The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "A Plea Bargain?"A family learns their father is a serial killer
34 total reviews
Comment from Cali Girl
Love this chapter. Enjoyed reading how James really feels about his father and mother, and that his father wasn't a very nice person from the get go. Also like that each character has their own way of dealing with the situation they're all in.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
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Love this chapter. Enjoyed reading how James really feels about his father and mother, and that his father wasn't a very nice person from the get go. Also like that each character has their own way of dealing with the situation they're all in.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2011
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That is my hope, to show how each handles the situation in their own way...not always the best, but their own way.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Well, that's eight chapters knocked over this morning. Once I started this story there was no turning back. It is gripping and it gives the reader a bit of an idea of life in this sort of situation. I won't be able to resist completing the rest tomorrow.
Giddy
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2011
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Well, that's eight chapters knocked over this morning. Once I started this story there was no turning back. It is gripping and it gives the reader a bit of an idea of life in this sort of situation. I won't be able to resist completing the rest tomorrow.
Giddy
Comment Written 27-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2011
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I am so pleased you are enjoying this.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
What a tremendous Chapter this is. I found no SPAG, but I noted several important point:
I liked James introspection into his negative feelings toward his father and the way his father's arrogance seemed to always pit him against the family. He relegated Martha to a servant's status.
John Mathews also seemed to have disdain for James' high IQ and always favored Charlie's athletism. The following paragraph James tells about the relationship with Susan:
Susan was his personal trophy. She could do no wrong. However, over the past few years Dad became noticeably paranoid, driving a wedge between them. His critical comments had begun to undermine his ability to control her.{Again John Mathews seems to have a tenuous bond based mostly on control. Could there be incest?}
James is concerned when his mother went alone to see Mr. Hurley:
During breakfast, Mom informed Charlie and me she had a one o'clock meeting with Mr. Hurley at his office. I was livid when she told me I couldn't go with her. Mom was adamant. She was going alone.
I felt as though I had lost what little control I had over my life. Decisions were being made without any discussion. Yesterday, Mom and Mr. Hurley informed us we were not returning to school. Mr. Hurley was arranging for a private tutor, which infuriated Charlie. Charlie was popular and he didn't understand why he couldn't go to school. I, on the other hand, had few friends. Being the smartest kid in school set me apart from the other kids. After Billy's television interview, I doubted Susan would ever want to be seen in public again. [Such betrayal must have devastated Susan, but the whole family would be under a magnifying glass.}
A new burden is placed on James as he learns his father ia likely to face a death penalty. then the bombshell:
Mom shook her head. In a voice filled with absolutely no emotion, said, "Apparently his attorney is trying to work out some sort of plea agreement. What the hell does he have to bargain with?"{This question brought a immediate thought to James:
"The police and prosecutor know Dad is guilty of killing all twelve, but they can't prove it. Maybe in time they will, but right now, there are six families going through hell because they believe Dad is guilty but fear he will never be charged. I assume he is offering to plead guilty to the unsolved murders in exchange for taking the death penalty off the table." James is far too smart to come to terms with this idea.}
Another surprising answer came when:
looked Mom in the eyes and asked, "Do you still love Dad?"
After several long, painful minutes of silence, she finally spoke.
"I thought I loved the man I married. But I am afraid that man only existed in my mind." Pausing just long enough to wipe the tear dangling from the tip of her nose, she then said, "I can say with absolute certainty, I hate the man sitting in jail." {[The entire family seems to dissolve with this insight.}
This chapter offers great into the Mathew's family dynamics. Now James appears to be gaining a more painful insight with each memory and thought.
Valerie you are building a compelling work of fiction, but it also imitates horrible situations from real life with ever increasing intensity. With each new revelation, you continue to create a fascinating look at a shattered family. Will the deep wounds ever heal?
i think you are making important changes to an already powerful story. I tried to give you six stars again.
love and Irish hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2011
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Hi Valerie:)
What a tremendous Chapter this is. I found no SPAG, but I noted several important point:
I liked James introspection into his negative feelings toward his father and the way his father's arrogance seemed to always pit him against the family. He relegated Martha to a servant's status.
John Mathews also seemed to have disdain for James' high IQ and always favored Charlie's athletism. The following paragraph James tells about the relationship with Susan:
Susan was his personal trophy. She could do no wrong. However, over the past few years Dad became noticeably paranoid, driving a wedge between them. His critical comments had begun to undermine his ability to control her.{Again John Mathews seems to have a tenuous bond based mostly on control. Could there be incest?}
James is concerned when his mother went alone to see Mr. Hurley:
During breakfast, Mom informed Charlie and me she had a one o'clock meeting with Mr. Hurley at his office. I was livid when she told me I couldn't go with her. Mom was adamant. She was going alone.
I felt as though I had lost what little control I had over my life. Decisions were being made without any discussion. Yesterday, Mom and Mr. Hurley informed us we were not returning to school. Mr. Hurley was arranging for a private tutor, which infuriated Charlie. Charlie was popular and he didn't understand why he couldn't go to school. I, on the other hand, had few friends. Being the smartest kid in school set me apart from the other kids. After Billy's television interview, I doubted Susan would ever want to be seen in public again. [Such betrayal must have devastated Susan, but the whole family would be under a magnifying glass.}
A new burden is placed on James as he learns his father ia likely to face a death penalty. then the bombshell:
Mom shook her head. In a voice filled with absolutely no emotion, said, "Apparently his attorney is trying to work out some sort of plea agreement. What the hell does he have to bargain with?"{This question brought a immediate thought to James:
"The police and prosecutor know Dad is guilty of killing all twelve, but they can't prove it. Maybe in time they will, but right now, there are six families going through hell because they believe Dad is guilty but fear he will never be charged. I assume he is offering to plead guilty to the unsolved murders in exchange for taking the death penalty off the table." James is far too smart to come to terms with this idea.}
Another surprising answer came when:
looked Mom in the eyes and asked, "Do you still love Dad?"
After several long, painful minutes of silence, she finally spoke.
"I thought I loved the man I married. But I am afraid that man only existed in my mind." Pausing just long enough to wipe the tear dangling from the tip of her nose, she then said, "I can say with absolute certainty, I hate the man sitting in jail." {[The entire family seems to dissolve with this insight.}
This chapter offers great into the Mathew's family dynamics. Now James appears to be gaining a more painful insight with each memory and thought.
Valerie you are building a compelling work of fiction, but it also imitates horrible situations from real life with ever increasing intensity. With each new revelation, you continue to create a fascinating look at a shattered family. Will the deep wounds ever heal?
i think you are making important changes to an already powerful story. I tried to give you six stars again.
love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 24-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2011
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Thank you so very much for your awesome critique of this chapter. I have based this family on 5 different family of real serial killers. While I was never able to speak with them I was able to learn about the terrible manner in which they all treated and that each dealt with the burden of what their father did differently. Some survived emotionally, while others never will. I am pleased I have been able to convey this to the reader. I sincerely appreciate the time and effort you put into this.
Comment from fictionwriter
Your writing carries such great emotion with it. It makes it really impactful with the reader, which is what you want. You've done an excellent job.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2011
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Your writing carries such great emotion with it. It makes it really impactful with the reader, which is what you want. You've done an excellent job.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2011
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Yes, despite it being such a dark subject I do hope it makes an impact. I am pleased you agree.
Comment from Southern Writer
I love the development of the story in reference to the family dynamics with the father. Relationships are so complicated and you are doing a bang up job handling this as the story unfolds. Make me sort of think of all the families I know.....what really goes on behind closed doors. Our public vs private faces.....
Now, about this eye patch.....who else on earth could get just one eye sunburned.....only the duck lady! And, yes, you get my pity today.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2011
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I love the development of the story in reference to the family dynamics with the father. Relationships are so complicated and you are doing a bang up job handling this as the story unfolds. Make me sort of think of all the families I know.....what really goes on behind closed doors. Our public vs private faces.....
Now, about this eye patch.....who else on earth could get just one eye sunburned.....only the duck lady! And, yes, you get my pity today.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2011
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Thanks for the pity. I only have to wear the patch two more days! Glad you like how the book is progressing.
Comment from RKagan
I just realized I missed this one. Wow what a dilema this family faces. He is still their father but he is also a cold blooded murderer of children. You are doing an excellent job of showing how each family member is coping or not coping with the confusion. I see in your author notes that you are having some trouble with your eye. Blessings to you and I hope it gets better soon.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2011
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I just realized I missed this one. Wow what a dilema this family faces. He is still their father but he is also a cold blooded murderer of children. You are doing an excellent job of showing how each family member is coping or not coping with the confusion. I see in your author notes that you are having some trouble with your eye. Blessings to you and I hope it gets better soon.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2011
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Thanks.So pleased you found this one interesting
Comment from Aski
James certainly is showing his hatred for his father. If it wasn't for his high IQ one would have to wonder if he is the author speaking. That was very well handled. Mom's answer, "I thought I loved the man I married" shows an unexpected sense of self awareness. It's like a blindfold has been taken off.
I was wondering how come it took a long time for your next chapter. Now I know. I'm curious, are you in polishing mode before you place your next chapter on line or are you composing as you go. Either way this is interesting. Keep it up as you are able.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2011
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James certainly is showing his hatred for his father. If it wasn't for his high IQ one would have to wonder if he is the author speaking. That was very well handled. Mom's answer, "I thought I loved the man I married" shows an unexpected sense of self awareness. It's like a blindfold has been taken off.
I was wondering how come it took a long time for your next chapter. Now I know. I'm curious, are you in polishing mode before you place your next chapter on line or are you composing as you go. Either way this is interesting. Keep it up as you are able.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2011
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I am doing both. I am never satisfied until I click the post button, and even then I'm not sure. Glad you liked this one and thanks so much for the marvelous 6 stars.
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I am doing both. I am never completely satisfied and keep making changes. Glad you like this one and thanks so much for the 6 stars, I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from Tillom Gliss
I've never heard of an eye getting sunburned...so sorry to hear.
Another great chapter that, as always, leaves the reader wanting, needing, more.
This is only the second book that I've read on FS and I am unsure about my reviewing of the chapters. It seems at this point that this reader is hooked and that that is a good thing for the writer; speaking volumes about content and skill. I hope that is enough.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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I've never heard of an eye getting sunburned...so sorry to hear.
Another great chapter that, as always, leaves the reader wanting, needing, more.
This is only the second book that I've read on FS and I am unsure about my reviewing of the chapters. It seems at this point that this reader is hooked and that that is a good thing for the writer; speaking volumes about content and skill. I hope that is enough.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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That is fine with me. I am pleased you like this one. I couldn't ask for more.
Comment from light
Sasha,
I love the way you build your characters. James is very different. He is able to see himself outside the family, which is unusual. It is as if he was outside looking in. You are really a talented writer.
Elaine
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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Sasha,
I love the way you build your characters. James is very different. He is able to see himself outside the family, which is unusual. It is as if he was outside looking in. You are really a talented writer.
Elaine
Comment Written 22-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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James is not your typical kid. He has spent his entire life looking at everything from the outside. Being a genius forced him to learn to observe rather than participate. With few friend his equal he may not have the usual social skills but his ability to analyze and understand the mechanics of a social society have come in handy. Good point you made. Glad you like this so far.
Comment from jgirlie152
Well I am back from the land of the lost and thrilled to see you are still writing superbly. You have written this dark tale clearly, most interesting to read and in a truly professional manner. It's cold as Alaska here but your writing is HOT!
Best regards, Joan
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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Well I am back from the land of the lost and thrilled to see you are still writing superbly. You have written this dark tale clearly, most interesting to read and in a truly professional manner. It's cold as Alaska here but your writing is HOT!
Best regards, Joan
Comment Written 22-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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Thank you so very much. I cannot tell you how pleased I am that you are enjoying this. Thank also for the marvelous 6 stars, I sincerely appreciate it.