The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Prologue "Prologue"A family learns their father is a serial killer
44 total reviews
Comment from Bojenn
I love your story. I'm going to start from the beginning.
I understand your comment, the families are often the last to know. Recently, I experienced an oddity in my own life entombing another. Being an amateur sleuth I was able to make a puzzle seem correct but never had the glue to make it stick. But, really, I put myself in a dangerous plot.
I want to oneday write about my findings. But not now.
I think this is why I'm drawn to your story
And your story is thrilling.
Bonnie
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
  |
I love your story. I'm going to start from the beginning.
I understand your comment, the families are often the last to know. Recently, I experienced an oddity in my own life entombing another. Being an amateur sleuth I was able to make a puzzle seem correct but never had the glue to make it stick. But, really, I put myself in a dangerous plot.
I want to oneday write about my findings. But not now.
I think this is why I'm drawn to your story
And your story is thrilling.
Bonnie
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2012
-
Than you so very much. Sadly, I was raised on stories of serial killers. Being from Washington, the state that has the highest number, made for front page news far too often. I always wondered about the families and how horrible it would be to have someone knock on my door and tell me my father was a serial killer. This is a book I've been mulling over in my mind for a long time. I am pleased you find it thrilling.
Comment from psalmist
You have piqued my interest, Smurph. My youngest son is quite intelligent, although I do not know what his IQ is. He is also borderline Aspberger's which caused him problems when he was younger, although now, at 20, he seems to be well-liked by his peers. I will be interested to see how this character develops. Linda
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
 |
You have piqued my interest, Smurph. My youngest son is quite intelligent, although I do not know what his IQ is. He is also borderline Aspberger's which caused him problems when he was younger, although now, at 20, he seems to be well-liked by his peers. I will be interested to see how this character develops. Linda
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
-
It is good you are not familiar with the first version, I think you will like James...I just love him!
Comment from James Sarzotti
So simple and effective a beginning!
"Detective Mac intentionally ignored my nervous twitch."
"my nervous twitch kicked in, and [in] without thinking"
I think 'hysteria' is a better word (than twitch). As in my little hysteria. And 'in' above is not needed.
Nice to know there are 32 more chapters to read.
Cheers, JS
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
|
So simple and effective a beginning!
"Detective Mac intentionally ignored my nervous twitch."
"my nervous twitch kicked in, and [in] without thinking"
I think 'hysteria' is a better word (than twitch). As in my little hysteria. And 'in' above is not needed.
Nice to know there are 32 more chapters to read.
Cheers, JS
Comment Written 14-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2011
-
Thanks for catching the spag. Twitch is a common term used by individuals to describe embarrassing or inappropriate habits. Police, psychiatrists and other professionals use it all the time despite the usual use of the word. I have taken a few months off from writing this and have just begun a new chapter that I hope to post in a few days.
-
Fantastic. And thanks for the dope on twitch!
Comment from raw form
I've always been intrigued by serial murderers and what makes them tick, I've read a few books by former FBI agent Richard Ressler on the subject( he worked the BAU section) and can say I find your story on point. I'm glad I was directed your way SG and will contimue to read your story
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
|
I've always been intrigued by serial murderers and what makes them tick, I've read a few books by former FBI agent Richard Ressler on the subject( he worked the BAU section) and can say I find your story on point. I'm glad I was directed your way SG and will contimue to read your story
Comment Written 05-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2011
-
There is a Robert Ressler worked on the Ted Bundy case. I've read many of his books and find him fascinating. Coming from Seattle, I was literally raised on serial killers since sadly, Washington was considered the Serial Killer Capital of the World at that time. I became interested in families after Robert Yates the infamous Spokane killer was caught. I was shocked by the treatment the family received and began researching other families. That's were the idea for this story came from. It is based on the experience of several different families but obviously fiction. I am pleased you find this interesting.
-
Oh Yeah SG I love this kind of stuff why? i dont know I guess its the evilness of the human spirit that fascinates me and hiw some can be so savage, Moreoever you are taking it from a different spin and I really dig that good on you.
Comment from marcii
A very good introduction to your story. Have you posed this story before as it seems like I have read some of it.
I feel your story gets to the point quickly and kept me wanting to know more, I like that.
One small edit, you have written, If is he smart-need to change to(he is).
Marcii
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
|
A very good introduction to your story. Have you posed this story before as it seems like I have read some of it.
I feel your story gets to the point quickly and kept me wanting to know more, I like that.
One small edit, you have written, If is he smart-need to change to(he is).
Marcii
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
-
Thanks. I'll take a look at the sentence.
Comment from vickib
Wow okay I'm hooked. You really set me up to fall into this drama. I love these kind of stories. My family think I'm warped because I watch SNAPPED and WICKED ATTRACTION, ETC. love all those but not because I'm warped I hope. I tell them it makes me feel better about myself. LOL really I'm just fascinated by people like this. A few minor things I caught and I do mean minor, "If is he have as smart... If he is half as smart...
And in authors notes you have Mad instead of Mac.
I wasn't sure what "disco er" meant in your authors notes too. Hey I never find anything normally so maybe it's my eyes and the rocking screen from being on a ship. LOL Fun new book for your creative mind. That's my warped talk calling it fun when it's about murders. LOL XO Vicki
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2011
|
Wow okay I'm hooked. You really set me up to fall into this drama. I love these kind of stories. My family think I'm warped because I watch SNAPPED and WICKED ATTRACTION, ETC. love all those but not because I'm warped I hope. I tell them it makes me feel better about myself. LOL really I'm just fascinated by people like this. A few minor things I caught and I do mean minor, "If is he have as smart... If he is half as smart...
And in authors notes you have Mad instead of Mac.
I wasn't sure what "disco er" meant in your authors notes too. Hey I never find anything normally so maybe it's my eyes and the rocking screen from being on a ship. LOL Fun new book for your creative mind. That's my warped talk calling it fun when it's about murders. LOL XO Vicki
Comment Written 15-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2011
-
Thanks for making me laugh. Glad you caught the spag. I fixed the author's notes in a later chapter but didn't think to go back and fix the earlier one. I am thrilled you like this one...I've been working on this in my mind for several years and this is the second draft. I just love James, I think of him as the brother I never have.
-
Do you know my brother is James? I haven't seen him for 15 years. He disowned us. We call him Ted (really Brad) but call him Ted after Theodor Kazinsky (The unabomber) because he is JUST like that. When we were little we would lay in bed and he would tell us every president, who they married, who the kids were and how old, when they served, etc. etc. and he was only 7. He was so, so smart. We thought he would be famous but now he lives in a cabin in Idaho. LOL! Well Idaho anyway. He can talk to you for 3 hours on one subject about anything you want to ask him. I've tried to contact him but he is just so bitter about our childhood and blames us all for it. He didn't even come to our moms funeral. Well...let me go on and on about that. If you need any unique material let me know because he is James. I'll try and think of some more things he used to do. LOL So I do have that brother, but GOD he's weird. He's so smart he has no common sense and get lost in his own world. Off to the next chapter...xo
Comment from Cali Girl
Absolutely love this new opening chapter. Very different from the last version, but it really opens the story up beautifully. Glad that Mac is still in the story, as I love his character.
Well done with this first chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
|
Absolutely love this new opening chapter. Very different from the last version, but it really opens the story up beautifully. Glad that Mac is still in the story, as I love his character.
Well done with this first chapter.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2011
-
Thank you so much for the positive and enthusiastic review and for the awesome 6 stars. Yes, next to James, I like Mac too.
Comment from Aski
After reading your fourth chapter I had to go to the beginning. I am comforted to see how James came to know his father was a killer. A good base is set for it. It is an excellent start. It hooks the reader immediately. Besides a fair amount of action to move the story forward I enjoyed your many real to life descriptions. One example of excellent real life description comes in your third last paragraph.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
|
After reading your fourth chapter I had to go to the beginning. I am comforted to see how James came to know his father was a killer. A good base is set for it. It is an excellent start. It hooks the reader immediately. Besides a fair amount of action to move the story forward I enjoyed your many real to life descriptions. One example of excellent real life description comes in your third last paragraph.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2011
-
Thanks so much. I come from a delightfully dysfunctional family and had plenty of reality to work with.
-
Not many people can turn "dysfunctional family" into a blessing. That's the plus in being a writer.
Comment from LadyNyx
Wow, it was great. I saw only one glaring hiccup that you might want to fix when Detective Mac says to James, "I think what you are doing is both very brave." The both doesn't make sense.
I do have a question, why didn't Dad notice the tool box was missing? Perhaps you answer it in another chapter....I can't wait! Weee, wonderful, absolutely wonderful.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
|
Wow, it was great. I saw only one glaring hiccup that you might want to fix when Detective Mac says to James, "I think what you are doing is both very brave." The both doesn't make sense.
I do have a question, why didn't Dad notice the tool box was missing? Perhaps you answer it in another chapter....I can't wait! Weee, wonderful, absolutely wonderful.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
-
I don't address the issue of the toolbox directly other than to mention later he only focused on it when adding new trophies. I fixed the spage in the sentence with Mac...thanks for catching it.
Comment from Tillom Gliss
I'm impressed and intrigued...I will be waiting with baited breath to learn how this pans out. The author has clearly defined her characters and effectively set the plot for the rest of the novel to unfold. Enough so that the reader is left in suspense, wanting more!
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
|
I'm impressed and intrigued...I will be waiting with baited breath to learn how this pans out. The author has clearly defined her characters and effectively set the plot for the rest of the novel to unfold. Enough so that the reader is left in suspense, wanting more!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
-
Thanks so very much. I am pleased you enjoyed this.