The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "A Taste of What's to Come"A family learns their father is a serial killer
30 total reviews
Comment from Cali Girl
Brilliant. I love reading about James drooling over Rachael, and the fact that even with everything that is going on, James and his brother can still find something to joke about.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2011
  |
Brilliant. I love reading about James drooling over Rachael, and the fact that even with everything that is going on, James and his brother can still find something to joke about.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2011
-
Despite his intelligence,he is still a kid. Glad you got a kick out of this one.
Comment from missy98writer
Sasha,
chapter seven is superbly written. James is bearing the brung of crap from the family, but he did the right thing. His brother has major anger issues. Your descrpitive writing is excellent with great dialogue. When the reporters bombarded James and his family I'm glad James stopped his volitile brother from going off on the media. Your rewrite is delving deeper into all of the characters. I look forward to reading more. Keep up the wonderful writing.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
|
Sasha,
chapter seven is superbly written. James is bearing the brung of crap from the family, but he did the right thing. His brother has major anger issues. Your descrpitive writing is excellent with great dialogue. When the reporters bombarded James and his family I'm glad James stopped his volitile brother from going off on the media. Your rewrite is delving deeper into all of the characters. I look forward to reading more. Keep up the wonderful writing.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
-
Yes, it was my intention to spend more time on the individual family members to give the reader a better understanding of why they react they way they do.
-
Thank you so much. I am thrilled you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment from marcii
Reporters just want a story, well that is their job but they don'tn really care about facts, though I'm sure a few of them do.
Whether they like it or not the family will never be the same.
Marcii
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
|
Reporters just want a story, well that is their job but they don'tn really care about facts, though I'm sure a few of them do.
Whether they like it or not the family will never be the same.
Marcii
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
-
This is so true. I have had personal experience with reporters and they are not very high up on the food chain as far as I am concerned.
-
I have had personal experience with reporters, and agree most are not the least interested in the facts. Some are, but most just want the headlines.
Comment from The Wood Work
I love that all I have to do is kick back and read your stories. Great write here. Hope for the next chapter soon if it's not already here ...I'll go look see. Good job!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
|
I love that all I have to do is kick back and read your stories. Great write here. Hope for the next chapter soon if it's not already here ...I'll go look see. Good job!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
-
I am so pleased you are enjoying this.
Comment from Tellis
The girl isn't the brightest bulb in the chandeler, but the two boys seem to be pretty bright. This would be hard for any family to take. excellent chapter.
Tellis
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
|
The girl isn't the brightest bulb in the chandeler, but the two boys seem to be pretty bright. This would be hard for any family to take. excellent chapter.
Tellis
Comment Written 20-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
-
Thanks. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
I don't know where to start with this review. I feel like a voyeur, watching the Mathews family disintegrate before my eyes. I feel the hefty negative weight of public opinion. Will they become lonely pariahs cast adrift in an insatiable sea of public analysis?
Now Susan has learned that nobody is outside this feeding frenzy of paparazzi. Did one contact with her boyfriend set the photographers on their trail? I think the following thought by James casts a real pall over their lives:
'There are advantages to having no suitcases to lug around. It makes moving to a new hideout much easier. Within thirty-minutes, Rachael, Mr. Hurley's assistant, was in our room efficiently facilitating our getaway.' {Just the word 'getaway,'shows the transformation that has taken place. Now the Mathews family is on the run like Bonnie and Clyde. Although they dd nothing wrong, the acts of the father have driven them to run like fugatives and the stress becomes unbearable.
i like the small touches that add believability to the story like the following conversation between James and Charlie:
I shook my head in disgust. There we all were in full color for the world to see. I clicked mute and I put my arm around Charlie. "How's it feel to be known as the son of Seattle's famous Belltown Murderer?"
Charlie ignored my question. With a puzzled expression on his face he asked, "How come they blurred out my face but not yours, Susan's, or Mom's?"
I laughed and affectionately punched Charlie in the shoulder. "Didn't you know that because you are a minor, you have special rights." {It's these touches of reality that bring your story to life.}
I know your rewrite is requiring a lot of time an effort, but you a giving your writing feel of of boxoffice magic.
love and hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
|
Hi Valerie:)
I don't know where to start with this review. I feel like a voyeur, watching the Mathews family disintegrate before my eyes. I feel the hefty negative weight of public opinion. Will they become lonely pariahs cast adrift in an insatiable sea of public analysis?
Now Susan has learned that nobody is outside this feeding frenzy of paparazzi. Did one contact with her boyfriend set the photographers on their trail? I think the following thought by James casts a real pall over their lives:
'There are advantages to having no suitcases to lug around. It makes moving to a new hideout much easier. Within thirty-minutes, Rachael, Mr. Hurley's assistant, was in our room efficiently facilitating our getaway.' {Just the word 'getaway,'shows the transformation that has taken place. Now the Mathews family is on the run like Bonnie and Clyde. Although they dd nothing wrong, the acts of the father have driven them to run like fugatives and the stress becomes unbearable.
i like the small touches that add believability to the story like the following conversation between James and Charlie:
I shook my head in disgust. There we all were in full color for the world to see. I clicked mute and I put my arm around Charlie. "How's it feel to be known as the son of Seattle's famous Belltown Murderer?"
Charlie ignored my question. With a puzzled expression on his face he asked, "How come they blurred out my face but not yours, Susan's, or Mom's?"
I laughed and affectionately punched Charlie in the shoulder. "Didn't you know that because you are a minor, you have special rights." {It's these touches of reality that bring your story to life.}
I know your rewrite is requiring a lot of time an effort, but you a giving your writing feel of of boxoffice magic.
love and hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 20-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
-
Thanks again for the awesome and thorough critique of this chapter. I am so pleased you liked it.
Comment from Readywriter52
Susan messed up and told her boyfriend where she and her family were. He must have called the media because they know now. It shows that the family still doesn't understand how much their lives have changed.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
|
Susan messed up and told her boyfriend where she and her family were. He must have called the media because they know now. It shows that the family still doesn't understand how much their lives have changed.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
-
I think she is beginning to get the picture. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from whitteron
You have touched on some interesting and valid points. The denial of Susan, the sins of the father fall to the family, and that Charlie is still a child in the middle of something he can't rap his arms around. I like the way James is in control, thinking analytically at every step. My first husband went through a family betrayal--not murder, but it may as well have been. No one believes you didn't know. It was the most horrible experience of our lives. You are doing a fantastic job.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2011
|
You have touched on some interesting and valid points. The denial of Susan, the sins of the father fall to the family, and that Charlie is still a child in the middle of something he can't rap his arms around. I like the way James is in control, thinking analytically at every step. My first husband went through a family betrayal--not murder, but it may as well have been. No one believes you didn't know. It was the most horrible experience of our lives. You are doing a fantastic job.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2011
-
Thank you so much. My primary focus is on the family. This is something few people can ever fully understand, even those who experience it don't really understand. I am very pleased you like it so far.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Life is never the same after what the father did. I wonder if they shouldn't just leave and go into the witness protection program. I think I would do, but you never know how you would react.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2011
|
Life is never the same after what the father did. I wonder if they shouldn't just leave and go into the witness protection program. I think I would do, but you never know how you would react.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2011
-
They don't qualify for the witness protection program which is
'usually' reserved for federal cases. The family is being harassed, yes, but that doesn't qualify them for protection...only if someone actually makes an attempt on their lives, and even then all they would get is temporary police protection. Most families (if they emotionally survive as a family) change their name and move away in the hope of starting over.
Comment from Showboat
Hey Sasha,
Great story and I'm enjoying every chapter. There's a stray 'cap' floating around in there, can't find it again, and the final edit would get it, but that's all I saw.
Excellent job of building the suspense and giving us an idea of what it's like to be a relative of a murderer.
Great job,
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2011
|
Hey Sasha,
Great story and I'm enjoying every chapter. There's a stray 'cap' floating around in there, can't find it again, and the final edit would get it, but that's all I saw.
Excellent job of building the suspense and giving us an idea of what it's like to be a relative of a murderer.
Great job,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 19-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2011
-
I'll take a look and see if I can find it. Glad you continue to like this one.