying to explain his reasons for talking to his father.}
4. "I still don't want you to see your father. Mr. Hurley and I both think it's a bad idea."
"Mom, this is not open for discussion. I am going to see Dad and if I have to use threats to do it, then so be it."
Realizing I had made up my mind, Mom sighed and simply said, "Okay. However, it may not be tomorrow. Mr. Hurley said it could take a couple of days to set it up."{Interesting. In spite of all Mom's resistance, she had apparently already asked Mr. Hurley to set up the meeting.}
5. Now the subject changes to Susan:
I shrugged then subtly changed the subject. "How's Susan?"
Mom shook her head and sighed. "Not much better. I think she's still in shock. I spoke with the staff on the ward and they seem capable and caring. Susan can have visitors, but they suggest we wait a few days until they have had a chance to evaluate her."
"No. I told Susan I would visit her every day and that's what I plan to do. She needs to know someone in her life can be trusted to keep their word."
Mom didn't argue. "I have an appointment with her nurse and doctor tomorrow at nine o'clock. You can come with me if you want."{This seems like a logical decision.}
6. "Mr. Hurley said Detective Mac has released the house. We can go back any time we want."
Mom paused, and then said, "I have to be honest. Not knowing how the neighbors feel and knowing the media are still camped out on the front lawn, I don't think it is such a good idea we move back home. I've been thinking about renting a place where no one knows us so we can take our time to figure out what we want to do."
I agreed. To my amazement, Charlie agreed too.{This is the best decision Mom has made since Dad was arrested.}
7. Mac offered to drive us to our house to get some clothes. I was sure after my temper tantrum this afternoon, he planned to shoot me and add my death to his list of unsolved murders.
As we walked to the car, Mac winked at me and, with an unexpected grin, said, "I'm impressed. You're pretty feisty for a kid. Although I'm not sure pissing off the prosecutor was the best route to take, I must say it was amusing to see how quickly he's working to get your name on the visitors' list."{This dialog shows that Mac was impressed by James manipulations to visit his father. Great dialog!}
8. Once we were inside the house, I felt a strange sense of foreboding, as though it was haunted. The warm, familiar feeling of being home where it was safe was gone and I knew it was never coming back. The look on Mom and Charlie's face told me they felt exactly the same way.
Charlie immediately turned on the answering machine. One by one, we listened....Unable to listen to any more, Mom turned off the recorder, removed the cassette, and tossed it into the trash bin beside the desk. {A good move by Mom to escape from the negative messages.}
9. Mom slowly walked around the room looking at all the photographs on the wall. Once a year, as far back as I could remember, we had a family photograph taken. There were at least twenty photographs of Mom, Dad, Charlie, Susan, and me with big smiles on our faces....Before realizing I was angry, I suddenly punched my fist into one of the photographs, breaking the glass, and sending it crashing to the floor. To my shock, Mom began smashing all the photographs too, and when she was done, she collapsed onto the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably. {Mom and James have removed one more reminder of the facade their life with Dad been}
This is a tremendous chapter and seems to be the pivot point in the Martin family from a facade of normalcy to an escape from the evil acts that put them on display like animals in a zoo.
One question: In your Author Notes you refer to James as James Mathews. Why isn't it James Martin? Did you change the family name during revision and overlook an old note?
I'm send some more virtual Irish hugs your way. Maybe this time FanStory will let you enjoy them under well-deserved stars,
Roger
Comment Written 31-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2011
-
I hadn't even noticed that I changed the last name....very good memory. I will have to go back and check the original. Thanks so very much for the awesome critique and positive comments. I am thrilled with the 6 stars AND Irish hugs. I always look forward to your comments.
Comment from L.lora
Such a hard roll for James to
have to deal with, amazing his
strength and intellect. Your
story flows smoothly with good
descriptive narratives as well
as excellent dialogues. no nits
or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2011
|
Such a hard roll for James to
have to deal with, amazing his
strength and intellect. Your
story flows smoothly with good
descriptive narratives as well
as excellent dialogues. no nits
or spags. Lora
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2011
-
Thanks so much. I am pleased you found this one interesting.
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
This chapter made me say Whoa!
Great descriptions.
I like the dialogue.
Good developments.
Great way to end the chapter.
You capture all the emotions so well.
Very powerful.
Katie
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
|
This chapter made me say Whoa!
Great descriptions.
I like the dialogue.
Good developments.
Great way to end the chapter.
You capture all the emotions so well.
Very powerful.
Katie
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
-
Thank you very much. I am pleased you feel I am capturing the emotions of this family. I always look forward to your reviews and comments.
-
You're welcome. :)
Comment from vickib
Great chapter even though it's a transitional one. Good conversations among the family and Mac. I'm really getting a sense of their personalities coming out in a time of stress. I love, "Goodbye June Clever, hello Mom."
Looking forward to the next chapter. XO Vicki
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
|
Great chapter even though it's a transitional one. Good conversations among the family and Mac. I'm really getting a sense of their personalities coming out in a time of stress. I love, "Goodbye June Clever, hello Mom."
Looking forward to the next chapter. XO Vicki
Comment Written 30-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
-
Thanks so much for the positive review. There is one more chapter to go before James meets with his father.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
love this story and am enjoying it immensely. Thank you for being the kind of writer you are and the kind of wonderful woman you are as well. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
|
love this story and am enjoying it immensely. Thank you for being the kind of writer you are and the kind of wonderful woman you are as well. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 29-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
-
Thank you very much. I am so pleased you are enjoying this.
Comment from Readywriter52
Their father actions are still continuing to destroy the family. It has changed his wife. She has to take control of the situation. James feels his father is hiding behind his family. He wants to confront his father. Going home seemed to make the situation worse. James smashed pictures and his mother helped him.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
|
Their father actions are still continuing to destroy the family. It has changed his wife. She has to take control of the situation. James feels his father is hiding behind his family. He wants to confront his father. Going home seemed to make the situation worse. James smashed pictures and his mother helped him.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2011
-
Thank you for your continued support of this book.
Comment from Showboat
Oh Sasha, what a sad and poignant chapter. The reader feels such empathy and sorrow for these poor people it wrings your heart.
Kudos, m'dear, and if I had a six, you'd have it. I didn't see a spaggie or even a suggestion to share. Magnifico!
Hugs and love,
Gayle
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2011
|
Oh Sasha, what a sad and poignant chapter. The reader feels such empathy and sorrow for these poor people it wrings your heart.
Kudos, m'dear, and if I had a six, you'd have it. I didn't see a spaggie or even a suggestion to share. Magnifico!
Hugs and love,
Gayle
Comment Written 29-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2011
-
Thank you so much. This was a difficult chapter to write. I always put myself inside the character as I am writing and it can be an emotional event. I am thrilled you liked this one. Wait until James meets with his Dad....that is hopefully, a powerful one.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You did a great job showing how cruel well meaning neighbors and supposed friends could me. I am amazed how the ease you describe emotions. I wish I had that talent.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2011
|
You did a great job showing how cruel well meaning neighbors and supposed friends could me. I am amazed how the ease you describe emotions. I wish I had that talent.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2011
-
Thank you very much. I have mentioned this before, but coming from a seriously dysfunctional family can occasionally come in hand.